Ashby Park
by BadgebunnyUK
Summary: England, 1890, Lady Maura is set to marry some Boston new money to save her family estate, he brings along with him a secretary called Jane. They forge an unlikley freindship and more, but are from two different worlds in a time when women are expected to conform to strict societal standards. M RATED from chp 20. *Runner up for BEST PLOT In the Rizzlesfan awards!# THE END IS HERE!
1. Chapter 1

A/N- This is what comes from my watching the third season of Downton Abbey, but is also inspired by my fave book in the whole world ever "Fingersmith"- by Sarah Waters and partly by a very old (1995) BBC costume drama "The Buccaneers" (available on you tube)based on the book by Edith Wharton. All that mixed up with Rizzoli and Isles in my head and produced this. I apologise for any historical inaccuracies, I am no expert! Although, my wife is a social historian and has been plagued by my questions, so big thanks to her as always. X Let me know what you think.

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Ashby Park-

The journey had been long and Jane found it difficult to muster any kind of real excitement when the carriage finally made its approach up the long winding path through the Yorkshire estate toward Ashby Castle. Jane's overwhelming feeling was one of relief that she would soon be in an actual bed and getting some sleep that wasn't hampered by the motion of waves or a rocking train carriage.

The building was impressive of course, jutting out of the landscape like a great monument on the horizon, but with the gloomy weather and the tiredness of too many days travel, Jane felt a sense of foreboding about the whole situation she had landed in. This place was unfamiliar and unwelcoming and stood for the type of structure Jane would never really be a part of, not that she yearned for that like so many others. At home she hadn't found it any easier to fit in to society than she was likely to here, but at least at home she had her family.

As they got closer to the building Jane could see the rows of uptight Englishmen lined up to greet their visitors and not a smile among them.

The young Ms Dawson shot Jane a nervous smile and Jane could see that even Dawson himself had stiffened to try and ready himself for the meeting; he was trying to affect a nonchalant air, without much luck. Old Mrs Dawson was trying not to nod off and to give her younger child reassuring smiles.

The carriage came to a halt and a young footman approached to open the carriage. Dawson threw himself out of the carriage before the women and stretched himself out like a caged animal that has just been released. He stalked past the butler who was attempting to make introductions and took the hand of a shocked older gentleman who headed up the line of what appeared to be the family belonging to this grand house.

"Lord Ashby, good to meet with you again and to finally get to enjoy the delights of the legendary Ashby Castle." Dawson blustered, shaking Ashby's hand vigorously.

Jane thought he was already trying too hard and almost felt for him as she noticed the Lady by Lord Ashby's side roll her eyes and look away impatiently. The butler too looked highly annoyed by the fact that his role in proceedings had been bypassed.

Lord Ashby had recovered his shock however and was smiling welcomingly now. "Welcome Dawson, welcome." He called jovially. "And ladies, we welcome you all to Ashby Castle." He called over Dawson's shoulder attempting to mirror Dawson's casual attitude.

The Lady of the house, Lady Maura, briefly nodded at the butler who swept a hand in her direction and announced over the rabble.

"Introducing Lady Maura of Ashby Castle." The butler swooped into a bow with a flourish.

Lady Maura stepped slightly forward and snubbed Mr Dawson completely as she stepped first to take his mother's hand and then his younger sister in turn. Ms Dawson almost fell over herself to curtsey and flushed pink as she lowered her head reverently.

Lady Maura then gave a side glance at Jane who stood just a little removed from the family but away from the servants who had lined up to the other side of the pathway awaiting their instructions from the butler.

Dawson suddenly remembered Jane and threw out a hand in her direction. "Lady Maura, Lord Ashby, This is my secretary, Ms Rizzoli, absolute gem, I couldn't get by without her."

Lady Maura threw another glance in Jane's direction and acknowledged her with a curt nod and a quiet "Welcome."

Just then the Butler began to herd the family and their American guests in to the drawing room for tea.

Jane saw the look of disdain Lady Maura shot at Dawson as they moved inside. "Match made in heaven." She mumbled to herself as the housekeeper approached her and indicated that Jane should follow.

"I am Mrs Brenham the housekeeper; I will show you to your room. Your meals will be brought to you either in your room or to the study you are to utilise for the conducting of Mr Dawson's business. I will show you to that also. If you have any requests you must direct them to me alone." Mrs Brenham looked at Jane seriously.

"I understand." Jane nodded. Nice to meet you too, she thought. This was the problem with Jane's position of Secretary. Jane was neither one of the servants, who had a community of their own and yet she had no real place with the family, it was a lonely role, which is why she had accepted the little shows of friendship that Ms Dawson had displayed toward her on their journey.

Jane was sure that now Ms Dawson was finally in England, about to do a London season, her kindness to Jane would be forgotten, her mind preoccupied with how to impress the English Lords and Ladies, starting with Lady Maura. Good luck to her on that venture, Lady Maura did not look easy to impress.

When Mrs Brenham left Jane in her new room, she quickly collapsed on the bed and waited for her luggage to arrive, questioning for the thousandth time what she was doing so far from home.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane had unpacked and spent the evening catching up on her sleep, safe in the knowledge that Dawson's mind would be far from business this evening.

When she awoke in the morning, it was to a cold, grey and very bare room. For such a large house Ashby Castle could be quiet as the grave and Jane had to strain to hear the light patter of a maids feet rushing by as she went to start the fires in the family rooms.

Jane rose and splashed some of last night's water on her face before dressing and leaving her room to investigate the rest of the house. Jane took what she supposed to be the long way around to the study she had been shown last night but was beginning to fear she had become a little disorientated and may in fact have gotten lost. Jane finally decided to retrace her steps when she heard a muffled voice in a room on her left where the door sat slightly ajar.

Jane couldn't resist and stopped to listen.

"With all due respect Father, I have agreed to marry the man, have I not fulfilled my duty in this? Must I also be made to simper and moon over such as this American buffoon?"

Jane heard a thud and could clearly picture Lady Maura, who was obviously the speaker, stamping her delicate foot in frustration. Jane chuckled, almost silently.

"Maura darling, we need this buffoon as you put it, to save Ashby. I am not asking you to fawn over him I am merely asking that you refrain from treating him like the enemy, it is not becoming of a Lady." Lord Ashby said calmly and Jane heard him cross the room to his daughter.

"If you are a little more open to it dear, you may find he is not as bad as you imagine. The Americans go about things a little differently to us but I am sure you will find more common ground as you get to know each other better. Your Mother and I were from very different worlds and could not have guessed how we would get along, but we did and we were very happy, I am sure that in the end, you and Dawson shall find your way together."

Jane began to move away down the hall when she heard the door open and saw Lady Maura come out into the hallway, she didn't see Jane right away and Jane could see the defeated slump of her shoulders before the Lady finally realised another's presence and straightened, raising her head high into the air.

Lady Maura caught sight of Jane and narrowed her eyes a little suspiciously; she strode up to Jane who was captured and frozen by the glare that was sent her way, making Jane forget that she was supposed to be retreating.

"Ms Rizzoli." Lady Maura stated in neither greeting nor accusation.

"My Lady, I woke early and was just acquainting myself with the building on my way to the study." Jane explained looking Maura directly in the eye, which she was pretty sure, was not what she was expected to do, she couldn't help it though, she was curious about this woman and was struck by the proud, defiant look in her eyes, a look that reminded her of her own.

Next Lord Ashby followed his daughter out of what Jane could see now was a large library. He looked a little troubled as he spotted them and strode to join them.

"Ms Rizzoli, I trust that you slept well and that Mrs Brenham saw to it that you were comfortable."

"Yes Lord Ashby, Thank you." Jane nodded and bent a little as she addressed him.

"I could show you around the grounds if you would like some fresh air, Ms Rizzoli." Maura said suddenly, smiling disingenuously at her Father as she turned, confident that Jane would hurry after her, which Jane obligingly did.

Lady Maura made her way out of the house through a small side door which Jane wouldn't even have realised led ,via a small passage, to the outside of the castle. She had paused to collect some walking boots and a shawl left on a hook by the door of the passage and Jane recognised that the Lady must regularly feel the need to make a quick escape.

Jane was happy to be out of the slightly oppressive feel of the building and into some fresh air. The morning had begun somewhat clearer and brighter than when she had arrived yesterday afternoon and although it wasn't as warm as she would like, it was a pleasant start to the day. Jane quietly watched her tour guide as she strode along the gravel path that encircled the house.

"The estate is 400 acres, it includes 10 tenanted cottages, the estate farm and the village is also part of the estate, housing 17 families, we employ 24 staff in the house alone and a slightly smaller number in the London house, we have a family doctor and a lawyer that both make their livings in service to the Isles-Beaufort family alone." Maura paused and looked off into the distance.

"A lot of people; their families, depend on you for their survival." Jane surmised.

Maura shot Jane a curious glance as if she had just recalled she was there.

"My Grandfather was a senior advisor to the court during the reign of William IV. My Father; the Earl of Leicester, sit's in the House of Lords, he is a very influential and highly respected man. This kind of thing is the fabric of English society." Maura explained.

Jane wasn't sure why she was being told all of this; was it usual visitor information or had Lady Maura guessed what Jane had overheard and was she now trying somehow to justify her position.

"That is quite a responsibility." Jane commented.

"An honour and a privilege." Maura corrected. "One I was born and bred for." Maura walked on at a pace slow enough to be an invitation for Jane to join her.

Jane matched her step for step and waited patiently for Lady Maura to speak again. Jane noticed that from this position; at the rear of the great house, there was a footpath leading through some nearby woodland and beyond that she could make out the small silvery shimmer of a lake. The scene was much more natural and picturesque than the intimidating view as one approached the house and Jane made a mental note to revisit and explore this more fully as soon as she could.

Lady Maura walked with great purpose towards what Jane realised quickly was the Muse which housed several horses, carriages and a great many, busy looking, young men. A young man of no more than fourteen caught sight of Maura and quickly snatched off his cap and bowed low as she passed by oblivious.

Maura's eyes searched the yard until she found an older looking man who was occupied with leading out a stunning young chestnut mare. Maura crossed to them ignoring Jane who decided to go ahead and follow.

"How is she Charles?" Lady Maura called the moment she was within hearing distance.

"She is bearing up well Lady M, she had an uneventful night and I got a feeling today will be the day." The worn looking man patted and rubbed the mares bulging flank soothingly.

Maura moved close to the beast's face and stoked the nose lightly with one hand as she gently whispered something inaudible against the mare's ear. The animal stood stock still as if listening and moved again only when Maura took a step back.

"Let me know when it begins." Maura said softly to Charles who nodded respectfully in reply.

"Don't worry yourself M' lady." He said kindly before leading the mare away.

Maura watched him go for a moment, an anxious look in her eye which was fleeting as she resumed business and turned her attention back to Jane.

"You do ride Ms Rizzoli?" Lady Maura asked and Jane felt the judgment in the question, she would be a fool to say no.

Jane settled on "On occasion." As her response, this received a narrowing of Lady Maura's eyes.

"You should." Lady Maura said assertively. "We have some of the finest bred horses here and acres of beautiful English country side." Lady Maura grinned and Jane was struck by how young and carefree this made her look.

"I will make sure I do." Jane acquiesced with a warm smile.

Lady Maura smiled directly at Jane for the first time and Jane felt it in her stomach.

"I must excuse myself Ms Rizzoli, I must go and meet with Mrs Brenham before breakfast, I trust you can make your own way back to the house?" Maura said as she backed away.

Jane nodded and bowed a little as she watched Maura leave.

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A/N- Please let me know what you think and thank you if you do. xx


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

The two weeks since Jane's arrival at Ashby Park had passed quickly. Jane had finally become familiar with all the twists and turns of the Castle; at least the part that she inhabited and had firmly marked the study as her territory, having set up files and commandeered a small desk for her use only.

Dawson bothered her infrequently and was spending most of his time being introduced to the right people with Lord Ashby, only occasionally meeting with her to throw his weight around; checking for messages from Boston, signing and authorising deals and directing Jane in matters she already had in hand. Jane humoured him and in return had in the main part been left to her own devices.

Today was the day that Jane thought she had cleared enough work to be able to take that ride she had told both herself and Lady Maura she would, however since she had risen this morning an unforgiving rain had been pounding the roof and stone walls of the house and looked set for the day.

Jane had not had the opportunity to speak with Lady Maura again since her first day here and had tried to be content with only the sight of her through a window or accompanied by Ms Dawson in the hall. Maura seemed to spend any time where she wasn't running the house or entertaining guests, locked up alone in the library, only a few doors away from where Jane sat now. Jane wasn't sure what she was doing in there after dinner every evening but she would hazard a guess that it wasn't wedding planning.

Jane couldn't fully explain what it was she had felt towards Lady Maura during their brief contact but she had told herself it was admiration. Jane had never been impressed by wealth or position, Boston had plenty of its own elite families and she had worked amongst them for five years now without being particularly taken with any of them. However what Jane had felt with Lady Maura was that she had glimpsed the woman beneath the Lady and she was curious to discover more.

Or maybe Jane was looking for a connection where there wasn't one. Jane liked her own company and had always prided herself on being fiercely independent but even she felt lonely in this foreign land.

Jane stood and wandered around the desk once, she had been leant over her work too long without a break and her back was stiff and sore. Jane left the study and took a walk along the hallway, she returned to where she had spoken with Lady Maura that first day and re-traced her steps to the small passage that led outside. Jane opened the heavy wooden door and leant her back against it as she blocked the doorway watching the drumming rain.

The air was fresh and the sound of the rain was loud and rhythmic but was punctured by a small snivelling sound that Jane recognised as a woman's crying. Jane lent her head out around the doorway and caught site of a small figure crouched over on a nearby rock. Jane had never been one to ignore someone in distress however unwise the move may be and quickly hopped out into the rain to approach the girl.

The figure was that of Dolly; Ms Dawson's ladies maid who was huddled half under a ledge and partly sheltered, sobbing into her open hands. Dolly didn't notice Jane until the older woman ducked under the ledge and pushed herself onto the rock beside her.

Dolly looked up; she was clearly startled by Jane's appearance and pitifully set about trying to cover her state of despair, swiping at her tears and pushing her straggles of loosened hair back into place.

"Sorry Ms Rizzoli." Was all she could manage before another small sob racked her small frame.

Jane waited patiently and smiled kindly as Dolly attempted to get her emotions under control, the rain raged on unmoved by the display.

"I... I'm sorry, is there something I could do for you or ... something?" Dolly got out, looking lost.

"No." Jane said simply. "I just thought you might want company."

Dolly looked at Jane and then pressed a tissue to her face, which considering how many times she must have already performed this action and taking into account the amount of rain that was falling on them, even in the semi covered position, was a completely pointless act.

"I shouldn't really..." Dolly began, looking at the ground and fiddling incessantly with the tissue in her hands. "I just, I think I'm home sick Ms. Ms Dawson hasn't been very kind since we got to England, she feels that I'm not good enough to be of assistance to a lady in England and the maids here say I'm no ladies maid as Ms Dawson isn't a real Lady. They find fault in everything I do. I haven't any friends. I long for home but we are so impossibly far away." Dolly's voice broke at the last and she began to sob again.

Jane put a settling hand on Dolly's back. "It will get better Dolly, don't fret so. Ms Dawson's worries are that she is not good enough here, not you and once she gets to London and starts to meet with the English gentlemen I am sure all that will be forgotten."

Dolly peeked out from behind the hands that had been holding her head and gave Jane a hopeful look.

"Really." Jane assured. "And in the meantime I'm here if you need a friend. We Yanks have got to stick together after all." Jane smiled on one side of her mouth.

Dolly smiled gratefully. "Thank you Ms Rizzoli." She sniffled.

A few moments later a decidedly more bedraggled looking Jane ducked back into the castle having watched Dolly run off in the opposite direction.

A shiver ran through her as she entered the building which was no warmer here than it was outside, Jane held her arms about her to contain any remnant of body heat and as she turned she saw someone standing behind her.

Lady Maura stood in a simple dress with short galoshes over her shoes and with a long hooded cloak which covered her from head to toe and she held a large basket with both arms threaded through it.

"Lady Maura." Jane bowed her head slightly. "You're not considering going out in this?" Jane asked.

Maura looked defiant. "I have something to attend to and I have never let a spot of rain get in my way before Ms Rizzoli. Besides I am a little more prepared than you were I think."

Jane glanced down and realised exactly how she must appear, the words drowned and rat came to mind.

"Excuse me." Maura made to move past Jane and Jane span around after her.

"Do you require any assistance M'lady?" Jane asked Maura's back.

Maura looked over her shoulder before answering. "Well, since you are already soaked through; grab a shawl, we may well be able to use another set of hands."

Jane did as instructed and dashed after Lady Maura with absolutely no idea what she had just volunteered for.

A carriage was already waiting outside for Lady Maura and the footman helped both women get on board. Jane got seated opposite Maura and pushed some errant strands of wet hair back off her face.

"So, where are we going?" She smiled enthusiastically.

Maura almost returned the smile. "To the village, I have received a note from the village Doctor asking that I come urgently, one of the villagers is seriously ill."

Jane looked thoughtful then shrugged. "What can a Lady do about that?" She asked.

Maura looked at Jane as if she was trying to calculate the measure of her then took a towel from her laden basket and threw it to Jane without comment.

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The two women travelled the rest of the way in silence, Maura trying unsuccessfully to conceal her obviously mounting impatience and Jane at a complete loss as to what was going on but keen to find out. The carriage came to a stop outside a small ramshackle cottage on the far edge of the village and Jane could make out a small light coming from one room at the front of the house.

Lady Maura was helped out of the carriage by a rather harassed looking man dressed too smartly to be the proprietor of the cottage but not exactly to the usual standard of a gentleman and Jane supposed he must be the village Doctor.

"My Lady." He stooped into a very low bow as he delivered Maura safely from the carriage. "Thank goodness you were at home and could join me, I'm afraid our patient is very ill."

Maura acknowledged him with a nod. "It is a reoccurrence of her old ailment?" she asked.

He was already nodding and leading Maura into the cottage. "Yes, she is complaining of severe pain in the right side of the abdomen and has been vomiting ."

Maura looked serious. "Pain over the right iliac fossa?"

The doctor continued. "The pain extends toward the right breast and up the back of the chest."

Jane cringed as they entered a room that smelled of the sourness of vomit mixed with sweat and was home to a pathetic form huddled on the wooden bed in the centre of the small room, a worried looking man pacing up and down by the side of it with a bowl in his hands. He looked up as they entered and even in his distressed state remembered to bow respectfully to Lady Maura.

"Thank you for coming M'Lady." He said gruffly.

Maura held a hand out and placed it on his arm. "Of course John." She said softly. Maura turned and put her basket down, slipping off her cloak and passing it wordlessly to Jane, who turned to find somewhere to hang it and found a hook on the back of the door.

Lady Maura headed directly to the bed and sat beside the occupant, who lay with her legs drawn up, her face a mask of agony. Maura reached out to stroke her brow tenderly and then lay her palm flat against her forehead, taking the woman's tiny limp wrist up with her other hand and seeking her pulse.

"You have administered opium?" Maura said softly over her shoulder to the hovering doctor.

"Of course." He said quietly.

Maura got up and addressed him. "You can give her a little more and then I will meet with you outside." She said calmly.

The Doctor nodded and went about it.

Jane followed Maura silently out of the room, relieved to briefly escape the heavy atmosphere of a room with a sick bed.

Maura sighed deeply as she entered the main living area and went directly to the fire to boil some water.

"She seems very sick." Jane stated the obvious.

"Indeed." Maura replied. "I have seen her ill before and we were able to make her comfortable and see her through, however the last episode left her in a weakened state and I fear more drastic action may be required this time."

Jane felt like a spare part as Maura busied herself.

"What do you mean?" Jane frowned.

"I think we will have to operate." Maura sighed again.

Jane gave Maura a look of astonishment. "You and the Doc in there are going to operate on that girl?"

Maura smiled. "I hope you're not of a delicate disposition Ms Rizzoli." She challenged.

Jane put her hands on her lips in a defensive pose. "No, I am not squeamish."

At that moment, the doctor joined them, taking a deep breath before speaking to Maura.

"I am afraid it is what we had feared and if we do not act now..." He shook his head and rubbed at his brow.

Maura remained calm. "Do you have everything we will need?" She asked.

He nodded, "Yes of course M'lady, but as you know, neither you nor I have ever completed such a procedure. I have been present at a couple but ..."

"We are all she has."Maura cut in firmly. "We have operated together before and we have been researching this for a little while now, we are not completely without knowledge and experience is just something we will have to gain." Maura said reasonably.

"You are right." The doctor said as he twisted his hands together and Jane noted that he was only a young man and certainly unsure of his capabilities, where lady Maura seemed quietly confident and composed.

"Get your instruments." Maura instructed and turned to Jane. "Ms Rizzoli will assist where she can." Maura nodded in Jane's direction. "You must thoroughly scrub your hands and bring some of the boiled water into the bedroom."

Jane jumped to life and crossed to the small basin of water that Maura had filled. They were really going to do this.

As Maura joined her and began to roll up her sleeves Jane turned to look her in the eyes. "What will happen if you don't do this?" Jane almost whispered.

"If this procedure is not performed; any abscess may burst into the peritoneal cavity which would likely be fatal." Maura stated flatly.

"She'll die?" Jane asked.

"She may well die." Maura confirmed with a nod.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane had watched initially with thinly veiled disgust and then quickly with fascination and awe as Maura and the Doctor cut through the abdominal wall of the young woman, who Jane had discovered was called Lydia and had two small children, both of whom had been delivered in part by Lady Maura.

Jane was on hand to wash the wound and to mop up any excess of blood or the pussy liquid that oozed from tissue around what Maura referred to as a gangrenous ulcer, she also was to keep a check on the patient who seemed fortunately unaware of what was going on.

Maura who had been issuing orders since they arrived had been letting the Doctor take the initiative since the operation began and only offering help and advice as he needed it, particularly when he began to panic about not being able to find the appendix. Jane suspected that Maura was giving him the lead to help his confidence; she didn't think Maura was in any way deferring to him out of a lack of expertise.

Maura finally closed up the wound, Jane staring at the swift practised movements her hands made and the long delicate fingers, now spattered with blood.

An hour later and the three of them had the place cleaned up and had cleaned up themselves and the patient was resting comfortably.

Maura spoke with Lydia's husband, she warned him that she may be ill in the night and would need to be given water and kept clean and cool.

"We will call in to see her tomorrow." Maura said warmly.

"Thank you, I can't thank you enough My Lady." He bowed low and turned to the doctor and Jane. "You all." He added. "Doctor, Ms Rizzoli." He shook each of their hands in turn.

The three of them huddled through the low door and out of the cottage into the evening, which had slipped in without Jane realising it. The rain had stopped but as a result of so much rain the air felt fresh and crisp. Jane let out a breath and saw it form in a cloud in front of her.

Maura's carriage was where they had vacated it only a few hours earlier, the coachman huddled on top.

Doctor Philip Rawlinson as Jane had learned he was called took Maura's arm to accompany her the short distance to the carriage, Jane following closely behind.

"Lady Maura, I cannot thank you enough as always for your assistance, I don't know what I ever should do without you." He beamed down at Maura.

Jane thought she recognised in him a kind of love or adoration for Maura and after what she had witnessed tonight Jane could hardly blame him. Maura had been the calming influence, the reassuring voice and the practical advisor and all without arrogance or impatience; she had been the perfect Lady.

As they settled in for the ride home, Jane studied the woman across from her.

"I've never seen anything like that before." Jane said. "You were amazing."

Maura smiled graciously. "English Ladies are expected to be of service to the people who belong to their estate and must be accomplished in many things; languages, music, drawing."

Jane narrowed her eyes at Maura but smiled wholeheartedly "But you Lady Maura are one of a kind." She decided.

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A/N- Hey all, sorry this took a while but it is quite long and I had to do a little research on appendectomies in 1890. Hope you like it, I know this is just the build up but I am having lots of fun planning this one, there is going to be some drama and angst, of course!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- I am really enjoying writing this at the moment, hope you like it too. Have slipped in a tall tale in the style of Idgie Thredgoode, just cos, why not? X**

Chapter 3

Jane had found it difficult to sleep after the excitement of yesterday and had just finished getting herself ready for the day when a tap at the door startled her from her thoughts. It was a little early for her breakfast tray and she crossed to pull open the door.

A young woman who Jane realised later must have been Lady Maura's own maid, stood at the door holding out a folded slip of paper. Jane took the note and was about to close the door as the maid spoke.

"I am to await a reply Ms." The maid said, not quite looking Jane in the eye.

Jane unfolded the note and saw Maura's elaborate handwriting announcing that she would be taking a carriage down to their patient before breakfast and if Jane wished to join her and monitor her current condition, she was more than welcome.

"I will." Jane said quickly. "I mean, could you tell her ladyship that I will join her in the hall presently." Jane added at the disapproving glance that the maid quickly threw at her, before leaving.

This morning the carriage ride was naturally a little more relaxed than the same journey had been yesterday and although Maura advised Jane quickly that the success of last night's operation was far from a certainty, both women felt a little more positive and hopeful and it showed.

Jane felt they had experienced a crisis together and that in some way that had forged a small bond between them, one that made her brave enough to ask Lady Maura a few personal questions.

"Where did you learn all that medicine?" Jane asked curiously.

Maura considered Jane. "I nursed my mother during many bouts of illness when I was growing up, until her death when I was 17 years old. I had many hours alone by her bedside and I began reading the medical journals and books that my father had acquired in hopes of finding some mysterious cure hidden within the pages." Maura looked off into a time long since passed and smiled solemnly.

"I'm sorry." Jane said softly, feeling indeed sorry to have brought such a melancholy look to Maura's face.

"It was a long time ago." Maura re-discovered her voice and flawless composure.

"What was she like?" Jane asked and at the shocked look that Maura gave her Jane realised she may have overstepped some sort of line.

Maura frowned. "We were never very close." Maura seemed to consider whether to go on and then she sighed. "My Mother was French, from a fairly noteworthy family, she was in love with England from a very early age and it was her dream to become a real English Lady. My Mother loved Father very much, but she loved nothing more than Ashby. That she could not produce an heir haunted her; she had several miscarriages and stillborn children and then I came along; but I was a girl, a disappointment and our relationship was a difficult one for us both." Maura tensed up and began to fidget with the fingers of her gloves.

Jane knew she should drop the conversation but the more she unearthed about Lady Maura, the more fascinated she became.

Suddenly Lady Maura took a deep breath and held her head high as she addressed Jane.

"Really, Ms Rizzoli if you are going to do at all well in English society you will have to learn not to ask such questions or probe to deeply, something I have noticed is a habit of most Americans. And I should not indulge you by answering and giving too much of myself away." Maura said this lightly but Jane knew that there was an undercurrent of truth; it was not her place to pry into Lady Maura's history.

Jane nodded apologetically. "Yes M' Lady." She smiled warmly as the carriage slowed to a stop.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lydia had slept most of the night, her husband told them and she had not spoken or at least anything that made much sense , but he said that the terrible cramps she had been suffering seemed to have vanished and this morning she seemed more peaceful and at ease.

The small boy that belonged to Lydia played with a wooden hand carved train by the side of the bed that contained his Mother, as if both guarding her and waiting patiently for her to wake up.

As Maura circled the bed and began to examine the patient, whispering soothing words as she did so, Jane knelt close to the boy. The boy looked up at Jane with wide suspicious eyes, surprised anyone should notice him as he made a quiet "choo choo" sound to himself.

"That's a nice train." Jane said admiring the toy. "I've been on a train recently you know. " Jane nodded, the boy who must have been about 3 or so, looked suddenly interested. "They're fast indeed and they shake you around but they are still real smooth, and you can see all kinds of things go whizzing past you through the window." Jane smiled. "They carry so many people all at once, short, tall, fat, thin. I saw a woman with a hat made from a peacock, like a whole peacock just went and sat on her head and never got up again."

Jane hadn't noticed the little girl stood in the shadows of the room behind the doorway but as Jane spoke, she edged toward her. Jane tried not to look directly at her until she had crossed the whole distance between them.

"I think maybe one day that peacock might just decide to take off again and take that woman off with it." Jane said seriously. The boy giggled and looked up at his sister, seeking her approval.

"You speak strangely." The girl who was a couple of years the boys senior, accused.

"Yes I suppose I do, I'm from a far off place called America." Jane said cheerfully, she had always enjoyed the honesty and directness of children but especially here in England where everything and everyone seemed so guarded with their words. "You ever hear of it?"

"Of course." The girl claimed as her brother shook his head.

"Is it a nice place?" The boy said quietly, receiving a sharp look from his sister.

"Well, I suppose anywhere has its pleasures and its disappointments but since I come from there; a place called Boston..." She explained. "...My family are there and friends, it's my home, and your home always has a special place in your heart." Jane finished.

The young girl seemed to approve of this answer and seemed to soften a little as she sat crossed legged next to her brother.

"Do you think our Mother is going to be okay now Miss?" She asked over the top of the smaller child's head.

"My name is Jane." Jane said and she looked at the fragile woman on the bed and then to this strong looking child. "I think she will be just fine, after all she has Lady Maura looking after her and she could fix almost anything." Jane assured.

The young girl smiled genuinely for the first time and Jane saw how much she resembled her mother. "My name is Anne." She said. "I'm named for my Grandmother and this is Thomas." She poked at her brother who had tired of their conversation and gone back to his game.

Just then the door opened again and Dr Rawlinson was admitted, rushing to Maura's side faithfully.

Jane sensed the room was about to get a little more medical and saw the anxious look on both children's faces.

"Hey, do either of you two have a ball? Like the size of a fist?" Jane asked.

Jane had Thomas's attention again as he began to get up from the floor and dashed into the other room. Anne looked at the bed and chewed at her lip.

"How about you Anne, can you catch?" Jane said, getting up. "We have a game in Boston called Base Ball; I would be happy to teach you."

The girl took the hand that Jane had offered her and Jane led her out of the room in pursuit of Thomas.

Maura watched with a smile as Jane left the room with the young girl's hand held securely in her own.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

A little over an hour later, Lady Maura and Jane had finally returned to Ashby. Maura had assured Jane that Lydia's prognosis barring infection was very hopeful of a full recovery; Jane was more pleased than she probably had a right to be given that she hadn't known of the family 24 hours ago.

Maura had also praised Jane on her decision to remove the children and take their minds off it with a rather spirited game of base ball.

"Father and I saw people playing base ball when we were in New York." Maura said as she and Jane entered the reception hall. "It was quite enjoyable to watch, but you do realise of course that its origins lie in our own game of Rounders which has been played in England since Tudor times." Maura smiled mischievously.

Jane narrowed her eyes dangerously at Lady Maura and was about to deliver a retort when Dawson strode into the hall and toward them, he looked stern and carried a rolled up newspaper in one hand.

"Well Lady Maura, You missed another delightful breakfast." He said, sighing impatiently.

Maura slowly removed her gloves and failed to meet Dawson's eyes. "I had some business to attend to." She said calmly.

"I'm sure." Dawson said, looking curiously at Jane and following up with a frown. "However today you missed the morning papers which contain the announcement of our engagement. I thought you may like to take a look at it." He held out the rolled up paper and Maura took it from him; looking at it like it was a loaded weapon.

"Thank you." Maura managed quietly, the relaxed and playful woman of only moments ago seemingly lost and forgotten.

Dawson smiled at the obvious impact he had made on Maura and turned next to Jane. "Ms Rizzoli, I would like to discuss some business in the study." He began to stride towards the corridor and Jane hurriedly took off her hat and coat to follow him.

As she turned to leave, Jane reached out her now bare hand to brush her fingers gently along the back of Lady Maura's own hand in a soothing gesture. Lady Maura's head snapped up at the unexpected contact and met Jane's reassuring smile.

It was the only deliberate physical contact they had ever shared and Jane immediately marvelled at her own response, she had pulled her hand away like it was caught in a fire the moment Maura's eyes met hers. Jane had felt an urge to comfort Maura that she couldn't deny but what she had experienced had been a sensation unlike any other. Jane silently prayed that she hadn't outwardly shown any obvious reaction but feared she may have, on account of Lady Maura's astonished gaze that followed her down the hall.

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**A/N-As always thank you for reading and let me know how you feel xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- Hey all, couple of new characters here. Hope you enjoy. Downton had me crying again on Sunday! Love it.**

Chapter 4

Mr Dawson had informed Jane that he should like her to attend a luncheon in two days time. It was to be more of a social gathering than a business meeting and Miss Dawson and their Mother were to be in attendance, however Dawson hoped to do some business with Lord Giles Malcolm and hoped that taking Jane along may encourage things in that direction.

Jane was a little distracted following her surprising encounter with Maura and merely agreed to Dawson's request without asking for further details. Jane quickly turned the conversation to current business.

Dawson's enormous wealth had been made in shipping wool, specifically shipping raw wool from Australia to England to be used in mills not far from where they stood now, in the booming Yorkshire textile industry.

Dawson also had investments in the New York Stock Exchange and had made vast amounts of money buying shares in various lucrative companies.

Jane had details for him on the latest shipments and some negotiations that had been ongoing with the marine officers association, along with an update from Wall Street and Dawson's agents there. It was all good news and Dawson seemed to leave content with Jane's performance. Jane had only been working with Dawson for a short time before the move to England and still felt like she had to prove her worth.

There were no more notes, invitations or indeed any contact at all from Lady Maura over the next two days and Jane confined herself to the study and to her work. Jane tried not to dwell on her physical reaction to Lady Maura, it was a fleeting moment and probably due to all the drama of the medical emergency and witnessing Maura so skilful and confident and then seeing all that slip at the mention of the wedding.

The morning of the luncheon, Jane had dressed in her most impressive and formal gown, it was understated, as were all the clothes a secretary should wear but the fabric was less practical and more aesthetically pleasing than her everyday dress and she felt a little more ready to be seen.

The Dawson family had gathered in the entrance hall, the young Miss Dawson looking more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Jane joined them and turned with Miss Dawson as she saw movement on the staircase above her. Lady Maura swept down the wide staircase gracefully and caught the gaze of everyone present.

"Natalie, my dear." Maura greeted Miss Dawson. "Are you quite well?"

Miss Dawson made a visible attempt to steady herself. "Lady Maura, I don't doubt that I shall be fine. I know the Malcolm family are great friends of yours and I want to be sure to make a good impression."

Maura smiled kindly. "You look radiant and will inevitably be a success, just try to relax and enjoy the day."

Dawson stepped over to Maura's side and held out his arm for her to take, while Miss Dawson clung to her mother as if drowning and clinging to life.

Xxxxxxxxxx

When Jane caught sight of Harpham Hall she was struck by the difference between here and Ashby. The homes were similar in size but very different in style, where Ashby asserted itself as a vast and imposing place, with towers and a distinctly masculine feeling. Harpham looked more inviting, it was only two storeys and so was a much wider building, the centre and main entrance, being a dome shape and the masses of plants in the gardens leading up to the house, giving the place a much more feminine air.

The family were shown into the drawing room to be received by Lord Malcolm and his wife Lady Diana Malcolm, who bounced up out of her chair the moment they entered and crossed to Maura.

"Darling, it is so good to see you, it has been an age." Diana took both Maura's hands in her and squeezed them.

"Diana, you know it has barley been a month." Maura chastised.

"Oh I know my dear but really, we used to be in one another's company so often and a husband is hardly a fair exchange for ones best friend." Diana announced looking teasingly over her shoulder at Lord Malcolm.

Maura's eyebrows rose. "Diana really, poor Lord Malcolm." Maura eyed him sympathetically.

At this, Lord Malcolm abandoned his post stood looking noble by the fire place and came to affectionately welcome Maura.

"Congratulations Lady Maura." He nodded after his initial hello, he turned to address Dawson. "Mr Dawson I presume. Congratulations to you Mr Dawson, it is good to meet you." The men shook hands firmly.

Diana put a hand to her mouth and almost squealed. "Yes, oh my goodness! I can't believe you would get engaged without informing me! To have to read it in the paper Maura, what an outrage, I should never forgive you." Diana turned now to Mr Dawson and held out a hand for him to take.

"I do hope you are a good match for my most cherished friend." Diana spoke half seriously.

"I'm sure we will make each other very happy." Dawson grinned, Maura tried not to look away.

Maura introduced the rest of the party and everyone was encouraged to take a seat while tea was served.

"So Miss Dawson, you are about to take on the London season I hear?" Diana asked.

Miss Dawson coloured a little. "Yes my Lady, I am, we leave for London just after Christmas to be settled in Lord Ashby's town house in time for the season."

Diana looked Miss Dawson over a little more closely. "Have you had a New York season yet my dear?"

"No. It will be my first time out." She shook her head and put her tea cup down for fear of spilling.

"Indeed, straight in at the deep end then. Oh at least you will miss the trauma of having to be presented at court though my dear. Maura, do you recall what a palaver the whole thing was? We were sick to our stomachs, well at least I was, and Maura took it all in her stride of course. It seems so long ago now." Diana smiled wistfully at her old friend.

"It was a long time ago, Diana." Lord Malcolm interjected. "We have been married for almost seven years now my sweet." He looked indulgently at her.

"Yes, married my first season, I half did it so I wouldn't have to go through the cattle market again." Diana stopped herself a little too late, looking apologetically at Miss Dawson. "Oh my dear." She exclaimed. "Of course some girls revel in it all, a lot of dancing and frivolity is all I can remember, I am sure you will have a lovely time of it. And after all I found dear Giles, didn't I?" She asked the room, seemingly pleased to have rescued her foot from well and truly being put in it.

"Well, I survived three seasons Diana and I enjoyed rather a lot of it." Maura said, clearly in an attempt to calm an increasingly anxious Miss Dawson.

"Three seasons and no one snatched you up?" Dawson smirked, hovering by Lord Malcolm's side opposite where the women were seated.

Maura looked at Dawson, only mildly interested.

"Oh, she had offers!" Diana declared. "Suitors, proposals, I am sure I don't have to convince anyone of that." Diana defended, clearly more affronted than Lady Maura.

"Nobody was good enough then?" Dawson's tone was beyond teasing and more of a snipe and Jane fought the urge to glare dangerously at him and glared instead at the floor before clattering her cup and saucer a little too violently against the table and breaking the awkward tension in the room as everyone turned to glance in her direction.

"Should you like to take a walk about the gardens Miss Dawson? They are splendid at this time of year, in my humble opinion and we are waiting on Diana's younger brother to join us, who I predict; based on my close scrutiny of his recent behaviour, will be at least a half hour late." Giles smiled at his own wit.

Miss Dawson responded in kind with a delighted smile. "Certainly Lord Malcolm, I would love that."

"I think that's a fantastic idea, we may not get another sunny day like this until spring, we should all go." Diana said, jumping enthusiastically out of her chair.

As they filed out of the room Jane dawdling behind, to keep her position at the rear of the group, Lady Maura caught Jane's eye and smiled.

"Are you quite alright Jane?" She enquired.

Lady Maura had never called her Jane before and Jane's stomach clenched involuntarily at the singularly amazing way it sounded coming from Maura's lips.

"I'm fine my Lady, Just clumsy I suppose." Jane explained before looking at the ground imagining it would come to her rescue and swallow her whole.

Jane followed Maura out to where Diana waited for her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was a pleasant day considering it was late October in the North of England and the sun shone brightly on the beautiful golden and russet colours of the autumn foliage, which despite the low temperature somehow made it feel warm.

Diana began the walk out in the lead with her arm clamped onto Maura's, occasionally tossing her head back to announce her thoughts or knowledge about a certain plant or feature of the garden.

Miss Dawson and her Mother scuttled along arm in arm close behind with Giles and Mr Dawson close behind them. Giles was ever the attentive host, leaning forward to expand on his wife's commentary for the Dawson women and also lingering to try to include Jane in his conversation.

Jane looked on at the interactions as an outsider, despite everyone's very polite welcomes and inquiries toward her and how she was finding England no one was quite sure how she fit in. Jane didn't mind, she liked to study them all at her leisure and was also enjoying the estate, her mind wandered briefly to how impressed her Mother would be by this place and its people.

As Diana lost interest in the all too familiar surroundings she held Maura back and turned her attention to gossip. Giles took the reins of the party and strode on with the Dawsons' hanging on his every word, each one of them charmed in their own way by him.

It wasn't that Jane was eavesdropping; more that Diana had never really been concerned about the volume of her voice and hardly cared about who heard what she had to say.

"What a scandal, you know she is working with those suffragettes'. I mean, letting men in on the fact that we are at least equal to them sounds like giving away the advantage to me." Diana informed Maura. "If a woman isn't clever enough to get what she wants from man in a man's world then how could she possibly be clever enough to vote?"

"I received a letter from Emma recently, she does seem dedicated to the cause, I admire that in her, and she is truly brave to stand for what she feels is right, no matter the cost. I have always envied her courage and conviction." Maura said sincerely, diplomatically leaving her own views out of the conversation.

"Well, it's all well and good but there is no need to starve over it, how extreme. Emma seems to have completely given up any idea of marriage and is quite happy to live and die an old maid." Diana said hopelessly.

"There are worse things Diana." Maura said with a grin.

"Well, thankfully you won't be joining her. I'm pleased to see you have finally surrendered yourself my dear." Diana said softly and a little more quietly.

"I didn't have much choice in it Diana, you know me well enough to have guessed that much." Maura said with a sigh.

"I'm sure, and it is a shame your Father couldn't make you a match with an English Gentleman but Dawson seems presentable enough. With a little work and some small sacrifice I'm sure you can manage an agreeable life together."

Maura looked doubtful and gave Diana a look that asked, really?

"Maura, marrying for love is not all it's cracked up to be darling. Giles and I are on our knees financially, you know how expensive this place is to run and Giles has had to give up the politics to get involved in some kind of business venture with your intended. We have had to ..." She looked pained "cut back." She spoke the words as strangely as they felt to her in a decidedly hushed tone, so Jane could barely make them out.

Maura smiled sympathetically and put a steadying hand on Diana's arm.

"I am sure they will do well together, if Dawson knows anything about anything he knows about making money." Maura comforted her friend.

Diana looked distracted for a moment and then saw Jane just in front of them.

"Ms Rizzoli." She called. "Maybe you could explain in a way a woman such as myself may understand, what exactly is Giles getting into with this business with Mr Dawson?"

Jane looked momentarily like a rabbit in the headlights and then calmed as she met Maura's pleading look.

"It's quite simple My Lady. Mr Dawson is hoping for Lord Malcolm's assistance in obtaining English investors. The English in many cases still struggle to trust the Americans in business, many fearing we take far too many risks, an English Lord supporting us gives us a little more credibility, do you see?"

Diana nodded and smiled, patting Maura's hand as she did. "And what are these funds to be invested in?" She asked.

"At the moment we are dealing mainly in logging companies and the development of new railroads in Canada. Mr Dawson has thus far been very successful in his investments and has some excellent agents in New York. I am sure a safer bet could not be found. " Jane smiled confidently.

Diana seemed to snap herself out of some kind of funk and exclaimed something about the vulgarity of discussing money and business with friends.

Maura smiled gratefully at Jane and moved on with her friend.

Jane told herself not to be envious of the familiar way that the Ladies held and casually touched each other, they were old friends and more than that they were equals, which is something Maura and Jane would never be. Still, she could work at the friends' thing.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N- Thanks for reviews and support, keep it coming please xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- Howdy. I wanted to move the friendship forward in this chapter as I am anxious to get to the angst but I hope I haven't done it too quickly and that it feels natural. Let me know. Also I don't ride or know much about horses unfortunately so if I have written something ridiculous, don't sue me, be kind.**

Chapter 5

Jane had been taken by surprise by how much she had enjoyed the visit to Harpham Hall. Lord Giles had certainly been very welcoming and although Diana was not the kind of woman Jane would have sought to make a friend of, she did find her amusing and had warmed to her simply for the genuine affection she displayed toward Lady Maura.

Diana's younger and "frightfully handsome" brother as Miss Dawson had later described him, had been a charming and jovial addition to their group and had taken time to speak directly with Jane about his travels in Europe and in particular his love of Italy.

The visit to Harpham had been the only social gathering that Jane had attended since she had arrived in England. Jane would be the first to admit that the only element of her job that she was unsure about was the sociallising and charming of prespective clients and investors, most of which was left to Mr Dawson who could barley prevent himself from what was an almost natural action, but when they went to London Jane would be expected to participate more in this and it did worry her a little.

The next couple of days had been quiet for Jane as Mr Dawson and Lord Ashby had been recieveing guests to join their shooting parties. The women of the house had also been absent, likely visiting more local families and Jane had heard mention by Mrs Dawson of a trip to York Minster.

Jane decided that this morning she would take the opportunity to attempt a ride and made her way toward the muse and the stables to seek out a boys here had given her a few curious glances but all had been polite and helpful enough and Jane was promptly saddled up and pointed in the direction of a bridle path away from where the shooting parties had planned to be today.

It took around 10 minutes of gentle coaxing down this tree lined path for Jane's horse to freeze up completley and refuse to continue.

"Come on girl." Jane urged. "Come on." Punctuated with a heel. Nothing. Tugging at the reins got her no reaction at all.

"Move it." She tried a little more forcefully."Move your overgrown rear end!" Jane growled, leaning into the horse and speaking dangerously close to her ear. The horse shook it's head as if to rid itself of some small irritation and whinnied lightly.

"I apologise, did you want that in English?" Jane said bitterly before affecting her most lofty English accent. "Please would one relocate one's ample posterior in an attempt to deliver us..." Jane began, waving her hands theatrically.

Jane was startled by a soft chuckle behind her. Lady Maura sat on her own horse in the clearing and Jane could not imagine how she had gotten so close, so quietly, until she saw Maura and her horse gracefully and effortlessly side step and come along side Jane and her stubborn ride.

"I see you and Trixie are becoming acquainted." Maura said with a hint of amusement clear in her voice. Maura was wearing her full side saddle riding habit and silk top hat; she was the epitome of cultivated elegance and Jane admired the fine figure she cut in the lean outfit, forgoing the usual frills and lace of her everyday attire. Jane felt a little self conscious as she had no habit and was wearing an old hardwearing skirt and boots with no hat, her hair already escaping its pins in places.

Jane nodded. "My Lady, it looked like a fine day for a ride. Shame the horse doesn't agree."

Maura surpressed a smile. "Trixie is notoriously difficult, I'm surprised the stable hands let you take her."

Jane cringed."I suppose they did try to warn me, but I liked the look of her. She looks..." Jane hesitated, trying to find exactly the right adjective.

"Noble with an edge of fury." Maura provided.

"Exactly." Jane grinned.

"That often amounts to stubborn and unyielding." Maura pointed out.

Lady Maura moved a little closer to Trixie and stroked firmly down the length of her neck before rising up and making a soft clicking sound with her tongue in the roof of her mouth, setting her own horse off again along the path. Trixie followed obediently, treading in the very hoof prints of Maura's horse.

The two women rode steadily for another few minutes down the path set into dense woodland not allowing for much speed at the expense of care. Suddenly Jane saw a stream of sunlight ahead and watched as Maura became framed by it. A moment later and Jane had followed her out into an expanse of open fields.

"How is she?" Maura asked, inclining her head at Jane's horse.

"I think she is coming around." Jane said quietly so as not to jinx it or challenge the horse in anyway.

A mischievous grin split Maura's face and she raised an eyebrow at Jane. "Want to race?" She challenged.

Jane narrowed her eyes at Maura, she was well aware that she was outmatched; Lady Maura was an accomplished rider and rode regularly and Jane was inexperienced at best, still Jane knew she would race, she never backed away from a challenge and she could already feel the very blood in her veins warming in anticipation.

Jane seemed to be engaged in some deep deliberation until suddenly she sat up straight and readjusted herself leaning forward as far as she could on the horse and throwing her right leg behind her and over the back of the horse, so she was sitting astride.

Maura looked momentarily shocked and Jane seized that moment to take off without warning, sticking a heel sharply into Trixie and yelling a commanding "Come on!" partly to the horse and in part to Lady Maura. Trixie broke into a gallop as she realised both that Jane meant business and that she was out in the open and being given licence to run almost free. Jane held on and prayed she wouldn't be bucked.

It hadn't taken Maura long to recover and to set off behind Jane and very soon Jane could feel her at her heels, Jane pushed harder and still Maura slid past her gracefully and with what looked like very little effort.

When Jane caught up with Lady Maura, where she and her horse had come to a standstill on the other side of the fields she had hardly a hair out of place and Jane's had come almost completely free, Jane took out the remaining pins and shook her hair out as she struggled to get her breath back.

Maura watched her carefully, smiling, a new colour in her cheeks. "I win." She grinned and gave a small satisfied shrug of her shoulders.

Jane chuckled. "That was the most fun I have had in England."

"You look more like a wild animal than the horse." Maura observed more with awe than disapproval.

"Well, she has been domesticated." Jane said, stooping and sympathetically patting Trixie's shoulder.

"When a domesticated horse is released into the wild they shed all traces of domestication rapidly." Maura said automatically. "It seems to me as if; at heart they are always wild."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane and Lady Maura began to ride more slowly side by side down another sheltered track slightly wider than the last. Jane had returned to being seated on the side of the horse and re-pinned her hair. It was as if the exhilaration of the ride had stripped away a layer of formality and Maura seemed more unguarded than Jane had seen her before and they chatted comfortably about the estate, the village, Dr Rawlinson, who Jane teased was obviously smitten by Lady Maura.

"One of the first horses was called a Hyracotherium. It lived about 50 million years ago and was as tall as a fox, with toes instead of hooves." Maura said suddenly as if she was merely thinking out loud.

"I don't know why, but I kind of love that you know that." Jane said honestly.

Maura stopped her horse and looked at Jane seriously. "You do?"

Jane nodded silently and rode past Maura to take the lead.

Before Jane had realised it, they had been out for well over an hour and Maura mentioned that they should head back to the house, her tone tinged with regret. As they delivered their horses back to the stables Maura looked at Jane thoughtfully.

"If the rain stays off tomorrow I will ride again, I mean to take every opportunity before London." Maura informed Jane.

Jane wondered if that was an invitation or Jane's prompt to invite herself.

"You really love to ride." Jane stated; it wasn't a question.

"I do, it's liberating, my temporary escape I suppose." Maura said happily. "Although lately I feel like I'm trying to outrun time. I've begun to appreciate how the fox must feel with the hounds closing in and no cover to be found." Maura stopped herself abruptly. "I just mean that things are about to change."

They had started to walk slowly back to the house.

"Marriage." Jane announced.

Maura nodded "I've been spoilt these last few years, Father has indulged me, if Mother had lived I would have been married long ago but my Father never could refuse me anything, never ask me to do anything I didn't desire, until this." Maura hung her head a little and was silent.

"Well, I guess I should get to work." Jane said when it seemed Maura would not continue.

Lady Maura looked up. "Yes, Maybe I shall see you out again tomorrow Ms Rizzoli, you could use some practise." Maura treated Jane to another of her playful grins and walked boldly away.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They did meet the following day and the next and a week later they had shared a morning ride every day since then, today they took the same route they had taken that first day. Jane noticed that her ride had improved greatly already, possibly as she had become familiar with Trixie's ways and as she had studied the way Maura rode and tried to emulate it. Jane for once was really taking in the country air and the scenery rather than being focused on trying to control the horse.

Jane had begun to look forward to these morning rides as the highlight of her day and Lady Maura was quickly becoming the person Jane most liked to spend her time with, not that there was much competition. Jane felt however that Maura enjoyed these times too, maybe because Jane had no real connection to the wedding and the planning of an engagement party and the move to London, that Jane new occupied a large part of the remainder of Lady Maura's day.

"So why aren't you taking your morning rides with Miss Dawson?" Jane asked out of the blue.

"Because I'm taking them with you." Maura replied quickly and then saw fit to expand. "Miss Dawson is a sweet girl but she is so eager to please and so..."

"Young." Jane cut in.

Maura chuckled. "That's it, she is so young." They had stopped by a small stream while the horse's had a rest and took a drink, they had come a little further today than they had previously, and it occurred to Jane that as the days grew fewer, Lady Maura drew out each ride a little longer.

Jane felt some spots of cool rain against her face and looked up at the grey rolling clouds that she had been trying to ignore; she caught sight of Lady Maura doing the same and their eyes met as each realised it was past time to head back.

"Well, I'm glad anyway." Jane went on. "I have enjoyed getting to know you, and Trixie." Jane added as she stroked the horse.

"I enjoy it too Jane, I used to enjoy the solitude of my riding but now I find that thought rather lonely." Maura admitted. "Unfortunately our time together is another thing I will miss in London."

"I am coming to London too, you realise." Jane said lightly, trying to cheer Maura.

"I know, but we won't have this." Maura looked around and then her gaze settled on Jane thoughtfully and the sound of thunder rumbled in the distance. "I've never formed a friendship quite so easily before. Emma and Diana are my only true friends but we were thrown together as children and grew up in each other pockets, I have never as an adult made such a friendship as ours. I do hope you consider me a friend?" This is the most either had ever said on the subject.

"Of course, I feel the same. At home I had my brothers and a couple of men I consider friends but other than that... I didn't think I could ever be friends with an English Lady." Jane chuckled but noticed that Maura looked a little troubled by the comment. "However you are a lot more than that, Lady Maura." Jane assured and smiled affectionately.

Another rumble sounded above them.

"We better hurry." Maura said, moving ahead of Jane and setting the pace.

xxxxx

The women quickly made their way to the stables and gave over their horses to the young men who waited. Jane had noticed that over the last couple of days as the staff learned that Jane was the riding companion of the Lady of the house, a sudden more distant kind of respectfulness had crept into her interactions with the staff here, it was subtle but Jane wasn't sure how she felt about it. Jane had definitely started to look the part in a riding habit that Maura had managed to locate for her and even a hat, which she had felt quite self conscious wearing in the beginning but which, even she would admit, made her look good.

The rain suddenly began to pound down and Maura and Jane quickly ran for cover in one of the barns, laughing as they did so. Jane looked at Maura and wondered not for the first time how they had come to feel such a firm friendship so quickly and coming from such different worlds. Jane wished she knew what Maura was thinking and was about to ask her when she felt another presence in the barn.

Jane turned to see a very small pair of eyes gazing up at her through a mass of matted and muddy fur. The dog looked from Lady Maura to Jane and back again.

"Hey there." Jane said. "Where did you come from?"

A large male figure came towards them from the far side of the long barn which Jane now saw housed several kennels and had dog paraphernalia hanging around.

"Sorry M'Lady." The figure addressed Maura. "She is a stray, I found her half starved. I thought maybe I could put her to use around here."

Maura tried to look stern but had a smile playing around the edges of her mouth. "Vincent, I am not sure we can take many more of these strays. What is it a Cairn terrier under all that mud? The breed originated in Scotland and was used for catching rats and mice." The last was directed toward Jane.

Jane had knelt and looked the dog in the eye. "She looks wily; she would make a good rat catcher."

Lady Maura did not kneel and had no desire to get any closer to the unwashed vagabond. Jane looked up at Maura expectantly.

"I don't really like dogs or any small pets for that matter." Maura explained. "We keep the hounds for the hunt of course but since Vincent came to work for Father we seem to have acquired a number of other dogs and even a cat I hear." Maura looked at the older man affectionately.

Vincent had the sense to look a little shame faced and then turned to Jane with a friendly smile. "It's Vince, Vince Korsak." He introduced. "You must be Miss Rizzoli."

Jane shook his outstretched hand. "Yes, I am. You're American?" She enquired.

"Yeah, from your neck of the woods I believe Miss. I been here a little over two years. Stowed away with Lord Ashby on his first visit to New York. I wasn't doing too well with the ladies over there so decided to come start a fresh." Vince grinned.

Maura looked outside, where the rain was slowing. "I think we should make a bid for freedom." Maura said standing in the entrance they had entered moments ago.

Jane looked at Vince apologetically and went to join Maura. "Okay, let's do it."

They looked at each other and then at the same time bolted outside and toward the house with a tiny terrier trying to keep up as it followed hopefully behind Jane.

When they reached the house Jane turned to look at the dog. "What are you doing girl?" She asked.

Maura shook her head and sighed. "You'll have to bring her in, find one of the maids to clean her up. It looks like she has decided who her owner is."

Jane looked shocked. "I can't have a dog." She said.

"Of course you can, between you and Vincent I'm sure she will be well taken care of." Maura said casually.

"But Mr Dawson.." Jane began.

Maura frowned. "What's he got to do with it? Tell him I said so if you like." She shrugged.

Jane looked curiously at the dog. "I suppose I could help her get straightened out and keep an eye on her for Vince until we leave anyway, I never did much like rats."

Maura was taking off her gloves and hat and headed in the direction of the great stairs, throwing a smile over her shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow if this rain relents long enough." And with that they went their separate ways.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane had found out the laundry room and with many curious eyes upon her, had set about cleaning up the little dog as best she could. The dog didn't seem too concerned and was about as co-operative as one would expect, jumping out of Jane's grasp several times and soaking Jane's clothes.

Jane was drying her new pet off when a familiar face entered the room. It was Dolly, Miss Dawsons Ladies maid.

"Ms Rizzoli." She was momentarily shocked to see Jane here. "Oh, what a cute little thing!" She said as she spotted the dog. "Who are you?" she cooed into the dogs face.

"She hasn't got a name, I don't think. I don't know. I'm taking care of her." Jane explained uncertainly.

"I'm pleased I bumped into you actually." Dolly said. "I wanted to speak to you, since you were so kind to me." Dolly looked around to make sure they were alone. "Well, to warn you really."

"Warn me?" Jane frowned.

"About Mr Dawson." Dolly's voice had fallen to a whisper. "There was a lot of talk, back home." Dolly blushed a little. "About his relations with his last secretary." Dolly looked at Jane meaningfully, hoping desperately that she wouldn't have to spell it out.

"Oh, really, you mean..." Jane started.

"Let's just say she satisfied his every need." Dolly said quickly.

"So, she didn't really want to stay home? She didn't come to England because he was getting married or?" Jane questioned.

Dolly looked around again. "The rumours were that it ended badly, some even say she was... well, I'm sure that wasn't true, you know how people blow these things up."

"She was what?" Jane pushed.

Dolly grimaced but admitted. "Expecting a child. It's probably not true and I'm sure if she had been she would have had to do something about it. I just wanted to warn you. I know you get thrown together through your work, I wanted you to be aware of the danger is all." Dolly put down a bundle of bed sheets and left the room, leaving Jane to consider what she had said.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Thanks for reading! xx**


	6. Chapter 6

Ashby 6

Jane paced the small space in front of her desk and glanced again at the long gloomy window; she finally surrendered and threw herself back in her chair with a heavy sigh. Jane tried to focus again on the small stack of papers in front of her, to no avail. Her hearing had very recently become hyper sensitive to any small sound of movement coming from the room just meters away from here.

This was the third morning that the weather had banished any hopes of a morning ride; the rain had settled in and made its self comfortable like an unwanted relative at a family party. The temperature had dropped further overnight and Jane had been woken by the bite of a cold draught through her room and the sight of sleet interspersed with the rain.

Jane looked over at the bored looking dog curled up in a small ball on the floor facing her desk, the mutt had given up reacting to Jane's fidgeting and pacing as soon as she realised it was no indication that they would be playing a game or even leaving the room. Even the dog seemed totally underwhelmed by Jane's lack of action.

Jane had wracked her distracted brain to come up with a plausible reason for her to immediately go to Lady Maura but so far had come up with nothing even flimsy in its level of convincing. Jane sighed again and rested her head in her hand, she had admitted to herself long ago that what she was fretting for was less the pleasant exercise of the ride and more the stimulation of being in Lady Maura's company, and she was reconciled to that.

Jane did miss being outdoors of course; she really had begun to appreciate the rugged beauty of the Yorkshire countryside. However it was ultimately her daily conversations with Lady Maura that she truly yearned for. Jane supposed that having broken her long period of solitude and finally finding a real friend had left her a little dependent on that type of intimacy. It had happened without her really wishing for or even noticing it and she was struggling to adjust herself to how she had been when she functioned well enough without it.

Jane bolted up out of the seat, her little companions eyes opening and head rising hopefully.

"This is ridiculous." Jane told the dog as she headed for the door, the terrier dashing to her side.

Moments later Jane knocked uncertainly at the library door and hearing a soft call from within, popped her head around it before entertaining. Lady Maura was alone as Jane had guessed she would be, sitting in a high backed chair with a heavy book open and now resting in her lap.

Maura looked up distractedly as Jane entered but shortly greeted her with the familiar welcoming smile.

"Ms Rizzoli." She said warmly.

"I hate this weather!" Jane burst forth with a scowl.

Maura broke into a quirky grin. "It is unfortunate indeed that the weather does not permit our morning ride, however without the rain fall we wouldn't have such a green and abundant environment to ride in."

"Do you always have to be so reasonable about everything?" Jane accused.

Maura thought for a moment. "Oh very well, I hate it too." Maura confessed.

"Thank you." Jane grinned, visibly relaxing.

Jane took the time to look around the room at the walls lined, row upon row of different sized and different coloured sets of book spines. The shelving was surrounded by a rich mahogany linen wall panelling with carvings of leaves and flowers creeping up the sides. The uppermost row of solid wood had been fashioned into the family crest. Jane took in the more feminine touches such as the floral drapes and the large arrangements of flowers around the room. This room had definitely been subject to a woman's touch.

"Please sit down." Maura indicated an arm chair across from hers with a large wooden stand next to it that housed a great globe.

Jane sat down unceremoniously and absently began to spin the globe with one finger while her doggy friend took up residency beneath the chair, under the amused gaze of her Lady friend.

"Have you named her yet?" Maura asked.

Jane glared at the dog resentfully. "I've been referring to her as girl or mutt." She admitted.

"Jane, that won't do!" Maura announced as she closed the book on her lap and happened to look at the cover. "May I suggest Joanna?" She said as she held the book out to Jane.

Jane read the cover; Joanna Baillie, _Plays on the passions. _ Jane's facial expression displayed her distaste.

"It's a little stuffy M'Lady, she's a dog and she should have a fun name." Jane explained.

Maura frowned and the sight of it cut so deep into Jane that she decided to relent.

"How about if we shortened it to Jo?" Jane suggested.

"Jo is a little insubstantial Jane." Maura argued.

"Well, let me see, what day was it she found us?" Jane thought aloud.

"Friday." Maura said certainly. "The last day we rode out together was Friday."

"There we have it then." Jane clapped her hands together. "Jo Friday." Jane bent to the dog and scruffled the long hair on her head. "What do you think Jo?"

Jo barked her approval, more for the attention she was receiving than for the name, but it was good enough for Jane and she straightened up, matter settled.

"This is a lovely room M'Lady ." Jane glanced around again.

"I've made it my own." Maura said happily. "Mother used to reprimand me every time she discovered me in here as a child; she believed it dangerous for women to be too well read. Better to stick to the arts." Maura recalled.

"She wasn't alone in thinking that way." Jane pointed out. "Plenty of people still do, at all levels of society."

"How about you Ms Rizzoli? Do you read much?" Maura asked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Jane shrugged, "Mostly facts and figures for work I suppose but I have been known to read for pleasure. I read a Henry James on my journey over here."

"Ah, _The portrait of a Lady_?" Maura asked. "I was captivated by Isabel's struggle to hold on to her freedom and independence."

"_The Bostonians_" Jane stated. "It was recommended by a friend, it was okay." Jane allowed as she got up and walked over to the desk that had a large open volume covering most of it."What this?" She asked Maura.

Maura made her way over to the desk. "It's Egyptian, _The book of the dead_. Simply put; it's a book of magical spells thought to assist in the deceased person's journey through the _Duat _or afterlife. It was used as far back as 1550 BC."

Jane looked at the colourful drawings and symbols, spread across the page. "It's amazing." Jane said without looking up from the page.

Maura; happy with Jane's judgement, bent to join her in her study and point out details and explain the translations of hieroglyphics to Jane.

Jane had never seen Maura so animated and gazed at her fondly as she spoke.

"I just find it fascinating." Lady Maura said as she noticed Jane's appreciative stare and suddenly became a little self conscious.

"It is." Jane assured her softly with a smile.

As the women stood shoulder to shoulder at the desk, looking into each other, a sharp knock sounded at the door, immediately followed by the entrance of Mr Dawson.

"Oh, I had expected to find you alone Lady Maura." He smiled somewhat slyly. "I had heard of course from my sister that the two of you seem to have formed some kind of alliance, how quaint." He rubbed his hands together in front of him. "Do you consider it another act of philanthropy Lady Maura?" Dawson smirked and Jane straightened up defensively, sticking close to Maura's side. "Or maybe a part of your ethnological research?" His eyes glinted with obvious amusement.

"Is there something I can help you with Mr Dawson?" Maura said coolly, ignoring his question.

"I do have a matter to discuss with you my dear, however if you are otherwise engaged at present it can wait a little longer." Dawson said all too politely.

Jane put up a hand. "Please Mr Dawson, no need, I have monopolised Lady Maura's time for long enough and have work to be getting back to myself." Jane said.

Maura turned quickly to face Jane and looked as if she may protest until Jane stilled her with a reassuring look and a brush of her hand to Maura's elbow.

Mr Dawson watched the silent interaction keenly with an interested but perplexed look in his eyes.

"Thank you for your time Lady Maura." Jane nodded and she made her way past Dawson and out of the room, Jo Friday bouncing after her and never taking her eyes of Mr Dawson.

Xxxxxxxxxx

The next morning Jane sat in the study bright and early watching the rain batter the window as she composed a letter to a perspective supplier in Australia. Jane heard a small knock sound on the door and her hopes were fulfilled when Lady Maura entered the room.

"Lady Maura." Jane stood awkwardly and bowed a little in Maura's direction.

Maura brushed off the gesture and moved to seat herself across from Jane at the desk. "Are you busy?" She asked looking at the papers on the desk.

"Not too busy to receive you M'Lady." Jane smiled.

Maura looked troubled. "I just came to apologise for the things that Dawson said yesterday." She said nervously.

"He isn't your responsibility just yet Lady Maura, and anyway I have heard much worse before, he didn't upset me." Jane assured.

Maura frowned. "But I did not wish to subject you to any insult on my behalf or I should say as a result of our friendship." Maura looked down into her hands and seemed unsure of herself. "I know you work for him and I don't want to put you in a position where you are questioning your loyalties or feel a conflict of interest."

It was Jane's turn to frown and she leant forward. "Yes, I work for him Lady Maura, he doesn't own me. My friends are nothing to do with him."

Maura smiled a little. "I thought you may feel that way and I'm pleased, really, I just; things could get complicated." She frowned again and stood up from the desk to move around the room. "I thought that perhaps as we are moving to the London house in a couple of weeks anyway it would give you the opportunity to be released from any obligation you may feel toward me, as a friend or companion or ..." Maura broke off and looked at the floor.

Jane stood and crossed to Maura. "I don't feel I have an obligation either to you or to Dawson. I enjoy your company more than anyone else I have met here and more than most people I have ever met, so I am going to continue to be selfish and pursue a friendship with you whoever that may upset, be it the Dawson's or your Father or the rest of England, for as long as you are happy for me to do so." Jane had taken Maura's hands in her own and was looking into her eyes, daring Maura to challenge her.

Maura smiled fully at last and nodded her assent at Jane.

"Good, so let's not worry about that." Jane returned to her desk.

Maura stood awkwardly by her earlier seat and waited for Jane to look questioningly at her.

"The other matter I wanted to discuss now we have cleared up the previous business; is Christmas." Maura began.

Jane raised an eyebrow. "What about Christmas?"

"I know that Father has asked you for drinks before dinner as is customary, and I believe that Mr Thompson has issued an invitation for you to join him and the servants downstairs for Christmas dinner. I just wondered what your plans were, as I would very much like you to join us for Dinner Jane, I know it would be awkward for you upstairs as it would be down but I find I cannot bare to think of you alone on Christmas day." Maura spilled her words in a rush.

"Maura, Lady Maura, Don't worry. I will attend the drinks but I cannot attend the dinner, it would be difficult for all involved, especially as you have guests joining you here for the hunt, naturally you will be busy with them. I am flattered by the thought really, but I must decline." Jane said firmly.

Maura sighed and her shoulders sagged knowing she had lost this particular argument.

"We could do something at another time to mark the occasion. How about lunch out somewhere or we could meet here after dinner and have our own drinks." Jane suggested.

"We could." Maura said thoughtfully. "Alright, that would be nice; I'll look forward to it." Maura grinned, their bargain being set. Maura turned to leave then turned at the door. "Oh and Jane, you can call me Maura when we are alone." She smiled over her shoulder as she left.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane sat and pondered the conversation following Maura's departure then made a decision and took out a fresh sheet of paper. She spent the next few minutes writing a letter to her friend at home Frost; asking him to make enquiries into the fate of Dawson's former secretary. Jane hoped that Maura's anxieties would prove to be just that but if Jane was going to have to battle to maintain a friendship with Lady Maura, she was more than willing; she would just need the right ammunition.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- Well Christmas is here. This chapter took a bit longer than planned and is quite long, it was going to be two but there didn't seem a natural place to cut it and then pick it up again, so...**

Ashby 7

It was Christmas morning and Jane's overwhelming feeling was one of being cold! Maura had helpfully informed her that it had been the coldest winter in many years and that the night before last it had dropped to minus eight degrees. To this Jane had muttered something about it being colder inside than out and on returning to her room that evening; Christmas Eve, had found an extra warm blanket, a very thick and soft woollen shawl and a pretty white flower with a bright yellow centre in a pot on her windowsill.

Jane had actually woken with a niggle of excitement, which was not all together unusual for her at Christmas but which in this case she could only attribute to looking forward to spending some of the evening alone with Lady Maura.

Jane had stayed in bed a little longer this morning as she didn't have any work to attend to and had daydreamed about what she would be doing if she was at home and also what Maura might be waking up feeling this morning and how she might be spending the day. Jane knew that she had a lot of duties to fulfil even today but she did hope that she was able to enjoy herself also.

Jane had decided to take Jo Friday out into the snow for the first time. The little dog had been out briefly to do her business but had yet to venture out to play and although Jane didn't think a small dog like her could last for long in such cold, she thought a brief jaunt would be fun for them both. Jane wrapped up warmly and took a towel out with her to bundle Jo Friday in when she had had enough. Jo scampered out but the snow had gotten so deep over night that she found herself buried in it with just her nose and ears in the air and had to leap up and down to move around at all. Jane thought she looked like some kind of bouncing bunny and laughed uncontrollably.

Jo finally found a path where the snow was less deep and she sauntered down it shivering slightly. Jane bent and made a small ball of snow in her palms, only lightly packing it before she launched it in Jo's direction; it landed just ahead of Jo and burst apart splattering her with pieces. Jo barked at the remains of the missile and looked around suspiciously for more.

A few minutes later Jane was heading back indoors with Jo wrapped in a towel and lay in her arms like a baby. Jane was reluctant to admit, but she had quickly formed a bond with this tiny creature and she really had enjoyed the company, the best thing about Jo was that she would listen without judging and didn't ask for a lot in return.

Jane carried Jo through the corridor into the expanse of the main entrance hall which was now home to the large Christmas tree, Jane had seen it last night lit with candles and looking very festive and now too it looked impressive with its yards of ribbon and elegant ornaments. The thing Jane liked best about it however was the smell, it smelled like being outdoors, being free.

Gazing at the tree as she was, Jane missed Maura's entrance and turned just as Maura reached her and threw her arms about her and Jo. The move took Jane by surprise but she managed to gracefully accept the show of affection with a smile as Maura declared an enthusiastic "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas Lady Maura!" Jane managed, still a little bowled over by Maura's sudden appearance.

"I saw you two scoundrels playing outside!" Maura teased. "It looked fun."

"Did you wish you could be with us?" Jane asked automatically.

"Always." Was Maura's light hearted reply.

"Well, it was cold." Jane complained. "Which reminds me to thank you for my extra supplies."

Maura shrugged but smiled. "Did you like the plant? Helleborous niger, commonly called the Christmas rose; though not actually a member of the rose family. An old legend says that it sprouted in the snow from the tears of a young girl who had no gift to give the Christ child in Bethlehem."

Jane grinned broadly. "Well, it certainly brightens up the place."

Maura frowned. "You haven't read the secret language of flowers I hope?" she said nervously.

"No but I have heard something about it; flowers being used as a code." Jane said.

"Well in this case ignore the code." Maura said hastily.

"Why, what do they mean?" Jane pushed, slightly amused.

Maura looked around and almost whispered. "Hellebore stands for scandal and calumny, which is why it has no relevance; it's just that there are only a few flowers that bloom in winter and it is pretty..."

Jane chuckled. "Okay, we should keep that between ourselves then and I shall disregard the secret meaning." Jane said gallantly.

Maura looked around again, before giving Jane's hand a squeeze and patting Jo's patiently waiting head.

"I'll see you both later, I have to go now, have a good day." Maura said regretfully dashing away.

Jane and Jo watched Maura leave, looking after her each as longingly as the other.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dawson paid Jane a fair wage and she had few costs while she was here so she had decided to treat herself to a new dress for the cocktails with the family, she didn't want to look like an old maid on this occasion.

Jane felt a little self conscious wearing the new olive green velvet skirt with mother of pearl buttons and the fitted boned bodice, not to mention the princess corset that obviously couldn't be seen but Jane was very aware of how different it felt to her normal short stays, much more restrictive yet enhancing her figure in a way that she knew looked well.

Jane came downstairs in good time for the cocktail hour which began at five, as she descended she heard other guests arriving and smiled when she caught site of Dr Philip Rawlinson arriving with an older man who was obviously the vicar from the church in the village.

Maura and the rest of the family were arriving in the hall at just this moment on their way to the Chinese drawing room; where drinks were to take place and Maura began to greet the guests as the butler took their coats and hats.

Dr Rawlinson took Lady Maura's hand and wished her a "Very Merry Christmas!" turning pink as he glanced up realising that they were now positioned directly beneath the Kissing Bough, Rawlinson awkwardly looked to Lady Maura for direction and putting both hands on her upper arms he darted quickly forwards planting a chaste kiss on her left cheek, colouring further and looking down at his feet.

Dawson had watched the scene and laughed loudly throwing back his head and striding towards them. Jane stood motionless at the foot of the steps as she watched Dawson roughly take Maura into his arms and dip her back slightly whilst placing his lips soundly over hers and delivering a forceful and prolonged kiss. Jane saw Maura flinch and begin to resist which only seemed to make Dawson squeeze her more tightly against him until suddenly he released her and laughed again turning to Dr Rawlinson.

"That's how it's done in America!" He jeered patting a pale faced Rawlinson on the shoulder and guiding him toward the drawing room.

Maura quickly brushed herself down and put her cool, proper and unfazed mask back in place.

Jane suddenly took two steps toward her friend then stopped herself and faltered momentarily; drawing Maura's attention to her.

Maura softened at the welcome sight of Jane and met her half way across the hall.

"You look delightful." Maura complimented. "Shall we join the others?"

Miss Dawson and her mother were just leaving the hall and Jane lowered her voice.

"Are you okay Maura?" Jane asked anxiously.

"Of course. Let's go." Maura reassured.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

The drinks went well despite Jane's apprehension to begin with; she relaxed a little after she had drunk her first glass of sherry. Jane avoided Dawson except in the delivering of the usual Christmas platitudes; even he took a day off work for Christmas and Jane was beginning to actively dislike him the more she saw of him.

Jane had conversed quite happily with Dr Rawlinson and with the vicar, who had rather more of the sherry than he was probably accustomed to and turned out to have some rather amusing stories of his time as a missionary.

Jane was pleased to see Lord and Lady Malcolm again, they were one of the couples who had made the journey to Ashby for tomorrows hunt and Giles was just as friendly as Jane had remembered him.

Jane had to tell herself repeatedly not to stare at Maura but she did allow herself to watch her a little and she admired once again the way she managed to rotate around the room making everyone feel taken care of and appreciated, she quietly held the whole event together so unassumingly. Jane really could tell that Maura had been born to this role.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

At seven the guests who were staying at the house had gone to change for dinner and those from the village had left a sight merrier than they had arrived. Jane had gone to freshen up and had headed downstairs to deliver a small gift to Dolly and some wine and chocolates to the servants for their celebrations, she had already explained to Mr Thompson that she would eat alone as was her custom and that she liked to use the time to reflect on the holy meaning of the day; it had been a good enough excuse for him.

After eating her meal alone in the study, Jane had stretched out in one of the more comfortable chairs and was half reading a book, half day dreaming to pass the hours before Lady Maura would arrive.

At around a quarter to eleven Jane heard the unmistakable sound of Maura's approach and stood up as she slipped into the room. Maura softly secured the door behind her and turned to Jane, breaking into a bright and relieved smile.

Maura crossed to Jane and took her hand. "Jane." She said simply.

Jane's smile was more muted. "Maura, did you get away okay? I was worried you might not make it." She admitted.

Maura dropped her hand and took up a seat across from Jane. "Diana made a fuss of course, but it has been a long day so I think she believed my headache ruse."

Jane sat too. "If you're tired we can do this another time.." Jane began.

"We can't do Christmas night again Jane, at least not until next year and I don't want to wait that long, I want to spend this one with you." Maura assured her.

Jane flushed a little and sighed with relief, it was the same sentiment she felt and she had dreaded Maura's taking her up on the offer to postpone.

"I have something for you." Jane said, holding out her hand to Maura and leading her to the desk, before unveiling a rather large wooden box sitting in the centre.

"Merry Christmas, Maura." Jane said looking pleased with herself.

Maura was speechless as she examined the box, running a finger along the top of the dark wood before opening the large front opening door. Inside she found velvet lined compartments filled with glass bottles, as she scanned the labels she found; Jamaica ginger, camphor, sweet oil and lime water and hive syrup, amongst others. Maura opened the first drawer and found vials of Laudanum, hive syrup and arnica with the usual items one may find such as lint, a wad of cotton and court plaster.

However it was the final drawer that Maura was most amazed and touched by as it housed items one would not expect to find in a family medicine chest. Surgical instruments such as syringes, different sized knives, a cup set and a saw.

Maura looked at Jane, at once completely overcome and felt the threat of tears pool in her eyes.

"I don't know what to say." Was all she could whisper as she clutched one hand to her throat.

Jane smiled broadly. "John Turner, the man whose wife you saved made the box and Doc Rawlinson supplied me with most of the contents and advised me on the rest, so it was not all my own work."

"I love it." Maura cried. She wept freely now as she raced around to the back of the table where Jane now stood and flung herself into Jane's arms.

The hug was warm and friendly and Jane chuckled as she held Maura but quickly disentangled herself as she felt something else stir within her.

"I'm pleased." Jane said as she got her breathing back on track and fought to distance herself from Maura a little.

Maura seemed to sense something out of place but brushed that aside as she returned to enjoy her gift, studying the contents more closely.

"There is plenty of room in there for you to add your own things."Jane called as she moved away and poured them both a glass of warm mulled wine, which had been brought up after dinner by Dolly.

"Oh Jane, you painted my initials on the front." Maura said spotting the detail that she had missed in her initial examination. Maura crossed to Jane and took the proffered glass from her. "It's the most wonderful gift that I have ever received."

Jane looked bashfully away from Maura's intense gaze.

"Truly." Maura maintained. "It's so thoughtful. And now I feel that my gift is a little inadequate." Maura turned away from Jane for a moment while she hitched up the hem of her skirt to access her hidden pocket, turning back with a small package in her hand.

"You've already given me so much Maura, I wasn't expecting anything more." Jane protested as Maura held the gift out patiently.

Jane took the gift and unfolded the paper covering to reveal a pair of beautiful hair combs with a cameo centre and silver scrolled oak patterning on each side. Jane stroked them reverently.

"They were my mothers." Maura explained quietly. "They were my favourite when she wore them, however after she died I couldn't bring myself to use them, I never felt like I was quiet enough of a Lady for them." Maura shrugged.

It was Jane's turn to be speechless, much to Maura's obvious pleasure.

"I can't accept these Maura." Jane began, trying to hand the gift back.

Maura took them willingly and stepped around Jane taking a hand to her hair and rearranging her curls.

"You have stunning hair Jane, I remember the first day I found you cursing at your horse and we raced; your hair came undone and I saw it in all its glory." Maura spoke over Jane's shoulder, her hot breath against the bare skin of Jane's cheek and throat. Maura ran her fingers through Jane's locks and Jane felt her push the combs into place.

"I want you to have these and I would be deeply hurt if you refuse." Maura said as Jane turned to face her.

Jane smiled her agreement. "Thank you. They mean a lot to me." She said graciously.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane sat in her seat across from Maura as they shared stories of the day in such a familiar way that Jane couldn't imagine a time when this wasn't part of her routine. The current topic of conversation was how merry the Vicar had become, so much so that he had planted a kiss on the cheek of an unsuspecting Mrs Dawson on his way out.

"He should be quite an amusing addition to the Wedding proceedings." Maura giggled before quickly becoming silent.

Jane felt the atmosphere turn serious and downed the remainder of her warm spiced drink.

"Since you brought up the subject..." Jane began, leaning forward. "I wanted to ask you to explain it to me. I don't really understand. Why are you marrying him?"

Maura sighed. "Ashby Park is entailed away from the female line, if I remain unmarried I should have to leave here upon my Father's death and try and make my own way in the world; that is quite a feat for a Lady such as myself. Ashby would go to some rather distant but very male cousin. My Father wants to know that I am taken care of, he also needs a cash injection into the estate for reasons I won't bore you with."

Jane nodded to indicate that she was following.

"What's in it for Dawson of course is the status, he can't exactly buy a title but his son and heir would be Lord Ashby." Maura avoided looking at Jane who was frowning more deeply. "So you see the wedding is really only half of the deal, the more important part of course is that I provide a son; and considering my mother's history Dawson is taking a considerable gamble on me."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Do you miss America Jane? Home?" Maura asked.

Jane cocked her head to one side against the back of her seat as she considered the question. "Not when I'm with you."

Maura smiled at Jane's words. "Really?"

"Ma used to be in her element at this time of year, she would single-handedly prepare a feast. Ma just enjoyed seeing us all together and fed." Jane shook her head.

"What happened?" Maura gently encouraged the tale she sensed was coming and Jane rose to walk around the room as she spoke.

"She and Pa had always bickered, I mean they're Italian, it would be strange if they didn't, but somewhere along the way things changed, the teasing and passion became bitter and critical. Ma never told us exactly what he had done but I know he let her down badly. Now he spends most of the time working away and they lead their separate lives." Jane sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry Jane." Maura said softly.

"If he is home this year it will no doubt be brief and uncomfortable. The thing that worries me the most is that I idolised that man when I was growing up, I wanted so much to be like him not like Ma, he worked hard and I thought he held the family together, I thought he was honourable, he demanded respect. That's who I tried to be and now I wonder; if he turned out to be someone else then maybe I'm not who I thought I was either." Jane's voice cracked at the last.

Maura felt her heart wrench as she watched Jane try to brush off her obvious inner struggle, her eyes silently pleading for Maura to comfort her.

"I don't believe that, you are who you are Jane, I can't see that ever changing." Maura had stood and approached Jane to make the woman hear her and now she tenderly brushed a lone tear from Jane's cheek.

"Christmas makes me sentimental, it's silly really." Jane shook her head and tried to pack the emotions away again.

Maura fastened a hand around Jane's arm as she made to move away.

"Don't do that Jane; don't pull away from me." Maura begged.

Jane faced Maura again. "It scares me; I feel I could tell you anything." Jane confessed looking directly at Maura who looked deadly serious as she replied.

"You can; anything."

"Really?" Jane narrowed her eyes at Maura.

Maura swallowed nervously and met Jane's intense gaze with an unwavering one of her own.

"Anything." She avowed quietly.

Jane stepped closer and her voice was thick. "What if I told you that seeing Dawson kiss you today felt like a blow to the stomach? That I wanted to cry out for him to leave you alone."

Maura's brow creased in confusion. "You don't like him, I suppose..."

"That when I think about you marrying him, of him being with you, getting to see you every day, growing old with you. I feel sick in the very depth of my soul; I want to scream that it's wrong."

Jane took another step so that she was pressed against Maura now and she slipped one arm around her back pressing her palm against the small of it.

Maura gazed at Jane's lips and then anywhere else. "Jane, I...it's not...I can't.."

Maura looked back to Jane's waiting lips and could resist no longer, she pushed her own softly against them and grabbed onto Jane's arms as her head began to spin.

It was probably less of a kiss than Maura had given numerous women; friends, family on countless occasions but this one was so very different in the significance it held and both women felt it like a revelation.

Maura buried her face into Jane's neck and Jane brought a hand up to stroke up along the back of Maura's bare neck and brushed her fingers into her pinned up hair. Maura pulled back slowly to look into Jane's eyes. The next time their lips met there was no doubt about the desire it was loaded with, the desperation with which Maura's lips clung to Jane's as the women wrapped their arms around each other in a tight embrace as if trying to meld into one.

Jane pulled back a little as Maura trembled in her arms and she dropped a light kiss against Maura's forehead and another on her cheek as she cupped Maura's face in her hands. Jane's breath shook as Maura looked at her, a look of bewilderment mixed with something like longing.

"Jane?" Maura asked. "What are we doing?" She searched Jane's face for answers.

Jane brushed another kiss across Maura's cheek. "I don't know Maura but I can't stop it. I can't stop thinking about you, wanting you; like this." Jane revealed. "I can hardly believe it myself but I can't deny it." Jane took half a step back and took both Maura's hands in her own, lacing their fingers together.

" I love you, Lady Maura." Jane said definitely.

Maura stood dumbly facing Jane, her arms hanging limply by her side, she already felt bereft at even the small distance that Jane had put between them. Maura's eyes had flickered to Jane when she made her confession but now they seemed to be gazing into the distance.

"Maura? Are you okay?" Jane asked, filled with concern. "Maura?"

Lady Maura took a deep breath and looked at Jane as if she was some kind of foreign object.

"It's so late Jane." Maura said suddenly. "I have to get to bed, we have the hunt tomorrow, I have guests and there is so much to do."

Maura said all this as she made her way to the door and took it in her hand; she paused before she opened it and looked back at Jane. "Goodnight Jane." Maura said softly.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N- Please let me know what you think! Also a warning, for those who want lots of sweet fluff, you should probably turn back now, it's going to be a bumpy ride into Angstville from here! Of course with adversity comes plenty of passion and that's what I am planning to explore but please don't hate me for the tough times, it is 19****th**** century England after all. Thanks xxxxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- Sorry for the delay folks but I had a major technological upset. My poor faithful laptop has finally booted up for the last time and I have been without computer access for over a week! I have managed to beg, steal and borrow a laptop until I can get a new one but I lost the first almost complete version of this chapter so I have done my best to recreate it. Thanks for your patience. x**

Ashby

Jane hadn't slept. She had replayed the evening in her head over and over until she thought she would happily commit herself to the asylum. Clearly she had behaved rashly, the night had been highly charged with Christmas spirit and a long day of drinking and being merry and the discussion between Jane and Lady Maura had quickly become very personal and emotional to the point where Jane felt like a bystander seeing and hearing her own feelings come spewing forth.

The part that she had replayed most frequently and could never seem to make any clearer was Maura's reaction. It had felt at the time like Maura had allowed the kiss, even initiated it in part and Jane was certain she had not merely imagined the hungry way that Maura's lips had responded to hers. It had been the most passionate kiss that Jane had ever shared with anyone and was beyond what she would have believed if she hadn't experienced it.

The moment it was over Jane had realised that every moment she had spent with Lady Maura had been leading up to this and that although she hadn't acknowledged this to herself she had somehow not been surprised by it, in fact it had seemed to her the inevitable outcome.

The question was what would happen next? Lady Maura had not run screaming from the room, she hadn't seemed angry or disgusted or even upset; all the things Jane may have expected. The truth was that Jane was at a complete loss as to how Maura felt or what she might be thinking and she had gone through every possible scenario a hundred times, she really just needed to speak with her and of course today was probably the worst possible day for Jane to get any opportunity to do that.

The house was a hive of activity; riders were already warming up their horses on the front lawn, servants were back and forth from the house as they served drinks to excitable guests. Jane could hear laughter and chatter amongst the sound of the animals getting restless. Jane had caught a glimpse of Korsak amongst other men leading the pack of 30-40 hounds up to the house and it crossed her mind that she owed him a visit with Joe Friday.

Jane had looked for sanctuary in the study but was immediately faced with the medicine box she had given Maura last night; sitting like an accusation in the middle of her desk. Jane had stood with her back to it and watched the commotion outside from a place she would be unseen.

Around a hundred people took part in the Boxing Day hunt, it had been a tradition here for as long as Maura had been alive and some time before that, it was one of the most important dates in Ashby Park's calendar and Jane could see why. To see so many horses and riders in their finest riding clothes, men and women together, to see the hounds and the staff being put to the use they were destined for was nothing short of a most impressive spectacle.

Jane had picked out Maura in the crowd almost immediately and stood transfixed. Lady Maura greeted her guests with her usual ease, her manner welcoming and exuding a contagious kind of excitement that Jane could see spread to everyone who gathered around her. A young man Jane didn't recognise said something to Maura that made her tip her head back and laugh loudly and Jane felt at that moment she could happily kill the stranger. Jane couldn't help but feel sharply and not for the first time; how different were the worlds they each inhabited.

Jane had to get out; she looked to Jo and headed for the door.

As Jane stepped out into the icy cool air of the day she felt it sting her cheeks and watched her hot breath appear before her. Jane heard the Master Huntsman sound his horn to begin the hunt and could hear the noise of dogs, horses and man moving away from the house, still she moved away from the sounds to the very back of the house.

Jo ran beside her until a little way ahead Jane heard the dog bark and whine at a new discovery. Jane chased her down to see her circling the feet of a young man with a distrustful look on her face, never turning her back on him. The young man had propped himself against the wall and had his head tipped back as he exhaled a large cloud of smoke in a slow reverent way. The boy that Jane recognised as one of the footmen, partly due to his livery; straightened immediately and flung the cigarette to the ground as he saw Jane approach .

Jane looked at him and to the cigarette; still burning on the ground. "You have any more?" She demanded.

Without a word the young man took a box from the waistband of his trousers and passed them over to Jane.

Jane took the box, opened it and took a cigarette for her and one for the confused boy before returning the packet to him.

"You have a light?" She asked as she leant her back against the wall beside him, the stone was cold and hard and she decided it fit her mood.

The footman began to rummage around his persons until he found a small box of matches and lit first Jane's cigarette and then his own.

"Christmas present?" Jane enquired as she exhaled her first cloud of smoke. It had been a long time since she had smoked and she had never done so regularly but the feeling was familiar and oddly comforting.

"Yes Miss." The boy uttered his first words to her.

Jane considered him for a moment, a handsome boy; young but with a confident air about him despite his initial nervousness.

"From an admirer." Jane assumed.

A toothy grin. "Yes."

"Well, she has taste." Jane said taking another deep drag of the cigarette, then as the boy coloured a little. "These are good." Jane clarified.

The shuffle of feet caught their attention at almost the same moment as Dolly's face appeared from one of the dark doorways.

"Peter." She hissed. "Mr Thompson has noticed you're absence, you better get in here." She said with some urgency, raising an eyebrow in Jane's direction.

The boy repeated his action of hastily flinging his cigarette, looking after it a little forlornly and nodded to Jane as he hurried inside, passing Dolly in the doorway and flashing her a more than grateful smile.

Dolly rolled her eyes impatiently but softened as she watched Peter move inside the house. Dolly didn't follow; she stepped outside and crossed to Jane.

"You Okay Jane?" Dolly asked as she crouched to give Jo Friday a rub of the head.

Jane took another drag and nodded. "Fine." They were silent for a moment. "You seem to be more settled Dolly." Jane commented, partly to deflect the attention from her.

Dolly looked back in the direction of Peter and the house thoughtfully. "They're not so bad once you get to know them. I think some of the girls just wanted to make me certain of my place and now they leave me alone, I have made a few good friends."

Jane smiled kindly. "Good, I'm pleased."

Dolly shifted on her spot and made to say something then stopped; Jane caught the movement and eyed her curiously.

"I heard you have been making friends of your own Jane, and some fine ones at that." Dolly stared at the ground.

"I suppose Miss Dawson has had plenty to say on the subject in your hearing Dolly?" Jane asked.

Dolly shrugged a little. "She isn't the only one who doesn't like it Jane." She said in a firm voice.

Jane sighed as she reached the end of her cigarette.

Dolly looked directly at her now. "My Mama used to warn me about getting involved with them Jane. A ladies maid, one day you are their closest ally and confidant and the next; just part of the furniture. You need a real friend Jane; you know you can count on me."

Jane had started with a frown but had realised Dolly's heart was almost definitely in the right place.

"Thanks for the concern Doll but I can look after myself." Jane assured.

Dolly nodded as if she had anticipated this response. "Just be careful."

Jane pushed off the wall as Dolly moved back to the house.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane almost collided with Lady Maura in the hallway not long after the hunting party had returned to the house.

"Jane." Maura stated as _she_ recovered from the near mishap first.

"Lady Maura." Jane said coolly, she was completely unprepared for an encounter and felt a little nauseous. "How was the hunt?" she smiled casually.

"Invigorating, it is the perfect day for it, I wish you could have joined us Jane." Maura's smile shone enthusiastically and Jane melted, she wished for a moment that she had been the cause of such a look of joy in the other woman.

"I would have enjoyed the ride but I'm not one for the hunt." Jane offered.

Maura nodded as Jane spoke.

"We need to talk." Jane said quietly, barely looking at Maura.

"Of course." Maura said clearly. "However I still have guests at the moment Jane. I'll come to you as soon as I am able." She placed a familiar hand at Jane's wrist and Jane gazed at her questioningly.

"Of course." Jane said after a moment and Maura moved off, continuing down the corridor without further hesitation, leaving Jane to wonder how Maura could be so unmoved and impossible to fathom with Jane had spent the day looking and feeling completely wretched.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane was nodding off slightly in the chair trying to read a novel she had picked up at Maura's recommendation when the door opened and Maura hurried inside.

"Jane." She said standing in front of her. "I'm sorry I couldn't come until now, but Diana decided she and Giles would stay on another night and I really couldn't get away."

"That's alright Lady Maura; I understand that you have been busy." Jane said studying Maura for any clue as to how this conversation might go and not finding any.

"I suppose you wanted to speak with me about last night, but there really is no need, I am sorry Jane; I shouldn't have let things get out of hand, it won't happen again." Maura said clearly.

Jane frowned but didn't offer any further response.

"It is understandable that a bond of friendship such as ours that has formed so intensely, which has taken us both by surprise, would find its boundaries unclear and undefined." Maura said twisting her hands together.

Jane let her continue.

"I have never felt such a connection Jane, even with my oldest friends and I should have been more wary of the direction in which we found ourselves headed last night, it just had not seemed a possibility to me." Maura said honestly, still standing by the wall as if afraid to come fully into the room.

"I hadn't truly considered my feelings either until that moment." Jane admitted.

Maura stopped her from going on with a pleading look. "It is good that this matter arose now and that we can be on our guard in the future."

Jane frowned. "But the feelings that you've awoken in me Maura…" Jane stood and took a step closer.

"Feelings are just that Jane, they can be managed, actions are another matter entirely, actions have consequences, and some actions have terrible consequences. I don't wish that on either of us Jane and aside from that I don't wish our relationship to be tainted by secrecy, shame, or guilt." Maura had held her hands out haltingly as Jane approached her.

Jane shook her head at her own stupidity, what did she actually think could come of this, she realised that Maura was right, she was a Lady, she was due to be married and what could Jane really offer her? A sordid affair, a fling that could jeopardise the best relationship she had ever had and could ruin them both.

"Do you think we can really just forget this ever happened?" Jane asked anxiously closing in on Maura and taking her hand firmly.

"Can you not find it in yourself to love me as your very dearest friend, just as I cherish and shall remain devoted to you?" Maura begged.

"I want to Maura, really I do." Jane looked away and shook her head.

"Then we shall survive this Jane, we shall be as we ever were, I shall love you as I have since the day we first rode together and you shall remain my treasured friend. This confusion will pass." Maura assured.

Jane could almost believe in it when Maura spoke thus, but as Lady Maura brushed a stray hair from Jane's face and kissed her cheek, Jane knew they were headed for tremendous disaster.

**A/N- Let me know your thoughts as ever! For those of you also reading RATE, I will be back with an update as soon as I possibly can. Wednesday at the very latest. x**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N- Hey all, little bit of a viewpoint change for the next few chapters, looking at things from Maura's side. Hope it works for ya. Let me know.**

Ashby 9

Maura woke from a very deep but hardly refreshing sleep; she felt she had spent the night in frightful torment at the hands of strange dreams involving, at first her Mother then Mr Dawson and even Jane. Maura had dreamt of Jane before now and had always woken in a kind on blissful contentment that lasted with her the whole day through but lately the dreams almost imitating life had turned slightly sour; filled with fear and longing.

Maura could hear the quiet sounds of the housemaid bringing her fireplace to life and shrank back into her bed; surrounded by the heavy embroidered curtains that closed her off from the rest of the world. Today Maura felt that she would quite like to stay hidden in the seclusion her bed offered; as if it might be a small desert island that no one else could reach, however she knew that should she fail to rise from her bed all manner of fuss would break out, her Father would be the first in to see her and he would no doubt call for the family doctor, he was so very wary of illness due to his experiences with her Mother. And so her little oasis could not last and Maura would do just as well to be up and about as usual.

Maura would send a letter to Jane to explain she would not be able to join her for this morning's ride. Another thing that had changed since Christmas; before then Maura would wake with hope in her heart every morning at the thought of starting her day beside Jane and yet this morning she felt she could barley face her.

Maura had begun to look at herself in a strange new light since she had realised the feelings she was harbouring for her best friend; her starting point was always to consult science and medicine and she had gone back to her old journals and articles to look for explanation and understanding.

Maura had delved into the work of Krafft-Ebing "Psychopathia sexualis" A clinical forensic paper with case studies presented from all manner of people describing their love and desire for members of their own sex. Krafft-Ebing proposed a theory of homosexuality; as he called it, as biologically anomalous and originating in the embryonic and fetal stages of gestation, which evolved into a "sexual inversion" of the brain.

An English man called Havelock Ellis had published his own work on sexual inversion but Maura found that the more of these studies she read the more questions she came away with and rather than finding answers in the authors conclusions she was more struck by the life stories and declarations of love that people made and could never seem to avoid. Maura felt finally that science had not yet found satisfactory answers for her yet.

Maura was wholly unsure if any of these theories fit her, the feelings she had for Jane had not been fully explored; she had not allowed herself to express or act upon her desire and maybe if she did, she would quickly find that it was only a fancy born from their closeness and that it would pass easily without further issue. It was easy for Maura to convince herself of this when she was going about her daily life, when she was distracted by duties or by guests, when she was out with Diana. Diana's presence over Christmas had served as a constant reminder to Maura of how others may judge the way she was feeling. When Maura had caught herself thinking of Jane in the presence of one of her oldest friends she had felt a sense of shame and guilt. What would Diana say if she had any knowledge of Maura's feelings or if she and Jane were ever to act upon their feelings again and be discovered.

Maura had wanted immediately to discuss the research with Jane, with her best friend but was a little reluctant to bring up questions when they were supposed to be putting all of this behind them, she didn't want to cause Jane further discomfort. However Maura's curiosity and desire for answers got the better of her one morning on their usual ride and Jane had appeared to be in a more relaxed mood than she had been of late. The pair trotted side by side; along their usual path, back toward the house when Maura posed her bold question.

"Have you ever had a friend like this before Jane?" She had blurted.

Jane was slightly taken aback but thought carefully before she formed a reply.

"I had a best friend at home but I have never had a best friend like you before Lady Maura." Jane grinned but Maura frowned; not sure exactly what to take from this.

Maura detested ambiguity in others, though of course she relied on it heavily herself. Why didn't people just speak more literally?

Sensing Maura's confusion Jane asked. "Have you ever had a best friend before?"

"No." Maura replied honestly. Emma and Diana were friends who were really more like family; they had grown up being thrown together without much choice in the matter and were more like sisters of a sort.

"You'd tell me if you were an automaton, right? Jane teased.

"No, I don't think I would." Maura replied facetiously. Maura had never thought of herself as having much of a sense of humour but with Jane she found the teasing and irony that had often bewildered her, came naturally and she even enjoyed it.

They chuckled in unison and then sighed into a comfortable peace until Maura once again posed her question.

"I meant to ask, have you ever had romantic feelings for a friend before, have you ever acted upon those feelings with anyone….else?" Maura finished self consciously, looking away from Jane.

Jane carefully guided her almost tamed horse along the path before turning to look at Maura as she answered.

"I have never felt about anybody ever, the way I feel about you." Jane said with an intensity that caused a shiver to pass through Maura and she flushed lightly.

Maura suddenly noticed how close they had come to the house and having to each go their separate way. Maura slid expertly from her horse and turned to Jane who also began to dismount.

"Thank you Jane." Maura said quietly before reaching for the woman's hand and squeezing it tightly, and with that she had moved away to hand her reins over to a nearby footman.

Jane and Maura had ridden together a number of times since Christmas, since their talk; whenever the weather permitted, but Maura was aware of the subtle change between them. It was more evident in Jane's case of course, but Maura felt it too.

One of the things that had initially endeared Jane to Maura was the transparency of her every emotion. If Jane disliked something she could not quite manage to disguise the fact and it probably wouldn't even occur to her to try. Likewise if Jane was impressed or pleased by something; it was etched clearly in her every feature. It made it almost unbearable now that Maura could see Jane holding back, keeping things to herself, innocent remarks she once would have made without thought she now kept guarded as if every word may betray some forbidden feeling.

Maura couldn't help but notice the stark contrast between Jane's honesty and openness and her own behaviour. Maura who could never permit herself to lie outright and on occasion when she had attempted it; had been taken rather ill, but whom had spent most of her adult life learning to master and practice the art of diplomacy and diversion and the constant polite concealment of her true thoughts and feelings.

Maura got up and out of the bed as she heard Stewart moving around in the dressing room, arranging Maura's outfit for the day and pouring out the water for her to wash.

Maura was still finding it difficult to adjust to this young girl who had been with her almost a month now and still moved in an unfamiliar, awkward way or so it seemed to Maura.

Maura had inherited her Mothers ladies maid upon her death and had been grateful both for the connection she felt to her mother via Hartley and also the woman's wealth of experience, which had often quietly comforted and advised Lady Maura within her new role as Lady of the house. Alas Hartley who had been with her Mother since she arrived in England as a young girl from France had become too elderly to attend Maura; she suffered with arthritis and found it impossible to sew and mend and fasten the many buttons and laces that littered Maura's gowns. Maura had been sad to see her go and though one of Hartley's final task's had included recommending her niece Liza Stewart as a suitable replacement, Maura just didn't feel comfortable in the cold hands of this intruder; Maura would like to blame poor circulation for the icy touch but couldn't help feel it was due to the cold nature of the girl.

Poor Stewart had probably picked up on her Ladyships discomfort and it had made her timid and fearful from the very beginning, a condition which had scarcely improved and which each seemed to perpetuate in the other; the more the girl would nervously fumble with Maura's toilette, the more Maura would tense and stiffen and frown, hence making the girl even more afflicted with anxiety. Maura did sympathise and only ever had kind words for Stewart but they both knew that each was unhappy with the other.

This morning Maura remained silent as Stewart coaxed her into her dress, this morning Maura could not even bring herself to bother with a very small kindness. Maura looked at her reflection as Stewart set to work securing the garments, she felt with every strap that was tightened, every piece of fabric covering every inch of skin helped her to become the Lady she must be, and when the make-up was applied and hair was put neatly in its place her transformation would be complete, the loss of self almost total.

Xxxxxxxx

Maura sat at the breakfast table with Natalie and her Mother, Maura's Father and of course Mr Dawson. Maura pushed a piece of toast and honey around her plate and sipped at her earl grey tea.

Natalie nattered incessantly to her mother about how empty and dull the house felt now she had witnessed it alive with the guests and gaiety of Christmas and the hunt. Natalie longed for London now she had a taste of the attention she may expect to receive whilst there. Now everyday was begun with a revealing update on the fashions of London and which recently purchased dress may come in use for which highly anticipated event.

Maura had watched Miss Dawson with Diana's brother and his friend from Eton who had arrived at the last minute to join the hunt and couldn't help but suspect that given a little encouragement she could prove to be a consummate flirt.

Maura's attention was drawn to Mr Dawson who interrupted Lord Ashby's newspaper reading yet again with some profound observation of his; her father's answer coming in the form of a grunt. Since Dawson's arrival he had seen fit to woo her father more than her; which suited Maura well but was becoming increasingly tiresome for her poor Papa. She had heard Dawson more than once declaring himself the son Lord Ashby had never been blessed with. Maura knew that the sentiment was empty and that her Father would take it as such but she couldn't help feel affronted on both her Mother and her own part, and disgusted at the suggestion that her family would ever have produced such a specimen as son and heir.

"Maura, what are your plans for today my dear?" Lord Ashby asked as he gave up on his newspaper and searched the table for some sensible conversation.

"I have a few trifles to speak with Mrs Brenham about this morning and some reading to do before the bookseller visits me this afternoon, Papa." Maura offered.

"Nothing too taxing then." Dawson threw at her, tucking into a hearty fried breakfast.

Maura smiled politely but remained silent.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura spoke with the housekeeper to make clear the final arrangements for the packing up of the house; which servants would be coming with the family, and what exactly were Maura's wishes and instruction as to Mrs Brenham's responsibilities whilst they were absent. Maura had ordered contractors to come in and to attend to various repairs such as re-upholstery and the re-decorating of some of the rooms that would be used by Mr Dawson after their wedding, and she had to leave all her specifications in the capable hands of the long-time family housekeeper.

As the lengthy interview drew to a close Maura thanked Mrs Brenham for her patience and left to seek out the sanctuary of her library. As she made down the hallway she passed by the study where she knew by now that Jane would be working conscientiously; she couldn't hear a thing as she slowed outside the door, and for a frightful moment thought that maybe Jane wasn't there, maybe she was gone, maybe she had ridden on her own this morning and had been thrown, her broken body lying in a ditch. The temptation to see her overtook Maura and she knocked solidly before entering the room.

Jane only looked up briefly then sighed as she looked back at her papers and waited for Maura to come fully into the room.

Maura approached the desk coyly; now that she had ascertained Jane's presence and calmed her sudden irrational fear, she was at a loss as to what she would speak with her about. As she edged closer she caught sight of the note she had hastily scribbled to Jane this morning, she could see clearly that it had been screwed into a tiny ball and then opened out again and firmly flattened and held in place by a small paper weight at the side of the desk.

"Good morning Jane." Maura began. "I'm sorry I couldn't make our usual outing this morning." Maura said sincerely.

Jane looked up from beneath a heavily set brow. "I'm surprised to see you." Jane said finally. "I thought perhaps you were avoiding me." Jane admitted with a slight shrug.

Maura realised that she had been careless not to consider that Jane would be upset by her absence this morning but now she saw how it may seem like avoidance or a snub.

It had been almost two weeks since the night that she and Jane had kissed and they had met every day since; Maura wanted very much for Jane to feel like they could continue their friendship as happily as ever but she had anticipated that they may run into a few complications or misunderstandings.

"I was exhausted today Jane, I didn't mean my nonappearance as a reflection on you or as a rejection of any kind. The fact that I found my way here even before lunch should tell you that I can't bear the long day here without at least a small portion of it being spent in your company."

Jane softened and smiled at Maura as she leaned back and dragged a hand across her hair, loosening several tendrils to fall around her face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken it to heart, I know you're busy and you don't have to explain to me if you don't feel up to the ride. Maybe I'm a little insecure at the moment."

Maura frowned at Jane. "That's understandable Jane; I have felt that things have been a little strained between us since Christmas." Maura thought but would never say; since we kissed, since we recognised our feelings for each other, since we agreed that what we both want; would never be.

Jane looked a little tense and rose from her seat to walk to the window, turning her back on Maura. "I have been thinking." Jane began. "That if this becomes too difficult, the best thing for me to do would be to return to America."

Maura's breath froze, her blood stopped flowing and her stomach lurched like a ship at sea. The only outward reaction she gave was a hand raised to her cheek as if soothing a physical blow; she steadied herself before she spoke from her side of the room.

"It won't come to that Jane, please tell me it cannot. I am unable to contemplate my life without you by my side." Jane turned as she heard the hardly distinguishable crack in Maura's voice. "I know it may sound selfish…." Maura broke off and steadied herself once again.

Jane took a step toward Maura before stopping and clenching a fist. "If you need me Lady Maura you know I couldn't desert you but you should think carefully about this; it may be the best thing for all."

Maura could see the strength Jane was using to make this proposal calmly and she in turn took strength from that. "I will think about what you've said, but know that my initial reaction is one of horror at the mere possibility." Maura took a seat as she regained further composure and waited for Jane to take her usual post in the seat opposite.

"Now, I have a bookseller coming this afternoon, he brings me the usual fashion periodicals, Strand Magazine and the Times society pages; with some medical journals I tell him are for Papa of course. Natalie wishes an order to be made for the London Illustrated news; which sensationalist reporting I'm sure will only serve to make her ever more frivolous and giddy about her upcoming season."

Jane smiled both at the comment and observation of Miss Dawson and also at the statement Maura was trying to make with her comfortable chatter, a friendly piece of normality and a commitment to making their relationship work.

"I wondered if you would like me to order some books for you." Maura smiled patiently as she waited for Jane to respond.

"That would be good, we have a long journey ahead of us; we are going to need all the distractions we can get our hands on." Jane half smiled at the double meaning in her words.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

As Maura left the study some minutes later she was met by Mr Dawson hovering just outside the door.

"Ah, I thought I heard voices." He declared with a grin as Maura came to a halt in front of him.

"Mr Dawson." Maura addressed him with a respectful incline of her head.

"Lady Maura, were you searching for me perhaps?" He asked.

"No." She shook her head quickly. "I had a matter to discuss with Jane, that is; I was enquiring into whether I could be of assistance in obtaining any publications for Ms Rizzoli, as you know I am meeting with my bookseller shortly." Maura slightly over explained.

"I see." Dawson nodded thoughtfully. "Well, I assure you that if Ms Rizzoli needs anything in her line of duty she is capable of making arrangements for that; indeed I believe she already receives several business papers and the financial times."

"Of course." Maura nodded as Mr Dawson moved to pass her and take a hold of the door knob.

As Dawson opened the door Maura had a sudden deep urge to be inside the room with the pair so that she could witness their interaction. Maura realised there was another way she could do just that, she knew this how and all its secrets well. Maura slipped unheard into the Library next door and crept quickly over to the far bookshelf to where she knew the exact location of a small golden button that pushed inward and upward to release the hinges of a hidden door.

Maura pulled the door out just enough to allow her to slip into the gap there and click the door back into place behind her. This gap was the start of a passage which led quickly to a set of stone steps down to the cellar. Maura had often hidden here as a child when important guests were due to visit Ashby and her Mother was keen to parade her in front of them; she would sit with a candle and a book and wait until her Father would finally come and find her out, he being desperately caught in the middle of keeping both his girls happy.

Maura had not had time to bring a candle today and the passage was impossibly dark and cold, Maura wasn't bothered by the temperature however as the guilt she burned with at the deception she was committing kept her quite warm enough.

Maura could hear the murmuring of familiar voices and she moved her head against the study wall; she could just make out most of the words spoken.

"I see Lady Maura has been to see you this morning Jane. I do wonder what you women find you have in common, she is quite a different species to you." Dawson said seriously. "If she is distracting you from your work, you must say so and I will advise her of it."

"That's quite alright." Jane told him. "It can be quite lonely work; it is nice to have a friend." Jane said cheerfully.

"She doesn't ask questions about the business I take it? Ever ask to look at the books or enquire as to finances?" He asked suspiciously.

"Never." Jane said firmly. "I don't believe she is at all interested in money."

"We are all interested in money Ms Rizzoli, you must realise that." Dawson said incredulously.

Jane made no reply, or none that Maura could decipher.

"Between you and; I find her quite the cold fish, I must say, rather dull; but if you enjoy her company then so be it." Dawson said and as he was about to head for the door Maura picked up on the sound of Jane's chair as she rose from her seat.

"On the contrary Mr Dawson I find Lady Maura very stimulating, she is well read and has a great deal of knowledge with a great passion to share it, she is a good friend and I am loyal to and protective of my friends, just as I am loyal to you in all professional and business matters, you need have no concerns on that front."

For a moment there was complete silence and Maura longed to see the expressions on each of their faces, instead she made her way quietly along the passage until she felt the wooden rail that indicated the top of the steps to the cellar. Maura made her way down these and cautiously scrambled around shelving and boxes toward where she knew the main stairs that led up to the servants hall to be.

As Maura followed the light that streamed down from the upstairs rooms and began to climb the stairs she could make out two figures at the top of them. A young girl leant back against the wall as a young man leant in towards her, his hand lay flat on the wall beside her head, he seemed to whisper something in her ear and Maura could see the girl slightly turn away from him.

Maura climbed a little higher in order to watch them more closely, again feeling guilt at her new occupation as voyeur, but again overcome by sheer curiosity.

"Will you come out with me when we get to London then?" The man said quietly.

"I think I will be quite busy on my one day off a month Peter, I don't know what business I may have to take care of." The American lilt told Maura that the girl was Natalie's maid.

"We could go out late, just me and you, they have places in London that stay open all night long, my cousin told me of it." The young man bragged.

"That would hardly be proper Peter." The girl protested somewhat sarcastically.

Maura moved out of the shadows now and they both turned at the same time to see her there.

The maid gasped and moved out of the young man's reach, whilst he stood firm and nodded to Maura.

"We didn't know you were down there My Lady. Is there anything I can help you with? Are you looking for something? Only Mr Thompson would be scandalised if he thought you had to go searching for something in person."

Maura admired the young man's audacity but knew that his confidence would, no doubt one day get him into a lot of trouble.

"I am fine thank you, no need to disturb Mr Thompson; I wanted a quick look over things before leaving." Maura explained.

"Of course My Lady." The young man said as he stepped aside to let Maura pass and make her way out of the servant's hall and quickly back upstairs before she should meet anyone else.

Maura couldn't imagine what the pair must think of her shuffling around in the cellar with no light, though perhaps they would be too distracted by their own affairs. Maura reprimanded herself harshly for her shocking behaviour today and decided that the sooner they were all in London where she would have more distractions, the better.

**A/N- So let me know if the change is okay, I think it's interesting to see the other side of things. Next chapter- London. **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- Hey all, sorry it was a while but it is a longish chapter so hope that helps. New character and lots of build up in this one**.

Ashby 10

Maura had spent half the year at the house in Tavistock Square for countless years, since her coming out, but many times before then; her Mother had loved to spend the season in London; she had adored the balls, the gatherings, even the gossip and the scandals, the sheer socialising. Maura's mother had been the perfect host, the perfect guest and generally perfect for town.

Maura however was not her Mother; she had always accepted the change from country to town as one accepts the changing of the seasons; with a familiar inevitability. Maura felt she would never fully conquer her feeling of being socially awkward no matter how practiced in politeness she became and had often considered it a blessing that her Mother had not borne witness to her failings. Maura's heart belonged in Ashby and always would.

It had been almost a fortnight since they had arrived in town and for the first few days Maura had been obliged to join the cattle market that was the early morning ride in Hyde Park; so that she could make introductions of the Dawson family to some of the key families on the scene.

After the first few days however Diana had swept into town; happily received by both Miss Dawson and Maura and had taken over these introductions and taken Miss Dawson firmly under her wing. This fortunate turn of events, released Maura to some degree and she had been able to do some shopping with Jane in Knightsbridge and at Burlington Arcade, they had also arranged a visit to the British Library and The National Gallery. Maura was enjoying seeing London through the eyes of a visitor and Jane seemed keen to take everything in; patiently indulging Maura in her self appointed role as tour guide.

When Maura had taken Jane to the gallery and shown her some of the great art work; particularly the Italian pieces that Maura adored, Jane had listened quietly to Maura praise the rigid geometric control evident in Piero del Pollaiolo's Martyrdom of Saint Sebastian. Jane's response had been that in America they had paintings of dogs playing poker! Maura was becoming an expert in detecting Jane's teasing and despite plenty of it, she knew Jane was interested and having a good time.

When Maura received a reply to the note she had sent to Emma she had been pleased and longed to introduce her oldest friend to her latest. Maura felt that Emma would appreciate Jane in a way that Diana certainly did not. Diana could not see past Jane's status as middle class and a working woman, she could not fathom Maura's interest in her. Emma was different and always had been; she was less impressed by a title or a name and more interested in the person.

Maura had long harboured some feelings of envy toward Emma; she was free in a way that Maura could never hope to be. Emma who, like Maura had an indulgent Father but unlike Maura had been fortunate enough to have an older brother; the son and heir to inherit the family wealth. When Emma's Father the Earl had passed away three years ago he had left provision in his last will and testament for an annuity of £2000 to be paid annually to his Daughter. Emma would never be obliged to marry for any reason other than her hearts own desire.

As was Emma's wish; she spent most of the year in town, keeping house for her brother; who had recently married and was travelling around Europe with his new bride, and committing herself entirely to the new women's movement.

To Maura, Emma had always seemed free in other ways, even as a teenager she had cared little for other people's opinions or judgements of her and although she did like to keep her brother happy and shied away from scandal for scandals sake, she always acted in accordance with her own convictions; a luxury indeed.

XXxxxxxxxxxx

"Maura Darling!" Exclaimed Emma rushing towards her friend as she and Jane entered the little tea shop on Regent Street. Emma flung her arms open wide for Maura to step into. "It's so delightful to have you here at last." She stepped back in order to take in a full view of Maura from top to toe. "I've missed you dreadfully." Emma gave Maura's hand a firm squeeze.

Maura considered her friend for a moment; she had changed very little in the months since they had last met. Emma had always had a very natural look, her hair swept simply away from her face and only a hint of make up over her round face and features and plump pink cheeks. Maura had always thought Emma to be the embodiment of the phrase "English rose" and she was clearly in full bloom at this moment.

"Emma dear, you look so well. I have missed you of course." Maura said somewhat shyly. "May I introduce you to Ms Jane Rizzoli; she has been staying with us at Ashby as Mr Dawson's assistant in business and has become a great friend of mine." Maura said and turned her body towards Jane inviting her into their interaction.

Emma took a small step toward Jane and took her hand firmly in both of her own, shaking vigorously up and down. "It is an absolute pleasure, Ms Rizzoli." She said with a warm, wide smile.

Jane mirrored the smile."It's good to finally make your acquaintance Lady Emma."

"Oh just Emma." The other woman interjected "We don't bother with formalities in the movement, how can we expect to convince men that we are people in our own right if we remain divided by class and status." Emma said quickly, and then looked apologetically toward Maura.

"I am sorry Ms Rizzoli, I didn't mean to preach at you, I shall steer clear of any talk on the cause for today, though I can't promise not to try and recruit you when next we meet." Emma admitted cheerfully.

Jane smiled. "I'll look forward to it." She replied politely.

They ordered tea and were soon chatting comfortably as old friends and new will tend to do. Emma sharing old stories of growing up with Maura, idle reminiscing; nothing too personal or damning and some rather complementary tales with only a slight flourish or embellishment for entertainment sake.

"Oh Maura I had almost forgotten the time that Diana twisted her ankle during the Marquess of Abergevenny's ball and danced on for two more dances to avoid making a scene." Emma recalled.

"Yes I do, I remember exactly the sight when she finally revealed it to us; it had ballooned to twice its original size!" Maura said in a horrified way.

"Yes, you scolded her terribly; but you did go off and fetch her some ice and then sat across from her in the carriage and held her foot in your lap all the way home." Emma said fondly.

"Well she had torn the anterior talo-fibular ligament; in which case it is important to elevate and massage so as to reduce swelling." Maura explained.

"Indeed." Emma commented gazing at Maura from over the rim of her tea cup with an indulgent smile and then stealing a glance at an amused Jane.

The pleasant memories and the obvious affection the friends had for each other proved to be infectious as Maura noticed Jane smiling as she quietly observed their interaction.

"I'm sorry Jane." Emma said. "All this talk of the old days must be frightfully dull for you."

"Not at all, I enjoy hearing more about Maura; you know she doesn't talk much about herself so it is good to hear from someone who knows her so well." Jane assured.

Maura blushed at this; slightly uncomfortable at being the centre of attention, even amongst friends.

"I could speak of Maura all day, although I would wager she would not wish it and I would like to hear more of you Jane. You are from Boston?" Emma asked.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Dawson was a little quiet as dinner came to a close that evening, Maura assumed that he was as tired of listening to his sisters incessant natter as she was herself but as she got up with the other women to leave the table he addressed her directly and asked that she step into the morning room for a brief discussion before she retired for the evening. Maura could do nothing but acquiesce, though she could not think what he may wish to speak with her about. Engagement party plans were all in place and were discussed over the dinner table rather than in private meetings.

Maura did not take a seat but paced nervously around the room as she waited for Mr Dawson to join her. He strode in casually and took out a cigar; he proceeded to light it and as an afterthought asked Maura if she minded if he smoked. Maura shook her head silently in response.

"In two days time we must stand in front of the cream of English society and announce our engagement and come to think of it we have hardly exchanged more than a few pleasantries since we met." He said thoughtfully.

"I suppose." Maura agreed warily.

"So I thought we could pass a day in each other's company tomorrow; if you have no prior engagement." Dawson said

"Nothing I cannot rearrange if you wish." Maura said reasonably.

Dawson took a long drag of his cigar and unashamedly looked Maura up and down rather as if he was trying to value a piece of merchandise or a grade of wool.

"We won't ever be sweethearts Maura, I think us both rather long in the tooth for any of that nonsense, however it would be much easier for us both if we could consent to being friends or even comrades." He took another drag of his cigar and a huge cloud of thick smoke enveloped him.

"I suppose it would be sensible to try and find some common ground." Maura agreed.

"Ms Rizzoli tells me you have an interest in Medicine." Dawson announced.

Maura looked up at him, slightly startled by the mention of Jane and unsure as to why he was bringing this up now, she nodded and uttered a word of confirmation.

"Well I thought I would arrange a tour of St Thomas Hospital, I have met a representative who says they are constantly looking for benefactors; I'm sure they would be more than happy to oblige us." Dawson remarked confidently.

Maura was stunned. "That would be very agreeable; it boasts the first operating theatre in Britain; housed in the roof of a Baroque church." Maura began before cutting herself off quickly.

"Then I shall let them know to expect us." Dawson declared rather pleased with himself and with that he excused Maura and went to join her Father for a night cap.

To say that Maura was surprised by this conversation would have been an understatement of huge proportions; she was flabbergasted. The fact that Jane had obviously had some involvement in this sudden interest in her from Dawson was the most disturbing thing of all. Did Jane wish for Dawson and Maura to become more involved so that any risks of intimacy between she and Jane would be reduced? The thought was an absurd one and Maura couldn't believe that this would be Jane's motivation, but could think of no other.

Unless Dawson had asked for Jane's assistance to win Maura around, however based on what Maura had overheard them discuss at Ashby she didn't think that Jane would feel obliged to act in Dawson's interest on a personal matter. Maura thought of Dawson and Jane discussing her interests and concerns; the idea turned her stomach.

However Maura supposed that Dawson was right; if they were to make a marriage at all bearable it would be wise to at least be on friendly terms.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The friends had elected to lunch at the Savoy; just the three of them. Maura was at least relieved that she wouldn't be made to witness further the blossoming of Jane and Emma's new friendship. Maura had discovered that morning; as she was on her way to meet with Dawson for a dutiful visit to a great friend of her Fathers; that Jane had spent yesterday with Emma visiting the publishing house of one of the women's magazines Emma wrote for.

This was not the first occasion that Emma and Jane had spent time together without Maura since she had introduced them and Maura recognised she was feeling overwhelmingly jealous. Maura had become a little busier herself as the date of the engagement party drew closer and as she and Dawson had been striving to make an acrimonious partnership and she acknowledged that she had reluctantly neglected Jane somewhat.

Diana had seated them perfectly to see and be seen; they had an excellent view of the ballroom with all its comings and goings, much to Emma's annoyance. At Emma's scowl, following Diana's third exclamation over the sight of an eligible young man; Diana simple chuckled and explained that she had slipped quite naturally back to her youth whilst on her crusade to assist Miss Dawson in bagging a suitable husband.

"You know we have secured enough invitations to the right events, with the best families to almost fill the season completely and I am sure that Natalie's pleasant nature and sweet disposition can only secure her further popularity." Diana said with an excited and satisfied tensing and rising of her shoulders.

Emma rolled her eyes at Maura and sighed.

"She is so looking forward to the engagement party tomorrow Maura and then you know she has her first real ball next week. I do hope she has mastered the Waltz by then; she favours a Virginia reel of course. Rupert has offered to tutor her if necessary, the dear." Maura's eyebrows rose as Diana went on; undeterred by Emma's lack of interest.

"Isn't it good to have all three of us together again?" Maura declared as Diana paused.

Maura's role within the friends group had long ago slipped into being the peacekeeper between Diana and Emma. As the girls had grown up together; the pair had grown more different in personality and interests and without Maura to bridge the gap their relationship would likely had broken down completely.

Emma smiled and leant forward placing a gloved hand neatly over Maura's smaller one.

"It is Maura. The three musketeers; Ms Rizzoli has dubbed us." Emma chuckled to herself.

Maura forced a sweet smile.

"I might have known you'd be another fan of Ms Rizzoli. You can't seem to get enough of the middle classes these days, what with the great woman question." Diana said drolly.

Emma bit her lip and Maura jumped in again.

"Look over there Diana, isn't that Sir David Astley dining alone with Miss Georgina Hamilton?"

Diana's head almost did a complete rotation; much like an owl, her eyes searching for prey. Emma gave Maura a grateful look, unaware that Maura's motivation for the distraction was as much to avoid talk of Jane as it was to interrupt Diana's disparaging remarks.

The air left Diana's body in a sudden disappointed gush and her shoulders sagged as a third party joined the couple that Maura had pointed out and the prospect of some small scandal vanished. Diana turned back to the table.

"So, I hear that you and Dawson are on decidedly better terms since you arrived in town." Diana said to Maura.

"I suppose we have been spending a little time together on the necessary visits and he did take me to see St Thomas Hospital which was fascinating." Maura remarked carefully.

"Well I am glad you are thawing out a little Maura, he isn't as bad as all that and things between you at Ashby were incredibly icy." Diana acted out a little shiver as she spoke.

Maura was quiet as she considered this. It was strange to think of it but she had warmed slightly to Dawson, once you got over his loud, showy behaviour; which Maura felt was just his way of over compensating with people he felt he needed to impress; because of his humble beginnings, he was just a rather harmless and shallow type of man.

Maura felt Dawson would probably be much too busy with business and flaunting his wealth to bother overly with her once they were married and they could probably get on quite well living side by side, she didn't want to dwell too much on the physical side of the relationship; that would come all too soon. All she really knew at the moment was that she had never felt in his presence a scrap of the passion she felt with Jane in their brief intimacy.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The party was a success; everyone of note had arrived and people seemed to be having a good time. The dancing had begun as was customary with the more formal quadrille and then movied onto the more intimate slow waltz and the foxtrot. In between dances her Papa had made a very eloquent speech that had touched Maura, making her feel a little emotional and she was relieved that she had kept her dance card free for the majority of the remainder of the evening.

Maura retired to the parlour where refreshments were being served and made polite conversation with guests she had yet to speak with, all the time aware that Emma and Jane were seated at the edge of the room and deep in conversation. The jealousy that had simmered in Maura for the last week began to boil. Tonight somehow made her impending marriage so much more real and she felt she needed the support of friends, however Diana was getting as giddy as Natalie over the young girls dance card and her two dearest friends seemed to be more interested in each other than in her.

Maura politely excused herself from her present company and made her way over to her friends, who looked up as she approached and stiffened, abruptly ending their conversation.

"Lady Maura. What a triumph the party seems to be, you must be pleased." Jane said politely.

Maura frowned, she couldn't help it. Jane seemed so suddenly distant and Maura longed for Ashby where they could be alone together and where Maura had known what Jane was doing, what she was thinking, how she felt. All Maura knew now was confusion.

"Yes it is going well." Maura said gazing into her drink.

At that moment Emma spotted a family friend and excused herself suddenly and Maura was finally left with Jane. There was an awkward silence as Maura slowly sat beside Jane.

"You and Emma seem to be enjoying one another's company rather." Maura commented tartly, though Jane seemed to completely miss the tone.

"Yes, I suppose you were right when you said that we would get on, she is a really interesting person, she can be a little much; when she starts in on women's rights of course but she really has some great ideas too. The publishing house she took me to was almost completely managed and operated by women; I've never seen anything like it." Jane rambled on. "And one of the high class ladies there was wearing bloomers and rides a bicycle everywhere. I wish you could have seen it." Jane grinned.

"Well unfortunately I wasn't invited." Maura said curtly and this time there was no mistaking the edge in her voice.

Jane frowned and edged a little closer firmly sticking a smile back on her face as she quietly and slowly spoke. "Maybe that's because you were a little busy with your intended. Which reminds me as this is your official engagement party; may I offer my congratulations."

Maura winced at the remark and her lower jaw trembled, she shot Jane a hurt look and rose.

Jane immediately followed the action, a look of regret on her face as she reached for a retreating Maura and tried to pull her back with a hand on Maura's arm. Maura span to face Jane, just out of reach and said clearly.

"Ms Rizzoli, you forget yourself." Maura was stony faced once again.

Jane glanced at the ground and then took one step toward Maura. "No my Lady, I think you forget yourself." And with that Jane left Maura standing, and took her leave.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura hadn't managed to speak with Jane for the next hour, she desperately wanted to, but duty as ever had proved an insurmountable obstacle; She had been forced to discuss weddings and honeymoons with almost every person in the house and had the whole conversation rehearsed so many times now that she could recite it whilst inwardly torturing herself with thoughts of Jane.

Maura could not locate Jane or Emma and so had gone to seek out her Father whom she found had, with Dawson as his accomplice; set up a game of Black Jack in one of the adjoining rooms.

Maura was making her way back to the ballroom when she heard a sound from further along the corridor, it sounded like a whimper and a shuffling and Maura could not imagine what it could be; she was afraid to look even as she was drawn to investigate. Maura rounded a corner and found she was looking directly into Jane's face over the shoulder of a woman she recognised instantly as Emma. Jane seemed to have two arms around Emma's waist as the slightly shorter woman had her head burrowed into Jane's shoulder and Emma seemed to be crying violently with silent but heavy sobs.

As Maura's eyes met Jane's she struggled to interpret what she found there and turned away quickly; feeling that she had stumbled upon a private moment which she was intruding upon. Maura fled.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N- I know, bit of a mean place to leave it but will post the next chapter fall out soon as most of it is done. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- A short but sweet update I think you'll agree.**

Ashby 11

Most of the guests had left, save a few men who lingered in the small room where a friendly game of cards seemed to be turning into some quite competitive gambling.

Maura had taken a moment to calm her nerves following the scene she had stumbled upon between Jane and Emma and had returned to Diana and the dancing; she didn't want anyone to note her prolonged absence and she decided she had spent enough of the evening distracted by Jane.

Some minutes later Maura found herself confronted by a perfectly ordinary looking Emma who was cheerily bidding goodnight to Diana, Rupert and Miss Dawson before turning to do the same to Maura.

"Maura, I'm sorry I didn't get to speak more with you this evening but I understand everyone seeks a piece of you on such an occasion. I wanted to tell you that I truly wish for your happiness above all else." Emma had pulled Maura slightly to one side to give them a little privacy from the rest of the group; she sounded so sincere that for a moment Maura was at a loss for words.

"Thank you." Maura finally said as she fought to find more words. But what could she say? Emma may not be aware that Maura had witnessed the earlier scene if Jane hadn't told her and even if she had; Maura wasn't sure what Jane may have told Emma about _their_ relationship, there was too much that Maura didn't know at this point so she said nothing further and saw Emma to the door.

"Maura, hey!" Jane called in an urgent whisper as Maura stood and watched Emma's retreating form fighting against the strong wind to bundle herself into the waiting carriage.

Maura turned at the sound and was met with Jane's head poking from the doorway of the darkened morning room, a hand waved her over and Maura narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Maura's first thought was to ignore Jane and return to her friends but Jane called to her again.

"Maura, please!"

Maura quickly scanned the hallway to find it empty and cautiously stepped in Jane's direction. "Jane, what can you mean; sneaking around in darkened corners of the house." Maura said haughtily.

Jane's face held a pleading look and Maura felt her heart shift sympathetically, much to her increased annoyance; the effect Jane had on Maura was quite frustrating.

"Maura we need to talk." Jane's whisper had become a soft murmur as Maura unconsciously leant closer.

"I feel unable to speak to you with any self possession tonight Jane." Maura said quietly, her hands clasped tightly together and her eyes cast downward.

For the second time that evening Jane reached for Maura and took her by both arms as she tried to tug her firmly inside the room. Maura pulled back instinctively and this only made Jane pull more firmly; grasping at the waist of Maura's dress as Maura pulled one hand free and pushed against Jane's chest.

Maura suddenly realised that they were in the hallway of her house in what could only be described as a tussle and she instantly gave up all of her struggle and let Jane pull her into the room; falling against her as they both stumbled backwards.

Jane shut the door quickly behind them, pushing Maura back against it as she did so.

Maura realised she had been compromised and lashed out; swiftly raising her hand and slapping Jane across the cheek. The move shocked them both into a motionless silence and they simply stared at each other, each of their expressions aghast.

Maura studied the pink mark that was just detectable on Jane's flawless skin and her resolve crumbled; she softly placed her fingertips over the mark; tracing it reverently then quickly replaced her fingers with her lips. Jane's eyes closed as Maura carried out the action and her breath left her all at once so she had to grip the wood of the door frame to steady her.

Jane stepped back so she could think clearly away from the intoxicating nearness of Lady Maura.

"I'm sorry Jane; I did try and warn you, I am not myself tonight and I don't think you are either. I can't make any sense of your behaviour tonight." Maura burst. "For that matter, I have struggled to understand your behaviour since we arrived here or at least since you met Emma." Maura finally came to her real concern.

"My behaviour?!" Jane spluttered in amazement. "You palm me off on your friend; whilst you play socialite and doting Fiancée and then when Emma and I actually find we enjoy one another's company….."

Maura began to boil. "Oh, you enjoy each other's company indeed; tremendously so!" She cut in snidely as she paced the floor.

"What's the matter Lady Maura? You don't like it when someone else plays with your toys?" Jane sniped.

Maura's face was the perfect mixture of confusion and rage. "My toys? What can you possibly mean?" She demanded.

"You know exactly what I mean." Jane said coldly.

"It has been _I_ who has been _your_ toy Jane. It seems you toyed with my affections to pass some time before you could find a woman who was free to pursue a relationship with you; a woman of independent means." Maura's anger had begun to dissipate and gave way to a tide of sorrow that threatened to engulf her; she put a hand to her brow and hung onto the back of the chair she had come to stand behind, placing a physical barrier between her and Jane.

"You can't believe that?" Jane said doubtfully. "Maura, Really?"

"What else am I to believe?" Maura said unhappily. "The two of you have become inseparable, she gushed about you at lunch yesterday; even Diana commented on it and tonight confirmed all of my fears; seeing the two of you in each other arms like that." The words barley escaped from Maura's throat.

Jane held up a hand to protest. "We were not in each other's arms Maura; I was comforting her, she was upset; we were comfort to one another."

Maura frowned and shook her head, daring to dart a quick look into Jane's eyes to test the truth of her words. "Upset?"

Jane finally crossed to Maura and placing a steadying hand on her elbow she looked down into her face, speaking more softly. "You really can't imagine why at your engagement party Emma should become inconsolable?"

Maura shook her head again.

"She's in love with you Maura; she has been since you were girls. The greatest thing that Emma and I have in common is the fact that we are both hopelessly yearning for you." Jane confessed.

Maura looked disbelieving. "No, No she never ….."

"Believe me." Jane said more firmly. "It borders on mutual self torture, the way we talk about you, the way every conversation somehow leads back to what you would think or a story she recalls from you're past." Jane shook her head at her own pathetic behaviour recently.

"You must be mistaken Jane. Has she actually told you something?" Maura questioned with her uncertain frown.

"She hasn't said the words directly Maura but there is no need for that…..you would have to be naive or ignorant or I don't know what….in denial; not to read it in every look she gives you." Jane insisted.

Maura felt anger rising in her again, but was silent as she played back her latest interactions with Emma, she began searching her memory for any signs or suspicions of unwarranted affection.

"I think it must have been a relief for her to recognise her own feelings in me, to have some small recognition and sympathy." Jane said gently.

"You speak as if the two of you are the same." Maura snapped impatiently. "If what you have said is true; though I can hardly comprehend it, that doesn't make the two of you the same." Maura said definitely.

"Really? Why-ever not?" Jane said genuinely.

"Whatever Emma's feelings may be, she has never spoken…we have never …..and I had not imagined it. " Maura struggled to make any sense. "I have no feelings beyond friendship for Emma." Maura finally said shaking her head slowly, looking at the floor.

"And for me?" Jane pushed.

Maura's eyes darted up to Jane's as if to communicate what her words could not. "I don't want these feelings; I don't wish to love you." Maura said quietly, the fear she felt; shining in the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.

Jane took Maura's trembling hand in hers and held it against her own flushed chest. "My heart keeps telling me that this is right." She said solemnly.

Maura shook her head again as she looked to where her hand lay and felt the heat of Jane burning into her palm.

"My heart is a stranger to me Jane." She said breathlessly.

Jane moved her free hand to cover the place that was home to Maura's heart. "But it knows me." She said fiercely.

Maura moved into Jane, wrapping her arms around Jane's waist and placing her head against the spot her hand had just left; Jane's heart pounding against her ear as Jane clasped her tightly to her.

They stood like this for what seemed like an eternity; until sounds of movement and voices sounded just outside the doorway and Maura quickly pulled away from Jane, coming back to reality in an instant.

The voices moved on and Maura, who had stood a foot away from Jane watching her face, returned to her quickly and pressed herself up on her toes to drop a kiss on Jane's lips. "You have turned me out and now I cannot turn back." She said; determination flashing in her eyes and in her quiet voice.

Maura turned and crossed silently to the door, letting herself out into the hallway with one last look at a speechless Jane Rizzoli.

**A/N- I think the best thing about writing this genre is that you can really be over dramatic and have characters say things that would just sound much too cheesy and trite if said in modern times. I hope I haven't taken that too far in this chapter though, so let me know. Thanks for reading and reviewing. xx **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- A short update amongst the busy family celebrations**!

ASHBY 12

Jane sat at her desk as usual, nobody was going out for a ride this morning, it had been a late night, and an eventful one. Jane still hadn't been able to shake off the butterflies in her stomach since she had looked into Maura's eyes last night and felt the change. Today she felt everything was going to be different, the whole world had changed in Jane's eyes, and everything felt improved; looked more handsome. The usually sceptical Jane felt positively charged, she felt she should share some of the joy and promise inside her with everyone she met.

Jane hadn't even realised she had been waiting until the door opened and Maura slipped inside. Maura's face shone and she smiled coyly at Jane.

"Good Morning Ms Rizzoli." Maura greeted in a chirpy tone.

Jane could see the change now, knew that she hadn't imagined it and that Maura felt it too.

"Good Morning Lady Maura." Jane returned equally merry.

Maura came around to Jane's side of the desk and perched a little on the edge, just within Jane's reach.

"Do you have any plans today?" Maura asked beneath hooded eyes.

Jane's smile cocked to one side of her mouth and she shifted her chair around to the side that Maura was on. "I am busy this afternoon, but I have some time this morning." Jane revealed.

"Really?" Maura commented sliding along the desk slightly; closer to Jane.

Jane grinned now as she began to understand the game, the dance; they were each taking tiny steps toward each other to see who would break first, who would make the first leap. It would normally be Jane, but now she held back.

"Really." Jane repeated. "This afternoon Emma is taking me to a lecture on "A Woman's place in Education and Industry" at one of the college's….. and what are your plans?"

Maura's smile faltered slightly at Jane's mention of Emma. "I _had_ thought I might spend the day with you." Maura said with a casual shrug as if it hadn't really been of great importance to her.

"You could." Jane invited. "I'm sure Emma would be happy for you to join us."

Maura frowned lightly. "I suppose." Maura traced an imaginary pattern on Jane's desk avoiding her gaze.

"Maura?" Jane said gently. "You're not anxious about facing Emma?"

Maura's head shot up and she looked guilty. "Maybe I just wanted you to myself." Maura suggested as she moved an inch closer and stroked a finger up the inside of Jane's hand that lay open on the desk.

Jane felt this slightest of touches like fire racing through her veins and was surprised to see no outward evidence of such branding.

Jane struggled on. "You cannot possibly avoid Emma because of what I told you, she has no knowledge that you are aware of her feelings and she is not at fault."

Maura trailed her finger again up the same path and just underneath the sleeve of Jane's day dress to stroke at the pulse point of her wrist.

Jane inhaled sharply and captured Maura's offending hand in her free one, stilling Maura's movements.

"Emma is still your friend and she still cares deeply for you, nothing has changed, you simply have to behave as ever you did." Jane said firmly.

Maura pouted and sighed in defeat. "Of course, I shall."

"And you will come to the lecture?" Jane pushed.

Maura smiled. "I shall if _you_ would like me to join you, Jane?" She queried.

Jane narrowed her eyes and used the hand she had captured; to pull Maura from her place adorning the table to swiftly sitting in Jane's lap in one slightly clumsy motion.

Maura smiled triumphantly and captured Jane's jaw in her hand. "I will come to the lecture." And she rewarded Jane with a soft and delicate brush of her lips against Jane's. "I have long had an interest in women in education, I know just the college you must be referring to; Newnham College, the co-founder is Millicent Fawcett….."

Jane stopped Maura's words with a more demanding kiss, breaking off suddenly to ask. "Did you mean what you said last night? Did you mean what you left unsaid?"

"You know I did." Maura whispered. "It appears I can pretend with almost everyone but you Jane, I knew in my heart that friendship would never be enough and that I must have you entirely or make you nothing to me." Maura's expression had become forlorn and Jane almost cursed herself for raising the issue they would have done just as well to skirt around a while longer. "I can't make you any promises…" Maura continued; looking Jane honestly in the eyes.

Jane placed a finger to Maura's lips and stilled them, quickly replacing the finger with lips of her own. "So, whatever shall we find to occupy us this morning?" She smiled rakishly.

Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's neck and moved herself more comfortably into the secretary's lap. "I'm sure we can think of something." She purred against the warm skin of Jane's neck.

Maura felt her body running away from her; with it's own need's and it's own cravings, she was aware somewhere in the back of her mind that she was moving too fast and that she really should be more cautious but the front of her mind was so busy with breathing in this woman, with touching her and having her touch; in return, that all else was just a lurking shadow.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

They had sat in Jane's office for hours; spending the whole morning involved in and indulging in; nothing but each other. They grew familiar with each others touch, with each others kiss and had more than once had to move away from one another to keep from getting carried away. A brush of Jane's hand against the curve of Maura's breast; even through her dress had made Maura gasp and call Jane's name, so that she immediately unravelled herself from Jane and left her; to stand by the window.

Jane had been too surprised to comment, to apologise, she had been too taken aback by the reaction she could draw from Maura without intention and couldn't help wonder at what she could incite if she had the opportunity to delve a little deeper.

The hours had slipped by like the grains of sand in an hour glass, silent and unnoticed until the bitter end when both women had to leave and prepare themselves for the outing with Emma. Even this brief separation left Jane wanting and she puzzled at how she was going to bear further inevitable separation.

Emma called for Jane at the agreed time and was a little surprised to find Maura ready to accompany them.

"I hope you don't mind Emma, I had allowed myself a free day today after last night and found that I was at quite the loose end until Jane mentioned your lecture." Maura explained fiddling with the fingers of her gloves.

"Of course not Darling; I would have invited you myself if I had thought you'd be free and interested, but I should know by now that you have an interest in all things Maura." Emma said easily and Maura's nerves calmed a little.

Jane smiled and took the lead; directing the three friends outside to Emma's carriage.

Jane wisely took the seat opposite Maura knowing that to be sat pressed against her in such a small space would be a cruel thing indeed, however she hadn't considered what it would be to be sat facing her, with Emma by Jane's side; giving Jane ample time to study Maura and gaze lovingly at her with no one to observe it excepting Maura herself, who managed to keep up some pleasant chatter with Emma despite the constant awareness of Jane and one or two brief glances that resulted in a mild blush. The journey was fortunately a short one.

The lecture hall was filled with a rich variety of people and Jane was excited by the heated debates and friendly exchanges she could hear echo around her; the whole place seemed alive with anticipation. There were a number of speakers; each different and arresting in their own way.

The three women like the rest of the hall were enthralled, but none more so than Lady Maura who was transfixed to the speaker at the podium, she leant forward; her expression one of intense concentration. Jane caught sight of Emma watching Maura, the same admiring look in her eye that Jane could feel in hers and for a second they locked eyes and smiled knowingly at one another over Maura's oblivious head.

Maura was thrilled to find that amongst the speakers; Millicent Fawcett herself addressed the theatre and spoke of the great achievements of women through Newnham and of the struggle to secure more support and increase opportunities for future generations of women.

Maura turned to Emma. "Oh Emma; she is an inspiring speaker." Maura said in a whisper.

Emma nodded. "I have heard her speak many times; each more passionate and convincing than the last."

Maura addressed Jane now. "Her sister Elizabeth Garret Anderson was the first woman in the United Kingdom to qualify as a physician. Can you imagine it?" Maura said, glancing back at the podium but also beyond that, into something Jane wasn't privy to; perhaps hopes and dreams of the past.

Maura was quiet and even more thoughtful than was usual for the rest of the afternoon and her friends allowed her this, conversing comfortably together.

Xxxxxxxxxx

The next day and for the remainder of that week, Jane had seen little of Maura. Dawson had Jane working on a dispute with a supplier in Australia and she was required to meet a potential new investor and take him through some of Dawson's recent financial output; which was impressive. Maura had also been busy; Jane had caught sight of her leaving with Dawson and occasionally with Natalie and Diana to go calling or for a luncheon and of course there had been the occasion of Natalie's first ball.

Jane had not been invited or called on to attend so was not present although she would be expected at some of the upcoming balls and gatherings, both by Dawson and some of the more friendly acquaintances' or business contacts that had made a point to extend an invitation to her.

Maura _had_ sought Jane out each day be it early; before her day began or be it late at night before she went to bed, but all they had shared were hurried kisses and a whispered "I miss you." Jane was finding it difficult to remain content with only this and found her self slipping into dark moods if left idle for more than a few minutes.

Today Jane had some free time and had met Emma for a stroll through St James Park. It was a beautiful spring day and aside from a small moment initially where Jane had yearned for Maura to share it with; Jane had relaxed and was enjoying the company of her new friend.

"Have you ever wondered Jane; what it would be like to be a man?" Emma asked boldly, she would not have raised such a topic were it Diana or even Maura here with her, that was the thing she enjoyed about her American friend; she was much harder to shock than most people, but then the Americans were.

"I suppose it's crossed my mind." Jane said thoughtfully. "But more than that I imagine what it would be like to be wealthy, to be really wealthy, to have my own estate; 600 acres perhaps and to be answerable to no-one. I'm not sure being a man would be any easier than being a woman; especially without money, you may just find yourself with a different set of problems." Jane reasoned.

Emma pondered this for a few moments. "I suppose the best thing would be to be a wealthy man then." She chuckled in conclusion.

Jane laughed along but then became serious once again. "If we were not women Emma perhaps we would not be friends, we might never have met, I might never have come to England and met Lady Maura and we may all be nothing to each other." Jane broke off, a lump forming in her throat.

"Well, I should not wish that on any of us Jane, best to be as we are." Emma said with a no nonsense air.

Jane grinned and linked her arm through Emma's as they continued their walk.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N- The sisters mentioned at the lecture were real people and very interesting too, early suffragists' before the more hardcore Pankhurst sisters got revolutionary .**

**Happy holidays! Please review and thanks if u do xxxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N – Hey all, I return to you; a bit fatter and with a higher tolerance for alcohol! I tried to type this chapter up on my brand spanking new tablet; gratefully received from Santa, but have decided I cannot work on it until I get a keyboard; total nightmare. So I hope this isn't full of mistakes as I had to re-do it on my knackered laptop.**

**Ashby 13**

Maura sat down hesitantly at the breakfast table; which was unusually occupied by Dawson alone. They each sat in their usual seats and with several bodies absent, Maura noticed just how vast the space between them actually was. Maura nodded her consent; as a servant hovered beside her with a pot of tea. Dawson glanced up from his paper and cleared his throat as he watched Maura momentarily.

"Morning." He murmured automatically.

"Good morning." Maura said clearly; in order to be heard across the distance.

Dawson was already back in his newspaper; the rustling of the pages now the only sound in the room. Maura buttered a slice of toast and let her mind wander until it occurred to her that she really should try to converse with Dawson; at least to enquire into what had become of their fellow diners.

"Where have the others gotten to this morning?" Maura said pleasantly.

"You're a little late Maura; your Father has been in, but had a matter he needed to address with his Valet. My sister has not appeared this morning; she was late at a dance last night with Lady Malcolm; I am sure you were invited to attend." He posed.

"Of course, I was a little busy yesterday and far too tired to dance the night away, I am sure Diana and Natalie made my apologies." Maura's voice was cool.

Dawson looked up over the top of this paper somewhat suspiciously. "Another outing with the industrious Lady Emma?" He asked mockingly. "You are seeing rather a lot of your old friend; I believe Diana grows daily in her vexation and vents it upon my dim-witted sister. I would not care one way or the other of course; only that Natalie continually pesters me to use my influence over you, assuming I have any."

Maura tried not to panic, after all Dawson's tone was bored and plainly disinterested in what he probably viewed as the trifling matters between females.

"I shall be sure to be more attentive to your sister and Diana if it troubles them. It is only that it has been a while since I had been much in Emma's company; being that she didn't make it to Ashby at all last year." This much was true and Maura felt at ease with the omission of the part Jane played in her recent social activities and the neglect of Miss Dawson and her other old friend.

"You could start with securing them some nearby accommodations for the Henley Regatta next month. They seem to think you have connections in the area. They have spoken of little else." He advised her.

Maura frowned, had she really been that self involved, or more accurately "Jane involved" that she had become unapproachable to Diana and oblivious to it?

"Of course, I believe that Lord and Lady Belcombe have lately returned from abroad and have on more than one occasion invited me to stay with them. I didn't realize that Natalie had such an interest in the boat race, I assumed a visit on the last day would suffice?" Maura asked curiously, the event was one of the sporting pinnacles of the season but Maura had not expected to attend the entire three days.

Dawson had returned to his paper having lost any speck of interest he may of held a few moments prior, he shrugged off Maura's question and shook his paper a little to indicate he was finished talking.

Maura picked at her breakfast thoughtfully, taking her time and stealing glances at Dawson as she considered how to broach another subject with him.

As he finally seemed to finish and re-fold the paper he looked up; a little surprised to see her still sitting across from him. Maura cleared her throat and squared her shoulders assertively.

"I would have a few words on another matter if that would be acceptable?"Maura asked hopefully.

Dawson raised his eyebrows and shrugged his arms in a gesture that permitted her to continue.

"Concerning St Thomas hospital, we said we would be in touch with Dr Parsons and the board to discuss the details of an annual donation; how much it may amount to and what exactly it may be used for." Maura could see a frown crease Dawson's brow and hurried on. "I was only hoping for another visit and thought it may suit you to have Ms Rizzoli accompany me in order to discuss the financial arrangement?"

Maura held her breath to await a reaction and inwardly prayed she had not been too forward in this proposal. Maura had never asked Dawson for anything and hated to now, but she did wish to see the hospital again and to show it to Jane.

Dawson sighed. "I cannot think of any objection to your plan, at least I can rely on Ms Rizzoli not to be overcome with sentiment when faced with some sick child or other; she can be relied on to be practical."He decided as he turned to leave.

"Thank you." Maura called after him.

Xxxxxxx

Jane sat at her desk with the letter in her hand, she had waited for Maura to leave this morning before turning to her correspondence and then had thumbed through the many letters relating to business; before noticing two envelopes addressed to her personally. The first she recognized as international mail and she delayed opening it for a moment as she ripped open the second; a hurried note from Korsak at Ashby to inform her of Jo Fridays good health; excepting what Korsak believed to be some slight pining for Jane. Jane could not help but grin happily at the old fools note; he was such a large, strong man yet was as gentle as a child when it came to the animals he cared for.

For a moment Jane was distracted away from the letter received from home; she had recognized the handwriting right away as that of her friend and confidant; Frost. Jane had expected to hear from him sooner and had almost persuaded herself that there must in fact be nothing to report or that Frost had never received her note. Now just feeling the envelope in her hand, Jane could not help guess at the weight of this letters significance.

Jane read the pages over again three times to make certain she had all the particulars clear in her mind, but as to how the information would now impact on her own and Lady Maura's situation was far from clear and Jane could not help wonder at it.

Xxxxxxxx

Maura had become increasing guilt ridden and paranoid as the day progressed, and even informing Natalie, at dinner, that she had sent word to the Belcombes, and the genuine excitement that her announcement provoked; did nothing to appease the turmoil she felt as she examined her recent behavior. Maura recognized that she had been selfish since her feelings for Jane had surfaced and then deepened; and she made a silent vow to rectify some of the damage she had done.

Maura struggled to comprehend how people could enjoy the clandestine nature of an affair such as her own with Jane; for she realized that people did indeed. Jane herself had confessed to a perverse kind of pleasure she often felt when observing Maura occupied in an everyday task or from a distance; conversing with a friend or acquaintance, and then to recollect their most recent kiss or embrace and imagine the reactions of others if they were privy to her thoughts. Even the suggestion horrified Maura and although she fancied herself far from a prude, she was certainly not excited by the illicit or the taboo; at least not in public.

Maura found the opportunity to speak to Jane about her intentions soon after dinner as she made her way to the study and was confronted with the sight of Jane leaving for the evening. Having spent an hour with Maura this morning; Jane had not expected to see her again tonight.

Maura waited for Jane to approach her; wearing a grin caused by Lady Maura's unexpected appearance. Maura led them at once into the room which had once been her nursery, it was now disused except on very rare occasions when the house was full of company. The room was dark; the only light coming from the thick, yellow looking candles in great silver candlesticks that sat in the sconces that lined the walls of the hallway. The two stood close; in order to read one another's faces in the dim glow.

"Maura; what is it? What's wrong?" Jane asked anxiously.

Maura had gripped Jane by the wrist and now eased the grip, but took up Jane's other hand in her own.

"It is only that I have had words with Dawson today; regarding my slighting of his sister and Diana by association. I cannot disagree that I have hardly been in their company for more than a few moments in the last three weeks." Maura looked pained.

Jane's frown deepened but she felt an internal wave of relief wash through her. "So what is the scandal in that? Attend a couple of balls, take her shopping; it's simple."

Maura looked at Jane as if for the first time. "It is far from simple for me Jane." She said impatiently, dropping Jane's hands but not her gaze.

"You don't think he suspects something?" Jane said doubtfully, she didn't really credit Dawson or his kind with being so astute.

Maura shook her head quickly. "No, nothing like that."

Jane shrugged. "Then tell them the truth, you find society in town dull and would much prefer to attend a lecture or meeting with Emma and I."

Maura felt agitated by Jane's seeming lack of understanding. "I cannot do such a thing; I could not bear to think of Diana, Miss Dawson or anyone else thinking ill of me."

Jane stepped toward Maura again. "You really care so much for their good opinion?"

Jane studied Maura's expression carefully, placing her hands on either side of Maura's waist and holding her in place; so much in the light as she could. The question held more meaning than either one had first supposed; and Jane read Maura's reluctant answer in her eyes, moving away from Lady Maura as quickly as she had approached.

"I only meant to tell you that I would not be as available for the next few weeks, I have to try and repair the damage I have done." Maura said, glancing at the floor.

Jane felt her temper rise. "I hardly see you as it is Maura, I am sure I can bear the deprivation." She said, balling her fists, her voice raised slightly.

Maura looked nervously to the door, and Jane noticing this; finally reached boiling point. "Goodnight Lady Maura, please don't let me detain you any longer." Jane bowed her head formally and left the room.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane had been wrestling all day with her wish to discuss her letter from Frost with Maura and with her fears about Maura's reaction, but that was all forgotten. Jane went to bed in a sour temper and woke with the very same feeling, she spent the better half of the morning stamping around the study; having received no early morning visit from Lady Maura, and then just as she threatened to sink into a fit of melancholy she dragged her pitiful self out to lunch with the ever dependable Emma.

"I have written a new article for the Journal that I rather hoped Maura could check over for me." Emma asked as indirect enquiry as to her presence today. Emma, like Jane, having become recently accustomed to more frequent attention from her friend.

"Lady Maura is busy with pressing social matters, such as trying to hook an unsuspecting, eligible Englishman for her soon to be sister in law." Jane said distastefully as she attempted to find something on her plate to rouse her appetite.

Emma's eyebrows rose slightly but she didn't reply immediately. Jane stabbed viciously at a piece of asparagus with her salad fork.

"Lady Maura made it plain to me when last we spoke; that she will have little time for us in the future, owing to the fact that she has neglected her duties as a member of the _bon ton___for far too long. I don't think she will be slumming it with you and I for a while." Jane said huffily.

Emma nodded and sighed sympathetically. "Poor, Maura."

Jane's fork clattered loudly against her plate as she looked incredulously at Emma.

"Well, Jane, The poor woman has always been so bound by what is deemed proper, she is worse than Diana for it really, not that she _enjoys_ the restrictions or _desires_ them but that she feels so powerless to act against them." Emma explained.

Jane felt a stab of guilt but quickly replaced it with the lingering feelings of offense.

"It is all tied up in her feelings for her mother; she constantly felt insufficient and that translated into her trying to please everyone, you must have seen it. It is just that she so wishes to be loved." Emma summed up simply with a definitive swish of her fork in the air.

Jane finally gave up her resentment and felt thoroughly sick; she had reacted so badly to Maura due to her own insecurities and never stopped to consider what hers may be. It was just that she felt the hopelessness of their relationship even since the moment it began and was trying to protect herself from unavoidable heart-break.

Emma was quiet and didn't push Jane for the remainder of their lunch; having sensed the gloom that had descended upon her friend.

The afternoon dragged on; every passing moment only induced Jane to feel more wretched and she left the study and her work early to retire to her room, where she could indulge freely in her self-pity. Jane had thought to seek out Dolly's company but felt she couldn't face anyone tonight and could only bear solitude.

Jane briefly wished for her old room at Ashby, which had been cold, grey and dark, no matter the time or weather, tonight it would perfectly match her mood. As it was the room here was far too comfortable and Jane was irritated by the pretty purple and orange light that greeted her as the sun set through the thick haze of the city air.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane, having gone to bed early and yet finding sleep elusive, had absolutely no sense of the hour when she felt herself abruptly awoken. The room was still dark and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust and bring in to view Maura's face at the side of her bed.

"Maura?" Jane croaked as she rubbed at her eyes.

Maura leant forward and spoke in a soft hushed tone. "Jane, I had to see you."

Jane sat up a little in the bed, pulling the bed clothes around her as she did, suddenly aware of her state of undress and feeling a little ill-equipped.

"What do you mean by sneaking in here?" Jane asked in surprise, but with an excited leap in her heart that she was certain could be perceived in her face.

"I'm sorry." Maura began, rising from her place kneeling by the bed and sitting herself precariously on the edge of it. "Only, I needed to see you, I had a dreadful dream that you and I parted on bad terms and met again years later on a ship, where you refused to know me, even look upon me and denied that we had ever met. It was so awful that I had to seek you out to prove it just a figment." Maura trembled as she spoke quietly.

Jane barely registered the words as she took in Maura's appearance; Her hair was loosely plaited into one long braid down the length of her back, and arrant strands escaped in wisps around her face. Maura had clearly come from her own bed and was wearing a light silk wrapper with a pretty painted pattern on it detailing white doves against a navy background, it was fastened about the waist loosely and Jane could make out the white cotton of the neck of Maura's night dress and the lace that framed the edges.

Jane frowned and screwed up her entire face as the memory of their last meeting and how things stood between them overtook her.

"Maura, I had only just found sleep myself, I have felt so sorry about last night, I shouldn't have spoken as I did." Jane started.

Maura shook her head. "I know I should be brave like you Jane, like Emma, like the women who speak at the lecture hall, but I cannot seem to shrug off my feelings of obligation so easily. I don't know how I ever shall." Maura looked tearful.

Jane noticed that in rising in haste; Maura had left the lapel of her wrapper folded and tucked inward and Jane reached across to free and straighten the soft material, tracing the pattern slowly down the lapel until her fingers reached the opening and the lace of Maura's night dress; just covering the rise of her breast. Jane felt Maura's intake of breath and met her eyes for permission to continue with her exploration, which was given freely.

Jane brought her palm up to cup Maura's breast through the thin material and Maura seemed to lean into it, filling Jane's hand and pressing her own hand over Jane's to make the contact firmer. The kiss that followed was desperate and demanding, more so than any other they had shared.

Jane pulled away first; a little startled by the ferocity of her desire and stroked a finger again along the edge of the silk lapel. "Not accustomed to dressing yourself Lady Maura?" she teased, trying to regain some poise and feeling heavily that Maura was mistaken in believing her to be brave.

Maura smiled shyly, Jane's humor putting her somewhat at ease and she reached out to push her hand into Jane's loose tangle of curls, delivering a more virtuous kiss to Jane's cheek.

Jane now remembered her own attire, she had let the blanket she held on to; fall from her grasp and thought how little remained to separate them, she began to feel a rush of heat through her body like molten lava and she threw off the blanket, urging Maura to come closer for a more complete embrace.

As Maura slid into her place against Jane she whispered. "I didn't come here for this Jane, I just wanted to make things right between us."

Jane smiled smugly feeling the heat of Maura through the fabric of each of their night clothes'. "I think things have never been more right between us; having you here feels right." She smoothed a hand down the length of Maura's back comfortingly and kissed the top of her head.

"I have to go…" Maura sighed regretfully. "..Or else I may stay here forever."

"That would be agreeable." Jane said playfully before releasing Maura and watching as she slipped off the bed and fastened her wrapper more tightly around herself.

Maura looked over the sight of Jane sitting on the bed deliciously disheveled and as she made her way soundlessly to the door she turned and whispered. "Sleep well, my love."

Xxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N- Next chapter- Boat races, changing fashions for women and the contents of Frosts letter. Please review and big thank you to all that do! Xxx **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This week I made a pilgrimage to Shibden Hall in Halifax,Yorkshire to visit the home of Anne Lister. Any one who is interested in real lesbian stories from history should check out her diaries or the BBC dramatisation "The secret diaries of Anne Lister." She was amazing and was having affairs with numerous women about 70 years before the time that this story is set. Go girl!**

Henley was a pretty, quaint, little town, far enough out of London to escape the grime and grubbiness that skirted around the edges of the fashionable London that Maura frequented. The first few days of their stay with the Belcombes' had been distracting enough; watching the town transform in preparation for it's annual event, the colourful houseboats arriving to line the sides of the river, the awnings were hung and viewing platforms erected.

In the first day of the rowing heats, Maura had explored the different stalls and happily watched some of the first races. There was a kind of carnival atmosphere and people were pleasant and familiar; being united in purpose. The Belcombes' joined Maura and her party in securing a good spot on a viewing platform and they had happened upon Rupert who had hired a houseboat with some Eton friends, who were all in high spirits and could be seen leaping along the banks of the river, cheering and chanting; keeping up with whichever various competitors they claimed affiliation .

Natalie Dawson watched Rupert in a way that Maura recognised instantly; as if she couldn't bear to tear her eyes away, but would never wish another soul to notice. Maura wondered how Diana would feel if Rupert were to reciprocate and the pair were to marry. Diana liked Natalie enough as a project but Maura suspected she would be less than enthusiastic about having her for a sister-in-law, though Diana would probably view any girl she had yet met as in no way good enough for her most treasured brother.

Diana had of course been in her element; watching who arrived and what they wore far more than she watched the rowing, though she did spend some time reminiscing romantically about Giles in his rowing days. Giles and Dawson had hired a couple of boats and preceded to make it look rather more difficult than it ought; to ferry the women around, trying to outdo one another while suggesting they exerted no effort at all.

It was pleasant out on the water despite the heavy traffic and Maura felt more relaxed then she had since they had left Ashby, the only thing that niggled at the back of her mind throughout the entire event was the feeling that she had forgotten something, that something was missing and was wrong, she knew what or rather who that was; Jane had stayed in town to work; there was no reason for her to join them. What had bothered Maura repeatedly was that although she and Jane had parted on good terms, Maura still felt some unease carried over from their recent argument.

On the second day of the boat race the party had picnicked with strawberries and champagne and met a couple of acquaintances' along the way, so it was that Maura was chatting politely with a friend of her Fathers; Sir Fitzwilliam when she spotted the gondola on the water, she hadn't noticed it before and right away she thought of Jane, she must have been gazing at the passing vessel rather stupidly; as Fitzwilliam turned to see the spectacle which had so caught her attention.

"Ha, Italian contraption; looks a little out of place here if you ask me." He gruffled.

"Venetian." Maura gazed after it. "The Gondola; handmade using eight different types of wood and composed of 280 different parts. The left side of the gondola is made longer than the right; the asymmetry causes the gondola to resist the urge to turn toward the left at the forward stroke." Maura said without thought.

Sir Fitzwilliam re-considered her with a perplexed frown and Maura smiled apologetically. "I heard my Father speak of them when we toured Europe." She offered as explanation. Displays of excessive knowledge in women were unattractive, peculiar and especially unsettling to men in her Fathers generation, although Lord Ashby had always been proud of Maura's ability to memorise and re-count the small details of things. Fitzwilliam was relieved to take his leave and move on.

XXxxx

By day three; the final and most eventful day of the Regatta, Maura was tired and ready to return to town. Henley was busier than ever, with trains full of people flooding in from Town to see the pinnacle race; The Grand Challenge Cup.

Maura was separated from her party when she was stopped in a crowd by a small dark haired gypsy child selling small bunches of wild flowers that included lucky heather, the small girl with eyes as dark as her hair, pushed a bunch into Maura's hand forcefully. There was such a flow of people that Maura felt she was again on the water and being swept down river and she feared that the child would drag her under or fall away, she held out a coin to the child, who shook her head vigorously; her shaggy hair splayed in all directions and she turned to point to a figure. The woman held a parasol, rested on one shoulder and was turned away from them on the very edge of the bank looking into the water. Maura didn't recognise her right away and even as she fought her way against the current of people to reach her; Maura hardly dared wish. The figure turned at the last minute as if she sensed Maura's presence.

"Jane?!" Maura exclaimed. "What are you doing here?!" She beamed, holding out a hand to rest it on Jane's arm.

"Emma and I took the train." Jane supplied. "I was so miserable that Em thought it would cheer me up to see some races."

Maura studied Jane, it had been three days since they had been together but somehow seeing Jane here was just like seeing the gondola, she looked majestic and exotic; like a promise from another world, and Maura felt suddenly timid and exhilarated all at once. Maura noticed that Jane was wearing a new outfit and that it was quite different to what she would normally wear. The colour was a very pale blue and seemed in keeping with the nautical theme of the day. The costume was tailor made and was two separate pieces; a plain white shirt blouse and a blue flared skirt with a short bolero effect jacket over the top which was covered in intricate white embroidery. Much more flattering and dynamic that Jane's usual dreary day dress.

"I see you have buying the latest fashions without me." Maura said, playing the part of being a little put out by this.

Jane glanced over herself. "Emma took advantage of my vulnerable state and forced me to purchase a new wardrobe that would be more comfortable and practical for a working woman, whilst still looking well…..Or something, I think I stopped listening when she mentioned the Rational Dress Society."

Maura chuckled. "Well, whatever the reasoning; you look breathtaking."

Jane's blush was hardly noticeable. "Really?"

Maura's eyes narrowed as they focused in on Jane alone. "Absolutely, You look … dashing."

It was Jane's turn to chuckle and she held out an arm for Maura to take hold of as they turned back to face the crowd together.

Maura really did approve of the new outfit, she had a couple of the new sets of costumes herself only with the longer style of jacket, but felt she did not carry the look off anywhere near as well as Jane. People had said that the new fashion made women look masculine and Maura thought that perhaps with some women it would, but somehow with Jane it made her look more like the woman she was than ever; a confident and assertive woman.

"I for one am pleased that the old fashioned bustle is fading from the fashion pages at last, I loathe walking around with a circus tent for a backside." Jane said seriously.

Maura stifled a giggle, putting the bunch of flowers to her face and catching their scent as she did so.

"Corsets and their tight lacing have been found to cause Visceroptosis; it's a sinking of the abdominal viscera, displacement of organs; in particular the liver." Maura looked seriously at Jane.

"Well I don't tend to have someone to bind me up in my stays, but I will keep it in mind. Maybe Emma is on to something with the rational dress society after all." Jane shrugged thoughtfully, she had often felt uncomfortable in some of the clothes she was expected to wear but she knew that ladies like Maura went through a lot more torture in order to play their part, she had been present on more than one occasion when women had fainted as a result of an overly tight corset.

The two women were jostled through a bottle neck of people and crushed together before being spat out on the other side into a more open space; approaching the wide bridge. They walked arm in arm along the path, in no hurry to get anywhere or do anything other than this. Maura was as always one of the most strikingly beautiful women in any crowd and Jane felt immense pride at being the one to walk by her side, Maura's arm folded about her own.

"Did you know that the Oxford stretch of the Thames is called the Isis? And gazetteers and cartographers insist that Isis is the correct name of the entire river from its source down to Dorchester-on-Thames." Maura said comfortably.

"Like the Egyptian goddess Isis?" Jane asked curiously.

"Yes, although there is nothing to suggest that this is why the river was named thus. The name Isis means throne and I read that people once believed that the Nile River flooded every year because of the tears of sorrow that Isis wept for Osiris following his death at the hands of his brother Set." Maura continued.

"Do you think we should commandeer a house boat? We could sail away and never come back, live on the open water, sail the sea; and you could tell me everything you know about all the sights along the way" Jane fantasised.

"House boats are not suitable for use in rough sea conditions, Jane." Maura pointed out practically.

Jane sighed slowly. "Still; it is a nice thought."

Maura regretted her last comment; she hadn't meant to destroy Jane's illusion quite so directly. Maura knew that it was no more than a pretty day dream but she had rarely pondered what was not feasible; until Jane it had seemed a waste of time,she was beginning to see the attraction.

"It was a lovely thought." Maura assured Jane. "Did you see the gondola? Maybe we could live in Venice? "

Jane's smile returned. "Yes, you could give tours of the city to tourists and I could….. Sell Ice creams."

Maura chuckled and gazed out to the water, trying to picture them in such a beautiful place, living together, taking their own trip in a gondola in the moonlight.

"I will have to get back soon." She said softly.

"I know." Jane matched her softness. "But I'll see you tomorrow evening? And we can make more solid plans." Jane grinned mischievously.

Maura felt for a moment like she could do anything as long as Jane continued to flash her that devilish smile and she ached to kiss the corners of Jane's upturned mouth but instead she flashed a wicked smile of her own; she was beginning to learn the real power of her own smiles as she watched Jane flush with heat.

Xxxx

As Jane watched Maura leave she felt completely rudderless, set a drift. It was ridiculous; Jane had spent her whole life without ever needing another human being, she had family, she had friends; but usually they needed her more than she needed them, and yet now; the thought of spending one more night away from Lady Maura made her feel like someone was taking away all the air, leaving her gasping and desperate.

Jane returned to the Red Lion pub where she had left Emma chatting with a couple of young women she knew through the college; and found that their small circle on the lawn had doubled in number and Emma was speaking animatedly to the whole group. Jane caught Emma's eye and smiled as she sat just to the rear of the group and relaxed into her own musings. The weather was as delightful as any she had experienced on this tiny island and she intended to soak the warmth up through her new clothes and into her heart, it had become a part of her that needed tending, feeding, to be cared for; as now it belonged to someone else.

After the final race had been won and many of the women that had joined their group had been called or drifted away Emma and Jane were left on the lawn to contemplate the day together.

"I surmise from the Cheshire cat grin on your face this afternoon; that you managed to track down Lady Maura and her party?" Emma asked easily.

"Even better." Jane smiled. "Just Lady Maura."

Emma shot her a mock scandalised look. "Ms Rizzoli!"

Jane crossed her ankles and threw her head back in the sun, a few moments of companionable silence followed and Jane's thoughts turned to more serious matters.

"Em, If I had some knowledge about Mr Dawson that may directly affect his marriage prospects, what would you suggest I do with that knowledge?"

Emma frowned. "I suppose that depends upon many things….."

"If Maura found a reason not to marry him, what would she do next?" Jane asked; ready for the answer but wanting to here someone else saying it.

"She would have to find someone else to marry, or more likely; her Father would." Emma confirmed.

"Dawson would be likely to return to the states, taking me with him." Jane spoke carefully.

"So …..You think you should conceal what you know?" Emma asked with a heavy frown.

Jane cringed. "No…not really." She admitted. "It is tempting though."

"Is it something… could Maura get hurt?" Emma stumbled on.

"No, no, nothing such as that." Jane could see she had worried her friend and knew she was going to have to finish what she had started. "I found out he has a son, recently ….. His last secretary, they were intimate, she fell pregnant; he paid her off and left her in Boston." Jane summarised. "She had a difficult time; with the birth, it seems she is rather ill at the moment; it's not certain she'll recover, but the child is well." Jane felt relieved to share this with someone other than Frost, who was thousands of miles away.

Emma looked shocked but recovered quickly. "And you haven't mentioned this to Maura?"

"No, I was going to as soon as I found out; but we had a disagreement and then we had just resolved it and…. There didn't seem to be a right time." Jane explained. "And now, I'm wondering when I should tell her, how I tell her and trying to predict what she'll do."

Emma thought quietly for a moment, she had bolted into an upright position and sat forward as if in deep concentration.

"You will have to tell her right away, it is up to her to decide what to do." Emma decided.

"I know; your right." Jane agreed. "But if she decided she did still want to marry him, in light of the fact that she will have to marry anyway and "better the devil you know"; she may be able to use the information to gain some upper hand in the marriage." Jane laid out what she had been thinking.

Emma nodded slowly as she bit her bottom lip, and then shook her head. "It's impossible; Maura could never be so devious."

"But I could." Jane's smile was tight and her eyes steadily held Emma's.

Xxxxxxx

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, please keep them coming and if you want to check out a picture of the Henley Royal Regatta from the year 1890 here is the link** wiki/File:Henley_Regatta,_Henley-on-Thames,_England,_


	15. Chapter 15

Ashby 15

Jane dipped the nib of her pen into the pot of ink and returned to her letter; she was leaning low over her page as the fading light required her to focus more intently on the letters as she wrote them out slowly and purposefully. Jane's shoulders ached and she had slowed down in her task realising that tiredness may cause her to make a mistake which would result in having to start the document again from scratch.

Jane took a moments break to lean back and relax the strained muscles in her upper body, she glanced at the pretty writing set that her mother had presented her with the day before her departure from Boston. Angela Rizzoli had not been happy when her only daughter had announced her intention to travel to England to work and she had complained and berated and even begged Jane not to go, but when she realised that Jane's mind was made up Angela had done what she would always do and had stood by her; supportive and strong to wish her well.

Jane wondered what her Mother would make of the complications that Jane had encountered since meeting Lady Maura and found she could easily imagine it; Angela would be initially impressed with Maura of course; with her manners, breeding and beauty but Angela would quickly see through all that, the way that Jane had, and would see Maura's kindness, intelligence and vulnerability. Maura would likely be a little wary of Jane's Ma; her abruptness and demonstrative behaviour, but Jane thought that in time; Maura could come to value something from Angela that she had never received from her own mother; unconditional and unwavering love.

As was prone to happen lately; Maura appeared in front of Jane just as the secretary had started to crave her. Maura swept into the room, a genuine smile forming on her lips as her eyes met Jane's.

"You look busy." Maura said as she took in the disorganised pile of papers, spread across the desk.

Jane's smile faded a little and she sighed. "Yes. I am."

Maura looked sympathetic and she quickly came around to Jane's side of the desk and stood behind Jane's chair, placing the palms of her hands down over Jane's tired muscles and firmly squeezing and releasing them; spreading an oddly pleasant kind of pain through Jane's body. Jane's head fell back and her eyes closed as Maura gently moved her palms and fingers in circular motions up across the top of Jane's back and along her neck. Maura continued her soothing motions for a few more minutes until she felt Jane's head becoming heavy and relaxed and then she bent to place kisses where her hands had been.

Jane's moans eventually became a frustrated groan and she straightened in her seat. "I have to finish." She offered apologetically.

Maura moved away a little. "I will be in the library; I have a new book, come and find me out when you are done here." She said in a silky sweet voice.

Jane watched her move around the desk; each movement held some mystery and promise and it was all Jane could do not to follow.

A sound at the door pulled Jane's attention reluctantly away from Maura as Dolly's head popped unexpectedly into the room. The young girl looked a little surprised to see Lady Maura here but didn't let it deter her from her task, as she pushed her way into the room; carrying a little tray of food. Dolly performed a small curtsey to Lady Maura, making sure she received a nod of permission before she turned to speak to Jane.

"Betsy said you hadn't eaten anything today Jane and only a nibble yesterday and she began fretting that you may fade away altogether; so I offered to bring you some of the leftovers and make certain you ate something." Dolly said sassily.

Jane smiled on one side of her face. "I didn't get chance earlier; I have been busy today." Jane explained.

Dolly sat the tray on the only spot of the desk that wasn't covered with papers and rolled her eyes at Jane, setting a hand on one of her hips. "You wouldn't want to upset Betsy now would you Jane?" she raised an eyebrow.

Jane grinned. "Of course not; I'll eat!" Jane shooed Dolly away.

Dolly passed Maura on her way out of the room, her eyes cast downwards respectfully. Maura had watched the exchange keenly and was not altogether happy with either the familiar way that Dolly addressed Jane or the way Maura felt as she observed them interact. Maura was reminded of the way she felt on first seeing Jane with Emma and she tried to remind herself that she had been unreasonable then and more importantly; completely wrong in her presumptions. Maura hoped that she could keep that in mind now.

Jane looked hungrily at the tray of food and picked up a large slice of buttered bread, before regarding Maura who stood like a statue half way to the door.

"I thought you were going to the library? Are you alright?" Jane said; pausing with the bread in mid air.

"Yes." Maura said quickly. "I am just surprised that you and the maid are so …..friendly."

Jane returned the bread to the tray and sat back in her chair with a smile. "Yes, we are…_friendly_, Dolly had a difficult time when we first got to England, she missed home, I offered her a shoulder to cry on." Jane watched Maura carefully.

Maura gave nothing away. "I expect you feel some kind of affinity; both being so far from home." Maura remarked reasonably.

Jane nodded; still taking in Maura's apparent coolness. A person who didn't know her every look, down to the slightest glint in her eye, would have completely missed the fact that Maura was upset, jealous, worried and very annoyed.

Jane smirked as she picked up the bread and tore off a large chunk, ramming it into her mouth and filling it, leaving Maura; the only one who could speak.

"She is very thoughtful; making it her business to bring you food, to make sure you eat; considering she is a ladies maid, not a house maid and has plenty of duties relating to Miss Dawson to fulfil." Maura rambled.

Jane swallowed her bread and spoke. "Maur, your time would be better spent reading your new book and letting me finish here."

Maura smiled at Jane, but the small flounce as she left the room caused Jane to laugh out loud.

Xxxxxx

When Jane entered the library less than an hour later she found it empty and thought that maybe she had judged badly and Maura had been more upset than she thought earlier, however it was late; perhaps she had just been tired as Jane was herself. Jane headed for the stairs; the house was deathly silent and Jane only now realised how late it was.

As Jane reached the top of the stairs and turned into the gallery she spotted Maura, or rather Maura's head rising up from behind the back of a seat in the bay of the first of two large windows. Jane was filled with relief at seeing Maura there; clearly waiting for her.

As Jane reached the bay; Maura turned a seductive smile on her and held out a hand.

"Would you join me?" She asked.

"The loveseat?" Jane said, accepting the proffered hand and taking a seat in the plum velvet upholstered chair for two.

A sexy smile was the only response to her question.

"How is your new book?" Jane asked innocently.

"Its poetry; by Ms E Dickinson." Maura held up the book and flicked it open, clearing her throat before reading aloud.

"I held a jewel in my fingers—

And went to sleep—

The day was warm, and winds were prosy—

I said "Twill keep"—

I woke and chide my honest fingers—

The gem was gone—

And now, an Amethyst remembrance—

Is all I own— "

"Not exactly uplifting, and where was the rhyme?" Jane said; a little underwhelmed by the poem.

"Ms Dickinson uses slant rhyme, sometimes called near rhyme or imperfect rhyme; it is consonance on the final consonants of the words involved." Maura explained.

"I have a poem for you." Jane said brightening substantially.

"There once was a woman called Jane,

Who's tongue was considered a pain,

She had once almost sold it,

And tried hard to hold it,

But alas she struggled in vein."

Maura suppressed a smile and tried to look disapproving. "That is a nonsense poem in the style of Edward Lear; commonly referred to as a Limerick."

"Well it rhymes at least." Jane said smugly as she regarded the view of the darkened street; the lamplighters having already been and shut off the gas and the streets empty save the usual police patrols and the occasional passing carriage heading homeward.

"When I found the library empty; I thought you were upset with me." Jane confessed.

Maura frowned. "No, of course not; I was perhaps a little jealous when the ladies maid was waiting on you, I didn't realise you were friends. I know it's ridiculous; I think that because we have to be apart so much I have been feeling somewhat irrational and possessive, it really is very unlike me."

Jane nodded sympathetically, leaning into the chair which was shaped so as to allow its occupants to face each other, while sitting closely and shielding them off slightly from the rest of the world; Jane decided she approved.

Jane placed a hand over Maura's own, which lay beside her on the seat and quickly their fingers entwined, Maura giving Jane an appreciative look. Since the night that Maura had visited Jane in her room; any time they spent alone together seemed to have a thrilling new edge that was spurring them on to share more with one another than ever before. There had been an undeniable spark between them since the very earliest days of friendship, but now that flicker had been ignited it seemed to be increasing in intensity, with every passing moment and Jane couldn't help feel that the flames would engulf them and burn out of control.

The shadow dancing in the light from their fire at the moment was Jane's unspoken knowledge of Dawson. Jane knew absolutely that she could not allow the physical relationship between them to progress any further without telling Maura what she knew, and they must discuss what their future would hold; Jane needed this just as much as she needed to be honest with Maura. Jane needed to know if and when they gave themselves over fully to one another; whether it would be the early explorations of an exciting new facet of their budding relationship; to be repeated and practiced often, or whether it would be a bitter sweet joining, filled with unmade promises and desperate longing that she would carry with her and revisit only in the tunnels of her mind and remembering.

Maura stifled a yawn and stroked her hand along the edge of Jane's thigh through the side of her dress that was turned away from the window. Jane took a deep breath and turned questioning eyes on Maura.

"I am a little tired Ms Rizzoli; would you care to see me to my room?" Maura said in a voice that said more than her words.

Jane paused in thought; they would need some privacy to discuss Dawson, she would have to tell Maura as soon as she could, it wouldn't do to hold off any longer. Jane stood and held out a hand to Maura.

XXXX

As they entered Maura's powder room, Jane caught sight of Maura's maid sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, she had been startled out of a shallow sleep by their sudden appearance; though they had been quiet, and Maura addressed her briefly, dismissing the young woman, who nodded awkwardly at Jane as she left.

Jane looked around the room, she had never seen Maura's at Ashby so she had nothing to compare it too but this room did not seem like Maura. Jane remembered Maura telling her that where she had re-decorated many of the rooms she used most at Ashby to her own taste, the town house had been maintained more in the style her mother had installed. Jane thought that it had a definite French feel with a large rosewood dressing table with a floral pattern around the edges and maroon silk damask drapes.

Maura took off her necklace and lay it on the dressing table, forcing Jane to look at her throat and catch the sight of her pulse point there. Maura locked eyes with Jane standing behind her through the mirror and began to take the pins from her hair, more hair escaping and tumbling down her back as she pulled each one free.

Jane stepped closer and put a hand on Maura's shoulder.

"Maura, I have to talk to you." Jane said weakly.

Maura turned and put a steadying hand on Jane's waist as she lifted herself up a little to kiss the taller woman's cheek.

"Really, I must tell you something." She tried again.

"Mmmm Hmm." Maura said distracted by the smooth skin behind Jane's ear as she ran the tip of her tongue over it curiously.

"It's a little difficult while you are doing…..whatever it is you're doing." Jane said, involuntarily arching her head back and opening up her throat like an invitation which Maura readily accepted.

"Put it in a letter, I'd like to see your penmanship." Maura purred against Jane's neck.

While Jane quickly contemplated the sexual implications of the word penmanship, Maura diligently continued her meticulous exploration of the warm skin of Jane's throat, neck and left shoulder; which she had masterfully excavated from beneath Jane's dress, now tracing a feather -light finger along the skin at the neck of the garment.

Jane trembled as Maura worked her mouth back up to Jane's slightly parted lips. Jane gave up her pathetic attempt at resistance to enjoy and return with equal fervour; Maura's passionate kiss, quickly granting access to her teasing tongue. Jane allowed her in; only to quickly seize control of the kiss, until _her_ mouth was making the assault on Maura's senses, finally have beaten the lady back.

Jane pulled away suddenly, leaving Maura gasping for air.

"Now, right now, I have to tell you something, right now, this….now." Jane stammered with renewed vigour.

Maura frowned sharply at Jane's tone. "Okay." She breathed; still trying to re-oxygenate. The panting was doing nothing to cement Jane's resolve.

Jane took a small step away from Maura; creating a little distance between them which Maura looked at accusingly as if it were a great insurmountable chasm.

"I discovered something about Dawson that you should know. And I have to tell you before we go any further." Jane put a hand up haltingly and Maura looked puzzled at the introduction of Dawson's name.

"There is no easy way to say this….. You know that I only joined Dawson's staff a couple of weeks before we came here. He had a secretary before me, he told me she left his employ as she didn't wish to journey to England and I accepted that as a perfectly good reason; I had no reason to believe otherwise."

"But that was not the case?" Maura prompted.

"No; that was not the case." Jane repeated. "They were lovers." As soon as Jane uttered the word she wished she had used another. It somehow seemed to relate the fact that she was in Maura's rooms, coming so recently from her arms; to the matter of Dawson taking advantage of Jane's predecessor.

"Kate; that was her name, Katherine I suppose, she was having an intimate relationship with Dawson." Jane continued steadily.

Maura's eyebrows rose but she didn't seem very shocked to hear this and was indeed more confused by why Jane would raise this with her now. Jane took both Maura's hands in her own and looked into her eye's, speaking softly as if explaining something to a child and realising that Maura would never guess the rest.

"She was carrying his child; a son as it turned out. Dawson gave her some money to support them and to buy her discretion and then left them behind."

Now Maura was appropriately shocked. "He has a son?"

Jane nodded slowly and ran her thumb gently over Maura's knuckles. "Yes." She confirmed.

"I see, and he left them in America?" Maura was processing the information as she spoke. "Is this common knowledge? How did you find it out?" she asked calmly as she withdrew from Jane and turned her back on her briefly.

"There was a rumour amongst the staff, someone warned me; concerned that Dawson may turn his attentions toward me." Jane shook her head at the immediate look of horror on Maura's face. "I have a friend at home, someone I trust with my life, and I requested he investigate the situation of the secretary on my behalf."

"So Dawson is unaware that you know this?" Maura enquired, beginning to pace and twisting her hands together.

Jane nodded her head and stood straight in response to Maura's suddenly formal attitude. "He is blissfully unaware."

"And the child is with the mother? He is safe, cared for? You are sure?" Maura continued to pace.

"Yes. Frost; my friend, has become acquainted with Kate; he says she is prepared to raise the boy alone….. Only ….." Jane broke off.

Maura's eyes darted fearfully to Jane. "Only?"

"She had a difficult confinement; she is still unwell; a nurse cares for the child until she recovers fully." Jane explained, determined that now she had begun; she told Maura all.

Maura suddenly came to a halt and turned on Jane. "How long have you known this Jane?"

"Not long. Almost two weeks." Jane supplied. "I received Frosts letter the day … the day we argued; it didn't seem the time to bring it up." Jane said gently.

Maura softened a little and she slipped effortlessly into Jane's arms. Jane held her protectively, wishing she could only shield Maura from this and the many hard truths that the world had in store for her.

Xxxxxxxxx

**A/N- Hey all, big shout out to Emily Dickinson, I obviously do not own her poem, although I did make up Jane's limerick ;-) Thanks again for all the reviews and keep them coming, I love to hear what you all think. **


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N- Hope everyone is having a good weekend! We have been enjoying the snow here and now I am warming my toes in front of the fire. Enjoy x**

Ashby 16

Maura had fallen asleep in Jane's arms in the early hours of the morning and Jane had placed her gently beneath the covers and left her sleeping; as she slipped quietly back to her own room and into a significantly cooler bed. Jane had finally drifted off with only thoughts of what might have occurred tonight; had she delayed telling Maura about Dawson, to warm her.

This morning Jane had woken early; after only a couple of hours sleep and headed down to the study knowing she would get no more rest until she had seen Maura and discussed last nights revelations further. It had been so late last night that after the shock of the initial confession they had spoken very little and only found comfort in each others arms.

Jane busied herself with some organizing of her papers, distractedly sorting documents and correspondence. Conditions had seemed to improve slightly with the Australian dock workers and so shipments had resumed their usual schedules and things had been running much more smoothly.

Maura steamed noisily into the study; looking immaculate as was always the case, her hair in a neat knot; not a strand out of place, her face with no sign of the troubled sleep she had suffered.

"I am going to speak with Dawson and my Father today; I have to tell them what we know. I won't inform them how I have unearthed it; but the accusation alone will be enough and if Dawson dares to deny it…" Maura glanced at Jane as she continued to ramble. "After this disaster I will be well able to put off another match for at least a year, maybe longer and the scandal that will inevitably rise from a broken engagement, even where the particulars are unknown, should they remain so, is enough to put off a large amount of suitors. That and my age; the fact I have not yet borne children and my mothers history; may well leave me without a suitable husband until the years have quite passed me by." Maura concluded haughtily.

Jane had waited almost patiently through this. "And if you never marry Maura? Have you thought about what would become of you then?" Jane asked.

"I'm sure my Father could arrange something for me in his will, a little income; enough to afford a cottage in the village. He may well outlive us all and this would all be for nought!" Maura said optimistically. Jane looked troubled. "Jane, I thought you would be pleased?"

Jane forced a rather weak smile. "I'm just not sure things would work out quite as you hope."

"Well anything is better than being married to such a man, and who knows; he may well return to America and take up with Katherine and his child again." Maura stated.

"That is a very noble thought, but I think it highly unlikely Maura." Jane said softly; a heavy hand over her heart.

"Jane." Maura said anxiously. "What worries you so?"

Jane pursed her lips and shook her head. "I suppose I am just being selfish; I don't like to think of leaving you is all."

Maura's face contorted in a deep frown. "Why should you have to do that?"

Jane rolled her eyes a little at Maura and then avoided her gaze completely. "If Dawson returns to America; I go with him."

"No Jane, you wouldn't surely? You could find work here; England has need of secretaries too." Maura reasoned.

"Perhaps." Jane admitted. "But think about it carefully Maura, were I to get a position in town or an estate in the south of the country; when would we meet? Half the year you would be in Yorkshire and even if we could be in London at the same time the rest of the year; how much time have we managed to spend together whilst living in the same house? How would it be if I was elsewhere? It would be unbearable. Unless I have somehow missed the many Lady and secretary dances that have been thrown this summer?" Jane hadn't meant the bitter sarcasm that had crept into her voice; however she could feel her frustration taking over as she encountered what she felt was Maura's completely unrealistic expectations and continued naivety.

Maura flinched as she felt instinctively; Jane's annoyance, the taller woman now standing; hands on hips in a defensive pose.

"What are you saying Jane? That if I don't marry Dawson; I lose you?" Maura looked stricken and looked desperately to Jane to deny this.

Jane dropped her hands and chewed on her bottom lip.

"That cannot be why you marry him. I am not asking or expecting anything from you Maura." Jane had crossed to her and taken hold of her by the tops of her arms. "I only want you too think carefully about what you do next. If you really must marry; Dawson may not be the worst option."

Maura's mouth fell open in shock and as if she may well protest.

"Men have done worse Maura; believe me and at least we know what it is we are dealing with now." Jane said still holding Maura slightly away from her.

Maura looked deflated. "Why is this so complicated? Usually the right thing to do is very clear to me."

Jane smiled sympathetically. Though she had a brilliant mind Maura often behaved like a complete innocent and Jane couldn't help but find it endearing even through her frustration.

"Just go to breakfast, act like everything is normal and spend a little time thinking about you're options." Jane instructed.

Maura looked doubtful, but nodded slightly.

"We are due to go back to Ashby in a couple of weeks, if this is all going to come out in to the open; wouldn't that be better taking place there rather than in the middle of town; for all to see and speculate about?" Jane reasoned.

Maura's brow creased thoughtfully. "I suppose you have a point on that score." She had to concede.

Jane smiled fondly. "We can talk about it some more later." Jane said guiding Maura to the door. "Go and talk to Natalie about the Andersons ball or the dress she will wear to her next luncheon." Jane said scathingly.

Maura looked forlornly at Jane and pushed herself against her as they reached the door, her hands each grasped fistfuls of Jane's dress and Maura's cheek lay flat against Jane's chest. "I can't let you go Jane." She whispered against Jane's skin.

Jane kissed the top of her head. "We will make this work in our favour Maura, I promise; I won't be going anywhere without a fight."

Xxxxxxxx

"Dolly!" Jane tried to make her voice soft yet heard; as she called to her young friend down the corridor outside the servant's hall.

Dolly swung around instantly on hearing her name and was surprised to see Jane beckoning her.

"Say you'll join me for a walk?" Jane said as Dolly approached her. "I have to get out of this house. Miss Dawson is out all day. We could explore a little; I need a distraction." Jane persuaded.

"Alright, I shall." Dolly grinned. "Give me a few minutes and I'll meet you out back."

More than a few minutes later Dolly appeared, wearing what Jane suspected was her best hat.

"So where do you want to go?" Jane asked. "Name anywhere you like, I just want to get out."

"Ooooh, I think we should go on the underground railway to The Army and Navy Stores." Dolly said excitedly. "I have never been on the underground."

"Alright." Jane shrugged. "You know they have just opened a new line that is the deepest underground electric railway in the world; almost 200ft below the ground."

Dolly looked impressed and a little concerned. "Wow, you know a lot about it Jane. Have you ridden it?"

Jane smiled and shook her head more at her self than at Dolly's question, she was beginning to sound like Maura; spouting interesting facts at the drop of a hat. Come to think of it, she had probably been told the information by Maura at some point.

"No, I haven't. Let's go then." Jane agreed and the two turned to make their way to the station at the British Museum only a short walk away.

"So how are things with your friend?" Jane inquired. "You know the footman? Peter, Paul was it?" Jane prompted at the blank look Dolly had given her.

"Oh, yes he is fine I'm sure, he is just a friend Jane, he talks the talk to all the girls but he isn't a bad sort, he only wants to do well in service. He dreams of being Mr Dawson's valet and then one day of running the whole house. I can't see a lad like that as a stuffy old butler but he is quite adamant." Dolly said a little disparagingly.

"You don't have dreams beyond service Dolly surely?" Jane feigned shock.

Dolly grinned. "I suppose I should be grateful for my position, when Miss Dawson marries; if she keeps me on and if she marries well of course, I should be a real ladies maid in a grand house." She shrugged as if the idea was not of great appeal.

"But?" Jane ventured.

"I always thought I would like to be an actress. A group of us went out last week to The Lyric Theatre on the West End; we saw La Cigele starring Miss Mabel Love. It was the most wonderful evening Jane. I think a girl would feel like a queen being up on stage with everyone admiring her." Dolly said wistfully.

The journey down from the street to the platform had been a long one and as they stood and waited for the next train to arrive Jane tried not to think about just how far beneath the surface they were. The next train arrived much more quietly than the trains above ground, and the belt of air that suddenly engulfed Jane made her feel like she had been rather snuck up on.

The impromptu excursion to the huge Army and Navy Auxiliary stores on Victoria Street was in full swing rather quickly, even with the change of train at Charing Cross and as they reached the store Jane could see waves of young women flocking to the building.

Inside the place was stacked full of merchandise of all different descriptions. Jane had warned Dolly that she was not a lover of shopping and that she could only bear so much and Dolly had brushed her off saying that she only wanted a small look and that she had to back before anyone missed her anyway. They moved quickly through stationary and the turnery department and even ladies wear and right into accessories.

Dolly began to finger brightly coloured scarves and almost pressed her face against the glass of the cases that held rows of neatly lined jewellery. Jane registered that it all looked very impressive although the goods on sale here were not the luxury sort of items of the Miss Dawson's or the Lady Maura's of the world but they were very pretty imitations. The watchword in this popular store was affordable. Girls like Dolly could be helped to live out their fantasy of another life at a price they could meet.

Jane drifted through the department and found herself in hosiery; she scanned some of the stockings hanging in great straight rows and turned to find herself looking at a display of nightdress' or the latest in luxury chemise as a large sign corrected her. Jane considered the garment closely; it was different to the few that Jane owned which had been chosen primarily for warmth and comfort. The first dress was sleeveless with a plunging neck line and made of the finest Egyptian cotton; tightly woven so as to make it almost transparent. This garment was meant to be seen and admired and Jane first imagined Maura wearing it, but then was left to consider Maura's reaction if she were to find Jane modelling this style.

Dolly popped up over Jane's shoulder and the taller women guiltily jumped out of her skin, her cheeks suddenly on fire, firstly from her imaginings and secondly from being caught out during those imaginings. Dolly pulled out the chemise that Jane had been admiring and whistled.

"Would you look at that!?" Dolly giggled. "I'd wager Mabel Love wears one of these to bed." She winked at Jane.

Jane had to smile and dismissed her embarrassment instantly. "Are you all done?" She asked and receiving a nod the two women made their way out of the building.

As they strolled back toward the house; Dolly chatted happily and Jane tried to focus on what she said and prevent her thoughts drifting time and time again back to Maura and the situation they were in, what Maura might do next and how Jane would feel about that.

"So you won't be happy to leave London Dolly?" Jane asked to encourage Dolly to continue.

"No, I have been busier here but London has so much going on; Ashby can be a little dull." Dolly's face lit up now. "Though; I am looking forward to the wedding, of course! All the girls are excited about that."

Jane's heart sank; she had been looking forward to returning to Ashby; Maura had more time for her there and Maura felt happier in her own space and that rubbed off on Jane. She had blocked out thoughts of the wedding, but now she had to admit to herself that almost as soon as they returned to Ashby the preparations for the wedding would begin.

As Jane and Dolly approached the house the pheoton that Jane recognised as belonging to Maura pulled up alongside the house and Maura, Miss Dawson and Lady Diana were helped out by the coachman.

Dolly froze as if being completely still would somehow also make her invisible; however that was clearly not the case as Miss Dawson spotted her and scowled first at Dolly and then Jane. Jane put a hand on Dolly's arm and moved them closer to the three women who stood surveying them.

"Ladies." Jane spoke first and performed a small curtsey; looking at each woman in turn and finally letting her gaze return to Maura. "I hope you have had an agreeable day?" Jane asked politely.

Maura had glared at Dolly, who had not noticed this with her eyes fixed firmly on her feet.

"Dolly?" Miss Dawson said calmly. "Where exactly have you been? Did I forget you had a half day today?" She asked suspiciously.

Dolly looked up at Miss Dawson and Jane thought the young woman may vomit on her shoes; it was difficult to believe that this was the lively, confident girl from mere moments ago.

Maura stepped forward slightly. "I forgot to mention Natalie, I asked Dolly to run an errand for me this morning. My own girl was busy and I needed to place an order for some new luggage; I hope you don't mind, she didn't seem terribly busy." Maura said sweetly.

Miss Dawson was watching Maura so didn't catch the look of complete bafflement on Dolly's face before she could recover and manage a small smile.

"No, of course; if you needed something." Natalie said, still a little puzzled.

Diana sighed. "Let us get indoors; I simply cannot bear standing out on the street gossiping like fishwives." She called behind her as she strode toward the open door of the house. Jane and Dolly nodded politely and made there way to the servants entrance.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Jane found herself once again sat in a comfortable chair in the library with the Lady of the house spread comfortably across her lap. It was not as late as last night; however it had felt like a long day. Maura seemed to have calmed down over the course of the day and was now quiet and pensive as she leaned into Jane. Maura had agreed not to rush into any decision or action and they had tried to forget for just a few minutes; that their future happiness was hanging in the balance. They sat comfortably listening to the sounds of the house and happy to discuss the ins and outs of the day.

"Thank you, for helping out Dolly earlier." Jane said after a moment. "I had asked her to come out with me; I would loathe getting her into trouble."

Maura smiled on one side of her face. "I should have known you would be responsible for leading the poor girl astray Ms Rizzoli." Maura said light heartedly.

"You are no longer jealous?" Jane asked a little aggrieved.

"I believe I have gained control of myself somewhat." Maura stated; her head held high. "Perhaps; a very little." She confessed at Jane's questioning eyebrow. Maura stopped short of asking Jane where she had been with Dolly and what they had done; she knew she really had no right to and decided that what mattered most was the time she had with Jane now and drinking in every second of it.

They sat in the warmth of each other for several minutes more, each with their own thoughts until Maura sat up a little straighter to address Jane.

"Have you ever thought….? Did you….Do you.. plan to have children …." Maura struggled with how to ask the question and Jane covered her hand with one of her own; to silence her.

"I never planned not to have children; I suppose I assumed for a long time that I would. Ma always taught me that a woman's greatest purpose was to have a family." Jane began. "I chose education and an occupation; I wanted to better myself and, as my Mother see's it; that may have cost me a family of my own. I made that decision a long time ago." Jane assured Maura. "I don't expect to ever marry; no matter what happens."

Maura gave Jane a small smile and laced their fingers, and she relaxed a little as Jane looked expectantly at her.

"It has always been impressed upon me; the importance of having a son, but secretly I have only ever envisioned myself with a daughter; perhaps as an opportunity to, at last, be part of a fulfilling Mother-daughter relationship." Maura frowned a little and Jane set to brushing it away.

"I think you would make a wonderful mother; you could teach a child so much and you are unbelievably loving, Maura." Jane praised.

"How could I be anything but loving toward you?" Maura grinned. "Other people have called me cold and I admit I have often feared that I may be a distant parent like my mother, since meeting you however; I feel overflowing with love, I think I have enough for a hundred children." Maura chuckled and Jane felt it reverberate through her body and soul.

"You should have children; the world needs more pieces of you in it." Jane declared as she dipped her head for a kiss.

"And how should you feel if you were around to witness me having Dawson's child? Have you considered that?" Maura asked as she broke off the tender kiss.

Jane sighed. "I have considered and agonised over every eventuality and I think I could survive all of them so long as they contained both you and I. I would love any child of yours Lady Maura." Jane said in all honesty.

"And you could be happy watching me be a wife to someone else?" Maura spoke carefully; her eyes searching Jane's face which had tightened at the question.

"Of course I would get no joy seeing you with him, it can only cause me tremendous pain; but it's a pain I am willing to endure." Jane said seriously.

Maura looked at Jane. "If I release you, perhaps you could find someone else, someone who is free; someone like Emma or even someone at home; from a similar background to your own, it may make your life easier Jane." Maura reasoned, knowing as she spoke that if Jane ever agreed to this notion Maura would throw herself to Jane's feet and beg her not to go.

"It is not really in your power to release me any longer Maura; even if that was what I wanted. I'll belong to you forever; and I am unswervingly loyal. I'm afraid nothing at all can be done about that." Jane smirked as she shook her head dramatically.

"If we should get another day, a month, a year or even ten years together it would be something, anything; more than a lifetime apart." Jane said, kissing the back of Maura's hand as she held it up, draped over her own. Jane studied every crease and every quirk of the hand she held; more delicate and softer than her own, she intended to study every part of Maura in such detail and commit it all to memory before anyone could prevent her.

xxxxxxxxx

**A/N- Hope some of your questions are answered in this chapter although more is still to be revealed of course! The actress Mabel Love that Dolly so admired is real and you can see more of her at this excellent website- **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N- Short chapter; tying up some loose ends in London. One more chapter and then we will be heading back to Ashby; where it will all be kicking off! ;-0**

Ashby 17

The hospital was as captivating as Maura had remembered it to be and again she was filled with a sense that some part of her fitted in to this place; her inquisitive nature and her logical, objective approach being something that would serve her well in this environment.

Today a Mr Rogers was shepherding Maura and Jane around the institution; he had obviously been selected by the board to represent them in such matters as securing funds due in no small part to his natural leaning toward over the top flattery and charm.

Jane was handling his compliments and attentions with a mixture of sarcasm, boredom and blatant contempt which Maura found quite amusing, though she did feel a little sympathy for the gentleman; who stood no chance at all in a battle of wits against the secretary.

Maura had been fascinated as they passed through the hospital wards, taking in the sights and sounds from the point of view that a doctor would and asking questions about conditions and staff levels but very rarely interacting with the patient. Jane on the other hand had taken time to speak with several of the patients who were sitting up in their beds and asked how they felt and what had happened to them in a way that conveyed her sympathy and understanding; she offered gentle reassurances and Maura witnessed the easy way in which she shook a hand or ruffled the hair of a small child. Maura was reminded of the way the children in the village had responded to Jane when Maura had removed their mother's appendix and she felt a stab of envy at how natural it was for Jane to connect with others; a trait that Maura had never acquired.

Maura was more comfortable when they finally headed in the direction of the operating theatre in a different wing of the hospital altogether; which held laboratories', offices and the theatre. They filed past cabinets that lined the hallway with painstakingly detailed wax depictions of diseased body parts and internal anatomy.

"I'm afraid that the lecture theatre is off limits this afternoon ladies'." Rogers stated as they approached the entrance. "A body is currently being prepared for dissection; the students will be arriving in just a few moments. The case was an unexpected death; received from the local asylum."

Maura looked disappointed. "I really did wish for Ms Rizzoli to see the theatre; in order to get a full view of the invaluable teaching that goes on here. Perhaps we could visit briefly before the students arrive?" Maura met Rogers own charm levels easily as she fluttered her long eyelashes and simpered demurely.

" I am afraid the body has already been laid out ready to begin, I am certain you would not wish to see such a thing." Rogers said grinning happily.

"It does not me deter me I assure you; Ms Rizzoli would you be adverse to such a sight?" Maura shot Jane quickly.

Jane who had watched Maura with curiosity and amusement during her exchange with Rogers, was not at all sure that she wanted to go inside and view a recently deceased body, however she could see that Maura had a mind to and she couldn't bear to give Rogers the satisfaction of winning the argument.

"Not at all; it wouldn't be the first lifeless corpse I have encountered." Jane announced. "Even today." She added quietly for only Maura to hear. "That is unless Lady Maura would like to leave early and make it to the home for destitute girls after all?" Jane asked mischievously, enjoying the sudden discomfort evident in Mr Rogers's face where an unconvinced look had just lived.

"Well, if you are sure." Rogers said quickly. "Although it is highly irregular, I am sure it would do no harm for you to have a seconds glance at the facility." Rogers smiled obligingly as if he had insisted on the idea himself.

Jane didn't wait for him to finish his sentence before stepping past Maura and pushing the heavy door open for her; standing to one side and admitting the lady. Maura brushed lightly past Jane and their eyes met for the briefest of moments wherein each woman's smile spoke plainly of more than the simple actions they performed.

Maura strode into the operating theatre with a confident and business like air. Without a break in her stride she approached the table and respectfully peeled back the potato sack material that had been draped over the body; folding it back to reveal the head and shoulders of a middle aged woman. Jane held back and turned to look at the arrangement of the rest of the room. Rogers stood nervously in the doorway, watching them both and the corridor, he finally let the door fall to a close as Maura revealed the dead woman's face.

Maura studied the face carefully; the skin was ashen, and was wrinkled and stretched in a way that suggested the woman had not always been as slight as she was now, she had once held a healthy round face upon these shoulders. The woman's hair fanned out beneath her on the table and Maura noted the signs of repeated hair dye use, which judging by the length of the natural colour, close to the scalp, had ceased abruptly around a month ago, or thereabouts. This woman had cared about her appearance and taken care of herself; unless someone else had undertaken the task.

"Mr Rogers, how long had this woman been resident in the asylum?" Maura asked quizzically.

"I believe she had been admitted fairly recently but has remained quite unclaimed; an unusual case." Rogers replied; a small suspicious frown on his brow.

Maura nodded once and moved swiftly to where a tray of surgical instruments had been set out, taking up one of the steel handled knives and returning to the woman's side. Maura gently slipped the cool flat instrument, handle end, underneath the upper lip and folded it back slightly to reveal the gums. Maura leant over the body to make a full inspection and Jane flinched slightly as Maura seemed to breathe in and consider the smell of the woman's breath, with nothing but an interested look on her face.

Jane watched Maura's every move carefully and Roger's held up a hand to his chest in an expression of shock, he began to splutter a protest until Jane silenced him with a dangerous look.

"There is a thin, grey-blue line; visible along the margin of the gums and at the base of the teeth. It has been named The Burton line after the physician who first described it. He was once a Doctor here I believe?" Maura directed the last part of her observation to Rogers in particular who merely confirmed with a nod.

"The Burton line is a tell tale sign of colica pictonium." Maura took in Jane's blank look. "Lead poisoning." Maura clarified.

"Many of the symptoms of chronic exposure are seen in the central nervous system such as insomnia, delirium, tremor, hallucinations. It would appear to many as a type of madness." Maura reasoned.

"So you think she was poisoned?" Jane asked, curiosity drawing her closer to the table and the body.

"It will be evident in the body upon dissection; there will be gastrointestinal damage and damage to other organs. Lead is a very inefficient poison, requiring many administrations over a length of time in order to kill its victim. This may be a case of accidental exposure; Lead acetate is often prescribed by doctors to treat ailments such as diarrhoea, stomach complaints and is used by many women for skin problems and improving ones complexion."

"But you think it could be a murder?" Jane questioned in alarm, causing Rogers to gasp loudly behind them.

Maura remained calm. "I would not attempt to guess, that is a matter for the police; but there is a possibility."

"It's fascinating!" Jane declared, shaking her head in disbelief at Maura and grinning.

"Now." Maura said as she straightened subconsciously under the glow of pride that Jane radiated around her. "Shall we return to your office to finalise the details and sum of the donation?"

Rogers nodded vigorously and seemed relieved as he reached for the door quickly, holding it open wide enough for each of the two women to sail comfortably through.

Xxxx

"I cannot believe he agreed to your terms Jane!" Maura said excitedly; the very second that Mr Rogers had bid them farewell and turned to leave.

"It was what you wanted?" Jane asked; briefly uncertain.

"Of course." Maura gave a squeeze to Jane's upper arm, before linking their arms together for the few short steps to the waiting carriage. "To be able to attend dissections and lectures when I am in town; to have access to the library and learning materials and to have communications from the board on the hospitals future developments." Maura had to remind herself again of what they had agreed in order to fully comprehend it and as she did she became a little breathless in her seat beside Jane.

Maura placed a hand over Jane's and caught her eyes with a quiet look of devotion. "Thank you." Maura said. "I have never before had anyone truly believe in and actually encourage me and my interests."

Jane laced her fingers with Maura's and smiled nonchalantly.

"My Father has often indulged me but he never understood." Maura continued, looking at their hands rather than into Jane's face; as she felt a little overcome. "You don't think me ghoulish?" She asked.

Jane's face fell into a frown. "No I do not, I think you are the most brilliant woman I ever laid eyes upon Lady Maura, I truly admire your knowledge and skill." Jane held Maura's gaze and the carriage suddenly lurched forwards throwing both women to the edge of their seats and closer together. Jane reached out to keep Maura from falling and now found she held the other woman in her arms. Jane stole a chaste kiss as she returned Maura to her seat and sat back in her own place.

"Really; thank you Jane." Maura said with a new blush to her cheeks.

"You should thank Dawson. Enough money can buy just about anything." Jane scoffed.

Maura froze beside her as Jane considered the statement she had just made and felt a rush of regret; she wished she could snatch the words back. "Oh Maura; I am sorry, I didn't mean to suggest, I only meant.."

Maura had turned her face from Jane and kept her eyes trained on the view of the street. "It's alright Jane." She said softly. "You are quite right of course."

The excitement at their triumph had stilled and the rest of the journey back to Tavistock Square was silent.

Xxxxx

**A/N- Half way through the next chapter so it will be up soon; I want to update before I go away next week. Let me know what you think as ever, lots of love and kisses xx**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N- Hey guys. This will be the last chapter for at least a week as I am heading into the wilderness to celebrate my fifth wedding anniversary, yay me! Yup, log cabin, open fire; all sounds very romantic until you factor in the two under 5's that will be tagging along! **

Ashby 18

Jane trailed behind Emma as they made their way into the Ladies sitting room; she was trying to remind herself why she had agreed to accompany Emma to her God Mothers pretentious house party when she got her first glimpse of Lady Maura on the other side of the room. Maura wore a silk dress; the colour of the sky, but not the smoke filled sky of London, more like the colour of the sky in paradise.

Diana spotted Emma and rolled her eyes when they passed over Jane.

"Emma, what in heavens name do you mean driving that contraption around yourself, I am sure you do it to upset dear Lady Tremain; she is certain you will be flung under your horse and trampled into the gutter." Diana said dramatically.

Emma strode to join Diana. "My dear, it is perfectly safe; I have had tuition in driving and the Victoria Carriage is made with a lady driver in mind, it is quite manageable and rather exhilarating."

Diana considered Jane, who stood quietly at Emma's side. "What do you think Ms Rizzoli? Having been a passenger? Is Emma to be entrusted with the lives of others; including some finely bred horses?"

Jane was unsure if Diana was genuinely trying to involve her in conversation or was somehow endeavouring to trip her up and so answered shortly. "It was a comfortable journey Lady Malcolm, I would trust Emma to transport me again." Jane smiled politely.

Diana began to talk of the upcoming closing balls that she and Natalie would be attending and who at the ball would be celebrating impending nuptials and who should be returning to London for another season. Emma only half listened but Jane had switched off completely as she attempted to busy herself not watching and yet watching Lady Maura.

A large older woman bustled over to their small group and pushed past Diana to get at Emma. "Emma my darling you came! I was none too sure of it." She said disapprovingly.

"Tibby!" Emma said fondly and enveloped the woman in a hug. "Have I ever let you down before? You know I adore your little get-togethers." Emma teased and Tibby; as Emma had affectionately called her, gave her a dour look.

"Tibby can I introduce my dear friend Ms Rizzoli to you?" Emma said quickly and Jane quickly dipped into a polite courtesy. "Jane this is my God mother; Lady Tremain."

"Ms Rizzoli? Foreign name, Is it? Italian! I love the Italians; very attractive bunch. Far too romantic though, distinct lack of sensibilities." The woman answered her own questions and managed to sum up all her feelings on a nation in an instant.

Emma stifled a chuckle. "Jane is from America, Tibby."

Lady Tremain's face soured. "Another American? Well I am sure you are welcome even so. If you have the esteem of my dear Emma you shall also have mine."

Jane decided to take the comment as it was intended and not be too offended by the obvious disappointment Lady Tremain had suffered by finding her out to be a Yank.

"Emma you have succeeded in the impossible." Lady Tremain said quickly as if just remembering something. "My daughter Ms Rizzoli; Isabelle who is never to be seen in the company of her Mother these past three years; has today decided she will grace us with her presence, and I believe a desire to see her old companion Emma is the sole reason."

"Isabelle?" Emma asked with a thoughtful smile. "Why yes, I haven't seen her in an age; she was a sweet little thing if my memory serves me correctly, she used to follow me around always with some poor sick animal in her arms, usually a kitten and once a three legged spaniel puppy." Emma smiled warmly at the memory.

"Oh but Emma; she is quite the mature young woman these days. I think she is trying to send me to an early grave; you know she has joined some cult of poets and painters who lay about doing goodness knows what with goodness knows whom and all in the name of beauty and art. I try to avoid the details but my friends tell me these people are all degenerates." Lady Tremain suddenly looked her age and then some as she revealed her concerns.

"The aesthetes? I can't imagine she is much involved with those people, she is young; I am sure she is just trying out different ideas whilst trying to find her own path. Do not worry yourself unnecessarily." Emma reassured; covering Lady Tremain's hand with her own.

Jane had refrained from commenting as she listened to Emma's conversation with her godmother; feeling it was a matter between them, not a stranger, and as she hadn't met Isabelle Tremain yet she was really not qualified to have an opinion. Jane noticed that Maura was no longer in the room and wondered where she had gone, as she noticed Diana speaking with a couple of fashionable young women who seemed to hang on her every word.

A moment later; Emma reached for Jane's hand and pulled her without warning towards the doorway.

"You must see this." Emma said; flashing a grin and squeezing Jane's hand tightly as she dragged her through the hallway. Jane noticed the sound of piano music now filling the hall and getting louder with every step they took toward what turned out to be the music room.

Jane and Emma came to an abrupt stop a few feet inside the door and Emma dropped Jane's hand heavily.

Jane was completely caught up by the sight that was waiting for her here. Maura was sat at the piano forte seemingly oblivious to the new presence in the room, her fingers traced over the keys naturally and she seemed to be swaying slightly in time with the music.

The song was one Jane felt was familiar but she was unsure if or where she had heard it before, it reminded her of a dance; a coming together and a parting, over and over; it was soft and haunting. Jane very slowly made her way toward the piano and as the song faded to an end, Maura caught sight of Jane and her fingers faltered on the final notes.

"That was beautiful." A voice said from the window and Jane all at once realised that Maura had not been alone in the room.

A young woman sat in the window, her back resting against the wall and one leg tucked up under herself. Jane realised that Emma had been struck dumb in a similar fashion to Jane as they had entered the music room but that Emma had not been watching Maura but the young woman sitting with her head falling back and her neck arched almost worshipping the music.

Maura coloured a little as she tried not to focus on the look that Jane was giving her and nodded in the direction of the rest of her audience.

"Thank you Isabelle, It is a beautiful song." Maura said modestly as she rose from behind the piano and came around to face the others.

Isabelle finally caught sight of Emma, who had remained rooted to her spot just inside the door. Isabelle's face lit up brightly and she suddenly leapt towards Emma flinging her arms around her neck and throwing a kiss on the first cheek she could reach.

"Emma, you came?! Mother wasn't sure; but how I longed to see you!" Isabelle exclaimed loudly, clapping her hands together excitedly as she stood back to take in the sight of her long lost friend.

Emma was yet to speak and Jane decided to rescue her friend by taking the opportunity to introduce herself, she usually would never buck society's rules so blatantly however Isabelle didn't seem to stand on ceremony.

"Isabelle, good to meet you; I am Jane Rizzoli, a friend of Emma's." Jane smiled broadly and offered her hand.

Isabelle smiled politely but seemed reluctant to drag her gaze away from Emma, who on Jane's appearance had finally snapped out of her stupor.

"Yes.. Jane." Emma said finding her voice. "This is Isabelle Tremain; Lady Tremain's youngest daughter." Emma looked bewildered as she studied Isabelle. "The last time we met she was a child and now here she is." Emma said quietly.

"Oh Emma, I was almost 16 the last time we met and I am now almost 19! I am practically ancient I suppose." Isabelle chuckled. "You'll have to excuse me Miss Rizzoli I haven't been in society much over the last two years. I have been studying the arts and travelling around Europe, I forget how different things can be at home."

Maura had joined the group and shared a lightly amused, conspiratorial, look with Jane.

"Isabelle has really blossomed, don't you think so Emma?" Maura asked seemingly innocently.

"Yes indeed, I would not have recognised her; Europe has clearly been kind to you Isabelle." Emma agreed.

"Oh but the two of you have not changed at all!" Isabelle declared. "You are just as I remember."

Jane was busy taking in Isabelle's appearance as the conversation continued; she was a very pretty young woman and Jane admired the unconventional style she carried off. Isabelle's hair hung very naturally down her back in waves with only a loosely tied ribbon holding the front pieces away from her face. The gown she wore was abundant, flowing out around her feet but with no stiffened petticoat beneath it to hold the material away from the lines of her slim body and the sleeves of her gown were long but where the style every other woman here wore was for tight sleeves and even buttoned cuffs, Isabelle's sleeves hung away from her wrist in a great loop. Jane was put in mind of the medieval fashion she had only seen in books and paintings.

"And what are you to do now you are back in London Isabelle?" Emma asked formally.

Isabelle took Emma's arm in her own and the group drifted back to the drawing room. "Oh I am not sure yet Emma, I don't know how long I shall stay even, I have but a few friends here and mother grows more impatient with me by the hour. I need to be somewhere with beauty, the mountains of Switzerland or the beaches of southern France. I may head back to Italy; I think Florence has stolen a piece of my soul that should never return unless I do."

Jane and Maura fell into step just behind Emma and the young woman and listened to her excited chatter.

"I didn't realise you played so well, I never heard you before." Jane said to Maura alone.

"I don't play much in public anymore, the concerto's that I like to play are far to dull and melancholy for a social gathering, but Isabelle insisted and as you can probably measure already she is rather persuasive." Maura smiled fondly.

"I would like to see you, hear you; play again." Jane said with a penetrating glance at Maura.

"You shall." Maura nodded as they reached the drawing room and rejoined the gathering.

Isabelle came to an abrupt halt as she spotted Diana and her growing audience across the room. Isabelle turned to speak to Jane in particular.

"You may not believe this Ms Rizzoli, however Diana Malcolm was very unkind to me during our past acquaintance." Isabelle said a little tartly.

Maura pursed her lips and smiled sympathetically at Isabelle to confirm it. "I believe she was a little unhappy about a younger girl possibly stealing her limelight." Maura defended her friend slightly.

"Well, I was lucky to have Emma as my champion; she never failed to stand up to Diana on my part." Isabelle beamed proudly up at Emma, who looked a little flushed at Isabelle's words.

"Isabelle my darling!" Diana herself called as she sashayed in their direction. "How delightful it is to see you again."

Xxxxx

"What a pity that you are heading back to Ashby so soon Lady Maura; I don't feel like we have had anywhere near sufficient time to reacquaint ourselves." Isabelle said with genuine disappointment as Maura prepared to leave with Natalie and Diana.

"Indeed Isabelle; a great pity, I would love to hear more about your travels; not to mention to hear some of your poetry." Maura said in response and noticed Emma's eye roll. "You should come up to Ashby for the wedding. I know your mother says she cannot make the long journey but I am sure you would not be so easily prevented a visit to the north of the country."

"That sounds delightful Lady Maura; if I can arrange the transport, I will see to it at once." Isabelle said happily. "A break from town and Mother sounds very attractive." She added in a quieter voice, glancing at her mother.

"I am sure you could travel with Emma." Maura suggested; affording herself a glance at Jane's amused expression.

Emma; hearing her name snapped out of her supposed disinterest. "What was that?"

"I was just offering your services to Isabelle." Maura smiled innocently. "She would like to come to the wedding and as you will be coming up alone I suggested she could join you, I'm sure the company would be welcome?" Maura questioned.

Emma frowned slightly but would always oblige Maura and could think of no real objection; other than the fact that Isabelle's transformation from childish young girl into striking and assertive woman had rather unexpectedly toppled her.

"I am sure we could work something out as I am going anyway." Emma said; a tad grudgingly.

Isabelle was undeterred and beamed at each of them in turn. "I look forward to it." She said giddily and placed a hand on Emma's arm to give it a squeeze of gratitude.

"Yes, well; we should be leaving soon as well Jane." Emma turned away from the look she was receiving from Isabelle.

"Of course." Jane agreed with a small smirk.

Xxxx

As Emma deposited Jane at Tavistock Square soon after the party; she got down from the drivers seat to embrace her friend warmly.

The plan was that Jane would accompany Maura back to Ashby a few days earlier than the events that marked the closing of the season; Miss Dawson would remain behind with her mother and Diana to attend these. Dawson and Lord Ashby would travel with Jane and Maura for a portion of the journey on their way to XXXXXX to meet Giles Malcolm for grouse season; they would enjoy a spot of shooting before arriving at Ashby for the wedding, which of course would by then have been completely prepared and overseen by Maura.

Emma looked away from Jane as they separated and Jane would swear under oath that she saw tears in Emma's eyes. Jane was more than a little sorry to leave her friend too; she had quickly come to trust and respect Emma. The friends Jane truly valued she could count on one hand and each one of them was male. Jane had always found the company of men preferable to women; at least until she met Maura, maybe due to being raised with her brothers or the nature of her work bringing her more into contact with the ways of men. However Jane now realised that it was the company of a certain sort of woman that she had really yearned for and Emma's friendship had been part of this realisation. Jane felt too that Emma's connection to Maura would forever make her dear to Jane, there was no one else that shared Jane's wish for Maura's happiness as much as Emma.

"It has been a real privilege to get to know you Jane." Emma spoke quickly. "I shall miss you."

Jane smiled sadly. "And I you. Though I think you shall have plenty to occupy your time; and I shall see you and Miss Tremain shortly; at the wedding."

Emma frowned at this. "Yes, the wedding." She said grimly and looked for a moment as if she had more to say on that matter but managed to contain it and with that she hopped back up into her seat.

Xxxxx

**A/N- So we are heading back up north! Thank you so much for all your reviews, they are much appreciated and I wait with bated breath for more. **

**Also have to say thank you to Saint 73 and friend for the request of a love interest for Emma; I know it was Diana you were hoping for but I hope the potential relationship with Isabelle will be even better and I am so pleased that people have responded well to Emma's character; it is always risky introducing original characters; especially ones they may have designs on either of the girls. **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I am back, thank you for all the kind messages, we all had a great break. This chapter has a touch of religion in there which I normally try to avoid so if I have offended anyone it really is unintentional. Enjoy x**

Ashby 19

Jane had taken her seat beside Maura in the carriage and acknowledged Maura's maid with a nod as she climbed in and sat across from them. As Jane considered the young girl she felt a pang of guilt, they had traveled on the same train to the same destination and yet had been separated by class distinction; the girl travelling in the third class carriage with the other servants and hard working men and women. They had lived in the same house for months and Jane didn't know the girls Christian name; Maura called her Stewart and had never spoken of her with any warmth, Jane could feel even now the distance that existed between them.

Jane wondered silently about this girls story, did she have a family, a love? dreams of a life other than this; like Dolly or was she happy with her lot? Jane thought about how this young girl had risen everyday for the last year at least, to tend to Maura; to draw her bath, to comb her hair, to dress her and present her to the world and then to end every day, undoing that work and making her ready for bed. Jane imagined how it would be to dedicate a life to this and could not be objective in her conclusion that it would be a worthwhile and privileged occupation; but for motivations she felt sure Stewart would not share.

Maura sat close to Jane and Jane could feel the tension in Maura's body beginning to seep out as they steadily covered ground and a weightiness settled against Jane's body as finally Maura rested her head against Jane's shoulder and her eyes fluttered to a close. Jane sat as still as she could, fighting the urge to cover Maura's hand or brush her thumb against a cheek. Jane wondered absently what Stewart thought about Maura and also Jane, did she think them great friends? She had given nothing away when she had seen Jane enter Maura's bedroom, she may believe it an everyday occurrence for women to enter other women's bedrooms late at night and indeed Jane thought that in many instances it would be.

When the carriage finally arrived at the familiar sight of Ashby, Jane gently shook Maura's shoulder and couldn't contain the soothing sound that fell from her lips as she roused Maura.

"We're home." She said quietly and realised as she spoke the words how true that had come to be. From her first dismal view of Ashby Park; so much had changed and this place meant more to her now than she could have imagined.

Jane helped a sleepy Maura inside and they each went to their separate rooms, it was late and tomorrow they would have the whole day together. Jane looked forward to the prospect, but also knew that they would finally have to make a plan of action, the period of grace that Jane had bought herself was over and the wedding loomed ahead.

Xxxxx

"Good morning Ms Rizzoli." Maura greeted as she popped her head around the door of the study, Jane having already settled herself back in to her rightful place, she felt on her own territory in here, as much as she could.

"Lady Maura." Jane said as she drank in Maura's appearance.

"I thought this morning perhaps you would join me for a ride? Since we are back and at our leisure." Maura asked hopefully.

Jane smiled, relived by Maura's relaxed state and the fact that she seemed happy to put off the difficult discussions until later.

"That sounds just about perfect." Jane decided as she happily abandoned her desk.

The morning was a beautiful one, it was cool and crisp but the sun hung over them and lit up all of the new colours in the trees; trees still full of leaves but leaves that had transformed from the summer greens to the orange's and deep reds that signalled their coming end. Jane felt this was their way of going out of the world as they reached their most fantastic, burning bright before they dried and fell.

The pair rode in companionable quiet, occasionally chatting about something of little consequence, and reaquanting themselves with their surroundings. They had been out for around an hour and each seemed reluctant to head home, so as they reached a particularly pretty spot with a lone willow tree on a flat area, Jane dropped down from her horse and gazed up expectantly at Maura, who happily followed suit.

They sat beneath the tree and watched as the horses grazed. Maura sat in the crook of Jane's arm and leant back into her.

"I wish we could keep things this way forever, shut up Ashby to everyone else and just have our own private world." Maura said dreamily.

"Reality would come calling eventually honey." Jane sighed. "It would be easy to keep one another happy for a long time but everyone else ..."

Maura huddled further into Jane. "I know." she said quietly.

"How do you think you would feel Maura? If what we have, what we are,was discovered? You must have considered ..?" Jane asked carefully.

Jane felt Maura tense a little against her and saw a crinkle erupt on her otherwise flawless brow.

"I thought about that possibility a lot when I first recognised my feelings for you Jane. I suppose I thought I would be ashamed, fearful, feel more of an oddity, an outsider than I already do." Maura spoke plainly. "But something has changed, I find it so difficult to equate any of those feelings with what we are. I know that I cannot predict or influence the thoughts or feelings of others but I shall never be ashamed of us Jane." Maura spoke with a conviction that Jane could hear clearly.

Jane planted a firm kiss on Maura's mouth, she hadn't realised until she heard this from Maura just how much this meant to her and how worried she had been of being denied or shunned for appearance sake, she felt some relief and sighed as she stroked the back of her hand down Maura's cheek. Jane sat a few moments longer until even the warmth of Maura's body could not keep out the cold and they headed back to Ashby.

xxxxxxxx

"I want to show you something. Will you come with me?" Maura asked mysteriously.

"Anywhere." Jane agreed quickly as she firmly clasped the hand that Maura offered her.

Maura led Jane along the corridor she knew well until they came to a more narrow passage that led to a section of the house that Jane was unfamiliar with, another twist and turn and suddenly they arrived in a completely unexpected opening which Jane realised was the threshold to a small chapel.

Coloured light streamed down through the stained glass windows high up in the walls. Images that seemed familiar to Jane; of angels and men, stars and the heavens beamed down upon them. Jane reached the back of the rows of pews and held onto the dark solid wood as she turned her eyes to scan the entire room and its decoration, she became slightly aware of Maura watching her.

"This place is incredible. I didn't know this was here, you have your own chapel?" Jane said in wonder.

"Yes, didn't you know the English nobility have a particular affinity with God?" Maura said with only a hint of sarcasm.

"Lady Maura! you made a joke!" Jane exclaimed with stifled laughter.

"I did mock myself and my position, somewhat satirically." Maura gloated.

"No jokes in church!" Jane commanded seriously before breaking into a grin. Maura had been a little worried for a moment before realising that Jane's response was also a lighthearted attempt at humour.

Maura indicated with her eyes that Jane should follow her as she moved slowly down to the front pew.

Maura knelt making the sign of the cross as she dipped her head and rested her hands, now joined in prayer, upon the wooden rail before her. Jane followed her example in a more hesitant and unfamiliar way. It had been a long time since she had performed this particular ritual and she did so now with a little reluctance. Jane did not dwell on this long or choose this time to reexamine her faith but chose again to survey the room, taking in the beauty of the setting. Jane's eyes fell upon a particular image of a woman tending to a disfigured man, a healing light shining from her out stretched hands. Maura came out of her own meditations and followed Jane's gaze.

"St Bridget of Kildare; she founder of several monasteries, performed miracles. Some scholars suggest that she was syncretized with the pagan mother goddess Brighid. St Bridget was associated with perpetual, sacred flames such as the one maintained by 19 nuns at her sanctuary in Kildare. Chroniclers said the flame was surrounded by a hedge which no man could cross." Maura looked thoughtful.

"I didn't realize you had such a strong faith." Jane said, feeling somewhat bemused.

"I don't. Not in church, perhaps not even in God. I do have faith in something. I have faith now; in love." Maura finished shyly.

Jane placed a hand over Maura's that sat; still folded together.

"This chapel is no longer in regular use, although it is kept open and made available for use should anyone desire it. As a child I remember services here. My mother liked to worship privately;when she was with child or when she had suffered some loss, she spent more and more time here toward the end of her life and I came here to speak with her in the days following her death. It gave me comfort." Maura explained.

"I'm sorry." Jane said softly. Though she didn't say for what, sorry that Maura's mother had been distant, that she suffered, died? that Maura had to mourn her? Jane was sorry for all of that and more.

"I would like to marry here. If I marry Dawson... whoever I should marry, I would be expected to have my wedding in the village church, it is a great occasion for the whole village, I should not be able to deny them that." Maura admitted with a terse sigh before looking directly at Jane. "I should like to be married here." she said with more conviction.

Jane pushed a hand through Maura's hair, which today she had left almost entirely loose and natural in noticeable contrast to her usual neatly bound styles, Jane had ached to lose her fingers inside the waves all morning.

Maura leant into the touch and closed her eyes briefly as if to deprive one of her senses in order to heighten the other.

"I don't want you to feel like a sordid secret, something less than you should. You are everything to me and I want some witness to that. If I stand and make a vow before God it should be a vow to you." Maura said sincerely, a tear crept down one cheek and Jane brushed it away.

"Are you trying to make an honest woman of me Maura ?" Jane only half joked as she felt a lump rise in her own throat.

"I want you to know this Jane; that no matter what comes after and what legally binding arrangements I must enter into.." Maura looked away for a moment. "In my heart I belong to you. My heart will be faithful to you always. I hope that you... I mean to say..if you feel as strongly as you..."

Jane took Maura firmly by each arm and waited for the Lady to meet her gaze. "If I could marry you here and now Maura I wouldn't hesitate, in front of any man or God."

Maura grinned. "Well then." She said as she led Jane out from behind the pew and toward the front of the aisle, where she positioned them standing turned into one another but in full view of the alter.

"Jane Rizzoli." Maura said clearly as she took Jane's hand and laced their fingers together. Maura leant in as she heard Jane mumble something.

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli?" Maura asked.

Jane shrugged. "Well if we are going to do this right...'

Maura fought to regain her composure as she hid a giggle.

" I Maura Dorthea Isles take thee Jane Clementine Rizzoli to be my wife, I promise to be true to you; in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you, all the days of my life." Maura said slowly and as seriously as she could despite Jane's raised eyebrow on hearing Maura's middle name.

Jane couldnt contain the huge smug smile she wore on hearing Maura's declaration.

"I promise the same and that I shall never abandon you, never forget how I feel right in this moment and do everything in my power to protect you; keep you safe from harm, for always."

Jane cupped Maura's face in her palm and leant closer; brushing the soft whisper of a kiss across her lips.

Jane had always felt embarrassed; exposing her feelings to others, on the rare occasions that it happened, but now she finally had enough trust in someone; in Maura and their relationship to make herself this vulnerable.

Maura reached beneath a fold in her dress and took out a small black velvet bag; laced with a white ribbon which she undid quickly to tip two shining objects out into her upturned palm. Jane had been about to protest, assuming Maura had bought expensive rings or other jewelry, but as she looked again Jane noticed two coins; each on a delicately linked chain.

Jane took one of the coins up, for a closer look and found she held a quarter with the seated liberty image and the year on one side and as she flipped it over she saw that the underside had been smoothed off completely and a new pattern had been etched onto the surface. The design detailed two bold and familiar initials; M and J stood out against a background of a creeping plant of small flowers that wrapped around each letter repeatedly; tangling and binding them together.

Jane's smile had grown as she studied the tokens, she took the other coin in her hand to see the same design of letters, this time however on an English sovereign; the side profile of a noble Queen Victoria adorning it.

"They are inexpensive; I know but..."

"I love them." Jane interrupted suddenly, she took the clasp of the chain which held the quarter and unhooked it, placing the chain around Maura's throat and securing the fastening.

"I found them in town, a small boy was working in the street, he was so skilled ..." Maura's warm breath tingled against Jane's skin before she completed her task and set about putting on her own necklace.

Jane's eyes shone as she fully took in the sight of Maura; only now understanding her choice of a simple white dress with satin trims and a pretty patterned lace neck and sleeves. Jane took Maura in her arms and they shared a long kiss full of promises.

Maura put her arm through Jane's and turned for them to walk down the aisle once again; only now they were forever changed, forever united.

"So it's done." Jane remarked as Maura huddled as close to her as she could.

"It is. Unbreakable." Maura agreed, glancing at Jane's necklace.

"So that makes tonight..." Jane trailed off as she voiced the thought.

"A very special evening." Maura smirked, a gleam very evident in her eye.

Jane felt equal parts desire, excitement and terror rise up inside her.

xxxxx

**A/N: So, I am working on the all important next chapter and I am wondering just how far you would like to see me go with it. Am thinking an M rating may need to be applied.**

**Hope you liked it, do let me know. Thankyou xx**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: So as discussed this chapter is M rated folks. I found it really challenging to write my first M piece so I hope it comes off okay. Also I would just like to respond to a review that I can't PM. I know that so far I have spent more time on Maura, her background, her world, but this will change and you have to remember this is an AU Jane, not the Jane of the show. Also I think it is realistic for the time that Maura would feel the pressure to marry and that Jane is not really in a position to offer an alternative. PM me if u have more questions or concerns. Thanks x**

Ashby 20

Jane knocked lightly,twice upon the door to Maura's room. It was immediately wrenched open for Jane to be seized upon and flung inside by an all too eagerly awaiting; Lady Maura. Maura slammed the door shut and pushed Jane up against it, almost toppling the candle that Jane was holding. Maura showered Jane's face with sweet and hungry little kisses, running both her flat palms up against Jane's chest.

Jane was forced to push herself up on her toes to escape Maura's advancement and recapture some air. "Maura?" she asked quietly.

"You took so long." Maura explained. "I have been driven half mad with waiting."

Jane felt a twinge of guilt; she had procrastinated somewhat before coming here, even after she had taken the time to make physical preparations she had taken a little time to seriously consider what they were about to do. It wasn't that Jane didn't want to be with Maura, in fact she could not bring to mind a time when she had ever wanted anything more, it was that she had suddenly felt a pressure to perform; to make this night every bit as perfect as Maura deserved it to be and having never done anything like this before Jane felt a little out of her depth.

Jane considered Maura's breathless state and didn't miss the irony that now Maura had become the impulsive one while she had become a little distracted with the planning and the mechanics. Jane internally laughed at her own nerves and took a steadying breath; only the woman before her could reduce her to this uncertain mess.

" Let's just take our time." Jane decided. " We have all night." She reminded Maura. " and all the time after that." she added thinking back to the vows they had made earlier.

Maura seemed to calm a little and nodded up at Jane, taking a small step back and allowing Jane some freedom from her position; pinned against the wall.

Jane didn't escape however, she made a move toward Maura and brushed a stray lock of hair from her face. Maura made a small whimpering sound and moved completely away from Jane, heading to a small side table and retrieving a glass which she then delivered to Jane, paired with one of her own.

Jane took the stem of her crystal champagne flute and raised it to her lips, sipping at it experimentally as she watched Maura take a large swift gulp of the sparkling liquid. Jane held up her glass and Maura smiled at last and touched her glass to Jane's, they drank together, each woman held the gaze of the other across the rims of their glass.

"Jane." Maura began. "I am so happy, I want so much for you to be the first, the only person to ... to have me, to touch me ... often when you hold me I think that if you ever let go I might break; shatter into a thousand tiny pieces..."

Jane had watched Maura quietly as she spoke but now she quickly drained her glass and put it down. Jane approached Maura with eyes that burned into her.

"Enough talk." Jane said huskily as she placed her fingertips against Maura's lips and with the other hand she gripped the tie to Maura's robe and tugged at it, succeeding in pulling the garment open whilst drawing Maura in closer.

Jane could feel the heat of Maura's skin through the thin material of her nightdress and enjoyed the knowledge that Maura could feel her there too. Jane pulled Maura across the tiny space that remained between them and held Maura's body to hers; wanting to feel that heat all over her. Jane slid Maura's robe back over her shoulders and let it fall soundlessly to the floor.

Their lips met tenderly and began a slow, sweet torturous type of exploration. Jane's mouth moving slowly up against Maura's jaw line and back across her throat. Maura pulled away; only for as long as it took to get her hands on the fastening of Jane's robe. Jane stilled Maura's hands on the knot and took a step back before unveiling herself.

Two days before they had left London Jane had made a brief trip back to the department store she had visited with Dolly and on a whim had purchased the nightdress she had admired her first time there. She had considered not even wearing it tonight, Jane had never felt really comfortable in anything so overtly feminine and had been adding more and more of the new; no fuss outfits to her wardrobe, but when she had tried it on this evening and looked at her figure in the small mirror in her room, she had to admit that she looked well and she wanted to look well for Maura.

Maura stood now; her mouth agape and her eyes on fire, as she took in the vision of Jane.

"You are breathtaking. " Maura finally managed as she moved slowly toward Jane, throwing her arms around Jane's shoulders, pulling the taller woman down to meet her fervent kisses.

Jane scooped Maura almost completely off the ground as she wrapped her arms around Maura's waist and walked them both toward the four poster bed. Maura had left the silk hangings open on one side of the bed and Jane aimed for that side, using the post to swing them around to the edge of the bed.

Maura hadn't seemed to notice they had relocated at all until she felt herself being lowered and then pressed against the bed covers. The fleeting look of surprise on Maura's face caused Jane to pull back quickly; worried that she had gone too far, too fast or that maybe this was all a mistake; a dream. Maura frowned at the move and took hold of Jane's wrist to guide her back; shuffling over into the centre of the bed and making room for Jane.

"Please." Maura said as she sensed Jane's hesitation. "I need you Jane."

On hearing Maura's plea; Jane's nervousness left her and her instinct to take command was given full reign. Jane lowered herself onto the bed on her knees, leaning over Maura and kissing her again; her lips crashing fully into Maura's.

Maura broke off the kiss to look at Jane with a tantalizing smile, she trailed her finger along the plunging neckline of Jane's dress before changing course and using all her fingers to lightly caress Jane's breast, one finger purposefully sliding directly over Jane's already stiffened nipple and tugging lightly.

Maura's smile became smug as she measured Jane's reaction to this move; which had been to throw her head back just a little and close her eyes tightly for a second. By now Maura had risen to her knees on the bed in front of Jane; mirroring the taller womans position and letting her know that Maura wanted every bit as much access to Jane as she was going to allow Jane to her.

Jane held onto Maura firmly with a hand on her waist as she slid the opposite hand low to the hem of Maura's nightdress; which had ridden up above her knees. Jane gave Maura a questioning look as she gripped the dress and Maura immediately stretched both arms above her head; inviting Jane to slide the clothing up and away from Maura, revealing her body in its glorious entirety.

Maura shook her hair back over her shoulders and found that far from feeling self conscious under Jane's gaze, she felt immense pride in opening herself up so fully to the woman before her, the woman she loved and had promised herself to. Maura held her head high, her jaw firm, with only the hint of a smile on her serious face.

Jane reached out a hand and ran it smoothly from the nape of Maura's neck, over her shoulder and down the full length of her arm as she watched the light cast from the smouldering embers of the fire flicker against Maura's skin. Jane's fingers finally brushed Maura's and she saw Maura shiver.

"Are you cold?" Jane asked in concern.

"No." Maura shook her head, her eyes still connected to Jane's.

Maura sat back a little; more comfortably and Jane followed; dragging her hand up Maura's other side, from her waist through the curve to her rib cage, until Maura captured her hand and placed it over her own bare breast, Jane felt the weight fill her cupped palm.

Jane had admired Maura's ample bosom many times and imagined what it would be like to hold them but nothing really prepared her for the reality of a naked Lady Maura leaning into her or the sound she made as she sucked at the air sharply and moaned. Jane let one hand trail down Maura's spine as she scattered delicate kisses across the swell of her breasts, rubbing her thumb over the nipple before taking Maura into her mouth.

Maura's back arched, pushing her more deeply into Jane's mouth, her hands tangling into Jane's hair and lightly grasping at her head. Maura mumbled Jane's name and snuck her hands beneath Jane's nightdress to push her fingertips firmly into Jane's thighs and steady herself as another wave of arousal crashed over her.

Jane pushed Maura firmly back against a nest of pillows, taking the hands that had gripped her thighs and raising them up to Maura's head to press them back into the cushions.

"I do not wish to be distracted Lady Maura." Jane whispered against Maura's ear.

Maura twisted beneath Jane for a moment as Jane hovered above her and then seeing the look on Jane's face; the blatant desire, she went still and watched the dangerous smile curl up one side of Jane's mouth. Jane bent down and rewarded Maura with a soft kiss, Maura sucked at Jane's bottom lip as she drew away again.

Jane trailed her finger down the length of Maura's body, lingering around her navel and across to her hip bone as she followed the touch with reverent kisses. Maura instinctively curled one leg up, pushing her foot into the bed to brace herself slightly and Jane put a hand over Maura's knee as she turned her lips to the now raised inner thigh.

Maura moaned in torment at the slow and thorough attentions and bucked her hips impatiently.

Jane raised one eyebrow and a lusty smirk covered face to look at Maura whose need was now written clearly on her flushed face and in the exaggerated rise and fall of her chest.

"Please Jane." Maura begged, holding herself up on her elbows and almost squirming.

Jane moved back up to Maura's mouth; finding she couldn't resist kissing the pouting face and as she did so she slid her knee between Maura's legs; pressing her weight against Maura's centre. Maura let out a small cry as her mouth met Jane's and Jane increased the pressure.

Jane could feel the warm wetness of Maura covering her thigh now and realised that she too was turning to liquid at her core. Jane pulled the nightdress that she still wore higher up her own thighs so that she could settle herself over Maura's raised thigh and let Maura witness the effect she was having on Jane and at the same time fulfill her selfish need for contact there.

Maura gasped and tensed her thigh as she felt Jane straddle it, she whispered Jane's name simply for her own ears and watched as Jane closed her eyes and moaned in pleasure and relief. Jane went quickly back to her task; finally turning her attention to the short dark curls above Maura's centre, running her fingertips over and through them and down into Maura's folds. Jane heard Maura call her name desperately and she curled all but two of her fingers into her palm as she slid easily inside her.

Maura moaned deep in her throat and arched her back and hips up off the bed. Jane heard a whimper fall from her own lips as she let her fingers gently discover the depths of Maura. Jane felt Maura contract and stiffen, her hands balled into fists that clutched at the bedsheets and Jane worried fleetingly that she had hurt her lover; until she saw Maura's body tremble and go weak.

Jane bent to drop small kisses along Maura's collar bone and stilled her hand, slowly sliding out of Maura and up through her neat folds again. Maura gasped for air and another tremble shook through her body as she finally found the air to speak; she formed the only word she believed she would ever need to use again. Jane.

Jane for her part had never heard her name in so many different ways before and decided that this last one was easily her favourite.

xxxxxxx

Maura lay recovering for a moment before turning on her side to face Jane, who lay quietly next to her, soaking in the moment.

"Jane." Maura purred into Jane's neck.

Jane rolled onto her side to face Maura completely and pulled a blanket up over them as she noticed the goosebumps rising on Maura's skin. Maura plucked at Jane's nightdress with a look of disapproval on her face.

"I adore this on you, I think it may be my favourite outfit that either you or indeed I own but the time has come to take it off." Maura said sternly and with a hint of sincere regret.

Jane was happy to slip out of the nightdress that had now become damp with sweat, amongst other things, however it did cross her mind that next to Maura's perfect figure Jane was a little ungainly, awkward and decidedly less feminine and she was happy to pull the covers around herself a little closer.

Maura had other ideas as she wrapped herself around Jane and felt for the first time their naked bodies slide against each other comfortably. Maura lay over Jane now and placed her ear to listen to Jane's heartbeat, comforted by the speed of the beat of her heart.

"What are you thinking?" Maura asked absently. Jane stroked her fingers lazily along Maura's arm.

"That now you really are mine." Jane said honestly.

Maura beamed up at Jane and planted a kiss at the base of her throat. "Then its time I made you mine." she replied with a devilish smile as she continued to kiss her way down Jane's body.

Maura was well acquainted with anatomy, she had long since committed to memory the proper medical terminology for every bone, every muscle, every organ and its function. She had used her own body and that of her patients; to see the theory in practice, but now as she looked at Jane, she saw something different, new and profoundly beautiful. Jane brought the body a whole new life that Maura yearned desperately to know.

As Maura's lips reached below Jane's taut abdomen and the tip of her tongue traced a path to delve yet deeper, Jane sat upright; pushing herself forward to meet Maura's hand which had now replaced her tongue. Jane held herself up on the palms of her hands and her head dropped back as she gave herself up to the sensation of Maura inside her. They quickly found a rhythm; Jane rolling her hips forward and Maura pressing and pulling back in turn.

Jane thought that she had known wanting before, thought she had felt need, but nothing like what was building inside her as she moved against Maura, grasping at her shoulders and pulling their chests together as she felt herself reach a peak of intensity and at last unravel around it.

The pair crashed back onto the mattress and into each other. Maura contentedly settling in across Jane; one arm tucked around her waist, her leg firmly held by both of Jane's.

Jane chuckled quietly feeling a little delirious and running her fingers through Maura's hair, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

They lay like that well into sleep and beyond and when Jane next opened her eyes it was to hear quiet movements in the room around them. Jane tensed and inwardly congratulated herself on having closed the hangings around the bed, although that had been more against the draught than the threat of the real world making its appearance which she really hadn't even considered until now.

Jane heard the sounds of the fire and of someone leaving the room and looked down to see that at least her nightdress had been discarded at the foot of the bed and not on the floor. Jane began to untangle herself from Maura as gently as she could, which was no small task; being that the sleepy woman clung to her all the more with every move she made to extricate herself. Maura made a grumbling sound and hung on tighter, Jane kissed her temple and rubbed slow circles across her back.

"Maura sweet heart, I need to go." Jane whispered, already worried that she may meet the cool glare of Stewart arriving for her daily duties.

Maura shook her head against Jane's chest. "Stay." she mumbled, then opening her eyes and looking up at Jane meaningfully. "Please, stay."

Jane accepted that she wasn't going anywhere but with a sigh voiced her concern. "Your maid ?"

Maura kissed away Jane's frown. "I gave her the day off." She smiled.

Jane gave Maura a look, a mixture of dismay that Maura had thought her such a forgone conclusion and relief and understanding at the always prepared woman's actions.

Maura seemed to somehow understand all of this. "I thought that we may want some time together today and it being just the two of us I didn't think I would need any formal attire."

"She may think it strange, she may suspect... if not now; in time." Jane said calmly, even as she busied herself with nuzzling a spot just below Maura's ear.

"She may, but she wouldn't speak of it. She's a ladies maid Jane, there is a strict code. To see me ruined would be as good as ruin herself, who would have her then? everybody has their secrets." Maura explained.

Jane looked a little doubtful but was distracted when Maura reached beneath the blanket to target a particularly ticklish spot of Jane's that she had discovered before she had fallen asleep.

xxxxx

Jane had finally made it back to her room to change so she and Maura could get some food and go for a ride. Jane had changed quickly and yet started to feel that something was missing, something was wrong and acknowledged that it was purely the fact that she was separated from Maura. Pathetic. Still Jane hurried back to Maura's room rather than wait for her downstairs.

When Jane slipped back into the room she could see Maura sat at her dressing table wearing only her stays and brushing her hair as she gazed into the mirror, now shifting her gaze to Jane.

"I suppose it takes you a little longer to dress when you have to do it independently. " Jane began to tease until she took in the serious look in Maura's eyes; she stopped and came up quickly behind her.

" Maur? what is it sweetheart?"

Maura seemed frozen for a moment and in that moment Jane experienced every fear imaginable.

"I can't do it Jane." Maura said quietly, really looking into Jane's eyes for the first time since she returned to the room. "I cannot marry him."

Jane smiled a twisted, defeated kind of smile but nods her head.

"I know." Jane tried another more reassuring smile. "I don't think I can let you."

**A/N: So I hope you enjoyed it, please do let me know as it may just effect the appearance of more or less M rated chapters in the future. I know I don't gush about how much your opinions and support mean to me but that's cos I am English; we don't really do that, but please know that I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to feedback. Thank you x**


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: I wasnt going to have more M rated content this soon but when I got to writing this and the fact that the girls are newly weds and given that they don't really know how much opportunity they will get for this kind of thing in the future; I realised they would definitely be getting while it's hot right? So, there is a little M stuff in here! but the fic will in no way be turning into a smut fest._

_Ashby 21_

As Jane and Maura approached the muse they heard the high pitched yip of Jo Friday before they each caught sight of a small cloud of gathering dust barreling toward them.

Jane stopped in her tracks as Jo got closer and waited for the dog to reach them; sweeping the mutt up in her arms, a huge smile plastered across her face.

"Why hello Jo Friday; you missed me I gather." Jane pushed her face nose to nose with the dog as she scruffled the top of her head.

Maura watched the scene in wonder; she had always been puzzled by the strength of the bonds often developed between a dog and it's owner. To see the usually stoical Jane reduced to fussing and cooing was strange indeed although it did leave Maura quite amused. Jane had obviously found that absence did serve to make affections grow stronger.

Jo turned her head in Maura's direction now and gave a loud yip; poking her pink tongue out expectantly and cocking her head at the Lady.

"Oh, she missed you too Maur." Jane said in a tone that one would ordinarily use with a small child, as she side stepped toward Maura; giving Jo Friday the chance to sniff at Maura's folded arms.

"There, there." Maura said patting Jo on the head twice and craning her neck to keep her face well out of licking range as Jo bounced in Jane's arms. "It is nice to see you again Joanna."

"Hellro." Jane said to Maura in a strange voice that Maura understood was Jane imitating how she believed Jo may speak if she had the ability to form words. Jane held up Jo's paw and waved it to Maura in greeting. Maura frowned sharply and then tried to cover it.

Vincent Korsak arrived in front of the women in that moment and looked genuinely happy to see them; a broad smile fixed on his bearded face.

"Ladies, its been a long time since we had the pleasure of your company up here. Ahhh Jo Friday really missed you." He gazed fondly at the ragged bundle in Jane's arms.

"Research suggests that dogs, like other animals do not truly form memories, so are only ever really living in the present time. Without the sense of time passing, that seems a uniquely human characteristic, it is unlikely that a dog could actually miss its owner." Maura's voice became gradually quieter as she took in the looks she was getting from both Jane and Korsak, even Jo seemed to be shooting Maura a shocked stare. Korsak was the first to speak.

"Well I never was one for research M' Lady, no disrespect intended."

"Of course." Maura said a little awkwardly as Jane simply turned to Maura and dropped Jo into her arms; Jo reaching to lick Maura's chin.

"tell me she didn't miss you." Jane put it as a challenge.

"In my experience dogs are the best judges of character and loyal too." Korsak said, puffing out his chest.

"That's right isn't it Jo ?" Jane said, seeing fit to rescue Maura from the affectionate terrier; restoring Jo to the ground to begin running in circles in and out of the three humans who were headed to the stables.

"You know, you Ladies really missed the best time of year up here. Who wants to be in the city in the summer? " Korsak asked rhetorically and Jane merely shrugged. "Well I'm sure you'll be here to see it next year Ms Rizzoli; you seem like you'll be sticking around to me."

Jane glanced at Maura with an uncertain look.

"I am sure you are right Vincent." Maura said easily as they reached the horses.

xxxxxxxxx

They rode down familiar paths, side by side; as they had so many times before, but today was different; the silence was anything but comfortable. Maura hadn't said much of any meaning since Jane had found her sitting frozen by fear in her bedroom and although Jane wanted nothing more than to just enjoy the time they had left before Lord Ashby's return tomorrow, she knew that inevitably they would have to discuss what would happen next. What was it Maura had said about dogs living only in the present? that seemed like a wonderful idea right now.

Jane's preferred horse Trixie was being her usual difficult self and it seemed that all the progress Jane had made with her during her earlier months at Ashby had been forgotten. Either that or Trixie was trying to punish her for her prolonged absence, though Jane was sure Maura would explain to her why that was impossible. Whatever the case; Jane was having a rough ride and was putting all her energy into just keeping up with Maura; who seemed not to notice.

"Damn you Trixie, stubborn mule!" Jane let out in frustration as Trixie began a half hearted attempt to buck Jane; almost succeeding in unseating the lanky brunette.

"Jane!" Maura called in a disapproving tone as she pulled up alongside Trixie and soothingly lay a hand on her flank. "Ease up on her Jane, she is probably responding to your irritable mood."

"_My _mood? Really? " Jane bit and instantly regretted it. Jane swung down from Trixie. "Maura, are we going to talk about this?" she said softly, glancing at Maura over her shoulder, as she apologetically and firmly stroked Trixie; working at calming herself and the horse.

Maura sighed but nodded her consent before voicing what had been on her mind most of the morning.

" For now I just have to stop this wedding. I have to face my Father and Dawson; though he doesn't worry me much. I shall tell my Father what we know about Dawson's indiscretions and that I was made aware of this by my contacts in the states; so as to leave you out of it."

Jane shook her head to say pathetically that she didn't want to be left out of it. Maura ignored her and continued to speak resolutely.

"I have to send out telegrams to Emma and Diana as they would be making their way here soon." Maura had arranged for her friends to come a little earlier than the wedding guests at large; for their support, 1Jane supposed. " I have to inform or cancel over a hundred other people and arrangements." Maura said; laying out each simple step and practical consideration.

"What can I do?" Jane asked; instinctively wishing to help.

"Nothing Jane. I have to do this alone."

Jane scowled at her boots and Maura slipped gracefully from her horse, to face Jane; placing her hands over Jane's shoulders and waiting patiently for Jane to look at her.

"I know that you want to help; that if you could you would do this for me." Maura shook her head as she held her hand gently against Jane's cheek. "but I have to do this myself." She stretched up and gave Jane a light kiss. "I can do this." she assured Jane.

Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist; pulling her in close and kissing her fiercely.

" I know you can; I just wish you didn't have to." Jane whispered into Maura's hair when she finally broke off the kiss. Maura leant in against Jane who took the weight. "and if Dawson heads right back across the ocean tomorrow? " Jane asked, still holding onto Maura.

" I don't think he would, he is the type to sit it out and see what develops. Its not as if he will be hurt; merely inconvenienced." Maura argued.

"He won't remain forever; to be humiliated." Jane pointed out. "As soon as he believes you truly mean not to marry him he will leave."

Maura moved out of Jane's arms. "And you?" she asked almost cooly.

"Maura, you know if it was within my power I would never..."

Maura busied herself with her horse; turning her back on Jane. Jane followed the proud woman and captured her wrist; determined to make her hear this.

"I would _never _leave. I just have to find a way to stay." Jane said firmly.

Maura's face softened as she looked at Jane. "I thought perhaps we could ask Emma for help, I am sure you could stay with her for a while, her brother will be at the estate when he returns to the country; he won't be going back to London for almost a year."

Jane nodded slowly as she considered the possibility. "Perhaps she could help me find a position at one of the publishing houses for the journals she writes for." Jane said hopefully.

"Perhaps." Maura agreed. "and given a little time I could persuade Father that I need a paid companion, plenty of women do so, especially if we were to travel."

"No." Jane put up a hand to silence Maura. "I will not do that. I will not be paid to be with you. I have to work."

" Jane, you have said that you want to be with me, we have to be sensible about our situation and our options." Maura began to plead.

"No, I will do whatever it takes Maura, but you have to see that I could not take your Fathers money to sit idle by your side. Even if he could afford it or are you forgetting that he won't have Dawsons money."

"If we were only careful; I am sure we could live quite economically." Maura reasoned.

"Travelling Europe with a paid companion is not living economically, you have no idea what being without money really means, and when your Father dies? as women we have little power available to us as it is, but without money? we would be nothing."

"We would be together. " Maura cut in.

"I don't want us to be together in poverty, in squalor. You people stroll around the city like you can't see the slums; the suffering. " Jane's voice had become hard.

"_You _people? " Maura fumed.

"I'm sorry, I just meant that not all of us were born with a silver spoon in our mouths or a set of deluxe friends. " Jane pulled Maura tightly to her as Maura moved to walk away. "I spent my life working to get here; to get away from the daily struggle to survive. I came from an immigrant family Maura, not everyone thinks of Italians as exotic."

Jane held her face close to Maura's and through the anger Maura could see her desperation and she gave up her struggle.

"I do understand Jane, I want my life to have meaning and purpose; the same as you." Maura said adamantly.

Jane calmed a little as she studied Maura's face whilst she spoke.

"I would give it all up for you Maura; if it comes to that I will. We can live in a shack on the moors; I'll build it myself. But first you have to let me try to do this right." Jane's tone had softened considerably and she turned her long lashed brown eyes on Maura ; to full effect.

Maura narrowed her eyes and considered Jane with no hint of a smile, she looked at war with herself and all at once she put a hand into Jane's hair and pulled her in for a fierce kiss; pushing herself roughly into Jane's mouth and devouring Jane's lips. Jane took a moment to catch up and when she did she gave back as much as she got; wrapping Maura tightly in her arms.

A loud cry that belonged to neither of them finally broke them apart just in time to see Trixie thundering away into the distance. Jane threw her arms out wide; releasing Maura.

"God damn that fuc..."

"Jane!" Maura stopped her with a hand thrust over her mouth.

Jane looked from Maura to the fading view of her horse and back again; her hands going to her hips. Maura couldn't help grin at the look of absolute dismay on Jane's face, which caused a full on scowl and now Maura laughed out loud.

"You know that I should make you walk home." Maura said tartly.

Jane raised an eyebrow at Maura. "Really?"

"_You _people Jane?" Maura repeated her earlier protest more calmly now.

Jane cringed at her own words. "That was unfair; I know you try to help people Maura. Its just not the same as living it."

Maura moved to begin unstrapping her saddle and Jane came up behind her as she struggled with one of the buckles. Jane covered Maura's fingers with her hand and stood close enough to trail a line of kisses along the curve of Maura's neck.

"We just had our first argument as a married couple." Jane purred and felt Maura's posture soften significantly against her. "You know that even when I say something monumentally stupid; you have to go on loving me now."

Maura turned in Jane's arms and Jane could see the smile playing around her mouth as she took the necklace out of Jane's dress and turned the coin in her fingers.

"Perhaps we should try and enjoy the rest of our day together." Maura conceded.

Jane demonstrated her agreement by delivering a swift kiss to Maura's lips, before either of them could think about the imminent arrival of Lord Ashby or how long it might be before they had the chance to be together like this again.

"and Jane... I will go on loving you...always." Maura said softly, stealing another kiss.

xxxxx

Jane sat astride Maura's horse with Maura sat to one side between Jane's legs, without the saddle; which they had left for someone to collect later. In this position Maura found herself repeatedly sliding off further down the side of her horse; it was uncomfortable.

"You know that with the extra weight it would probably be easier for the horse if it was more evenly distributed. " Jane reasoned.

Maura let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine. Would you help me ?" Maura threw over her shoulder as she attempted to re-seat herself.

"It would be my pleasure." Jane drawled as she took a firm hold of Maura's waist and waited for her to swing her right leg over the horse.

Jane set about helping Maura straighten out her riding habit to find her hands brushed away as Maura completed the task herself . Jane's chuckle was low and as Maura took the reins back up; Jane put her lips to Maura's ear and murmured.

"How does that feel M'Lady?"

"More comfortable, thank you." Maura replied as she nestled into the space between Jane's thighs and continued to look straight ahead.

Maura let the horse set her own pace as she guided them slowly back toward Ashby. It didn't take Maura long to realise that sitting like this with her thighs gripping the horse, in such close proximity to Jane; pressed against her back, along with the gentle roll of the horses hips, stirred a building reaction in Maura's body; one she realised had been awakened last night and was making itself known again now.

Maura had a sudden recollection of the image of Jane; naked and riding Maura's hand and felt a rush; enough to make her dizzy, as she faced another image and felt again what it had been like to have Jane inside her.

Jane noticed the blush creep up Maura's neck and spread across her cheek and she picked up on the sound of Maura's slightly laboured breaths. Being that Jane's mind had been occupied in much the same reminiscing, it didnt require much stretching of her imagination to guess what Maura was thinking about.

Jane leant in and let herself breathe hotly against Maura's neck. "Are you alright Maura?" She said in a dangerously low and ragged voice.

"Of course." Maura whispered; quite unconvincingly.

Jane smiled to herself as she moved her hands from their place set loosely at Maura's waist; pushing her splayed fingers firmly and slowly to meet across Maura's abdomen. Jane placed a kiss behind an ear before taking Maura's earlobe into her mouth; sucking lightly at it and pressing it with her teeth as she released it.

Jane couldn't see, she only sensed that Maura had closed her eyes as she arched her back like a cat. Jane slipped one hand beneath Maura's spread skirts and traced a line along one stockinged thigh until she reached the tightly fastened edge and deftly loosened the tie enough to slide her hand inside; against the warm white skin. Maura rocked her hips forward and her behind curled neatly up against Jane who felt herself quake.

"Jane...if we don't get down from here ..." Maura gasped and Jane did as requested and began to help Maura scramble down. Jane followed and the second she hit the ground her hands were back on Maura, pushing her from the path; a few steps back into the trees. Maura's back bumped up against bark and Jane's lips claimed hers roughly.

Last night Jane's movements had been slow and tender; wishing to intimately acquaint herself with every inch of Maura, trying to communicate her love and utter devotion. Now her every move was hurried and almost clumsy; driven chiefly by desire, a selfish urge to have Maura here and now, to see the capable and composed Lady Maura submit to her own desire and come apart around Jane's touch.

Jane found Maura hot and wet and waiting; beneath skirts that Jane had thrown back in an eagerness to get to flesh. She had fumbled with the opening to Maura's drawers, but now as she found what she searched for, she suddenly became careful and sure as she entered the woman she had so recently made her own and heard her cry out, gripping Jane's shoulders.

Jane stroked her long fingers inside and out of Maura; the smaller woman's hips jerked against Jane until she pressed and rubbed harder and faster in response to Maura's pace setting moan.

"oh, oh...oh Jane."

When Maura threw herself heavily against her at last; Jane understood that Maura had reached a height and was now tumbling back down. Jane held Maura to her and kissed her head; lowering them both to the grass at their feet. She cradled Maura in her arms until her breathing had long returned to normal.

xxxx

_A/N: Thanks for reading and reviews guys, please continue; it makes my day! xx_


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N- So this is a slightly uncomfortable chapter for me to write, none of the fluff or hanky panky of recent chapters, just some tense but necessary plot developments. Thank you as ever for reading and getting in touch xx_

Ashby 22

The last stretch of their journey back to the house had proven somewhat less eventful. Jane had walked alongside Maura's horse; feeling happy to work off some of the extra energy she felt brimming over with today.

When the women reached the stables to hand over Maura's horse, Jane caught sight of Trixie; safely stowed in her usual stall and snacking lazily on some hay.

"Really?" Jane accused as she strode over to the beast. "That is how its going to be between us now huh?"

Trixie avoided Jane's glare, which held no true malice considering the outcome of Trixie's desertion.

"I am sure she will struggle to resist your charms forever Jane. " Maura quipped with a mischievous smile, before she realised someone had approached her.

Jane recognised the elderly man as Charles the stable manager, he had watched Maura grow up here and Jane had been struck the first time she came here with Maura to see his familiar yet respectable manner with the cool and aloof Lady Maura; today that day seemed so long ago.

"Excuse me Lady M, but your Father has returned while you were out, early on account of an accident." He said quickly.

"Accident ?" Maura enquired; more calmly than she felt.

"Shot himself." Charles informed her conversationally.

"What?" Jane asked, stepping up behind Maura.

"In the leg I believe Ms, nothing to worry about I'm sure." He added reassuringly.

"He is home?" Maura asked; retreating to the safe questions.

Charles nodded. "He and Mr Dawson, Lord Malcolm and the Malcolm's Doctor. I saw to the carriage myself. " he explained.

"Thank you Charles." Maura told him in a strange voice and turned for the house, Jane directly behind her.

As they left the bustle of the muse behind and the house came into view, Jane took up Maura's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"He'll be alright." Jane reassured her. Maura looked troubled and she turned to lay a small kiss on Jane's concerned face.

"We have to be more careful." Maura said and took a step away from Jane.

Jane actually blushed as she considered their recent reckless behaviour. "I agree."

xxxxxx

Lady Maura entered the main hall and took off her gloves and hat, shooting questions at the butler as she did so.

"Where is my Father?"

"Lord Ashby was taken to his rooms M'Lady." Mr Thompson replied.

"and the Doctor is with him?"

"Yes and the gentlemen."

Maura had turned even before she heard the reply and strode towards her Father's rooms. Jane considered leaving Maura to face this alone; being careful, as Maura had suggested, she considered it for a whole second, yet found herself following quickly behind her love.

"Maura." Giles Malcolm saw her first and came to her without delay.

"Giles, what happened?" Maura burst as Giles took Maura's hands in his own.

" Your Father grazed his leg with a bullet, a small wound, Doctor Halton expressed no real concerns." Giles began, but his look of distress told Maura there was more.

"And?" She pressed impatiently.

"He wished to return slightly early; to be made comfortable in his own home, you understand. On the way however he seemed to have some kind of problem, his chest... he was in agony."

"His heart? " Maura asked as panic surfaced and she moved to her Father's door.

Dawson stood suddenly before her and barred the way.

"The doctor is with him." he told Maura, who barely registered what he had said and made to move around him.

Dawson again stood in Maura's way. "Let the Doctor see to him, stay out here; your upset will only serve to make your Father weaker."

Maura looked confused as she processed the words. "I need to see my Father." She stated slowly and cooly.

Dawson stood firm, not quite looking Maura in the eye. "We shall wait for the doctor's instruction." He maintained, hands clasped behind his back, feet planted.

Giles approached Maura now and put a hand to her shoulder. "Perhaps Dawson is right Maura. Your Father would not wish to upset you further and we none of us want to be in the way of the doctor. He is an excellent physician Maura I assure you; amongst the best."

Maura side stepped out from her position sandwiched between the two men and regarded them coldly.

" I assure you, I am not given to hysterics, and I shall not get in the way, I just need to see for myself that my father is alright." Maura fought to push down the anger she felt rising in her at the audacity of these men to attempt to prevent her.

"Let her in."

Jane's voice came from the other side of the room and three heads turned to check its origin.

"Ha!" Dawson let out, smiling to himself. Giles looked awkwardly around the room but remained silent.

Jane crossed to Maura quickly; covering the width of the room in two large strides, she put one hand over Maura's shoulder and dipped her head slightly to look Maura in the eye.

"You'll be alright?" Jane asked seriously.

Maura nodded and Jane stepped to the bedroom door. Dawson took a side step and extended his arm in invitation, a sly look on his face. Jane opened the door and Maura made to go inside.

"I'll be here." Jane said quietly and Maura gave her a weak smile as she entered Lord Ashby's bedroom.

Jane closed the door as quietly as she could manage and turned to see Lord Malcolm begin to pace the room in agitation and Dawson watching her curiously. Jane looked around for a quiet corner to slip into just as Dawson spoke to her.

" You should get back to work Ms Rizzoli, this week I am sure you will be kept busier than ever with my absence. I can very well take care of anything my fiancee needs and I shall of course remind her to come and notify you of her Father's condition at her earliest convenience."

Dawson very politely reminded Jane of both; her position as his employee and Dawsons position as the man about to marry Lady Maura.

Jane had clenched her fists tightly at her sides as he spoke and fought now to unfurl them as she formulated a reply. In her head she told him to; go frig himself, but in reality she heard words of agreement and even gratitude come from her lips. Lips that had so recently been pressed against Maura's skin, now betrayed them both and Jane hated them for doing so.

Jane made her way in a daze to the study and paced the floor, swinging one fisted hand back and forth into her open palm until it hurt and then changing hands; each time picturing the fist meeting Dawsons smug features instead. Jane wanted to fetch Jo Friday but dare not leave the house for fear that Maura may need her, she had no one in the house she could speak to; with Dolly still in London and she would like to have had the chance to speak to Korsak again, he seemed the dependable type.

It seemed as if hours passed in the minutes that followed and having not looked at a single waiting task on her desk; Jane left to walk through the corridors and halls that would keep her closer to Maura. Jane's mind couldn't help but stray to dark thoughts; was this how it forever would be? Jane on the outside just when she needed to be with Maura the most. Jane walked past Lord Ashby's rooms and heard nothing; she gave up and went back to the study.

A half an hour later Jane was slumped in her chair gazing blindly out of the window when the door to the study swung open and Maura stumbled into the room; closing the door heavily behind her before sliding to the floor. Jane was with her before she got out her first strangled sob and it was lost against Jane's chest as she held Maura to her. Jane sitting on the floor beside Maura and pulling the fragile woman in to her arms.

"Shhh, it's alright darling, you'll be alright." Jane whispered against her hair.

Maura had been so strong, she had been dispassionate, she had spoken with the doctor, with Giles, with Dawson. She had issued instructions to the servants who were to make her Father comfortable and she had even stood beside her Papa's bedside and studied every change in his pallor, his expression, his shallow breaths. Through all this she had shown nothing of her feelings, her distress, but the moment she set eyes on Jane, the moment she had escaped the performance and made it to her sanctuary she completely fell apart. Maura wondered how another person could make her feel so much stronger and yet more weak than she had ever allowed herself. When Maura could again form words she told Jane everything.

" The wound on his leg is not a great concern; provided we keep it clean and free from infection it should heal well. The problem is with the circulation of his blood, it could be a number of things, angina pectoris, cardiac thrombosis, infective endocarditis." Maura raced ahead of Jane, who shook her head in confusion.

"His heart is failing Jane, I cannot be sure if he will recover at all."

xxxxxxx

Jane woke first; to the feeling of a figure looming over her, eyes started open to see Mr Dawson was indeed stood close, looking down at her oddly. He looked as if a strange idea had just occurred to him which he then dismissed as absurd.

Jane gently nudged the bundle in her arms, Maura wrapped in a blanket had fallen asleep; half in Jane's lap and half in the large padded armchair the pair occupied. As Maura gradually awoke she nestled deeper into Jane, who sat up stiffly and noisily cleared her throat.

"Lady Maura, your Father is asking for you." Dawson said simply and turned to leave.

The women had spent the night in the small guest bedroom that was almost adjacent to Lord Ashby's rooms and where with the door left open they could both see the comings and goings from there. The room contained little more than a bed and a large arm chair, they dared not stretch out on the bed together and when Jane had tried to order Maura into it, in the early hours of the morning, she had felt Maura's hold on her tighten and her head shake firmly, without a word.

Maura had snapped awake at Dawson's voice and her first look was one of fear as she saw him leave the room.

"Its alright, he came to tell you that your Father is awake; he is asking for you." Jane said gently with a reassuring smile.

xxxxxxxx

"Papa, you're feeling better?" Maura was flooded with relief at the sight that greeted her.

"Of course, do not worry about me child." Her Father said in what she was sure was his best effort at a strong voice, in which she heard the uncharacteristic cracks.

"Well it appears I have nothing to worry about; you seem much improved." Maura smiled broadly as she made her way around the bed to assist her Father in sitting up a little, plumping and propping up pillows, relieved that the action took her behind him where he could not witness the sudden anxiety and doubt sweep over her.

"I am sorry to be a bother to you my dear, especially so close to the wedding, you should be thinking only of that." The length of this speech had made him a little breathless and he fell quiet as he tried to fill his lungs.

"You should not trouble yourself with talk of that Papa. Let me get you something to eat. You need to keep up your energy." Lord Ashby made no protest and Maura moved to ring the bell.

Food ordered; Maura sat on the edge of the bed and took her Father's hand in hers, it seemed colder than she remembered it ever being and the skin felt more loose and paper thin, as it does in the very aged. Maura had never seen her Father look so frail, his face almost translucent, it made her stomach feel like it was caving in on itself, but she only smiled fondly at him.

"You never were a very good shot are only lucky you didn't shoot yourself in both legs." Maura teased.

Lord Ashby seemed surprised by Maura's use of humour, but pleasantly so, and he fixed an amused smile on his face as he let his eyes fall shut briefly. Maura watched as her Father took his moment of rest.

Maura had spent much of her time while growing up; watching her Mother struggle against illness, recovering briefly only to fall ill again, but through all this her Father had seemed invincible; never spending even a day in bed with so much as a cold. It shook the usually steady Maura to see him this way.

"You need only rest." Maura whispered, holding his hand to her heart as if perhaps she could pour some of her own life force into him or help his heart to match the sound and speed of her own.

xxxxxx

Maura spent most of the day at her Father's side, he ate little but she managed to get some water into him and Dr Halton seemed happy with what looked to be; the start of his recovery. Maura had received word from London that the specialist she had sent for yesterday would arrive this evening and until then they would know nothing more about his condition or the prognosis. Maura acknowledged; to herself at least, that even with a specialist, there may be little they could know or do for her Father; the workings of the heart were yet to be completely understood by even the brightest medical minds.

Lord Ashby had dozed throughout the day and Maura had rushed to Jane with whatever small update she had, soaking in the support and comfort so easily given. Maura had just begun to feel some of her troubles lift when she sat with a book by her Father's bed and realised that he was once again awake and studying her thoughtfully.

"You look like your Mother. " He cracked in a whisper. Maura reached across to hold a glass of water to his dry lips, he sipped and turned his head away to continue.

"Your mother loved you dearly Maura, she just didn't know how to show that. You were a unique child, so inquisitive, you would ask her for explanations for absolutely everything, how things worked, why? and most of the time she didn't have an answer. You grew impatient with each other."

"Hush now Father, you must rest." Maura said soothingly.

"I believe that I was at fault, I could have tried harder to bring you together but I was selfish, I enjoyed having each of you to myself. I am sorry for it now Maura; more than you can know." He looked stricken.

Maura had never heard him talk like this before, she hadn't even really been certain that he had noticed the difficulties that Maura experienced in her relationship with her Mother.

"I had hoped that she would live to see you presented at court." Her Father said wistfully.

Maura recalled having hoped for it too, even knowing that she would likely disappoint her mother in some way. Maura remained silent.

"She would have given anything to have had the opportunity that I have now, to see you married, settled, grown. So beautiful and you will have a beautiful family Maura. He may be an American but he is handsome, clever, successful, he will do you well." Her Father nodded; his recent distress dissolved.

Maura felt unable to speak, a wave of nausea rolling in. She felt paralysed. she had thought now that it would be easier to tell her Father that she would postpone the wedding until his health improved but as she tried to find words that he could not easily dismiss, she heard him speak again.

"If there is one thing I do before I die Maura it will be to see you married and provided for, I promise you; I shall be at that church to see it myself in three days time and nothing shall prevent me." With this vow, he lowered his weary head to the pillow and let his eyes fall shut.

_A/N- I know; poor Maura, poor Jane but I have to do this to get where I'm going, I do humbly beg forgiveness..._


	23. Chapter 23

Ashby 23

"I remember how I felt in my wedding dress, my goodness; I wanted never to take it off again." Diana declared with a wistful expression, pausing to sip from a glass of sherry.

" It was delightful dear." Emma agreed automatically, quickly turning her attention back to Maura who was standing in the middle of the room in her under garments like a porcelain doll. Maura stepped easily into her dress, her face expressionless as two young women worked to fit the white silk to her body.

Maura had hardly said a word since this final fitting began, in fact since Emma had arrived this morning, and Emma; knowing Maura as well as she did, couldn't help but feel that it was more than just the shock of her Father's sudden illness or nerves about the wedding.

"Oh Maura, it is a stunning dress." Diana said kindly, getting up from her seat and coming to admire her friend and check the work of the seamstress. Diana circled Maura appraisingly; every alteration had been made and the dress fit perfectly.

"Oh yes, you look divine, such a tiny waist." Diana turned and spoke to the girl knelt behind Maura, working at straightening out the material of the train.

"Let us see the the veil." She ordered; the young woman bouncing up on her toes to obey.

Emma stood before Maura carefully considering her friends distant gaze; she was very definitely somewhere else entirely.

xxxx

"We knew that it may come to this Maura." Jane said calmly. "At one time I even encouraged it." Jane admitted; though now she found that difficult to believe and she wondered fleetingly why this still felt like a rejection.

"So much seems to have changed Jane; even in the last few days." Maura reasoned from where she stood, wringing her hands. Jane remained seated, not quite trusting her legs to hold her up and certainly not trusting herself to stay sensible if she could reach for Maura.

"We can weather this Maura, we are still together; thats what matters ,we can remain that way..."

"Can we? Like this?" Maura looked desperately to Jane for an answer. Jane was silent. "Do you have to be so reasonable Jane; so accepting, somehow I cannot bear it." Almost an accusation.

"Would you rather have me rage? tell you this will devastate me? that I will stay awake every night we spend apart and picture you with him?" That was the least of what she would go through but the wounded look on Maura's face prevented her from going further.

"Look me in the heart Maura; you know all of that, what good can it do for us now?" Jane said more softly.

"I don't know. Perhaps if you demanded that I leave with you, made me choose; told me you would leave me behind...I could find the courage.." Maura began to tremble and came quickly around the desk to Jane.

Jane shook her head. "I cannot do that Maura, he is your Father; your family. If I asked you to leave with me and something happened to him; you would blame me, how could you not? It would destroy us, can't you see?"

"You don't think this will?" Maura said bitterly as she knelt infront of Jane and took her hands.

"I pray that it won't. " Jane said firmly.

Maura at last threw herself into Jane's arms. "I am sorry Jane, so sorry." She whispered against Jane's mouth.

Jane pulled back a little. "What do you suppose you have to be sorry about?"

"Everything...I'm sorry I can't give you what you deserve...that I care what people will think of me...that I was the child who didn't die." Maura said without thinking.

Jane couldn't speak, a horrified knot in her stomach, she simply pulled Maura closer and held on.

xxxxx

Jane rose slowly from her chair as the door opened, smiling as thoroughly as she could when her visitor was revealed, the action seeming to take a strenuous amount of effort today, despite her being genuinely pleased to see her friend.

"Emma, it's good to see you."

Emma moved further into the room before speaking and had yet to smile.

"Jane, I hope you are about to tell me what the hell is going on?" She said sharply.

"I...I'm not sure what you mean Emma."

Emma shot Jane a doubtful look that settled into a frown. "Please credit me with a modicum of intelligence Jane; I deserve that at least."

Jane looked blankly and moved to speak but only managed to open and close her mouth soundlessly.

"What is the matter with Maura?" Emma decided to be direct."She appears like some creature, back from the dead; here in body alone. I cannot rouse her."

Jane couldn't hide the wave of pain mixed with sadness that engulfed her and Emma softened slightly at the sight.

"I didnt expect to find the blushing bride to be Jane and I know how concerned she must be about Lord Ashby, but really; you expect me to believe that nothing else is going on here." Emma said expectantly.

Jane slumped back into her chair and threw a hand out to indicate that Emma should take the seat across from her. Jane let out a long shaky breath.

"I love her Emma, I am in love with her." This was the only time Jane had ever said this to anyone other than Maura and somehow it felt like a relief; as if it made them more real.

"Well I know that Jane, and she feels the same, that much I can see for myself." Emma stated plainly.

Jane felt a little guilty, she had never lied or taken pains to hide her feelings from Emma but she had never come out and confirmed them either, hoping in part to spare Emma's feelings; the woman who had loved Maura first and longest. Jane should have realised that Emma could see it all.

"but what has changed since London?" Emma wanted to know.

Jane shook her head. What had changed? Everything and nothing. "We spoke of a different life..." Jane began. " More than that...she had made up her mind not to marry; him or anyone, I was to leave Dawsons employ and try to make a life for us; together."

Realisation dawned on Emma. "...and then her Father became ill." She finished for Jane, nodding in understanding.

"He almost died, he still might and he is determined for this wedding to go ahead as planned. Who can blame him?" Jane shrugged with one shoulder; letting it fall down in defeat.

"So you gave her your blessing." It wasn't a question.

Jane was silent for more than a moment and the she turned her hardened gaze upon her friend.

"You think I gave her up too easily?" Jane asked the question that had been going round and round in her head until she was almost dizzy with it.

Emma smiled sympathetically. " Jane...life is not a fairytale. .. I think you will both do what you have to, but sometimes love is more to be endured than enjoyed."

Jane swallowed down the tears she felt rising up through her and smiled sadly at Emma.

"I am glad you're here Em." She said finally.

xxxxxx

Maura came to her that night.

They had spent the previous night apart; Maura had met briefly with the heart specialist who arrived late and then she had spent most of the night by her Father's bed, watching him sleep; watching him breath. Maura had spent those hours deliberating, planning what she might say to her Papa, how she might break the news that she would not marry; not now or ever, that in her mind she was already spoken for, that she was no longer his little girl to give away. Maura also considered what she might say to Jane; that she couldn't let him down? that he wouldn't understand, that he might withdraw his love and she didn't know if she could live with that. So when daylight came Maura found Jane and told her it all.

But tonight Maura came to Jane. She came tentatively, half expecting to be turned away but knowing she would not be. Jane's room was small and grey as ever, none of the warmth and comforts of Maura's room but they found their own comfort within each other.

As Maura took Jane's most sensitive and vulnerable spot into her mouth; running and stroking her tongue through Jane like fire racing along a fueled path, Jane for the first time gave over all control to Maura, it was time to put all her trust into this woman and to let her know that. Jane tumbled over her climax quietly and wept tears that she hoped would act as a salve to her wounded heart.

xxxxxxx

"You are ready Maura." Emma tells her; firmly gripping her gloved hand. "You are ready."

Diana is adjusting the angle of her hat in the mirror. "ooh I have butterflies! " she calls excitedly over her shoulder to them.

Emma leant in close to Maura. "You can do this. Jane will be here when you return." Emma brushed her fingers lightly over the coin hung at Maura's neck before slipping it inside the neckline of her dress.

A slight flicker of something difficult to name crossed Maura's face and she actually sees Emma now, who smiles reassuringly. Maura nods once and moves to the door; her friends behind her.

Halfway down the corridor she stopped suddenly and could not move.

"Maura?" Emma asks.

"It's alright; I am coming, I just left something behind. Go with Diana to the carriage. I will be along in a moment." she says adamantly.

Emma looked suspicious and unsure but nodded, turning to usher a perplexed looking Diana away.

Jane had been watching the minutes tick by and as if she could feel Maura's approach; she stood and headed for the door. Maura barreled into Jane, wrapping her arms about her and burying her head into Jane's neck. Jane wasn't sure how to hang on to Maura through the ruffles of fabric and lace but she managed.

Jane kissed Maura's temple and inhaled a deep intoxicating breath of her. The scent of orange blossoms masked Maura's usual perfume; like an overpowering impostor. They had agreed that they wouldn't do this; that they wouldn't see each other today, until after.

Maura reached up to find Jane's lips and delivered quick greedy kisses, over and over as if trying to get enough to see her through this. Jane tightened her hold on Maura and tried to ground her; send her some calm.

"You belong to me Maura." Jane almost growled and Maura's response was to grab two fistfuls of Jane.

"Completely, Always. " Maura swore; pressing her forehead against Jane's.

"I love you Maura." Jane whispered into a kiss. The phrase had always seemed so unnecessary to Jane, so inadequate, but now she wanted to say it over and over again.

"I love you; so much Jane."

Then Jane is holding Maura away from her and looking at her in her dress, she catches a tear on her beloved face and wipes it away with her thumb.

"You have to go." Jane tells her and now she can't swallow, her throat is constricted; full of pain, resentment and anger, she fears it will strangle her.

Maura also takes a step back, she can see what this is doing to Jane and she worries that she was selfish in coming to her like this, she just couldn't not, she had to draw just a little more strength from her; from them together.

xxxxxxx

Her love for Jane has become so much a part of her now that she marvels at the fact that no one sees it. Maura feels it etched upon her skin, burning in her throat and behind her eyes, can taste it in her mouth. She is sure that at any moment; someone will call out, name her for what she is, that the congregation will turn on her and she will welcome it.

She feels her dress tighten as if a great force were pulling at her reins and she longs to claw her way out of it; out of her own skin. But what she does instead is grip her small bouquet more tightly and continue to glide down the aisle toward her Papa who sits waiting to meet her, his face full of life; as healthy as she has seen him in days, and not only that he is proud. Maura clings desperately to that thought.

xxxxx

The moment Maura was out of sight, Jane had fled the building; she ran up the path to the muse and took Trixie out, shooing away the young stable boy who came to assist. Jane rode Trixie harder than she had before, she immediately abandoned the usual paths and broke off to more open land.

Trixie responded well to Jane's dominance, it seemed as if this is what she had been waiting for and she rose to the challenge of pushing her speed to its limit, the rider and the horse at one in fury; the thunder of hooves matching the thunder of a heart.

Jane finally found herself emerging upon the general destination she was headed for; the peaks of a set of hills that overlooked the village and in the centre of this; the church. Jane could see various groups of people milling around outside and after a few tense minutes of waiting she saw more people begin to flood out of the doors and the figure she found instantly and her eyes followed; in white, beside another figure in black. Jane could just make out the sound of the church bells and she knew that sound that was to sing out the news of a joyous union, of hope and a future; signalled the end of Jane's dreams.

"No." She said under her breath and then again but this time shouted to the heavens and more a sound than a word.

"Narrgh!" but now any protest was futile; like throwing pennies in a well.

xxxxxx

_A/N- So... the will she? won't she? is all over. she will, she does and she has. I know its harsh but really their story has a long way to go. The next chapter is the one that I actually wrote a version of when I first had the idea for the story so just don't give up on it yet. Thank you as ever for reading, reviews, follows and favourite s. Enjoy the weekend x_


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N May be some triggers for people toward the end of the chapter, more implied than anything, but it's worth a mention._

Ashby 24

Jane had taken her time getting back to the house, spending some time rewarding Trixie with some food and a brush down before she left. She had changed into a more fitting outfit on her return; briefly thinking that she should be wearing black for mourning, but settling for a pale green dress that she had never much liked.

Jane's plan was to show herself and offer the customary congratulations to Dawson before making a hasty retreat; the sooner this was over the better. The house was bustling, the staff seemed to have risen to the occasion and on the whole were enjoying the opportunity to display their efficiency; Mr Thompson in his element of course and even his usual barking of orders had taken on a slightly warmer almost jovial tone.

Jane wound her way through the throngs of people, scanning faces, until she found Dawson. Jane couldn't say if it was in her own mind that he looked particularly smug and self satisfied today, but whatever the case; she felt a ball of anger rolling inside her, gaining size and momentum as it went. Dawson hadn't seen her approach and she was able to watch him knock back his glass and laugh at his own joke as he stood chatting comfortably with two men Jane recognised as friends of his from Boston.

Jane waited for his roar of laughter to quiet down before stepping into the little group and nodding at Dawson.

"Mr Dawson, please let me offer you my congratulations and well wishes for your future." Jane slapped on a false smile and tried her best to hold it in place.

"Thank you Ms Rizzoli." Dawson boomed happily. "Do stay and have a drink, I believe you have met Mr O'Malley and Mr Cooper before." he indicated the two men before him.

" Yes sir, Nice to see you both again." Jane said politely.

"Ms Rizzoli, a fellow Bostonian! We were just asking Mr Dawson when he would be bringing his lovely new wife to see our great city."

Jane almost choked on the champagne she had just swallowed as she heard this man refer to Maura as a wife, as someone else's wife.

" No plans at present, I have fish to fry here in England my friend." Dawson grinned broadly, Jane couldn't fight the urge to knock the smug smile from his face.

"You have no unfinished business in Boston, Mr Dawson?" She asked suddenly. "No one waiting for your return?" Jane pushed cryptically.

A crease appeared above the top of Dawson's nose and he hid his confusion behind his glass as he took another drink.

"Everything I need is right here Ms Rizzoli." Dawson said happily.

A few more moment passed and Jane made her excuses and turned to make her escape only to be greeted with the sight of Maura; who was bent down, speaking to her Father. Jane froze and felt her feet go heavy as she made to move them. Maura looked every inch the blushing bride, she fussed with her Papa and then turned back to the circle of friends that had formed around her, each one taken in by Maura's wedding camouflage. Jane wished briefly that she was one of them; that she could look at Maura and mistake her for someone enjoying her wedding day, that she could look at her now as she did the day they met; as a poised, aloof woman in command of her own world. Jane thought that today Maura looked like a fallen angel; disappointed with the reality of earth and its mortality.

Maura looked across the room mid sentence and faltered breathlessly as she met Jane's gaze. Jane who still found she lacked the ability to make basic movements. As Maura recovered and went back to her conversation, Jane finally turned away and headed for the door where her route was blocked by Lady Diana Malcolm.

"huhhhgh...the Secretary. " Diana sniffed and sucked in her cheeks. "I really do not understand the fascination. " Diana shrugged and swung her glass from her left side to her right.

"Excuse me?" Jane asked prickling.

"You.." She continued. "Have somehow managed to bewitch both my dearest friends...and I would give anything to know exactly how? what is all the fuss about?"

"I...I ...Maybe you should ask them?" Jane folded her arms across her chest and Diana continued to wait for for an answer; a stand off.

"We have similar interests, we get along. I can be a perfectly amiable woman...at times." Jane shrugged.

Diana considered her suspiciously. "That's it?"

Jane threw her arms out wide in a gesture of openness. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Diana turned away from Jane and took two steps before stumbling slightly and swinging back around to face Jane.

"I know what they think of me, they humour me, they don't take me seriously, they think me shallow and ridiculous and I am sure you would agree."

Jane shook her head but couldn't quite find the words to disagree.

"Don't assume to know everything about me Ms Rizzoli and I shall pay you the same courtesy."

Jane gave Diana a half smile. "I can agree to that."

xxxxxxxx

"So this is where you're hiding." Emma said as she entered the library and spotted Jane.

"Hope I didn't miss anything." Jane shot sarcastically.

"Not particularly, these occasions are all the same, the food is excellent though." Emma smiled.

"Swell." Jane glared sourly before returning to stare blankly at her book. Emma was silent and walked around the room glancing at the shelves of books, feigning interest.

"Is she alright?" Jane asked quietly after a few silent moments.

"She was always impeccable when it came to these social gatherings. " Emma said and Jane noticed that she didnt exactly answer the question. "The perfect hostess."

" Well now's her chance to be the perfect wife." Jane grumbled.

Emma sat in the chair that Jane usually occupied and was spotted quickly by Jo Friday who been sitting sulkily beside Jane; in Maura's seat. Jo quickly decided to switch allegiances in the hope of some attention and trotted hopefully over to Emma.

"Oh, you must be Joanna." Emma grinned and stroked Jo's head.

"I only let Maura get away with calling her that." Jane told Emma. "Her names Jo Friday."

Emma continued to smother Jo with affection. "Nice to meet you Jo."

Jane sighed as she watched her friend; supposing that she would have to ease up on her petulant child routine just a little if Emma was going to insist on being so damn reasonable.

"I haven't asked you how the journey up here went; with young Isabelle."Jane began.

"It was bumpy, some of the roads have suffered much damage with the extreme winter we have had this year." Emma replied.

"Really? bumpy?" Jane cocked a brow.

Emma huffed impatiently. "She is flighty and idealistic..."

"and pretty." Jane cut in.

Emma shot Jane a scowl. "She is comely; one cannot deny that, however it will not serve her well, she would do much better with less looks and more sense."

Jane smirked. " I am sure you're right."

Emma frowned and looked at Jo rather than Jane. "She has a rather romantic notion of who I am."

Jane was curious. "Perhaps she sees something in you that you cannot, you may be the shortsighted one."

As Emma quietly considered this, the door to the library was thrust open and Diana Malcolm was marched inside by a harassed looking bride. Maura had changed into her evening outfit and Jane was as usual astounded by how beautiful she was in a plain salmon coloured dress.

"What has happened?" Emma asked; getting up out of her seat.

"Oh nothing that can be undone, we are ruined; it is but a small matter." Diana said theatrically.

"Diana." Maura warned and looked helplessly at Emma. "Diana is feeling a little overwrought, she needs a moment to sit down." Maura placed her hands on Diana's shoulders and pushed her down into the chair Emma had just vacated.

"I'll fetch Giles." Emma volunteered and escaped the room a moment later.

Maura looked over the weepy head of her friend to see Jane watching her uncertainly. Maura glanced at Diana and then back to Jane, seeming to weigh up just how present Diana was right now. Jane looked away quickly and moved to pour Diana a glass of water.

"She has clearly had too much to drink." Jane said as if Diana couldn't hear her which judging from her lack of reaction; was likely the case.

Maura nodded distractedly.

"He has ruined us all, my own brother." Diana lamented, holding her handkerchief to her mouth to stifle a moan.

Maura frowned. "What is it that Rupert has done Diana?" Maura spoke loudly and slowly as if speaking to the deaf.

"He is such a handsome, well mannered, clever young man, he has so much to offer." Diana shook her head over and over. Maura cast an exasperated look her way and shrugged her surrender.

"We cannot afford to pay, and when will it stop? not until they see us all in our graves." Diana cried and hiccuped simultaneously and now Maura looked a little more concerned.

"Has he gotten into some debt dearest?" Maura asked gently. At that moment Emma returned with Giles a step behind.

"Blackmail." Diana announced. "blackmail!"

Giles hurried to his wife. "Diana darling, you are not quite yourself, I shall take you to our room." He gathered Diana up before she could say another word and began to lead her out of the room.

"I am awfully sorry Maura, it's been a long day and I probably shouldn't have given her that last drink, she will be fine in the morning."

"Giles, what she was trying to tell us...about Rupert." Maura pressed on.

Giles shot an unfriendly look at Jane and then a pleading one in Maura's direction. "Something and nothing." He said dismissively and Maura nodded after him.

As Giles shut the door on the three remaining women; Maura fiddled with her hands.

"That was awkward. " She stated.

"Do you think?" Jane asked in dramatic sarcasm and all three woman began to chuckle.

Emma sighed. "I must excuse myself also." She said. "My dears, I shall see you both tomorrow." she placed a hand to Maura's shoulder as she passed her.

"Goodnight Emma. " Maura called to the already retreating figure.

And now they were alone. Jane felt as if she hadn't spoken, hadn't moved in too long but she remained frozen and she couldn't help but picture the moment they last met which had been so full of fire, emotion and desperation, only hours ago and yet the contrast was stark. Neither woman moved and the distance between them seemed expansive.

"I should get back to my guests, I think many of them will be wanting to leave." Maura said finally.

"I suppose I shall see you tomorrow then." Jane said trying not to sound too hopeful.

"Of course." Maura said with a small frown but no further movements. "That thought shall get me through tonight." Maura said plainly as if that much should be obvious.

Jane let her guard down completely and it was in an instant; physically noticeable. Maura was turning to leave as Jane called after her.

"Unless... if you need me ... if you need help." Jane began, but what could she really offer.

Maura turned to consider Jane once more and hesitated at the door to the room before returning to a small cabinet, hidden in plain view; below one of the shelves of books. Maura took out a sparkling crystal bottle of what looked to be whisky and one shot glass and crossed to where Jane hovered; by the large wooden desk.

Maura set down the glass and carefully filled it before bringing it swiftly to her lips and throwing the drink back in one gulp; she let her eyes linger over Jane as she did. Maura refilled the glass and held it out to Jane.

"To help you sleep." Maura explained.

Jane took the wrist of the hand Maura had raised and pulled her in, some of the drink sloshing over the rim of the glass and onto Maura's pristine dress, neither woman noticed, as Jane stole a forceful kiss. Jane could taste the Whisky on Maura's hot mouth.

"That might help me sleep." Jane grinned lopsidedly. "If only to see what awaits in dreaming of you."

Maura placed a more gentle kiss on the corner of Jane's mouth and set down the glass.

"Goodnight my darling." Maura whispered before she left the room and Jane slumped heavily to the chair reaching at once for the waiting glass.

xxxx

Jane pushed her way through the door into Maura's bedroom and found her unmoving and flat on her stomach, her nightdress crumpled and messy as though she had tossed and turned, the covers pulled back to the bottom of the bed. Maura lay as if in sleep excepting for hazel eyes which were round and large and stared blankly; seeming not to register Jane's presence.

Jane decided to interrupt the intense atmosphere of gloom contained in the room by crossing to the drapes and opening them partially; granting access to a slice of daylight and bathing Maura in the soft glow of the early morning sun.

Jane gently placed herself sitting carefully on the edge of the bed next to Maura, the soft mattress sagging a little and the movement causing sudden recognition in Maura, who's eyes darted to Jane's. Jane lifted her hand to slowly stroke over Maura's disheveled locks, cautiously searching for any sign that the move was unwelcome, she swept the curtain of hair from Maura's face and tucked it back behind her ear so she could fully see Maura's expression.

"Sweetheart." Jane said softly. "I'm here."

Maura let her eyes close and moved her hand to cover the one Jane had lay on the bed between them.

It seemed an eternity; they sat like this before Maura finally turned to Jane and struggled to pull herself to a more upright position before throwing her hands around Jane's neck and clinging on as if her very life depended on it. Maura sobbed openly now into Jane's skin, but somehow this felt like progress; an outpouring of emotion that Jane was grateful for and she took care to hold Maura gently in place as she wept on.

"Did he hurt you?" Jane couldn't stop herself from asking, she felt Maura nod against her but then quickly shake her head.

"I wanted you." she cried.

"I know darling, I know." Jane forced down the bile that rose to the back of her throat. "I wanted you too."Jane kissed the top of Maura's head. " I thought about you all night, about how strong you are."

Maura frowned at this and glanced up at Jane with a questioning look.

"Do you remember when you saved that woman's life? and I watched you work; so confident and sure, as if you'd been saving people, performing operations always, as if that was your sole purpose for being. I knew how I could love you then."

Maura had begun to trace small circles with one finger upon the soft skin of Jane's hand, where Jane's arms now encircled her.

"I was afraid." Maura whispered and something inside of Jane shattered; forevermore to be in pieces, the belief that her love could keep Maura safe. Jane had failed, she couldn't spare Maura this and it killed something in her, even while it brought to life something new; a power, the power to despise.

"...he didnt stay long." Maura offered, reading Jane's face and wanting to ease some of the suffering.

Jane stayed silent and only held Maura more tightly. "I'm so sorry darling."

Maura noticed the red, broken skin and signs of fresh bruises around Jane's knuckles and lightly, experimentally; touched a finger to one, before lowering her head to brush a kiss across them. Maura didn't have to ask what caused the damage.

" I will learn how not to let it touch me." Maura said in her strongest voice yet. 'I will be a diamond. " She added decisively, and to Jane's curious look she responded.

"Diamond; from the ancient Greek words _adamas _meaning unbreakable, unalterable and _damao _for "I overpower" , it is the hardest known natural material on the Mohs scale of hardness; where hardness is defined as resistance to scratching. The purest diamonds can only be scratched or damaged by another diamond."

Jane was rendered speechless, she felt a sadness and anger at even having to think about a repeat of what Maura had been through, but then a swell of adoration at her logic and the way she had of explaining herself.

"I asked Stewart to bring you some water and fill the bath, nice and hot, It should be ready if you want to?" Jane made it back to the safe topic of conversation.

Maura was nodding and looking up at Jane gratefully before she had finished speaking and for this Jane hated herself a little more. Jane got up from the bed and turned back to Maura, she slipped an arm beneath Maura's knees and the other wrapped around her back as she lifted Maura from the bed; carrying her to the dressing room.

Jane placed Maura on her feet close to the copper bath tub and stood awkwardly before her, she quietly asked for permission to take off Maura's nightdress and Maura helped to remove it. Jane averted her eyes as Maura trembled in her nakedness, she thought it would hurt too much to look at Maura now; stripped, exposed like this. Maura wrapped an arm across her chest and one over her middle and looked to the floor. Jane held out a a hand to her.

"Come on." Jane whispered and Maura accepted her hand and stepped toward the bath; eager to get beneath the cover of the water.

As Maura lowered herself carefully into the water she released a gasp, needing a moment to adjust to the change in temperature; the water was indeed very hot, as hot as she could bare and clouds of steam rolled upwards all around her, so that her face glistened with moisture despite being the only part of her held above the water.

"I wouldn't hold you to account, should you never want to look at me again." Maura said quietly as she pulled her knees up in front of her; the action causing her shoulders to come up out of the water and a shiver to skip over the skin there.

"What?" Jane asked; appalled, as she crouched low beside the bath, her face now level with Maura's.

"Maura. Look at me." Jane ordered. Maura's head swiveled around obediently. "Don't ever say that Maura, don't think it. The way I feel about you hasn't changed, will never change...Like that diamond you were talking about; unalterable."

Maura managed a small smile at this and Jane plunged her hand into the bath water to retrieve Maura's smaller one and hold the back of it against her cheek.

"Never doubt that, never doubt me." Jane said fiercely.

Maura couldn't speak but her weak smile grew somewhat.

Jane took up a nearby jug with one hand, keeping a hold of Maura with the other, and set about filling the jug to then pour the water back over Maura's head. Maura tipped her head back helpfully and Jane finally released Maura's hand to bring her own firmly down over the golden hair following the path of the water.

Maura closed her eyes and relaxed into the soothing heat of the bath and the sensation of Jane's hands on her head, for a moment she could stop thinking, stop feeling guilty, stop hurting and sink into the comfort Jane offered. Soon enough she would have to face the rest of the world in the form of breakfast with several wedding guests and she knew that she would be ready when the curtain rose.

xxxxx

_A/N: This took a while, I didn't want to have any Maura and Dawson scenes for the wedding night, I hope it doesn't feel like that is missing.? Let me know as _


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N - A little less eventful than the last few chapters, thought you deserved a little break.**

Ashby 25

Jane almost let out an audible giggle as the tiny pink tongue of the snowy white puppy lapped at the palm of her hand. Jo had haughtily trotted away and was busy following Vince Korsak around the building in a self appointed,supervisory capacity. Korsak swept at the dusty floor; collecting together the shredded remnants of a chewed up blanket.

"Looks like he's taken a real shine to you Jane." Korsak called, leaning for a moment against his broom.

"Oh no, Oh no no no old man! You are not convincing me to take anymore creatures off your hands." Jane called back. "Not a possibility. " She shook her head and abruptly popped the puppy back amongst his scrabbling pile of siblings, as if proving her disinterest.

Korsak's hopeful face fell and he continued to sweep for some moments before halting his task and taking a couple of strides toward Jane.

"What are you doing here Jane?" Korsak asked gruffly.

Jane frowned; she had become unaccustomed to such straightforward talk of late and still; she respected Korsak for this dropping of pretence.

"If I am in the way, you only have to say so." Jane replied calmly.

"Don't be ridiculous Jane; you know I enjoy your company... but you've been hiding out up here since breakfast, quiet as a churchmouse; which aint like you and I saw you yesterday; charging out of here on that wild horse you ride, so I'm thinking something has got to be bothering you."

Jane shrugged and folded her arms across her front, pouting a little. "Don't worry about me Korsak, I'll be fine." She mumbled.

"Don't like the fact your boss married your lady friend huh?" He asked.

Jane straightened defensively and frowned more darkly. Korsak held up a hand, palm facing Jane, holding her back as if it was a much larger barrier.

"Hey I care about Lady Maura too, you can trust me. What? you don't think he'll be good to her?" Kosak pushed on, trying to back off physically at least, as he took his broom up again.

Jane decided she really did trust this man and yet she wasn't sure what to tell him.

"I understand it can be tough when a friend gets hitched." Korsak went on. "You worried because they're not a love match?" Korsak tried again. Jane shot him a frown that told him he may be on the right path.

"You know Jane, I married for love three times; only landed me in a whole lot of trouble." Korsak shook his head ruefully.

"Yet you did it again Vince, there must be something to be said for it." Jane challenged.

"Oh goodness was I ever a fool." Korsak chuckled. "Some of these marriages of convenience ; they turn out to be just fine, no one has any expectations so no one gets dissapointed."

Jane kicked at the dust beneath her boot, she supposed Korsak meant his words to be reassuring but they were anything but.

"Lady M won't let marriage change her, she is too clever for that." Korsak offered.

"I am going for a ride, I'll pick up Jo later." Jane said turning suddenly.

xxxxxx

When Jane had eventually returned to her room she found a note waiting for her from Emma; asking Jane to join the women after dinner this evening as this was to be their last at Ashby. The prospect of spending an hour in the company of Diana Malcolm and Natalie Dawson was not the most thrilling Jane had ever faced however Emma was a good friend and Jane hadn't seen Maura all day, she would have to make do with sharing the sight of her with a room full of others.

Jane knocked and entered the drawing room in as discreet a fashion as she could manage. Emma immediately catching sight of her and rising from her chair, clapping her hands together in satisfaction.

"Jane, I am so glad you decided to join us." Emma announced ushering Jane to a chair beside her.

"Indeed." Isabelle joined in. "I have hardly seen you during our visit Ms Rizzoli and yet Emma regards you so highly and speaks of you so often that I feel sure we are destined to be great friends."

Jane smiled politely at Isabelle and dared not look directly at Maura right away, it would do nothing to make her feel more comfortable; she couldn't help but feel as if she entered the lions den. Jane glanced at Miss Dawson who smiled a small smile and then her gaze fell upon Lady Diana; who initially coloured slightly but then met Jane's eyes head on, almost defiant.

"It was good of you to come Jane, you are most welcome." Maura spoke and now Jane could not escape turning her attention to her. Jane felt that familiar feeling, the tug, the pull of their connection that made her want to forget all convention and go immediately to Maura's side. Jane took a deep breath and inhaled her as she inclined her head toward Maura with a smile, not quite trusting her voice not to betray her.

"Isabelle has agreed to read for us this evening Ms Rizzoli." Diana said clearly, sticking to a formal tone and address. "You shall be in for rather a treat, I am sure, you must tire of the masculine world of business with its facts and figures, you must have little time for such things as poetry and music."

Jane was sure this was meant as a slight of some kind but she held onto her smile. "You are quite right Lady Malcolm; any opportunity I get for a glimpse of beauty, I seize upon and appreciate greatly."

Isabelle had selected a poem by Christina Rosetti entitled "The Goblin Market" and to be honest Jane was pleasantly surprised, She didn't enjoy poems where the language was too flowery and the poet took three lines to say something that could have been said in one and then is still open to interpretation, she liked the fact that this poem told a simple story and she could picture it easily.

Isabelle had a fine voice and one could easily guess that she was very familiar with the poem, hardly glancing at the open book in her lap as she recited each verse. Isabelle looked at no one person in particular as she spoke until she came almost to the culmination of the poem where the character of Lizzie runs home in hopes of saving her sister Laura by delivering the fruit that she has been smeared with and that Laura so desperately craves. Here Isabelle's gaze drifted to Emma and away again a number of times as she read on.

"_She cried 'Laura' up the garden_

_"Did you miss me?_

_Come and kiss me._

_Never mind my bruises,_

_Hug me, kiss me, suck my juices_

_Squeezed from goblin fruit for you,_

_Goblin pulp and goblin dew._

_Eat me, drink me, love me;_

_Laura, make much of me;_

_For your sake I have braved the glen_

_And had to do with goblin merchant men._

Jane took a moment to observe Emma who seemed to be trying her best not to look enraptured, either with the poem or with the reader, Jane could only guess which pleased her the most. Jane decided that despite Emma's protestations she was in danger of forming quite an attachment to the flighty young romantic.

Jane's suspicion that Diana was in fact only half listening to Isabelle was in Jane's mind confirmed when she failed to make any reaction to the suddenly intensely intimate description in the poem. Even Natalie Dawson had suddenly looked up in interest and surprise.

"_Dropping like rain_

_After long sultry drought;_

_Shaking with anguish, fear and pain_

_She kiss'd and kiss' d her with a hungry mouth"_

Now Jane could no longer maintain the concious effort she had been calling on in order not to look longingly at Maura. As she turned her eyes upon her lady, she found that Maura's gaze was already upon her and that Maura seemed to be waiting for Jane's attention; a half smile creeping upon her face and a look through long lashes that made Jane suddenly flush with a new heat.

"_Her lips began to scorch."_

Jane shifted in her seat and felt Maura's eyes still fixed on her.

Isabelle finished her reading and each woman praised her in turn.

"A pleasant choice my dear; much like a nursery rhyme." Diana obesrved.

"Much of Rosseti's work was aimed at a younger audience but the layers of meaning abundent in the work; merit a more in depth study." Isabelle offered as justification for what Diana obviously meant as a criticism.

"I enjoyed it Isabelle. " Emma said suddenly, her tone defensive. Isabelle beamed.

"I hoped you would Emma, although Ms Rosseti has never expressed any support for suffrage, I feel there is much in her work that does express her sympathies with the plights of women and this poem in particular seems to glorify sisterhood."

"Yes, I can see that." Emma replied briefly.

"I am familiar with the work Isabelle, but I do not believe I have ever heard it recited so beautifully. " Maura flattered.

"Thank you Lady Maura, you are too kind." Isabelle said humbly nodding at Maura.

"Can I tempt anyone with another drink before we retire?" Maura asked the room.

"That sounds delightful!" Diana said; almost leaping out of her chair.

As Maura poured some drinks and Diana helped in handing them out it was hit upon by Miss Dawson and Isabelle that a small game of cards should be played and they moved to the card table with Diana and Maura to begin.

Emma and Jane stood a little away from the rest; in quiet reflection.

"What a turn of events." Emma said finally; to Jane alone.

"Should someone have told me a year ago that I would be stood in this very room with Maura married and my wishing her for someone other than her husband or myself, I could not have fathomed..." Emma remarked quietly incredulous but not upset.

Jane felt a little guilt, Emma rarely alluded to her long hidden feelings for Maura and Jane had always been pleased that neither one of them had let the fact impinge upon their friendship, but from time to time Jane imagined how she would feel should she have been in Emma's shoes, looking on as Maura found love with someone else. Jane doubted she could be so reasonable.

"Whatever comes next Jane you must take care; of yourselves and eachother." Emma said, standing with her back to the room.

Jane smiled fondly. "Of course." She said quietly, then after a moment. "As for what comes next... I fear ...I don't know how I shall work under that man everyday, I begin to feel I must surely find another position." Jane said helplessly. "Yet in doing so..."

"You should have to leave Maura and that is unthinkable...you may just have to swallow your pride; for have you not endured the worst? you must learn to live with the rest." Emma said seriously, draining her glass.

"If you need a retreat at any time you must not hesitate to come and stay with me, you are always welcome. "

Jane nodded and smiled as she looked over Emma's shoulder to where Maura now sat in deep concentration over her hand of cards. It was difficult to imagine that the woman sat talking of trivialities with her friends had been held; broken, in Jane's arms only this morning.

"You must write often and tell me how you are getting along." Emma went on.

"I shall, and you can write to me of Isabelle." Jane grinned cheekily.

"I am sure that when we return to London I shall see very little of Isabelle, the young are fickle and she has many; more like-minded friends in town." Emma said as she looked a little longingly over her shoulder before realising what she was doing and turning her full attention quickly back to Jane.

"Shall we join them?" Jane grinned and motioned to Emma to lead the way.

xxxxxx

Emma and Isabelle and the Malcolms had departed after breakfast the next morning and Jane had stood beside Maura to wave them off. Dawson had talked happily with Giles until the last moments and then turned to head back into the house without so much as a glance at Maura.

Maura linked an arm through Jane's and waved as Emma and Isabelle leaned out of the carriage bidding farewell. Isabelle seemed to be very genuinely sorry to leave after such a short stay and had thanked Maura profusely for her hospitality.

Maura confessed to Jane that she liked Isabelle very much and that she would make a good match for Emma, to which Jane had agreed. Maura pressed Jane's arm to her and then laced their fingers.

"Left to ourselves again." Maura said with a contented sigh.

"Almost." Jane said quietly as they made their way indoors.

xxxxxx

Dawson ducked his head around the door to see Jane hard at work. If he had come not an hour earlier he would have been greeted by the very different sight of his new wife sat in Jane's lap, proof reading a letter under the false pretence of being helpful whilst truly being very distracting indeed.

"Ah Ms Rizzoli, I would like you to take an extra trip to the bank as soon as possible, I have a draft for a large sum for Lord Malcolm and a smaller amount for a new associate in London, I wish you to see to it that the bank deals with the transactions promptly."

Dawson placed the relevant paperwork onto the desk in front of Jane and she glanced at the amount on the first draft, made out to Giles Malcolm. Jane frowned as she held up the page.

"Is this something I need to know more about sir?" Jane called out as Dawson made to leave. "I mean, is this a business arrangement? Do you have further instructions for this?"

Dawson stopped in his tracks and rounded on Jane. "If I have further instructions; I shall inform you of them in due course. " He seemed to think twice about leaving and spoke again with a sly smile. "You should be well acquainted with the need to use alternative means to persuade some men into business. Having been born without a fortune it has been necessary to gain favour using any means available and part of your role as my secretary is to be discreet and not to concern yourself with those details which you have no need to know."

Jane was silent, a mild curiosity had now become a great suspicion.

"I can tell you that Giles Malcolm's resistance to do business with us should no longer be a problem, he should be more than happy to tell the whole of England to place their trust and their money with me. Ahhhh we are sure to be very busy Ms Rizzoli."

In his eagerness to boast; Dawson had revealed more than he perhaps had meant to and certainly more than was wise and as he swept out of the room Jane crumpled up the page she had been working on and threw it at the door he had used.

xxxxxx

A/N - So I am away for the weekend, this time without the kids (colour me excited) and will not be able to respond to reviews, comments, questions as promptly as usual, but I still love ya xxx


	26. Chapter 26

_Hey all I am feeling all refreshed from my weekend away in the very historical Lincoln, dug out some excellent new books in the many second hand book shops so feeling quite inspired by some of them. Hope you enjoy the latest.x_

Ashby park 26

Some days Jane could almost convince herself that nothing of significance had really changed. Maura would ride out with her every morning then Jane could lose herself in work for the remains of the day and in the evening Maura would return. Jane strove as well as she could for the times in between seeing Maura to retain some meaning, as difficult as this was.

Their evenings were spent in the sharing of tales from each of their different days and the divulging of memories from lives before each other. Maura would read aloud an article or poem that she had discovered and particularly enjoyed, Jane would listen and often pretend not to understand so that she could be subject to one of Maura's lengthily and enthusiastic explanations. These patterns had formed quickly; comfortably and easily.

In stark contrast to this was the awkwardness and difficulty each women encountered the first time they were intimate after Maura's wedding. Jane had to balance her deep seated need to reclaim every inch of Maura, with her heartfelt wish not to hurt or scare her, not to have her feel like anyone's possession; even Jane's.

Maura had felt some of Jane's hesitation and had worried again that Jane couldn't want her now, may not be able to love her since she had been used by someone else.

Maura had come to Jane in her room; her territory. The pair sat together upon Jane's bed and Jane had brushed one stray whisp of hair from Maura's cheek where she had worried it loose from the extravagant twists and loops of hair that were piled high on her head.

"I've missed you." Jane admitted gently.

Maura placed a hand in Jane's. "And I you."

Maura smiled nervously and felt her heart leap; her stomach flip as she looked into concerned brown eyes.

"Hold me Jane." She whispered, and in an instant two strong arms enveloped her. "It pains me to know you shall never again look upon me with the same heart." Maura said; trembling.

Jane held her more firmly. "Maura" She murmured in protest.

"I feel my betrayal strongly Jane, my weakness led to my own treatment but you...you do not deserve this." She shook her head.

"Maura sweetheart, I don't think I could ever do enough good in this life to deserve the joy you have already given me and ... perhaps we could have both have acted differently... but all I know now is that you are here with me and if you tell me that your heart has never betrayed mine, then I know it to be truth."

Jane placed two fingers beneath Maura's chin and tipped her head back to meet her look with a lightly questioning one of her own.

Maura nodded slowly and closed her eyes just as two tears escaped in order to race one another down either side of her face. Jane kissed one away as the other fell onto the silk of Maura's gown; leaving a small dark stain. Jane moved her lips to meet Maura's in a kiss that was offered to reassure, to comfort and to prove her testimony.

"You still _want _me?" Maura asked, yet uncertain and putting her full meaning into that one word.

"More than ever. All of you." Jane said without hesitation. "...but I can wait.." Jane added.

Maura frowned and shook her head,struggling with words she decided to rely on action and pushed herself up to initiate another kiss, one more obviously conveying her intentions. "All of me." She mumbled into Jane's mouth. This kiss was long, the heat drying Maura's tears as she wrapped both arms around Jane and pushed further with the weight of her body. Jane in response eased them down together to lay fully on her bed.

The lovers spent that night in reaffirming every vow; every promise, troubled not by those they could not keep but giving themselves more passionately devoted than ever; to those they could.

Since then, Maura had come to Jane every night, sometimes early in the evening following a long day apart, occasionally very late when other duties detained her, but always she would appear and take her place in Jane's arms until the first signs of morning arrived.

xxxxxxx

"Did you find out what was troubling your friend? Lady Malcolm I mean, she seemed very upset?" Jane asked, succeeding in adopting the air of mild interest despite the fact that this subject had been one of great speculation and concern to her since Dawson's comments about his dealings with Lord Malcolm.

Maura looked up from her book. "Well, Emma seems to be of the opinion that Diana is creating a drama where there is none." Maura shrugged but did not look convinced.

"And what do you think?" Jane prompted.

"I cannot shake the feeling that something more is going on. It is really Giles manner that arouses my suspicions, he seemed very eager to whisk her away before she could say anymore."

"If your concerned maybe you should go and speak with her or write to her perhaps?" Jane suggested.

"No no, I have no concrete facts or evidence to present her with." Maura dismissed the idea.

"What about instinct?" Jane leaned closer, suddenly even more interested in Maura's reaction. "Don't you ever put your faith in a feeling?"

Maura seemed to consider this. "Hmmmmm, only once." Maura admitted; looking pointedly at Jane with the smile reserved for her alone.

"And that resulted in success? " Jane asked, feigning ignorance of Maura's meaning.

"Some." Maura agreed cockily before returning to the subject of Diana "She mentioned something about Rupert and she also spoke of blackmail." Maura's brows rose.

"Can you think of any reason someone would wish to threaten; to blackmail Rupert or the family?" Jane questioned. Maura shook her head positively. "Anything they could use against Rupert?"

"Not at all, Rupert has always been everyone's darling, being the youngest he was always greatly indulged. " Maura replied.

"He doesn't have any vices? excessive gambling; drinking, breaking hearts?" Jane pushed, feeling perhaps she should calm this line of questioning before it became an interrogation.

"As far as I am aware he enjoys polo, rowing and general socialising, he has a great many friends." Maura shrugged in recognition that this information was hardly illuminating.

"What about romance then?" Jane couldn't seem to prevent herself from probing further. "Has he ever been linked to anyone? Miss Dawson seems to judge him as very eligible.

"He is...I don't think... Diana says he has never shown the slightest interest in that sort of thing, with an older brother and no pressure to marry I suppose he could remain a bachelor for as long as he wishes."

Jane frowned as she racked her brain for other possibilities.

"Do not trouble yourself about it dearest, I am sure if there is any real trouble Diana will let us know of it soon enough." Maura turned back to her book.

"Still, maybe a visit from you would be a comfort to you both." Jane said.

Maura looked curiously at Jane now and Jane very quickly dropped the subject.

xxxxxx

Stretched out beside Maura; the contentment Jane felt was suddenly overshadowed by the familiar fear and a question Jane just could not shake.

"He hasn't visited you; since your. ..since ...that night?" The question sounded too loud now it was no longer inside her head and her whole body stiffened and her eyes fixed on one spot on the ceiling.

Maura took a moment to register what was being asked and her eyes shot to Jane's face. " I .." she cleared her throat. "he came once... I was here, with you."

Jane looked in shock at Maura, she had never mentioned this. "And he knows that...he..what did he say?" Jane faltered.

Maura moved back into Jane's body from where she had been dislodged by Jane's sudden flip onto her side to face Maura fully. "Stewart told him that I had occasion to doze off whilst reading, sometimes in the library; sometimes here." Maura shrugged. "Which is what I had informed her of and is completely true."

Jane could not challenge her on this point, for the woman in her arms frequently fell asleep pouring over a book.

"And his reply?" Jane pushed as Maura set about distracting her with a soft kiss behind the ear.

"He told me at breakfast the next day that should he feel the urge again he would send my maid to fetch me." Maura attempted to shrug this off, perhaps as an empty threat but now Jane was sitting upright in the bed they shared and pulled her knees up in front of her chest like a shield.

Jane looked out into the darkness and clenched her fists . "..have to do something." she muttered to herself through gritted teeth.

Maura was up on her knees to follow Jane and placed a hand to her back; her hunched shoulders.

"Really Jane I believe he has little interest in me, he may even be getting relief from somewhere else. I am sure now that he should hardly ever bother me."

Jane shot a look at Maura; so accepting, almost grateful and her blood boiled over.

"No, I have to do something." Jane said frantically pushing her fingers through her mass of dark curls. "I have to."

Maura nodded and wrapped herself around Jane until she felt her cave and soften beneath her touch.

"I will." Jane whispered against Maura's hair. 'I will."

"I know." Maura soothed. "I know."

xxxxxx

Jane had written to Frost on receiving his last correspondence and had written again following recent events concerning the Malcolms requesting that Frost take a closer look at Dawson's businesses dealings, any deals gone bad, any disgruntled ex-associates.

Jane had taken to going through each and every record kept by her predecessor, at least those that Dawson had deemed relevant for his current business and had had shipped over from America. Jane had acquainted herself with every document, each contract, to the degree of an obsessive, but she knew that more extensive paperwork was at home in Boston. Kate seemed to have been meticulous in her administrations and Jane had a picture forming in her mind of a hardworking, conscientious and bright young woman. So far and unsurprisingly Jane had encountered nothing incriminating in Dawson's own paperwork and could only wait and hope that across the ocean Frost was having more success.

Jane was not giving up however, she felt she still held some cards in the game; in that unbeknownst to Dawson she had knowledge of his affair and consequent illegitimate son. Jane didn't feel satisfied that this alone was enough leverage to make the kind of impact she would need to strike a lasting bargain but it was something and may yet have to be everything. Jane felt that she had been flooded by a temporary paralysis, a spectator in her own life as she had stood by and watched Maura marry and she had only now begun to get some feeling back, her usual energy and fight finally returning to her, she wanted to have all the ammunition she could gather before facing her foe. And then she received the telegram.

xxxxx

Maura had just returned from an early morning visit to the village at the side of Doctor Rawlinson several of the villagers seemed to have contracted influenza and he was struggling to see each of the people affected.

As she freed herself of her cloak and bonnet Maura noticed Miss Dawson's young maid hurry into the hall and freeze just as she came into her eyeline. Dolly as Maura recalled she was named seemed to hover uncertainly as she watched Maura, who eventually turned her full attention on the girl.

"Can I help you Dolly?" Maura asked a little impatiently, regretting instantly the unfriendly tone.

"Lady Maura, I thought that perhaps...possibly... you may wish to know...that Ms Rizzoli has received a telegram." Dolly held her hands together in front of her and fingers twisted fingers nervously.

Maura frowned deeply. Why would this girl feel the need to approach and speak to her about this? Maura was certain that in the course of business; Jane received a great many telegrams amongst her correspondence. However if this girl had taken it upon herself, despite her obvious uncertainty, to seek out Maura and make her aware of this instance; there must be something significant, some news of a personal nature perhaps.

Maura considered the uncomfortable young girl before her and remembered Jane's kind words and affection for her and decided that Jane may well of unburdened herself to this girl.

"Is Miss Rizzoli quite alright Dolly?" Maura asked, losing some of her air of authority as she looked helplessly at the maid.

"I don't think she would mind me telling you that I found her to be quite out of sorts M'lady." Dolly confessed, relieved that Maura had understood her purpose.

"Thank you Dolly, I shall see if I can be of assistance. " Maura said quickly, unconsciously leaning toward where she knew she would find Jane and taking steps to reach her before she had even dismissed the maid.

xxxxx

As Maura pushed her way unannounced into the study; she caught sight of Jane stood with her back to the door, gazing out of the long window, she did not acknowledge that anyone had entered the room if she was aware. Maura hurried across the room; to her side.

"Jane, what is it? " Maura asked at her shoulder.

Jane glanced at Maura now and went for a reassuring half smile. "I have some news. A telegram from my friend; Frost."

Maura nodded quickly, waiting for Jane to continue.

"Its about Katherine Shepard, you recall the name? She was Dawson's Secretary, she had my place before me. " Jane said solemnly.

Maura continued to nod. "of course, of course." She could hardly forget, but she felt that Jane was using the introduction to ready herself as much as Maura.

"She is dead, she passed away last night." Jane announced with a grim expression.

xxxxx

"Do you think she loved him?" Maura asked from her chair.

"Does it matter?" Jane asked.

"Yes." Maura said flatly.

Jane stopped mid pace. "Then yes." She quietly confirmed. "In his last letter Frost said that he had gotten to know her a little, he respected her and said that he guessed I would like her. He couldn't understand how she could still love a man even after he left her, even though she was ill, she wished no harm to come to him. The proof of that can be found in the fact that she never chose to expose him herself. "

Maura shrank against the back of her seat as if seeking escape into it. "How could he leave her like that? her life in ruins. How could he leave his child." Maura shook her head and rose to find Jane; suddenly needing closer proximity. "She was alone; at the end, without her love, how could he do that to her?"

Jane reached a comforting arm out to Maura who quickly curled into it.

"Does he even know of her fate?" Maura asked as if the thought had just occurred to her.

"Frost was unsure as to how much contact they maintained ; if any, aside from a financial agreement. It is possible he had someone reporting on the situation for him."

"He may not even know?" Maura gasped.

"If he doesn't know; does he really deserve to? Would he even care." Jane said a little impatiently.

"She loved him Jane, she would want him to know and now..." Maura swallowed slowly adding some gravity to what she said next. "He has a responsibility toward his child, more than ever,..._ we _do..."

Jane cut her off. "Frost is overseeing his care for now, he has placed the boy with a family temporarily, as no one else seemed to be interested in his care, Kate asked this of him; she trusted him and so do I. We should wait and see what Dawson's next move is."

Maura looked puzzled and then disbelieving at Jane. "You don't mean to treat this as another move in your battle against Dawson? "

Jane frowned. "Thats not ... the child is safe, I am only suggesting we give Dawson a chance to realise his responsibilities. I shall have Frost send him notice of Katherine's death and we shall see how he means to proceed."

This seemed to appease Maura somewhat and she drew close to Jane again. "And if he does nothing; we can force his hand." She looked to Jane for assurance.

"I would no more see the child abandoned than you Maura, I swear. Yet would it not be better for the child if Dawson took charge through his own volition?"

Maura wrapped an arm around Jane's waist and pressed her head to Jane's chest firmly, but spoke no more. Jane stroked the soft shining hair beneath her fingers and dropped a kiss to Maura's head.

xxxxx

_I know some people are unhappy as to what they see as Maura cheating but I don't really see it as simply as that, in Maura's mind she is only committed to Jane who is aware of the situation and although she is going behind Dawson's back, she has never pretended to be anything more to him than a legal wife. I know some people still won't be happy with that but things were very different and it is easy for us to judge having lived in a time where we have infinitely more freedoms. _

_As ever, thank you for the reviews they make my day xxx_

_Ps- to Lisa, I am working on it! Thanks for planting a seed._


	27. Chapter 27

_A/N: Happy Easter folks x_

Ashby 27

Jane had passed Lord Ashby on the stairs as she made her way down them that morning. He looked as well as she had ever seen him and for a second, before she felt pleased for Maura's sake and his own, she had felt resentful and angry. This man and his sudden rapid demise had changed the course of her life in ways she could never fully know and yet as he had dimly recognised her this morning she was reminded that she was nothing more than another of the many staff at Ashby to him.

Jane was well acquainted with the feeling of responsibility for and obligation to a parent. Each letter she had recently received from her Mother included a more urgent and more pathetic inquiry as to when Jane would return to Boston. To be fair to Angela Rizzoli; Jane had told her Ma that she would likely be away for a year, no more and that anniversary had elapsed with no word from Jane of any intention to travel back to the States.

When Jane arrived in the study she found a note from her employer waiting for her on the desk, instructing her to make herself available this evening for a business meeting with Mr Basil Tarrant, a fellow American who like Dawson had built a small empire and a fortune from nothing. Jane had met Tarrant once before and had a grudging respect and regard for the man, he wasn't as vulgar as Dawson, he didn't seem as if he had anything to prove to anyone, Jane admired that quality. It was more the prospect of an entire evening with Dawson and away from Maura that left Jane feeling more sour with each hour that drew the appointment closer.

Jane had heard back from Frost that he had followed her instruction and informed Dawson of Katherine Shepherd's passing only moments before he sent the message to inform Jane of this. That was, that Dawson was informed yesterday morning of his son's situation and as yet Jane had no news. Maura had been present at breakfast and had witnessed Dawsons apparent indifference on receiving the news and had related this account to Jane. Dawson had discussed nothing with Maura and as yet they had no hint of his intentions. Perhaps tonight could be used to detect some clue, if only Jane could induce some kind of confession or confidence from her employer, though with her current disdain and growing hatred for the man it would be a difficult endeavor.

xxxx

Maura sat at the piano and Jane was once again transfixed by the way that Maura played; as if she were merely allowing the piano to play what was its own inclination to play, as if she only gave it an outlet, a voice, very unlike the way that Jane had always felt she had to forcefully beat a tune out of the instrument.

Jane vaguely recognised the music and guessed at it being one of the German composers, Schubert or Mendelssohn perhaps. The piece itself not nearly as hypnotic as the sight of Maura's hands dancing elegantly over the keys and the way her entire body seemed to bend and sway with the movement and in unison with the tune. The slight nervous energy that Jane's intense scrutiny stirred up in Maura, prompted the fair haired woman to speak as she played.

"The story of the piano begins in Padua, Italy in 1709, in the shop of a harpsichord maker named Bartolomo di Francesco Cristofori." Maura began, a glance cast at Jane to test her reaction, a small smile, before she continued her story. "The harpsichord was limited to one unvarying volume. It's softness and loudness could not be varied while playing. The artistic desire for a more controlled degree of musical expression led directly to the invention of the piano, on which the artist could alter the volume and tone with the force of one's fingers."

Maura demonstrated the point by thumping the next few notes out loudly and following up with the light tinkle of yet more notes before returning to the usual style of play. Maura could feel Jane's amused and yet appreciative eyes on her and refused to be distracted by them.

This only spurred Jane on and finally Maura missed a note and her fingers stumbled clumsily over the next ones as Jane bent and pressed a line of kisses from behind Maura's ear; to the neckline at the back of her dress.

Maura managed to correct herself now and take command of the end of the symphony.

"Tell me another" Jane grinned as she pulled a second wooden stool up close against Maura's, brushing a light kiss against the side of Maura's elegant jaw line.

Maura grinned happily and took up Jane's left hand; pressing the palm to her own and using her fingers to spread Jane's own long digits. Maura's other hand hovered above Jane's as one finger came to trace a line down each one.

"Aside from _one_ other place..." Maura's eyes sought out that very place upon Jane and her colour rose a little at the mention. "..the fingertips possess the highest concentration of touch receptors and thermoreceptors among all areas of the human skin, making them extremely sensitive to temperature, pressure, vibration, texture and moisture."

Maura proceeded to guide the hand she held in her own to the keyboard of the piano and placing Jane's hand over specific keys and her own hand over that, Maura led Jane to play the first few notes from the movement she had just played.

"Each finger may flex and extend, abduct and adduct. Flexion is by far the strongest movement." Maura said the words slowly and her voice had taken on a seductive quality that was as potent to Jane as the symphony she had just now performed.

"Oooh, let _me_ impart some of my knowledge." Jane whispered over her shoulder and against Maura's cheek. "labium superius oris." Jane pronounced perfectly as she leant against Maura and brushed her thumb over her lovers moist upper lip. "and labium inferius oris, though in no way inferior if you ask me." Jane said before taking the bottom lip of the woman, sitting just a breath away, gently into her mouth and then releasing it with a slight tug.

Maura's eyes had fluttered closed and her mouth remained slightly open as Jane continued to tantalize her. "And this place where the lips meet the surrounding skin of the mouth area is the vermilion border." Jane said proudly as she kissed the spot she had indicated and pulled away again, waiting for approval.

"You are a very quick study Ms Rizzoli." Maura mumbled huskily and then on opening her eyes added with a mixture of hope and surprise. " You actually listen to me ?"

Jane shrugged this off, feeling it would be too much to admit that she hung on every word, so a "Most of the time, yes." was offered instead.

"_You_ have taught _me _so much Jane, about myself, about understanding others." Maura told her suddenly, all thoughts of the piano and making that music abandoned.

Jane raised her brow doubtfully as she considered this. "Maybe one or two things but I think it could be a little risky to demonstrate those right here and now." Jane quipped with a mischievous wink and a smile.

"I am serious Jane!" Maura exclaimed at once. "I know we both have much more to learn from one another and I look forward to it." Maura said sincerely.

"Oh I agree, such as; cricket, I never really understood that game and..." Jane said thrusting one finger into the air as the next thought occurred to her. "I bet you could explain the theory of relativity and the ..."

Jane was stopped with a kiss.

xxxxxx

Jane was just gathering her belongings together following a last glance over some notes she had made on Basil Tarrant to prepare for the meeting. As she moved around the desk, the door swung open to admit the relatively ruffled looking figure of Lady Maura, whose face fell into a disappointed frown as she noted Jane's jacket and gloves.

"Oh Jane you are leaving already?" Maura asked needlessly.

"I'm afraid so." Jane said as she snuffed out the candle on her desk. "How are the children?"

Maura had been helping out Doctor Rawlinson with the influenza outbreak in the village again today and Jane was really asking about Thomas and Anne Turner, the children she had met and formed an attachment to when Maura had saved their mothers life.

"They are through the worst of it and Anne has been valiantly soldiering on, helping to take care of Thomas and her Mother. I believe that the elderly Croft woman will be the only fatality if we can halt the spread, the real problem being that most of the men still have to go to work even with clear symptoms..."

Maura stopped rambling as Jane came across the room in two long strides, making a break for the door. Jane paused at Maura and grinned.

"I have to go." She reminded Maura, who turned a sulky look on her.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Maura huffed.

Jane looked back to her desk before dashing back and snatching up a leather pouch that contained her writing equipment. "You're right, my lucky quill! "

Maura looked rather affronted as Jane made her next attempt to leave and Jane hid her great amusement at this; well.

"I was referring to this." Maura said haughtily as she threw herself into Jane's arms and hung around her neck, kissing her soundly on the lips.

Jane pulled away after allowing herself a moment to respond in kind, her eyes glittering with something more than the laughter that escaped her.

"Forgive me my lady, I shall see you later tonight." Jane said, leaving one more soft kiss on Maura's mouth before she turned and left the room.

Left alone in the room Maura felt somewhat bereft and rather than turn to leave herself; she wandered over to the desk and proceeded to fuss with and organise some of Jane's belongings, more to give her something tangible to do to that kept Jane close, that spoke of their intimacy. As she sat back in Jane's chair and looked out of the window at the view that Jane took in; each and every day. Maura's silent reflections were interrupted by an unfamiliar sound in the wall opposite. A scuffle, a hushed movement, Maura filled with dread as she realised what she was hearing. Someone was in the secret passage.

Maura shot out of Jane's chair and into the library, headed directly for the entrance to the passage. She was unsurprised when she found the space empty, she had foolishly made enough noise in her rush to get here to alert even the most incompetent of sneeks. Maura went in search of a candle before stepping into the passage herself. Had she truly heard what she thought? she had to be sure. And as she gazed at the floor of the passage she found her answer, the thick dust there had been recently disturbed, the print not very clear, not clear enough to show the size of foot or even to guess at the gender of the spy. Whoever had been here had shuffled around enough to remove any distinctive footprints. But who had it been? how much of and how incriminating had been the scene they had witnessed? and why would anyone be creeping around watching Jane.

Jane. She would be out all evening and Maura felt sick at the thought of not being able to go to her now and then a little sicker at the thought of just how much she had come to depend on Jane so completely.

xxxxxx

As Jane and Dawson were shown into Basil Tarrants library, the man took no great pains to welcome them, not even rising from his seat. As Jane followed Dawson a few steps further into the room she saw him glance up and beckon to his guests.

Jane could see now that he was sitting at a small table with a large and very ornate chess set, likely made of carved jade and worth a lot of money. Jane stood a foot behind her employer as he cheerfully introduced the two of them, the butler having unceremoniously abandoned them at the entrance. Jane had already gathered that this house ran to its own take on accepted rules, she could definitely work with that in mind.

"You play Dawson?" Basil asked gruffly over the top of Dawsons convoluted introductions and expressions of appreciation for the invitation. Dawson was silenced.

"I am a rank amateur at best." Dawson began to bluster. Basil looked straight past him as his attention shifted to Jane, a questioning look in his eye.

Jane took a step forward and looked harder at the pieces laid out on the board which was clearly mid game. After a moment of silence; Jane placed a fingertip to the top of a rook and looked for permission to move it from Mr Tarrant who nodded his consent and watched as she made her move.

Tarrant looked at the board as more minutes ticked by and Dawson looked almost as if he would burst if he didn't return to centre stage at once. Tarrant finally looked up at Jane with what could almost be described as a smile.

"What was your name young lady?" Tarrant asked as he indicated she take the seat across from him.

"Ms Rizzoli sir, but you can call me Jane if you'd prefer." Jane shrugged a shoulder as she sat down and devoted her full attention to the game in front of her.

"Get yourself a drink Dawson." Tarrant instructed. "Mine is a single malt, and Jane will have ..."

"The same." Jane finished, flashing a grin in Dawsons direction as he moved to follow his orders, Tarrant mirroring the grin as she returned her attention to him.

Around 40 minutes later the game had come to a very tense point and Jane knew that she had the slight upper hand. It had been easily ten minutes since her last move and Basil Tarrant had sat staring accusingly at the remaining pieces.

Dawson had long ago moved to browse the books on the shelves, throwing out an occasional comment, all of which had been ignored.

Basil was shaking his head slowly and rubbing at his stubble covered chin as more minutes passed by. "Well Jane, you have me stumped for this evening but I would like to return to this game at my leisure if that is acceptable to you."

"Of course Sir." Jane nodded.

Basil leant back in his chair and stretched out the muscles in his shoulders and neck, rolling each around and calling to Dawson for another drink.

"Well Jane, you play chess, you drink whisky and I believe you have a fine head for figures. Do you also participate in the pastimes more generally expected of women? " Basil asked curiously and without snipe or malice.

" I like to ride, I speak three languages and I can darn a stocking like you wouldn't believe." Jane quipped.

"You Ms Rizzoli have a beautiful mind." Basil complimented through a chuckle as Dawson arrived at the table with another round of drinks. "So tell me why you think I should do business with this fella?" Tarrant asked as if Dawson was not in the room and indeed when Dawson attempted to join the conversation Tarrant cut him off with a look.

" He knows how to make money." Jane said, it was simple and it was the truth. " I could tell you plenty of things about the railroad in Canada about Mr Dawsons integrity, but all it really boils down to is that this man can take your money and triple it within a couple of months."

Tarrant looked over Dawson, who looked for a second like he may interject again but suddenly thought better of it.

"She is an asset Mr Dawson." Tarrant informed the man before him as he looked thoughtfully back at Jane.

"She is quite the dark horse." Dawson mumbled as he swung his drink in a small circle, causing the ice to clink against the glass.

"Leave me the contract and I'll have my lawyer look over it tomorrow, make sure everything is in order." Tarrant concluded as he downed his drink and got up from his seat. "It has been a pleasure Jane, now if you will excuse me, I am about ready for some sleep." To illustrate his point Tarrant yawned dramatically and affectionately patted Jane's shoulder as he passed her and left the room.

Dawson looked unamused as he finished his drink, considering Jane carefully over the rim of his glass.

"It seems you have just helped to land us a very lucrative deal Ms Rizzoli." Dawson said as if it really pained him to do so.

xxxxxx

_**A/N: I have been receiving quite a few messages from new people lately so I just want to say Hi and welcome aboard! also lots of love to the old faithfulls, where would I be without you? xx **_

P.S. If anyone is thinking...why does she keep spelling realise and recognise wrong? I refuse to spell them with a Z, it is the English language after all. ;)


	28. Chapter 28

_**A/N- Hi all, a midweek update, don't you just love the easter holidays, more time to write **__**and**__** chocolate!**_

_**Anyway, I thought I should reply to the post that suggested I had cut/pasted the story from somewhere. I am not sure which fic/ novel it referred to and am curious to find out. But no, I have never copied someone else's work. I think I have stated most of the sources of inspiration I have used in the past and I have actually never read a fanfic set in victorian England except a couple of short Fingersmith ones. **_

_**As for the ending, it isn't exactly written yet but I can say there will be no suicide!**_

Ashby 28

Maura edged her way out of the wooden building that Korsak had recently retreated too and Jane glanced up from where she stood, now bending, sleeves rolled up, spade in hand, viciously attacking the ground where she had set about helping Korsak dig, despite his many protests.

Jane had known Maura was due to return from her ride and she would have put money on Korsak alerting Maura to Jane's presence here at the rear of the building, away from public view, so she wasn't all-together surprised to see Maura appear and watch her warily from a distance. After all hadn't that been the real reason Jane had come up here this morning, to wait for Maura?

Jane felt some satisfaction as she struck the ground and felt it give way beneath her tool, filling up with soil as she built herself up to the next action of heaving the loaded spade to the growing heap of freshly upturned earth. Jane felt Maura step closer.

"Jane. You didn't meet me for our ride this morning. " Maura stated, neither a question nor an accusation.

"I didn't. " Jane agreed, giving Maura nothing and not breaking for a moment from her task.

Maura remained standing stiffly on the spot. "Will I see you this evening ?" Maura asked quietly, so many questions wrapped up within this one.

Jane's face was hard, solid as she looked up toward Maura. "Last night..." She began, grinding her back teeth together. "You didn't come...all night; I waited... "

"I know, I am sorry Jane." Maura stepped closer but didn't move to reach for Jane just yet.

Jane searched Maura's face now. "Did he come to you?"

Maura looked away, suddenly feeling weary. "Yes." She sighed weakly.

Jane let the spade she had been gripping; fall to the ground and moved to Maura, to gently take hold of Maura's face, to bring her back to look at her.

"and after?" Jane asked quietly.

Maura frowned at the memory. "He was drunk, he lost consciousness and I slept in my chair. I couldn't come to you then Jane, I can't fully explain why. Not because of him ... I just couldn't. " Maura began to blink back tears and her voice trembled.

"Alright." Jane said softly and then more soothingly. "Its alright, I'm sorry." Jane felt the guilt rise up and mix with the jealousy and anger.

The fact that she had relished in her ability to make Dawson feel and look small last night had more than likely contributed to his motivation to visit Maura. Jane had never considered that possibility; but still she felt she had been reckless and selfish, the small triumph she had felt last night paled when compared to the victory Dawson had unwittingly enjoyed over her in his next move. Jane pulled a willing Maura lightly into an embrace.

"I'm sorry my darling, I shouldn't have questioned you." Jane admitted. "I just...I was so worried and then..."

"You were angry." Maura supplied flatly.

"No, yes, not at you, at myself, at the situation, at him...never you." Jane finished tenderly and dropped a kiss on Maura's forehead. Jane felt a heavy sigh escape her from a deep place full of more of the same. "There is nothing I can tell myself that makes it any easier. I lay awake; first wondering,hoping, maybe you had fallen asleep, maybe you would come yet. Each minute stretching out before me until I felt the creeping dread and certainty take hold of me entirely and I knew it, I could see it as clearly as if I was in the room." Jane almost growls this now, her face red and beaded with sweat.

"Jane stop, please." Maura begged, covering Jane's lips with her fingertips as her tears run freely.

Jane shook her head as she tangled a fist into the waves of Maura's hair, clipped simply away from her face. " I cannot bear to share you, any part of you with anyone else, with him." Jane shook her head hopelessly and Maura clung on to her; the circle her arms had made around Jane's waist tightening.

Maura kissed the side of Jane's face, the only place she could easily reach as Jane's head pressed against her shoulder, and somehow; comforting Jane this way made Maura feel stronger. When Jane had failed to keep to the engagement of their morning ride; Maura had felt wounded, she had expected some kind of confrontation or at least to find Jane angry and closed off to her, she had not expected this raw outpouring of vulnerability and pain.

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm here now Jane." Maura whispered. "I'm here."

xxxxxxx

Korsak cleared his throat and edged a little closer to the scene he had just witnessed, looking as uncomfortable as he felt; to be intruding.

"uh Jane, you can stop digging now." Korsak called from where he stood, holding his cap in front of him with both hands and crumpling it nervously. "The hole is a little bigger than I needed. " He added quietly. "Come on inside with Lady Maura, I'm making some tea."

Jane quickly gathered herself, swiping at her face with her hands and Korsak disappeared back to his small work room.

"Jane, I have to tell you something. " Maura pulled back but maintained her hold of Jane. "Last night, before you went out for your meeting. Someone was watching us."

Jane looked puzzled as she took a deep breath. "What do you mean? watching us?"

Maura looked a little guilty as she recalled spying on Jane herself all those months ago. "There is a secret passage in the wall between the study and the library. I heard a noise just after you left, I tried to see who it could be. There had certainly been someone in there, someone watching."

"A secret passage? Are you serious?" Jane said incredulously.

Maura nodded seriously. "I assumed no one knew of the place, most of the staff are unaware, Papa is the only person I am certain knows of its existence." Maura frowned at her own assertion but then shook her head. "I don't believe he we would have any reason to be creeping about in there."

Jane was silent and looked lost in her own thoughts. Maura's eyes searched her face.

"I will take care of this." Jane promised and she unrolled the sleeves of her blouse and shook the soil from her skirt. Jane turned and headed for the house alone.

xxxxxxx

Jane walked boldly into the dining room where Dawson was already sat scanning the articles in the mornings paper.

"Sir." Jane addressed him. "I must speak with you urgently."

"Ms Rizzoli, what do you mean bursting in here." Dawson looked most amused and he glanced at his sister who was looking on in surprise.

"I mean to speak with you sir." Jane repeated, only barely holding her temper.

Dawson slowly folded up his paper. "Surely the matter can wait until after I have breakfast?"

Jane's finger nails dug into the palm of her hand as she clenched the fist hanging by her side, she didn't dare to speak.

Dawson sighed as if bored. "Step outside Ms Rizzoli." He instructed as he rose from the table and followed her out.

"What can I do for you ? " Dawson asked reasonably, when they entered the hallway.

Jane's hands were on her hips. "I received a telegram this morning." Jane stated, watching Dawson closely for any sign of nerves, guilt or suspicion. Dawson simply smiled as he waited for her to go on. " from Boston, with news of a death."

Dawson looked blankly at Jane as she folded her arms across her chest and sighed." I need to return to Boston, there are personal matters I must attend to." Jane began, she saw Dawson look past her at almost the same time she heard the familiar gasp and she knew before she turned that Maura was stood behind her.

"You're leaving? " Maura asked quietly.

"I must." Jane said softly, her back to Dawson now.

Maura frowned and pressed her lips tightly together.

"I was just explaining to Mr Dawson that I have pressing personal matters that require my presence in Boston; temporarily. " Jane stressed this last word and gave Maura a pleading look, willing her to understand.

Maura's frown did not fade, and her eyes narrowed in a look that was somewhat accusatory.

Jane turned her attention back to Dawson and straightened up formally. " I can attend to most of my duties from Boston for a short time, it would give me a chance to also meet with your wall street agents and check on your investments in the States."

Dawson shrugged a shoulder "It sounds reasonable enough to me Ms Rizzoli, if you have family matters you must attend to, you can arrange for someone to do some basic administration for me in the meantime and if you are needed back in England at all I am sure it would not be on an urgent matter." Dawson concluded, just as he noticed Maura's face which seemed frozen in a look of muted distress. " That is assuming my wife can spare you; of course." He added with a small chuckle, turning back to the dining room. " Now, if you don't mind I would like to get my breakfast."

Jane turned to Maura the instant Dawson was out of earshot. " Maura, I'm sorry you had to hear it like that, I need to explain." Jane whispered, taking hold of Maura's arm.

Maura shrank at the touch and stepped out of Jane's grasp, hurt hazel eyes shone up at Jane and she silently pulled away, escaping into the dining room, where Jane could not follow.

xxxxxx

" You're leaving Jane. That is your way of dealing with this? Your finally running away." A sad kind of resignation had entered Maura's voice and it was much harder to withstand than the anger Jane had been ready for.

" I had a message from Frost this morning Maura, Dawson has arranged for his soto stay with someone else, a stranger.. Frost can't get anywhere with the people there, he can't even get in to see what the place is like, he needs me, _they_ need me."

" If your friend Frost cannot get access to the child; what makes you think you could ?" Maura demanded.

"Frost is a coloured man Maura, even as a woman, I can get through more doors than he can." Jane offered calmly. "And I am employee of Dawson, his Secretary. "

"Take me with you." Maura cried. Jane looked doubtful but adoring at the suggestion.

"Maura..." Jane began in a conciliatory tone.

"You are going to leave me here with him?" Maura asked, bending double and clutching at herself, where she felt she could actually feel her pain.

Jane looked at Maura as if the smaller woman had lost her wits. "Good god no! I want you to go and stay with Emma." Jane said decisively, with a reassuring half smile.

Maura frowned at Jane, shaking her head and then letting out a humourless laugh.

"You... you are as bad as them.. making my decisions for me, not even discussing this with me before you went to him." Maura accused heatedly. "You have it all planned out."

Jane felt the sting of the words as sharp as any slap, as she realised the truth of them. " I...I'm sorry...I was just trying to do the right thing." Jane shook her head. "You have to know that the last thing I want is for us to be apart Maura...please."

"Then take me with you." Maura repeated.

Jane smiled sadly and struggled to pull a resistant Maura into her arms. "You know I can't do that Maura, how would it look?"

"I don't care." Maura burst, her hands clenched into fists at Jane's shoulders, using her arms, wrist to elbow, to hold Jane at bay.

"Yes, you do and we both have to; if we are going to be wise about this, if we are going to win, Maura. If we are going to find a way that we can really be together; permanently."

Maura dropped her barrier and allowed Jane to pull her in close, her head burrowing into Jane's neck. " Is that really why you're leaving? this isn't a punishment? ...for last night."

Jane pulled away; horrified and stared at Maura in disbelief.

" I know you cannot stand the thought of it...maybe you just need to break away." Maura explained, uncertainty clear in her shaken voice.

Jane's look was fierce and determined. "I am doing this because I love you Maura and you must trust that; I will prove it to you." Jane took the chain that held the coin at her throat and brought it out, the treasured symbol of her commitment to Maura, she rubbed the solid gold between her finger and thumb.

"Without you I am nothing." Maura admitted quietly.

Jane frowned. "You are everything." Jane cupped Maura's cheek with her hand. "That is why I am coming home to you."

xxxxxx

Jane had met with Dawson later that day and had discussed arrangements. Jane would find her own temporary replacement and as soon as she had the person installed in the post, she would be free to journey home. Dawson had given her several small assignments to undertake on his behalf whilst in Boston and she was to have a couple of days leave to attend to her own business.

Jane had relayed all of this to a silent Maura who was curled into a ball on the bed, her back to Jane.

"Then it is really happening." Maura said in a hollow voice.

Jane ran a soothing hand down the length of her back. "Yes." She said. "Will you go to Emma's? " She asked.

Maura nodded into her pillow and relief filled Jane up, so that she had to fall onto her back and let it consume her for a moment.

Maura turned to face Jane now, her head supported by her hands, pressed together as in prayer and Jane was struck by how inherently good she looked in the light of the lone candle.

"What if you change your mind? If you get some distance and you revise your opinion of me, your feelings? What if you don't come back to me?" She mumbled all of this into soft warm skin, holding on as if not expecting an answer, as if she had not really voiced a question at all.

"That is not going to happen Maura, you know that. I will get back to you as soon as I can." Jane promised.

"Its so far away Jane." Maura pulled back slightly to look Jane in the eye seriously. "The first telegraph cable to be laid under the Atlantic ocean used over 30 million miles of wire." Maura complained.

"It did? ...Well, it doesn't' matter to me how far it is Maura, I will still truly be wherever you are." Jane comforted and then tried a different tactic. "If I am going to settle here, I at least owe my mother a visit, an explanation. some kind of explanation."

Maura suddenly felt ashamed. "I'm so sorry Jane, I hadn't even considered your family. All that I have asked you to give up... " Maura huddled closer into Jane.

"I would like to tell Ma all about you, all about the way I feel when I am with you, how I am happy and I have what she always wanted for me; someone to love." Jane spoke wistfully.

"Perhaps you could tell her? something?" Maura suggested.

Jane nodded. "Perhaps." And for a few moments each woman slipped into her own thoughts.

"Do you think it was Dawson in the passage? do you think he knows about us? and that is why he is being so reasonable about you leaving?" Maura said thoughtfully.

"The possibility had occurred to me." Jane admitted. "We can't know who was in there or what they saw, so for now, I think we have enough to think about."

"How long do we have? before you leave?" Maura asked.

"A few days, perhaps a week." Jane replied quietly, knowing it would come too soon for them both.

xxxxxxxxx

_**A/N- So for those who cannot deal with not knowing...Jane will be back in Boston briefly, probably 3; maybe 4 chapters max. **_

_**Also just want to pimp my new story...I will be posting chapter 1 in the next couple of days, it is set in 15th century England, really extremely old school and is just going to be a short piece. 5 chapters max! as it really is not my preferred era to write, but it should be fun, check it out, its called Thief Taker.**_

_**Thank you my lovelies xx**_


	29. Chapter 29

Ashby 29

Jane spent most of her time on board the expansive and yet claustrophobic liner in her comfortable 2nd class cabin, usually to the point where she was desperate to escape, not for the sake of human interaction but to feel the wind on her face and smell the sea salt air.

The first night on board the lines had been drawn, pecking order set, in the battle ground that was the dining room. The famously rich; American heiress Avril Marchant had occupied the large centre table with her various guests and admirers. The older and heartily disapproving English Lady; Esther Travellion had taken an equally large table at the far end of the room from whence she could observe and despair of all.

Jane attempted to avoid all the politics and drama of the busy dining room by dining early each evening and then taking a long stroll around the deck before retiring for the evening.

Jane had not completely escaped the curious stares and pitying offers of company from fellow passengers but she had managed to fend them off quite amiably. Jane was totally oblivious to the fact that two young ladies on board the vessel had invented their own background for her, as the rejected lover of some rich and ruthless man, who had led her on and thrown her over at the last and that she fled the country in bitter disappointment and disgrace. The girls watched Jane take her turn around the ship each evening on their way to dinner in anxious anticipation that she may on one of these occasions leap over the rails and give herself up to the roaring waves of the hungry ocean.

Jane did cut a rather tragic figure as she wandered slowly around the deck, staring out at the endlessness of the sea and wishing herself elsewhere. Jane had sent word to Maura, at the ships brief stop at Marseilles, that she was making good time but that she couldn't escape the feeling that she had left something desperately important behind. Now only a day away from Boston Jane leant into the breeze and felt it whip a stray hair across her face, she closed her eyes and again was at Ashby on that final morning.

Maura had not left early as she usually would but instead had wrapped herself around Jane and threatened never to let her go, she couldn't know how close Jane had come to letting her carry out just that action. Jane had risen in the bed and brought Maura up with her, against her and then inside her, claiming her just one more time in order to carry her with Jane for as long as she was away.

Jane could still feel Maura shudder against her, could clearly hear her cry out, could smell her hair and taste her lips, but the feeling; the vivid image, was fleeting and as Jane opened her eyes to reality the spell was broken.

xxxx

Mr Thompson entered the room and was brushed aside with a kindly smile as Emma strode quickly over to present herself to Maura.

"My darling, I have come to surprise you and I can see that you are surprised. " Emma called gleefully, landing a kiss on each of Maura's cheeks.

"Emma, whatever has brought you here? I am due to leave for town the day after tomorrow."

"Yes, yes, I have come to keep you company on the journey." Emma said as if was the most natural thing in the world for one to do.

"So you just appear unannounced, having dropped everything to come and escort me to London?" Maura said suspiciously. " I think that mine was not the only letter you received from this house; last week."

Emma avoided Maura's questioning look. "Well, I am here now dearest, wether you welcome it or not and anyway I thought we could visit Diana tomorrow."

"I am not in need of a nursemaid Emma." Maura said sternly.

"How about a friend?" Emma shot back quickly and Maura couldn't help but smile slightly. "Ahh there it is; the smile, from the face that launched a thousand ships and caused every sailor to dash his head upon the rocks!" Emma teased.

"That was Helen of Troy and the Sirens, Emma, two separate things all together."Maura explained.

" Oh dear, one must'nt mix up the myths!" Emma continued to tease, and Maura would not admit it but she felt a little lighter already.

"You didn't bring anyone with you this time?" Maura asked mischievously.

"No I did not, I thought it would be pleasant to be just the two of us, we have been quite swept up of late in new acquaintances and we must remember not to neglect old friends." Emma spoke with an edge of admonishment.

"I'm sorry Emma, I am pleased that you have come, honestly." Maura said sweetly.

"If you don't mind my saying so Maura it is a good job that I did, you look like you dressed yourself, has your maid lost her mind? "

Maura frowned, she had not been much concerned with fashion just recently which was vastly out of character but she didn't think she stood out as dressed poorly.

"As a matter of fact I did dress myself, my maid has disappeared, run away to who knows where, but I don't look such a disgrace as all that do I?" Maura asked suddenly feeling self conscious and starting to turn back her cuffs and tuck back rogue locks of hair.

"If it was anyone else Maura I would hardly notice but you are usually beyond immaculate and to be brutally honest if you visit Diana in such a state she will likely have you committed to the asylum." Emma said in her own blunt manner.

Maura actually chuckled now. "Fine, I shall double my efforts for tomorrow. " Maura sighed deeply at the thought of tomorrow, of another day without Jane.

Emma smiled sympathetically and went to her friend now, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Any word?"

Maura sighed again. "A note from Marseilles, she is making good time." but Maura didn't seem so very pleased by this news.

"There, she will be back before too long." Emma cheered.

"It has already been too long." Maura mumbled to herself.

"Now tell me." Emma began in an attempt not to dwell. "What can we do about getting you a new maid at short notice? You will need one in town. "

xxxxx

xxxxx

Frost was waiting for Jane as she walked down the platform that led to American soil, but Jane felt none of the expected elation of a traveller returning home. Jane was however profoundly happy to set eyes on her friend again.

Jane held out a hand and Frost took it as his face broke into an ecstatic grin, he held her hand in both of his and squeezed gently.

" Jane, I am so very happy to see you again, you have been missed." Frost said sincerely.

"I am glad to see you Frost." Jane smiled genuinely, a foreign action to her of late.

Frost looked over each shoulder and then leant forward. "I take it that you did not inform your Mother of your return?"

"Did the lack of a parade in my honour, give you that impression?" Jane joked as Frost joined her to look for her luggage. "No, I didn't have much time to write and I want to get right down to business before I see her." Jane explained.

"That makes sense." Frost agreed. "You are welcome to stay with me Jane, although there is little room."

Jane shook her head. "Thank you Frost, but I have money for a room." Jane would not want to cause any trouble for Frost with his neighbours and seeing an unmarried white woman staying with him would most certainly cause trouble. "I will find somewhere and leave my bags and then I want you to take me to the boy." Jane said purposefully.

Frost nodded. "I will. I saw him yesterday, from the street, he was on the doorstep, he has just started walking, he is getting stronger everyday." Frost grinned and Jane could see now what she had suspected from his letters, that he had become very attached to the child as he had the mother.

"Katherine never got to see his first steps." Frost said solemnly.

Jane put a hand to his shoulder. " I am sorry Frost." Jane looked hard at him now trying to communicate her apology, she had gotten Frost into this, he would never even have heard of Katherine and her child had it not been for Jane.

"I'm not. I got to know an amazing woman Jane and even to ease her suffering a little and now if I can make sure her son is taken care of I will have done something truly worthwhile. I can't be sorry for that." He declared.

Jane nodded, smiling. "Well, when you put it like that."

xxxxxx

As it happened, Diana would probably not have noticed the state that Maura was in, owing to the fact that she was fairly preoccupied with her own state of affairs, even more than was her habit.

Diana spent most of the morning exclaiming how put out she was by the impromptu visit and telling Emma that she really should give more notice if she would be calling. It was a good thing that Emma had never been to one to take offence at anything Diana said.

As they left, Maura turned to Emma, feeling slightly puzzled. "Diana didn't seem quite herself." She said quietly.

Emma shrugged. "I suppose we caught her at a bad time, as she said."

Maura could see that despite her words, even the unshakable Emma had been moved to concern and she was reminded of the trouble with Diana following the wedding and wondered again if there was something more going on at Harpham Hall.

xxxxx

This was not a part of Boston that Jane was closely acquainted with and yet it wasn't somewhere she was completely ignorant of either, in fact this West End of Boston was very similar to the North End where she had grown up. The tenement houses here were so overcrowded that the the people filled the streets, carrying on with household chores, conducting personal and professional business out of doors, right there on the sidewalk.

Women in aprons haggled over baskets of fruits and vegetables, huxters and pedlars carts on the corners and dotted along the street.

A girl of about 11 years old, perhaps less, answered the door to which Frost had directed Jane.

"What can I do for you Miss?" The girl said confidently.

"I would like to speak with your mother?" Jane requested.

"You and me both, I'd give her a piece of my mind, but if you mean Mrs McNally; she's out at present."

A childs cry rose up from the inner workings of the house and the girl looked impatiently over her shoulder; then back at Jane, deciding to let the door hang open in invitation as she stepped back inside the house to find the source of the complaint. Jane took the liberty of stepping into the room from the narrow hallway and following the girl into a room that seemed to double as kitchen and parlour.

Jane watched the girl pick a grumbling child up from the floor and place it onto her lap as she took a seat in a rickety old rocking chair.

"Shh shhh shh." She cooed as she rubbed the childs back, in a gesture that was meant to be soothing but was too hurried. The girl bounced the child on her knee like it was second nature to her.

Jane noticed two more babies, slightly younger than this one, one asleep in a box stuffed with rags and one sitting on a woolen blanket spread across the floor boards, this one sat unmoving and looked quite docile.

" You _are_ kept busy." Jane commented sympathetically.

"Yes, well; we get along together, but this one here must have been molly coddled wherever he started out, he is always wanting. That's the risk when you take them in a little older, already got habits. These other two have been here since they were born and are much more used to the way it is." The girl seemed proud to be sharing her knowledge.

Jane looked about her a little and the girl must have taken her for admiring the room.

"We have three rooms here." The girl bragged. "Mrs McNally doesn't like to sleep where she eats. This building only has three families in it, where next door has twice that."

Jane couldn't help but picture Ashby, where more than half the rooms were unused at least six months of the year. And Jane knew of houses in Boston; by the back bay, just as large and wasteful.

The young boy who would be about the right age to be Dawson's son, did not seem willing to settle and broke into a more insistent cry.

"I could take him from you for a moment." Jane offered casually.

The girl; who had begun to look quite flustered and annoyed with the boy, considered Jane for a moment before passing the baby to her. Jane had changed into her oldest, shabby, plain dress to make this visit, she hadn't wanted anyone to feel she was a threat.

Jane took the boy in her arms and stood up as she received him, putting him instinctively onto her hip, supporting his back with one arm and taking his chubby hand into her own, like a dance partner. Jane began to chatter quietly to the child as she guided them slowly around the room.

"Hello there young man, I am Jane, its a pleasure to meet you." Jane looked into the boys face as she spoke cheerfully to him and the toddler eventually hushed and gazed wonderingly into Jane's face. Jane had meant to look for a resemblance to Dawson but if it was there she didn't notice, she only saw a beautiful baby boy.

The young girl had bent to pick up various disregarded items and tidy up a little and Jane could see that the girl had probably been alone with the babies for quite some time.

"I'm sure Mrs McNally will be back any minute." She called over her shoulder.

"That's alright." Jane replied. "I can wait."

xxxxx

**A/N - So some of the baby farm storyline I touch on is obviously inspired by Fingersmith, I am sure you are all getting bored of me mentioning that book by now.**

**Also I used a book called "How the Other Half Live" By Jacob A Riis for inspiration on the American tenements. If anyone is interested you can read the book on .com**

**So, next chapter we get to meet the Angela of this fic! **

**Lots of love xx**


	30. Chapter 30

Ashby Park

Chapter 30

**A/N- wow, 30 chapters, unbelievable! thank you to everyone who has encouraged and stuck by me. x**

"So you see Mrs McNally, Mr Dawson would like the boy to join him in England." Jane explained. Mrs McNally looked quite put out and squared her jaw defiantly.

"And why pray tell; am I hearing about this from you and not him?" She shot.

"I was called back to Boston on business for Mr Dawson and he felt it would be better to deal with this in person. He of course wishes to compensate you for any expenses you may have incurred and as a gesture of appreciation he is willing to add an amount for the inconvenience this change of heart may have caused you."

The stout and hardy looking woman softened dramatically.

Jane took out the paperwork she had prepared as the outline to an agreement but at the woman's look she realised she could have saved herself some trouble on the exact wording, as the woman clearly was unable to read. Jane looked down at the document.

"The sum suggested by Mr Dawson is very generous. He proposes $100 for your expenses and $50 for the trouble you have taken."

Mrs McNally smiled sweetly and then sniffed loudly. "I was to have him with me for two years or until reformatory age, I may have even kept him close by me like I have with wee Marie."

Jane was afraid the woman would push for more money, she obviously knew Dawson could afford more, unfortunately Jane could not, and this was one deal she felt strongly about financing herself, she would be using most of her savings as it stood.

"How many children do you have here in total?" Jane said suddenly, she had passed two different toddlers in the hallway today.

Mrs McNally bristled at the change in direction the conversation was taking.

"I don't see what that matters." She huffed.

"It matters that you are leaving these babies in the care of a child all day and half starved at that. My employer was under the impression that his son was being cared for in a loving family environment. So I suggest you take the money and have the child ready to leave tomorrow evening or I shall be taking the child by force and you will not see a single cent." Jane smiled with her mouth but her eyes were sharp and pointed at the woman sitting across from her.

Jane rose from her chair now and crossed to the door, glancing over at the small boy, Nathaniel; his mother had named him. He seemed to watch Jane move toward the door with interest and she smiled fondly at him. The child was completely oblivious to any of the drama unfolding around him and Jane sincerely hoped it would stay that way in the years to come.

xxxx

Maura had been in town for almost two weeks now, she had spent the first two nights at Tavistock Square but at the risk of sinking into a deep and disgustingly self involved melancholy, she had finally taken up Emma's offer of staying with her and was now installed in the Blue bedroom. Maura almost laughed at the irony.

A footman brought in a tray with Emma's mail on it and placed it beside her on the breakfast table. The friends had finished eating breakfast and were just enjoying a cup of tea. Maura could see that on the top of the pile was a note, folded in half and bearing Emma's name in pretty handwriting. Emma took it up without reading and placed it half under the edge of her plate. Maura had seen several of these notes delivered since her arrival and strongly suspected she knew the identity of the sender.

This note having been removed allowed Maura to glance at the letter beneath, which bore distinctive markings that Maura recognised instantly, not least because she had received an identical one this morning; when she had carried out her morning ritual of waiting for the postman to arrive and checking his delivery before breakfast.

Emma picked up the letter and recognised the envelope too.

"Ahh, I hope she sends good news?" Emma smiled. "I take it; you've had yours already?"

"Yes." Maura confirmed shortly.

Emma slipped a silver letter opener into the envelope and tore open the edge with a flick of her wrist.

"Has Jane written to you before now?" Maura asked, trying to keep the edge out of her voice and fend off the jealous monster that had just reared it's ugly head inside of her. Emma didn't miss it; but continued as normal.

"Just the one a couple of days ago to say she had arrived safely and met with her friend Frost, much the same as your own I imagine. " Emma shrugged.

Maura sipped at her tea, to give her time to calm but Emma had said the wrong thing. Jane's letters so far had indeed been just as Emma said, a friendly and practical account of where Jane was and how her business went. Maura had been bothered by their brevity and distance. No declarations of love, no confessions of how much she missed Maura or how much she longed to be reunited with her. All the things that Maura wished to put into a letter and yet Jane had supplied no return address.

Emma unfolded the letter and lay it flat on the table where she leant over it for a moment to read the words and then looked back up at the stony face of Maura.

"What does it say?" Maura asked, not caring to hide her interest now.

Emma seemed shocked; if not a little amused. "Maura really? Should you like to read it for yourself? ensure it meets with your approval? " Emma teased.

Maura had to stop herself from snatching the letter from Emma and doing just that.

Emma's smile grew. "Maura!" She exclaimed " It is all about you of course, she warns that I should take great care of you and ensure that you are just as she left you and says that you misses England dreadfully, which I take to mean, that she misses you dreadfully."

Maura hung her head a little. "I am sorry Emma."

Emma poured more tea into the delicate china cups and Maura felt a flash of anger at her unmoved manner.

"I am sorry Emma, I know I am quite ridiculous to you but I can't seem to help it. I find I can no longer be me without her." Maura said firmly. "And another thing, I wish you would stop treating Isabelle this way, she has done nothing to deserve it, I don't know what has happened between the two of you but I have seen her only once since I arrived and I know she writes to you every day. You are being as ridiculous as I, if you won't do anything about her, however you feel, face it."

Emma had been shocked into silence.

"For goodness sake Emma, you had feelings for me for half our lives and said nothing. Do you really want to spend more time denying yourself? denying her happiness?" Maura looked directly at her friend, her tea cup held in mid air.

Emma had turned pink and grave.

"I have never heard you speak like this Maura." She said at last. " I think Ms Rizzoli has been quite the bad influence." She said seriously before a laugh burst forth.

xxxxx

Jane found Angela exactly where she expected her to be, serving home cooked food from her tiny shop front; down by the waterfront.

Angela didn't see Jane as she approached, not until she was almost right in front of her.

"Could I get some Cannoli's over here?" Jane called, slipping easily back into her Boston-Italian accent. "There my Ma's favourite." She finished as Angela looked over from her current customer.

"Jane?! Janie!?" Angela whispered, before she let out an ear splitting shriek. "Arrhhhh! Jane, My baby, my baby is home." Angela came tearing around the counter toward Jane, suddenly halting at the sight of the small boy stood slightly wobbling at Jane's side, his small hand wrapped securely in hers.

Angela's mouth fell open and she shot an uncertain look at Jane before stooping to the boy's level.

"Well, who do we have here?" She smiled at the boy and stroked her hand over his dark tousled hair. "Hello young man." She cooed before rising and wrapping her daughter in her arms.

"I can hardly believe your here Jane." Angela said her voice cracking and a rogue tear escaping from her eye, only to quickly be brushed away. Angela stepped back a little and took the chance to look her daughter up and down, beaming at her, until her face finally fell.

"You didn't see fit to tell your own Ma that you were coming?" She accused now.

Jane sighed. " It was a sudden change of plans." She offered.

Angela looked again down at the small child, who was watching them both with large curious eyes. "Is he yours?" She whispered conspiritorially.

"He isn't really anybody's at the moment, or, he's as much mine as ...anyway, His mother passed away suddenly and I came to collect him and help him start a new life." Jane said vaguely.

"Oh well, I didn't think he looked like a Rizzoli, but he certainly is handsome." Angela said the last into the boy's smiling face. "let me fix you both a drink." She said, giving Jane's hand a squeeze before hurrying back around the counter.

"The thing is Ma, I have been a couple of nights in a hotel with the boy, but I have other business to see to in the City and I was hoping that Nathaniel and I could stay with you and maybe you could look after him for a few hours each day?" Jane explained.

Angela set two mugs down on the counter and frowned a little, chewing her lip.

" Of course I want you with me Jane, I am still living above here is all, its small but we can manage and I'll need to get someone in to look after the shop, that shouldn't be a problem." Angela smiled reassuringly.

"Ma, I thought you were going to get rooms in one of the new buildings? and someone to work this place for you. I sent you money, you have enough surely? " Jane asked a little puzzled.

" Oh Jane, I don't want to live in some new place, I belong in this neighbourhood, I'm amongst friends here." Angela said dismissively.

Jane looked sceptical. " But you sounded excited in your letters. what happened?"

Angela sighed and put two hands up defensively. "Your brother needed the money more than me, that's all, and I was happy to give it to him."

"Tommy?" Jane scowled darkly as she watched her mother help Nathan with his mug.

"Jane, I don't want us to fight on your first day home." Angela almost whined.

"Fine." Jane agreed, she didn't really want to start battle with the source of her own powers of stubbornness right now. "We can work something out."

xxxxxx

The thing that had helped Maura to bear Jane's absence best, apart from Emma, had been the opportunity to visit St Thomas hospital again. Maura had been calling in almost daily now and once she had dealt with the initial worries of Mr Rogers and Dr Parson about her checking up on them, she now felt much more comfortable as if they had all reached an understanding that Maura was there purely to gain knowledge. One or two of the Doctors had become quite welcoming and unsurprised at her presence.

Dr Wilson in particular had become a friendly face and was happy to not only allow Maura to observe him, but also to talk openly about what he was doing and why.

"Really Lady Maura you should seriously consider gaining some more formal medical training and qualification. " He remarked kindly.

"I am too old for that Dr Wilson, and I have Ashby to think of, I am needed there." Maura told him.

"I have a friend who teaches aspiring Lady Doctors at the Royal free hospital. You know that Elizabeth Garret Anderson is the Dean and the school is expanding all the time, it is a very exciting prospect, and you would be an asset to the profession." He flattered.

Maura thanked him but had to admit that this was something of a dream, not something she could ever see herself achieving. Still she made up her mind to speak with Emma and see if she was acquainted with any of the women involved.

xxxxxx

Jane had spent three whole nights in her Mother's minuscule two rooms; above the shop and she was massively impressed that neither one had by this point killed the other, though there had been a number of slightly tense moments.

"He is such a good boy Janie." Angela said affectionately, brushing the hair from the boy's forehead as he lay sleeping in Jane's arms.

Jane nodded. "He is."

"You think he'll be taken care of properly in England? I mean; really cared for?" Jane's mother said, sharing her concerns.

Jane smiled to herself. "I'll make sure of it." She promised.

"I hate to think about a boy without his mother." and true to her word Angela shuddered at the thought.

"I'm sure he will have a mother. A beautiful, gentle, loving, extraordinary mother, I am sure she will grow to love him as much as Katherine would." Jane said, directing her words to the boy in her arms as much as to her mother.

Angela had so far been uncharacteristically good at not prying or pushing too many questions, but her curiosity was really beginning to eat her up.

"And what about the Father?" She tried.

Jane frowned down at the peaceful child, he had already become so trusting of Jane and her mother. Jane could see now that Nathan had Dawson's mouth and the shape of his face, his jaw line, but his soft brown eyes must mirror those of his mother.

"That is up to him I suppose." Jane shrugged.

"I gather that your boss is the Father, and you think his new wife will take in the child, as if he were her own. That is a difficult thing to do Jane, are you sure she wants that?"

"No, I am not sure." Jane admitted "But you don't know her Ma, she would never turn him away. He is an innocent child."

"You know her well, Jane? This English Lady?" Angela asked with interest.

"She's my best friend." Jane said quickly. "We are close." Jane looked away from her Ma. _She is everything. _

_"_Is that why you are going back there Jane? Is she why?"Angela asked gently, she hadn't spent the last three days with her daughter and missed the way her face transformed every time she mentioned this woman.

"I..." Jane paused, she had to tread carefully, she wasn't sure what her mother was really asking, but she didn't want to lie.

"I have to go back. And I do plan to stay with Maura for as long as I can." Jane admitted.

"I'm glad." Angela said happily and Jane looked shocked. "It means you will be there to watch over this little one."

Jane was quiet for a few moments and her mother cleared away their mess, pulling out cushions to ready the room for sleeping.

"I wish I could have you home and close to me Jane, but if that's not possible, I want you somewhere you are happy and I can tell when you speak about it that you have found that place." Angela said in a voice shaking with emotion.

Jane smiled fully at her mother now. "Ma? You ever think of visiting England?"

xxxxxx

_**A/N - Only one more chapter apart, I promise x**_


	31. Chapter 31

A/N- _Thank you for your patience, sorry this is a little later than usual x_

Ashby Park

Chapter 31

Jane let herself into the little home she and Nathaniel had been sharing with her mother and was greeted by the sight of her good friend Frost on all fours with a small excited toddler clambering over his back. The sight filled Jane's heart just at the moment it had begun to feel empty.

Jane had spent the last two days in New York, meeting with Dawson's men on Wall Street. It had to be done and Jane had tried to tell herself that every task she completed was a step closer to Maura but she had felt even more lonely than before and now seeing Frost with Nathaniel, she suddenly realised that she had missed the boy too, and even her Mother, she had missed being part of a family.

Angela caught sight of Jane first and threw her arms up in welcome. "Jane, you're just in time for dinner! "

Frost stood to meet her, scooping up Nathan as he did and holding him up high in the air before bringing him swooping down to Jane's arms. Jane received the giggling boy happily, with a nod at Frost.

"I think he has grown even in the last two days." Jane grinned down at him.

"That'll be you're mother's doing, her food smells as delicious as ever." Frost called over his shoulder to where Angela was bent over the now full dishes.

"Yes, better keep an eye on this one otherwise they'll be another Roly Poly Rizzoli" Jane joked, not noticing that she had referred to the boy as a Rizzoli.

Jane planted a kiss on Nathaniel's head as she set him down at her feet and took the steaming dish her Mother had sailed over to her with, she hadn't realised how hungry she was until she looked down at the food in her hands.

"How was New York?" Frost asked as he got seated with his own dish, thanking Angela again as she dismissed it as nothing.

"It was fine, you know big business, the trusts just keep getting bigger, the small companies just can't compete. Which is good if your in big business." Jane shrugged.

Frost nodded, all too aware of the great divide between the super rich and the rest of the country.

"I am more interested in what you have been up to here" Jane changed the subject. "Have you found anything more?" Jane cut her sentence short as she glanced at her mother.

Frost understood the look. "Maybe, but we may have to work at it." He said vaguely, taking a large mouthful of the pasta.

Jane nodded quietly, grateful for Frost's discretion. "And Frankie?"

"Yes, I found out where he is on duty tonight, you can go speak to him, but you have to time it right." Frost informed her.

"Great, thank you Frost" Jane smiled warmly.

Angela sighed. "I wish you could wait and see him when he gets leave. I would love to have my two babies home together, and he could meet Nathan."

Jane had already heard this argument and she forced herself to be patient. "I told you Ma, We have to get back."

"I know, I know." Angela admitted regretfully.

Later as Angela put a small, full boy into her bed, Jane slipped into the hallway with Frost.

"So you think you found something? " Jane said in a hushed tone as she pulled the door almost to a close behind them.

"I spoke to a man name of Jackson, he used to be Dawson's go to man for any special deals, he was the hired hand to deliver the threats and ultimatums. Occasionally he was involved in obtaining the dirt on these gentlemen." Frost explained quietly.

"So we are talking blackmail." Jane said. "I knew it."

Frost nodded thoughtfully. "Problem is, this guy is the kind that will agree to whatever the person paying him, tells him to, he has no scruples, so not a reliable witness."

Jane mulled over this information. "So we have to speak to the people he blackmailed." She concluded.

"He gave me some names." Frost said, already one step ahead. "But these are not the type of people that will see me Jane, you are going to have to go about this part on your own"

"Thank you for this Frost." Jane said. "Thank you for everything."

Jane walked out into the mild evening with Frost and waved her friend off before stooping to take a seat on an upturned crate. Jane sat and watched the people going by, so many different characters and all this was once Jane's world. She wondered, as she did about everything, what Maura would make of this.

xxxxxxx

Maura had stayed in town for almost two months before feeling she really must return to Ashby. Jane had sent three more letters all in the same vein as the earlier ones, an account of a new building in Boston or a peculiar fashion trend in New York, word that business went well and that she was spending time with her mother. No particular mention of Dawson's son, Maura supposed that Jane deemed it too sensitive a matter to include as she couldn't believe it would not be the first thing Jane chose to deal with.

Maura had held on in town until the last letter from Jane which had stated her intention to leave Boston before the next week was over. Maura had then rushed home to find Doctor Rawlinson had contracted the influenza he had spent weeks trying to eradicate and that Dawson had decided to have 60 acres of the estate turned into a golf course, which according to her Father, was a game he was yet to play.

Lord Ashby was as healthy as ever, Maura would not have been so long in town if his health had been poor, and he was grateful to see his daughter returned. If he thought it odd that Maura never spoke with or even much acknowledged her husband he decided not to mention it.

Maura had brought a new Ladies maid back from London with her, who so far seemed to suit her much better than Stewart ever had. The girl liked to chatter inanley whilst she carried out her tasks, but as she never seemed to expect or desire any response from Maura, it worked well. Maura didn't worry too much over her last maid, she accepted that she may never know what became of her and moved on.

Maura found the nights the most difficult time to be parted from Jane, more so since being back at Ashby and most evenings when she couldn't find sleep, she would take a candle and walk the familiar path that had led to Jane. Sometimes she would lean against the door and picture Jane on the other side, occasionally she would push open the door, only to be tormented by the emptiness that waited there. Each night Maura would return to her own rooms with the same whispered words on her lips. "_Hurry home to me Jane."_

_xxxxx_

Jane watched her brother from across the street, she saw him salute another officer before returning to his outpost as sentinel. Frankie was on duty outside the building site that would eventually be the new armory for the Massachusetts Voluntary Militia.

The First Corps Cadets whom Frankie had joined up to just before Jane had left America, were encamped at Higham, they were often called upon to patrol and to help police the streets of Boston in times of peace. Jane saw her chance and hurried over to her brother.

"Who comes there?" Frankie called, as he heard her approach.

"Friend" Jane called, slipping into view with her hands held up in a gesture of surrender.

"Jane?" Frankie asked uncertainly and then as he realised she was real, he looked as if he may run full speed at her and hurl himself into her arms, like he had when they were children. Jane thought the only thing that stopped him was the musket he held.

"Hello little brother, look at you!" Pride radiated from Jane and she couldn't help but grin.

Frankie wore the dark blue coat and sky blue trousers of his pristine uniform, his hat sat straight on his head and his shoes shone the same sparkling black as the crisp clear night of stars. Jane however could still detect the boy beneath the professional looking young man.

"Jane, you're home? Ma didn't say, I didn't know. When did you get back?" His questions rushed out.

"I am only here for a few more days, Ma didn't know I was coming, it was business" Jane replied. "It's good to see you Frankie, you look so great in your uniform. Ma has been telling me about all your training, your parades. We are all so proud of you."

Frankie smiled and shrugged modestly. "I really love it Jane, we do good work" He indicated the beginnings of a building behind him. "We raised a lot of the money being used to build the armory here."

"That's great Frankie." Jane told him sincerely, her approval had always meant so much to him.

"You would probably hate it though...anyway, you have to follow a lot of orders." Frankie said in a conciliatory tone and Jane knew he was thinking about the times as children that they had played at being soldiers together and the one time in particular when their Pa had broke it to Jane that that was something she would never be.

Jane chuckled and wondered idly when such a memory had stopped being painful. " I have orders in my work too you know."

Frankie nodded " But I'm sure you work around most of them" He teased lightly and Jane narrowed her eyes and pouted playfully. They had reverted so naturally into their comfortable sibling relationship.

"So, what has been happening with the other Rizzoli men? Ma only gave me the sugar coated version." Jane sighed.

"Tommy is around, in the same state as he was when you left really, he finds his own ways of getting by." Frankie raised one disapproving eyebrow. "I haven't heard from Pa. He came to one of the parades, said he was really proud, he hasn't written since."

Jane could feel the sadness in her brothers words and for a second she hated her Father a little bit more. In the next second she remembered that Frankie wouldn't be doing what he clearly loved and she would not have her own education or employment had it not been for the support, at least financially of their Father. Which is what made it hard to be abandoned by him now.

"Ma has been talking about coming to visit me in England." Jane mentioned as she fell into step beside her brother who had returned to his patrol.

"That would be good for her, she is alone a lot." Frankie said thoughtfully.

"What about you Frankie? If you need her around when you're on leave I can just tell her I'd be too busy." Jane offered.

Frankie smiled but shook his head. "It's fine Jane, I' am a big boy now...and anyway, I suppose... I kind of _have _somebody." He admitted shyly.

"Reallllly?! " Jane sang the word childishly and bumped shoulders with her brother briefly and they shared a smile.

A moment later Frankie turned serious. " You're not coming home are you Janie?"

Jane was quiet and they halted. "I don't know Frankie, maybe one day. Not for a while."

Frankie nodded to himself "I think I always knew you wouldn't come home for good."

"You know me. I don't fit here anymore Frankie, North End, do you think a man like Joey Grant or Casey Jones would want to marry me now, do you think I could give up work and have children, living next door to Ma?" Jane shook her head. "The thing is that I'm an outcast in each world, I am not one of them anymore but I will never belong with the rich social climbers I work for either. "

Frankie looked concerned and Jane tried to reassure him with a smile. "I only mean that it's better to be somewhere new, where not everyone looks at me and sees only where I came from."

Frankie looked over his shoulder at a noise behind them, never forgetting his duties.

"I am happy there Frankie. I have friends, people who care about me. I even have a dog!" Jane brightened.

"I'm glad sis, but if you ever need me, you know I will be there, on your side." Frankie said seriously.

"I know Frankie. " Jane got out the words around the lump in her throat. "Same goes for you."

Frankie finally turned and gave Jane a one armed embrace. "I really miss you Jane."

xxxxxxxx

Maura had come in search of Doctor Rawlinson and found him in a sorry state indeed. He had a fever and La Grippe as the french had termed it, had finally taken it's grip of him, not that he wasn't a careful man, well acquainted with the contagion theory, he had taken all the precautions one could.

When Maura had arrived at his cottage she found that the old wise woman had already been and bled him and so he was weak as the proverbial kitten. Maura had tried to give him some fresh water and had helped to wash him and change his bed clothes, the very fact that he hadn't protested at this demonstrated just how dreadful he must have been feeling. Philip had just now fallen asleep and Maura stepped outside as another wave of nausea hit her. She had worn her rough walking clothes and had rolled up her sleeves as she worked, her gloves, hat and cape lay forgotten indoors. Maura took a deep lung full of fresh air and concentrated on fighting the reflux action, she pressed a palm to her forehead and noticed the clamminess.

Maura must have stepped out a little far into the street as the next thing she was aware of was a pony and trap passing closely by her at speed as she struggled against toppling over into the mud. The trap slowed to a stop a little way ahead of her and Maura shielded her eyes from the sun with her hand as she watched, expecting the wave of an arm from the driver in way of an apology . What she saw was the shape of a woman hopping down from the vehicle with a sure foot.

As the figure came quickly toward her Maura thought fleetingly that she must now be hallucinating as she would have sworn it was the one person she so longed to see.

"Jane? Jane? Is that you?" Maura called before they finally met and she felt herself swept into her love's arms. "You're here? you're really here?"

Jane nodded. "I am here. I'm home." Jane's breath mingled with the scent of Maura's hair as she held her close.

The couple were too soon interrupted by the appearance of Mrs Turner, coming to check on Maura from Doctor Rawlinson's cottage.

"Oh Ms Jane, nice to see you." The woman greeted as she recognised Jane.

"And you Mrs Turner, you look well...and the children?" Jane asked, secretly resenting the new distance between Maura and herself.

"Oh yes they are both fine, growing like weeds!" She said affectionately. "But maybe now you're here you can reason with Lady Maura" The young woman gave Maura a meaningful glance and Jane noticed Maura's smile slip as she anticipated what the well meaning woman was about to say. "She should not be here in her condition, she should get on home" she finished, slipping back into the cottage.

Jane stared at Maura, glancing down once to her middle as if searching for confirmation, but Maura's look of shocked dismay was the only clue she would get here and now.

"You...you're?...with child?" Jane asked now.

"Jane." Maura said softly, taking Jane's hand by the fingers. "Come inside a moment and I can finish up here."

Jane looked around to the trap she had spotted Maura from, stripped of her usual finery, yet the most dazzling sight Jane had ever seen.

" The driver is waiting." She stated. "I have to go." Jane said, suddenly distracted by the thought of getting back to a sleeping Nathaniel. "We will talk later" Jane promised, pulling away.

Maura almost ran after her, almost shouted for her to come back. This was not like any of the many ways she had imagined herself being reunited with Jane. However, Maura told herself that all that mattered was that Jane was back; she had come back for Maura and knowing this could get Maura through anything else.

_A/N- I did consider making Frankie a cop, but there were no Italian police men until over a decade later so...I went with the MVM, it was interesting reading up on them. As ever thanks to you all and please let me know what you think xx_


	32. Chapter 32

Ashby 32

Maura practically ran all the way back to Ashby, only slowing when she caught sight of someone else on the path coming toward her and then only until she had passed them with a serene smile or a greeting before she could take off again. She arrived home breathless and exhilarated, in part as a result of the exercise but more significantly at the thought of holding Jane in her arms again. Maura burst through the doors of the study.

"Jane!" She called, but froze abruptly when she caught sight of Dolly knelt on the rug with a small child sat cross legged before her. "Where is Jane?" Maura demanded.

"Ms Rizzoli is speaking with Mr Dawson, My lady." Dolly said, standing up straight and brushing herself off before addressing Maura.

Maura almost left then, as quickly as she had come, however she couldn't help glance curiously at the child.

"To whom does the child belong, Dolly?" Maura inquired.

Dolly attempted to hide her instant frown. "He is Ms Rizzoli's nephew, My lady. You didn't know he was coming?"

Maura sent an annoyed scowl to Dolly, who looked quickly to the floor, knowing she had said too much, the maid knew only too well that however friendly Maura might be with Jane, she was still the mistress of this house.

Maura took one last look at the boy and left the room without another word.

xxxxxx

Jane had been prepared for drama, for confrontation on her return to Ashby, she had even engineered it that way. She had arrived in England unannounced and had not communicated with her employer for days. Jane had wanted to catch Dawson off guard in order to gain the upper hand. However, still reeling from Maura's bombshell she now felt _she_ was the victim of an ambush. So many thoughts and feelings were vying for control inside her right now but she had to beat them down and be all calm, all business.

Jane asked for Dawson the very second she arrived and was pleased to hear that he was at home, she wanted to do this now whilst she was tightly wound and still had the element of surprise. Dawson conveniently appeared behind her in the main hall.

" Ms Rizzoli, we did not expect you." He said flatly.

Jane turned to face him with Nathaniel sitting up on her hip and met Dawson's slightly shaken expression, with a smile.

"Really? I sent word of my plans in good time, still the postal service can be unreliable when coming such a great distance. " Jane said reasonably.

"What exactly is going on? It would appear that you return to us with significantly more luggage than you had at departure ?" He indicated the watching boy.

"This is Nathaniel. " Jane introduced, and wondered if she imagined the flash of recognition in his eyes, but even such as he would be able to recall the name of his own flesh and blood.

"You don't see the family resemblance? " Jane asked innocently.

Dawson stared at the boy, his face hard. "What is the meaning of this?" He said in a hushed tone.

"Well, Nathaniel's mother unfortunately passed away so I brought him here to be with family." Jane said, completely relaxed and cheerily smiling first at the boy and next the man.

Jane was thoroughly enjoying the look on Dawsons face but she knew she had to be clever about this.

"He is my nephew." Jane supplied. "Really. ...all of this is in my letter"

Which was true, only that Jane had given that letter to Frost to post at his leisure and it should not arrive for another couple of days at the earliest.

"In the letter I explained that I shall find someone from the village to care for him while I work and my mother is to join me in a few weeks time and will lodge locally with the child. There should be very little disruption. " Jane told him calmly.

He looked confused, cornered and yet they were both aware that with this pretence she was throwing him a lifeline and yet the kind that you could hang yourself with.

" Have a maid take the boy and come and speak with me." Dawson ordered, attempting to assert his authority.

Jane had sent down for Dolly and asked that she take Nathaniel to the study and sit with him for a while.

"Of course. It hasn't been the same around here without you Jane...are you alright? " Dolly smiled with affectionate concern.

"I'm fine" Jane said distractedly. "Dolly, how long has Lady Maura been back from London?"

Dolly seemed puzzled as she looked up from the quiet little boy holding her hand. "I suppose around two weeks." She shrugged, and when she looked again Jane was gone.

xxxxxx

Maura stalked at once to the drawing room and as she approached she heard the murmur of voices within. She held a hand up to the door knob and hesitated as she tried to pick out and identify any of the words being spoken. Maura could hear very little but decided that the general tone was quiet and even amicable, she realised she had no clue as to what was being discussed or what Jane's plan was and that if she burst in now, she had no idea what she would say. Maura silently cursed Jane for not keeping her more informed and retreated to her library and her own thoughts.

xxxxx

"Jane" Maura went to her at once, arms outstretched and Jane slipped into the embrace, her eyes closing against the rest of the world, which at the moment threatened heavily to intrude upon them.

Jane allowed all else to slip away briefly as she held Maura to her, running her hands over her body, as if to check she was real, to check she was whole.

"Oh Jane, I missed you beyond words!" Maura whispered. Jane's reply was to capture Maura's lips with her own.

"Maura" She mumbled."My darling." Taking another deep breath of her.

They remained locked together like that for as long as it could last, for as long as they could block out the questions, the worry, the doubt.

"I didn't know you would be back today." Maura began finally. "You didn't send word."

"I wrote to you when I was leaving Boston. The return journey wasn't as smooth as the outward one, we hit some bad weather, stormy sea's. I wasn't sure when we would arrive."

Maura raised a brow at the excuse, they both knew she could have sent word once back in England. Maura couldn't fight the feeling they too were headed for rough waters, but she couldn't alter the course.

"And I had my hands a little full..." Jane added.

"You brought him here." Maura stated quietly, holding her hands together.

"Yes. This is where he belongs." Jane said firmly.

"I didn't consider...I thought...assumed, you would find a place for him in Boston, a family." Maura said awkwardly.

"Is that what you wanted? him growing up somewhere you don't have to think about him?" Jane shot unhappily.

"I didn't say...I just didn't think. All I have thought about since you left is having you here again and now you are here and everything is such a mess." Maura fretted. "Does Dawson know who he is?" She asked as the question occurred.

"Yes, he knows. His man informed him that I had taken the boy a few days ago. He wasn't expecting me to return, he was waiting for some sort of blackmail demand. He certainly didn't expect me to bring him here." Jane smiled slyly.

"So what is he going to do?" Maura questioned.

"I gave him a cover story, said a friend of Katherine's had approached me with concerns for the boy and that I found him living in squalor, so decided to bring him home. That I was prepared to pass him off as my nephew, he took it. He doesn't quiet know what I am up to, but he has no choice. We have to be careful now though, he is going to be watching my every move." Jane said seriously.

"But what are we going to do with him Jane? He is still a baby, he needs a mother." Maura said frantically.

Jane looked pointedly at Maura. "Well, now seems like the perfect time for you to get in some practice. " She said with a sting.

Maura twisted her hands together anxiously.

"I am sorry you found out that way Jane. It's not common knowledge, it's just that Dr Rawlinson has been ill and raving, he let slip about my condition to Mrs Turner." Maura explained.

"How long have you known?" Jane asked.

Maura noticed that for every step she took toward Jane now, Jane took a step away as they seemed to circle the room, not getting any closer.

"Not long. Just before I returned to Ashby, I saw a doctor in town." Maura said meekly.

"Well, I suppose congratulations are in order.." Jane sighed.

"Are they?" Maura asked earnestly. "I don't even know, I feel like...I have been putting off deciding what to feel exactly, until you could be here."

Jane frowned. "This isn't about me Maura. " and that was the essence of Jane's problem, she felt left out, excluded. She had foolishly thought that Maura would be here waiting, just as Jane had left her, but everything had changed.

"Can't you even look at me?" Maura asked suddenly.

"Maura, of course." Jane replied, looking up from the floor, shocked by Maura's words, yet still not closing the distance between them. "You are going to be a mother, you should be happy about that." Jane said as she softened. "I will be too, soon...I just need a little time."

Maura seemed satisfied, though weary and she nodded her understanding. Jane held out a hand to her.

"Will you come and meet him?" Jane asked as Maura gripped at the olive branch she had been offered and nodded again.

xxxxx

"Maura , this young gentleman is Nathaniel" Jane introduced as she swooped him up in her arms, he reaching out for her with a wide grin of recognition. Jane thanked Dolly, who left the room quickly and quietly. "Urgh, he is getting heavy." Jane complained, setting the child across her hip to spread out the weight.

"Say hello to Maura, Nathaniel." Jane encouraged in a voice peculiar to Maura. The chuckling, round faced boy was so absorbed in Jane that he failed to notice Maura.

Maura wore a tight lipped smile. "How old is he?" she asked Jane now.

"Almost 18 months old." Jane told her, tickling the child just in the crease of his neck and holding him a little tighter as he squirmed away.

"He seems to be a good size and weight, has he seen a doctor lately? I could check him over ...ask some questions about your observations of his cognitive development?" Maura rushed on.

Jane rolled her eyes and placed Nathan onto the floor on his feet. She took possession of Maura's hand and brought her closer to them.

"He doesn't need a doctor Maura, just come and say hello." Jane said gently, sensing Maura's nerves.

"I have very little practical experience of children Jane, except in a medical capacity. I never had siblings, Diana's children are the only ones of my acquaintance and I see them rarely. " Maura explained.

"I promise not to tell _him_ that." Jane joked in an attempt to calm Maura. "It will be fine Maura, children are much easier to understand than adults. "

Maura smiled at the reassurance but remained looking apprehensive as she crouched before the boy, hands on her knees.

"Hello?" Maura tested. "I am Lady Maura of Ashby Park..." She looked uncertainly at Jane, who nodded enthusiastically. "You are welcome here Nathaniel. "

The small boy smiled as he recognised his name, then took a couple of steps past Maura to get a closer look at an armchair behind her, with a view to somehow scaling it.

"I feel silly Jane." Maura said, straightening.

Jane crossed to Maura now and put an arm around her. "You did fine, he likes you already, I can tell."

Maura looked sceptical.

xxxxxxx

Maura asked for a small bed to be moved into Jane's room and helped her to make it comfortable for the child with what few belongings Jane had acquired for him. Frost having given him a small blanket that his mother had knitted and Jane's mother had passed on a wooden train that was once Tommy's. Jane had refused the offer to put Nathaniel in the nursery right away, as he had been used to sleeping with someone and, though she wouldn't easily admit it, she had also become accustomed to having him close.

After fully investigating the room, Nathaniel curled up on his narrow bed and promptly fell asleep. Jane looked on affectionately and stifled her own yawn, unceremoniously dumping herself down onto her bed.

Maura stood unsure at the foot of the bed and looked longingly at Jane. "Could I stay?" She asked quietly.

Jane tensed again. "I am so tired Maura..." Jane began.

"I understand." Maura said quickly, turning away from Jane who jumped up from the bed and touched a hand to Maura's shrunken shoulder.

"I just meant... I am exhausted, really, I don't want to talk anymore and I won't be much good for...anything else..." Jane actually blushed at this. "But if you would stay and sleep with me...I would love that."

Maura looked exceedingly relieved. " I would love that too." She said as she turned into Jane's arms. "I haven't slept well since you left." She confessed, holding on tight.

xxxxx

The next morning Jane and Maura had opted for a walk rather than their customary ride out, Maura had read an article on the effects of riding on expectant mothers and decided to be cautious. Maura felt a little sickly and the fresh air combined with Jane's company had sufficiently revived her so that as they returned to the house, arm in arm, Maura felt almost euphoric.

Dawson was strolling through the main hall, hands in pockets, as they entered and smiled a smile that didn't show his teeth.

"Good morning Ladies" He greeted.

"Mr Dawson." Jane nodded, breaking away slightly from a silent Maura, who ignored her husband entirely and began to shed her outdoor clothes.

"Ms Rizzoli, you must join us for breakfast this morning, as a welcome back." When Jane looked like she would refuse, he went on. "I insist, I would like you to be there." He pushed.

"That would be agreeable, thank you, but if you'll excuse me I must check on Nathaniel. " Jane said, excusing herself.

"She really is devoted to that charge of hers." Dawson remarked to Maura as he watched Jane leave.

"Somebody has to be." Maura snapped as she swept past him without a second glance.

xxxxx

Twenty minutes later and everyone was seated for breakfast. Miss Dawson, looking bored, had tried to engage Jane in some small talk, asking about Boston, had anything changed? had Jane seen any of their joint acquaintances? Jane was polite but not exactly forthcoming and Natalie was on the verge of shrinking back into a dejected boredom.

"How was the crossing?" Natalie asked hopefully. "Anyone of interest on board?"

"On my way back to Boston Miss Avril Marchant was on board." Jane told Miss Dawson.

"Really?! Oh I didn't even know she had left England! Did you speak with her at all? Is she as beautiful as they say?" Natalie asked excitedly.

"I didn't speak with her, she is indeed very pretty and the young gentlemen on board seemed to monopolize her somewhat. " Jane admitted.

Maura who had been hanging on Jane's every word whilst feigning indifference was placated by this reply, she didn't like to think of Jane spending time with a beautiful young heiress.

As everyone seemed to be finishing up there food and pouring another round of tea and coffees, Dawson cleared his throat and asked for the attention of the room, he got up from his chair and took position standing behind Maura's chair.

"My lady wife and I have some happy news to share with you all." He declared, one arm on either side of Maura's chair as if to include her in the announcement, though to Maura it felt as if he was pinning her in. "We are going to have a baby!"

Lord Ashby was the first to react and he leaped delighted from his chair, he raced around the table to shake hands with Dawson, clapping him on the shoulder and proclaiming his happiness. He turned upon Maura next and she dutifully rose from her chair with a smile for her Father, who threw his arms around her happily.

Mrs Dawson smiled at her son and nodded her approval, having taken to only speaking when absolutely necessary. Natalie looked slightly surprised and took a moment to respond, recovering with a loud burst of congratulations.

Jane suddenly understood Dawson's invitation and didn't want to give him the satisfaction of upsetting her, but as she saw the pride and approval Maura's Father had for Dawson and Maura and for what would be their family, she couldn't escape the pain, the distress. Dawson was looking at her curiously and with a small self satisfied smile and she couldn't muster a defensive grin or even a show of disgust. She knew that she looked like an injured animal and she had to get away to lick her wounds. Jane stood.

"Congratulations to you both, please do excuse me, I feel a little unwell, probably just tiredness from all the traveling. " Jane didn't wait for a word from anyone, she bolted.

As she got through the door she sent a last look over her shoulder at the happy scene, Lord Ashby with one arm around Maura and one around the shoulders of his son in law.

xxxxxx

_A/N - Okay, I know this is not the joyous reunion that some of you hoped for, but I think that would just be a bit dull, so it is going to take a little longer for things to get back on track. Next chapter will have more angst but should be a little hot too._

_Thank you for reading and reviews! Yours as ever xxx_


	33. Chapter 33

_A/N Okay, I know I promised some hotness in this chapter but some other stuff took a bit longer to set up, so next time! Also this chapter is a bit shorter than usual as I am off to spend a wet and windy weekend in a caravan! and wanted to update before I left._

Ashby 33

"Do not wish to talk about it Maura." Jane raised a hand as Maura slipped into the room.

"Jane, I am sorry." Maura offered. "I didn't realise he was going to do that.."

Jane nodded. "I know. You should leave now Maura." Jane said carefully.

"I don't want to leave you like this" Maura said, coming to perch on the desk, as was her habit.

"It's not a good time to talk." Jane understated the case, as she tried to step slowly back from the shaken hornets nest lodging inside her.

"Jane don't shut me out, if you need to be angry, you can be angry with me. I won't break." Maura implored. "Talk to me."

Jane sat clutching the arms of her chair and looked directly at Maura, with a look that Jane had never turned on her before. "You want to talk?" she almost snarled.

Maura nodded, though suddenly unsure.

"Does he enjoy it?" Jane asked, not lifting her penetrating gaze from Maura.

"What!?" Maura exclaimed, hoping she had misunderstood what Jane was asking.

"Come on Maura, don't be coy now. Does your husband enjoying the act of making love to you?" Jane said, apparently calm now, but a calm laced with something more poisonous.

Maura looked outraged and stood up straight and defensive.

"Well? Does he? A woman must know, right?" Jane pushed on. "Of course he does, he is a fully functioning man and you are a beautiful, passionate woman." Jane answered her own question.

"For starters Jane, what he does to me is not anything to do with love...and I strongly recommend that for both our sakes you discontinue this line of questioning. " Maura said sternly.

"Really, well your recommendation is duly noted. So tell me...does he kiss you...during?" Jane had folded her arms across her chest and if it hadn't been for the burning of her eyes, she would have put Maura in mind of a petulant child.

"Jane." Maura had softened as she recognised Jane's blatant attempt to torture herself.

"Tell me Maura, you owe me that!" Jane snapped, her anger heightened by Maura's sympathetic tone.

"He has, once or twice, I suppose." Maura admitted with a shrug.

"Which is it? Once or twice?" Jane demanded.

"A few times, I think. Truly Jane, I try to block this out , think of other things, other places, _you _usually." Maura said, taking hold of two fists full of Jane's dress and pulling, trying to physically bring her back from the dark place she had gone too.

Jane looked down at her, unsmiling. "And where does he kiss you?" She growled.

"Please Jane!" Maura begged, fighting tears.

Jane moved closer and gathered Maura up in an instant. "Does he kiss you here?" She asked, kissing Maura roughly on the mouth. "Or here?" She kissed her neck, her throat, again and again, dragging her teeth roughly against the pale, delicate skin.

Maura wriggled out of Jane's grasp, looking slightly fearful and yet her cheeks had flushed with heat and that familiar stirring, that only Jane could provoke, had begun.

"I know this is difficult Jane. ..." She said, still flustered by her own reaction.

"No! Actually Maura , you don't. You don't have to see me with someone else, you have me here, at your beck and call. You can't imagine how difficult this is, I couldn't imagine how hard this would be." Jane had turned her back on Maura and walked away, her hands coming up to cover her face.

Maura felt her lip quiver uncontrollably, she wanted desperately to reach out to Jane, to comfort her, but she had never seen her so angry and in that instance it felt like Jane was still on the other side of the world.

"The baby at least means he won't bother me for the next 7 months, I told him the doctor doesn't recommend it and he said the idea held very little appeal to him at the best of times. If he gets a boy, he may well leave me alone for good." Maura said quietly, not sure if Jane was even listening until the dark eyes turned quickly back to her.

"He will never have you again! Do you understand Maura?" Jane said, holding on to Maura now, by her upper arms. "Never. I won't let him touch you again, I don't care what it takes."

Maura nodded and crossed her arms to cover Jane's hands, with their vice like grip of her arms, with her own. "Alright. I promise, never again. Alright?"

Jane pulled Maura to press her close and Maura could feel the silent, heaving and lurching of sobs within Jane's chest.

xxxxxx

Once both women had recovered a little, Maura had to leave to visit Dr Rawlinson and some of his patients in the village. Although Maura was busy she couldn't get the scene with Jane out of her mind all day. She had not managed to return to Ashby until just before dinner and had then been seized upon by her Father, who in his excitement over this mornings announcement had spent all day making plans for his prospective grandchild, which he wanted to discuss with his daughter right away.

At dinner Natalie Dawson was itching to share her news, which was more gossip than news.

"I have had a note from Miss Fisher, who tells me it is all over town that Rupert Lambert is married and has been this last eight months to a butchers daughter! Can you believe it? and what's worse? she is a catholic! really!" Natalie nodded excitedly at Maura.

Maura frowned and looked down at her plate, could it be true? a lot of things would make sense if it was.

"You didn't know about this did you Maura? Diana didn't know? Her Father is apparently wild with rage and has cut Rupert off completely, won't even see him. You know how he feels about the Catholics of course!" Natalie rattled on.

"No, if it is true it will come as a complete surprise to me." Maura said quietly.

"Well, I have it from a very reliable source, I can assure you." Miss Dawson said haughtily.

"Sounds like gossip to me." Dawson announced from his end of the table.

Maura gave him a suspicious glance, surprised that he was even contributing to the conversation. She began to replay scenes in her mind that suddenly seemed to be relevant. Diana's behaviour and the comments she made at the wedding, along with Giles' attitude and his seeming friendliness with Dawson. Maura had assumed they were conspiring over some business venture, however now she wondered if Giles had confided in Dawson, and to what end.

"Well, I believe it, Rupert is so charming but clearly an impulsive creature, I wouldn't put it past him for a second!" Natalie commented, as if she were quite the expert on the matter.

"And what if it is true?" Maura snapped impatiently, Natalie pulled an over dramatic look of astonishment. "What if Rupert fell in love and married someone who didn't fit in with what everybody else deems suitable? "

Lord Ashby, who had remained silent but had been listening closely, shot Maura a peculiar frown and seemed to consider her strangely for a moment.

"The scandal would be great indeed. I should have to distance myself from the family, which would be a great pity, being that Diana has been a kind of mentor to me." Natalie said, a modicum of regret creeping into her voice now.

Maura looked appalled. "I am sure Diana will add the pain of your defection to her great list of misfortunes. " Maura bit sarcastically.

"I do not wish her any ill but I must consider my own prospects, and I have contacts enough now in London to see me through the coming season." Natalie offered.

Maura looked back to her plate, she must go and see Diana as soon as she could arrange it.

xxxxxx

Maura had searched for Jane after dinner, only to find she had already gone to her room. Maura supposed she had retired early to put Nathaniel to bed and she felt a stab of unjustifiable jealousy at the thought.

The truth was that after the turmoil of this morning, Jane had been longing for sleep even before Nathaniel's bedtime and by the time Maura had gotten ready for bed and dismissed her maid, to head along to Jane's room, she found both occupants fast asleep.

Maura studied each of them by the light of her candle, Jane looked peaceful and it was gratifying to see in the light of her outburst this morning. Maura's eyes rested on the small sleeping boy, he had an undeniable resemblance to his father and fleetingly Maura wondered what the child inside her would look like. Jane had so obviously already bonded with this boy and it gave Maura hope that Jane could also accept her baby. Now all Maura had to worry about is how she would react to motherhood, and that idea filled her with terror.

Maura slipped into bed beside Jane, careful not to touch her and disturb her slumber, she pulled the covers up under her chin. Half a moment later Jane reached out and pulled Maura in against her, with a sigh of contentment.

"Immm sorry, about today." Jane mumbled into Maura's ear sleepily.

Maura snuggled down deeper and felt a soft kiss at her temple.

"Go back to sleep." She instructed as she covered the arms that had wrapped around her, with her own.

xxxxxx

Maura wasn't sure if it had been a noise that woke her, but she was suddenly awake and alert. As her eyes adjusted to the still thick darkness she could make out two round eyes watching her from the small cotbed. Jane's arms felt heavy around her and told Maura that Jane was the only one of the three, still deeply asleep.

"Is everything alright, Nathaniel?" Maura whispered to the boy, who sat upright in his bed. Maura watched as the boy's chin began to tremble and his eyes became teary. In order to prevent the noise and disturbance of a full blown cry, Maura slipped out of Jane's bed and joined Nathaniel on his.

Nathaniel looked at her expectantly and Maura was also sure she was supposed to know what to do next. Maura quickly took the tumbler of water from the bedside and offered the boy a drink. He shook his head and looked again like he might cry. Maura put a hand to the boys forehead; he didn't seem to have a temperature. The sudden contact however, seemed to calm him and Maura thought that it was possible that all he wanted was some physical comfort.

"Did you have a bad dream?" She asked.

Maura almost considered waking Jane to administer a cuddle, but another look at the pouting boy made up her mind. Maura began by wrapping one arm around Nathaniel and rubbing soothing circles over his back, which certainly seemed to calm him, to a point where he leant toward her and then crawled up into Maura's lap. Maura cradled the sleepy looking boy now as his eyes began to droop and flutter shut, in between the times when he innocently seemed to study Maura's face, as if committing it to memory. Maura ran her fingers through Nathaniels fine chestnut hair and his eyes closed seemingly despite himself.

After a safe amount of time to assume the boy was well into sleep, Maura lay herself and the warm bundle down on the bed. Curled up like this Maura was reluctant both to disturb the child again and to leave the warmth and instead she allowed herself to drift back off. So that a few hours later when Jane woke, it was to the surprising sight of Maura squashed into the small bed and sleeping soundly with Nathaniel nestled against her chest. Jane thought perhaps she hadn't woken at all and as she buried her face back into the Maura scented pillow beside her, she decided this was a dream of the sweetest kind.

xxxxxx

Nathaniel almost stumbled over as Jo Friday stood up on her hind legs, placing her paws on the boys shoulders in order to lick at his face.

"Jo, down!" Jane commanded forcefully. "That's disgusting, he can't get a disease from that can he?" Jane asked Maura, as she gave in and picked up the dog.

"Actually dogs saliva is believed to have great healing powers. In ancient Greece, dogs at the shrine of Aesculapius were trained to lick the wounds of patients." Maura took in the cringe on Jane's face and her smile faded. "Not that I am advocating that, it does seem less than hygienic." She admitted.

Jane chuckled at Maura, then gave a sigh. "Considering where I found him, I don't really think a little dog spit is going to do him any harm." She conceded, releasing Jo, who immediately bounced back to the small boy.

"So, what were you telling me about Diana? Something about her brother?"Jane asked.

"Yes, Miss Dawson has heard that Rupert has been married to a young catholic girl, belonging to a rather low class family. Their Father will be doubly outraged, he holds a lot of bad feeling for the Catholic religion, he used to tease my Father about my Mothers faith, but he was always more than half serious."

"Is it that important? Rupert is the youngest son, he wouldn't inherit much anyway?" Jane questioned.

"He is likley to be cut off completely. Diana's Father was a child when emancipation came for Roman Catholics, but it can take a long time for attitudes to catch up with laws. Sometimes it takes a generation." Maura said, in a tone of reluctant acceptance.

"Diana will naturally be distraught and I must go and see her as soon as I can. I sent a note late last night and should have a reply this morning." Maura explained.

Jane nodded. "Why don't I come with you?" She shrugged casually but caught Maura off guard.

"Really? I didn't think you...I'm not sure she...It may be a little..." Maura struggled.

Jane took hold of the hands Maura had been fidgeting with and smiled. "It's alright, I know we haven't established much of a friendship." Jane was putting it mildly. "But I won't get in the way, I have some papers I could collect from Giles, to do with some fairly large investors he secured for Dawson while I was away. I could certainly benefit from an afternoon away from Ashby and Nathaniel is being taken care of by Mrs Topping today." Jane argued reasonably.

Maura seemed a little hesitant but was loathe either to refuse Jane anything or to be apart from her for any length of time, so found herself agreeing to Jane's shock suggestion.

Jane, for her part, kept her true motives for wanting to accompany Maura to herself; she wanted to find out exactly what Dawsons part in this was.

_A/N- I would like to thank Dustyroad2004 for nominating me and this fic at the rizzlesfanawards! I am really excited that more people may be encouraged to read it and I am so happy for all the support I have received and the fact that some of you really love the story. You and your reviews, rock my world! xxx_


	34. Chapter 34

_A/N - Okay so, I may have gone off on a fern related tangent in this chapter however I recently visited Tatton Park and spent so much time in the amazing gardens there that we didn't even get in to the hall. Then I found out about the Victorian fetish for ferns (Pteridomania.) and I just couldn't help myself. _

Ashby 34

Diana's face had dramatically fallen as she recognised Jane accompanying Maura from the carriage, so anxious had she been to see her friend that she had lingered at the entrance to Harpham Hall.

"Maura dearest, how good of you to come." Diana called, holding her handkerchief away from her face to wave it in welcome.

Maura took Diana in a stiff embrace, they had never been what one would call tactile. "Of course, I came as soon as I heard." Maura assured her friend.

Diana looked past Maura now and narrowed her eyes at Jane.

"Lady Malcolm, I have some business with your husband if he is at home?" Jane smiled politely.

Jane had guessed that at a time like this Giles was likely to be here, avoiding the gossip and the fuss he would be subject to in town, but if not Jane would be more than happy to take a long walk around the estate, which boasted beautiful gardens that Jane had barely glimpsed on her previous visit.

Diana's frown was just distinguishable. "Yes, he is around somewhere Ms Rizzoli, I shall ask Knowles to show you to his office and track him down for you." She said, both accommodating and haughty at once.

Diana had linked her arm through Maura's and turned them toward the house, quickly turning her back on Jane and exchanging a few words with the butler before sweeping Maura away with her.

Knowles showed Jane into the large and neatly organised office of a person who doesn't really work for a living and asked her to wait while Lord Malcolm was located. Jane nodded her understanding and took a seat obediently, waiting an entire minute after his exit before leaving her seat to investigate further.

Jane searched the drawers in Giles desk, experience telling her that people often liked to keep their most private and secret belongings as close to them as possible. She found the drawers as neat and carefully arranged as the rest of the office and wondered if Giles used another room for his correspondence and general paperwork.

Jane turned in her seat and spied another drawer in the shelving directly behind her, it was easy to spot due to the key shaped hole in its centre. Jane gave it a tug anyway, you could never be sure, but the drawer was locked tight. Jane began to quickly cover the room in search of a key, she swept her hand along shelves, checked underneath the desk and beneath each plant pot, vase and ornament.

The next sound she heard was the exaggerated clearing of a throat, causing her to start and turn guiltily to the source of the sound.

"Ms Rizzoli." Lord Giles Malcolm stated. "Can I ask what exactly it is your doing?"

Jane smiled sheepishly. "I was just admiring the office, good...wood you have here." She said, rapping a fist on the shelf she had been rummaging around on. "Solid." She said in an all too serious voice.

Giles looked as if he wasn't sure how to respond and so he took a moment to seat himself at the desk and considered Jane as she followed his lead and took the seat across from him.

Jane looked at Lord Malcolm and in that instant when she should probably have been weighing up all the information she had about him and balancing it against what she could risk by trusting him, Jane decided just to look him in the eye and that the look that met hers was an honest one.

"Lord Malcolm, I want to be completely truthful with you." Jane began.

His mouth twitched. "That would be refreshing. " He remarked, offering Jane a cigarette.

"I came here today to snoop around. Not with any malice toward you or your family, I can assure you. But because I have been having concerns about how Mr Dawson has been conducting some of his business affairs." Jane explained.

A small frown. "Go on." Giles instructed.

"Well, as you know, I have latley been in Boston where some old business associates of Mr Dawson took it upon themselves to contact me with accusations of underhand methods used to persuade men into investing money, bribery and blackmail, one occasion involved the setting up of an otherwise respectable gentleman in ...less than respectable circumstances, if you can imagine what I mean, My Lord." Jane told the truth, only glossing over the fact that she had been seeking out information.

"What do you believe this has to do with me, Ms Rizzoli?" Giles said carefully.

"I am aware of the recent misfortune that has befallen the family regarding your wife's brother, Lord Malcolm and I am also aware of the recent financial and business transactions between yourself and Mr Dawson."

Giles stubbed out his half smoked cigarette and looked as if his patience had finally worn thin.

"What I wish to ascertain is whether or not these two things may be linked." Jane said carefully.

"Speak plainly Ms Rizzoli." Giles said now, to Jane's relief.

"I suspect that Dawson found out about Rupert's situation before anyone else and that he had a third party blackmail you, which led you to turn to him for help, which he provided, leaving you indebted to him in more ways than one and resulting in you using your influence to lend him credibility and secure him some lucrative investments, something which until then you had been very reluctant to do."

Giles took a moment to digest this, steepling his fingers, his elbows supported by the desk and looking suspiciously at Jane.

"If you believe this and if I were to believe you, what exactly do you propose to do with the information?" Giles asked curiously.

Jane leant forward in her seat and looked Giles in the eye. "My main concern is that no harm comes to Lady Maura and Ashby Park. You have no reason to believe me, only trust that I do care very deeply for her, and the last thing I want is any scandal. I intend to confront Dawson with the evidence and persuade him to behave more honourably in future, and to make amends where possible." Jane concluded simply.

Giles scoffed. "What makes you think he won't just have you shipped off back to America?"

"I am not that easy to get rid of." Jane said seriously.

Lord Giles studied Jane thoughtfully. "Would you care for a drink Ms Rizzoli? " He asked, rising and beginning to fix his own.

" The same please." She nodded as Giles poured from a bottle of Scotch.

"You are very different to the women I am accustomed to. My wife as you know and my mother too are the type to defer always to men, happy to leave men to their pursuits and to occupy themselves with their own matters." Giles pointed out conversationally.

"Things are changing." Jane replied simply, she didn't want to get too caught up in the women question, she wasn't sure of Giles' opinions and didn't want to set them on opposing sides just when she felt he could be a potential ally.

"Indeed they are, lets drink to that!" He said, raising his glass in salute.

Jane took a gulp of her drink, the cold of the ice and the fire of the Whisky balancing each other out perfectly.

"The blackmail demand was sent here rather than directly to Rupert, which I thought a little odd. We may have the estate but it is known we have little money. Foolishly I allowed Diana to see the note, I was in shock and hadn't considered hiding anything at that point. Diana begged me not to let the truth get out"

"Matters such as this always come out eventually, it is inevitable. " Jane pointed out.

"Of course. The hope was to keep it quiet until Diana's Father passed away, he is not a young man and it seemed possible." Giles said, shifting in his chair uncomfortably as he felt the need to justify his decision. " I believed Dawson was my only hope, he had spoken of helping me out with a loan to invest, in exchange for helping him procure business."

Jane nodded her understanding with a somber smile.

"He was only too happy to help when I explained our new complication. It took the last shred of my dignity to accept the money from him and he seemed strangely to enjoy it." Giles frowned at the recollection.

"Could I see the note? the blackmail demand?" Jane asked now.

Giles smiled knowingly. "That's what you were looking for when I came in. I don't tend to leave items such as that in the most obvious unlocked drawer."

Jane looked apologetic as she saw Giles take a key from the top pocket of his suit jacket and turn to unlock the drawer behind him.

"That is a wise move Lord Malcolm, you never know who could be snooping around a big old house like this." Jane joked.

xxxxxx

"How was she?" Jane asked Maura once they had been waved off from Harpham.

"As one would expect, she is bitterly upset and anxious." Maura said sympathetically.

"I imagine Diana to be greatly distressed by the whiff of scandal attached to the family name." Jane said in a mocking tone.

"It isn't just that Jane, I know Diana seems silly to you but she loves her brother very much and Lord Lambert has expressly forbidden any and all contact." Maura scolded.

"I am sorry, Maura. That must be difficult for her." Jane agreed sincerely and Maura leant against her now with a melancholy sigh. Jane held her close and for now kept her own little triumph even closer to her chest.

xxxxx

Maura had quickly fallen asleep on the ride home, she was so much more tired latley which was normal during pregnancy, she told herself. A gentle nudge roused her and the faint sound of Jane's gravelly voice.

"We are home, sweet one." Jane murmured.

Maura felt momentarily disoriented, where had they been? what was she doing? but she focused on the fact that Jane was by her side and decided, the rest didn't matter.

"Come on, lets get some fresh air." Jane said, as she helped Maura down from the carriage. Before Maura knew what was happening, Jane was guiding her in the direction of the walled kitchen garden, Maura was whisked down rows of vegetables and herbs, catching their scents on the wind; peppermint, basil, rosemary and the sweet smell of the honeysuckle that covered large sections of the wall.

"Brrrr... it's cold." Maura said with a shiver as a light gust of wind blew against her cheeks, she was missing the warmth of Jane's arms and moved closer to the woman strolling happily by her side.

"You want to go inside?" Jane asked, trying to hide her disappointment. Jane had wanted to prolong their time alone and knew that once indoors they would each be forced to go about their own separate duties.

Maura shook her head, understanding Jane's reluctance. "Come with me."

The fresh air had woken Maura and revived her senses and now she pulled Jane along behind her toward the nearby glass houses. In her mothers day, the gardens at Ashby had been admired up and down the country and if her mother was well enough and the weather forgiving, it would often do more for her health than the doctor could do, to spend an hour in her rose garden. Since her mothers death however and then the passing of the head gardener, the garden had slowly become untamed and unruly. Maura had finally found a gardener she believed could return them to their former glory and since he had arrived only a few months ago the transformations had already begun.

Maura let herself into the small side entrance of the glasshouse. Jane stepping in behind her curiously; she had never had cause to come in here before now. The change it the temperature was the first noticeable feature in here, there was something pleasant and yet almost stifling about the sudden heat. Maura allowed the long coat she had just been clenching shut, hang loosely around her and sighed as she basked in the new warmth.

"I didn't realise you used this place anymore." Jane commented as she tossed her head around, taking it all in.

"I recently had some new, more exotic species brought in." Maura remarked as she took off her gloves and slipped them discreetly into her coat pocket, reaching out her bare hand now for Jane.

"I used to spend hours in here sketching." Maura said, over her shoulder as she guided them through the first of the houses, which seemed to be a plant nursery of sorts, with various pots and trays of soil containing seedlings and off cuts in different stages of cultivation.

They slipped into the main hall of the long glass structure and Jane suddenly felt they had stumbled into an amazonian rainforest, she was surrounded by green, and not the kind of dry, faded brown greens of the outdoors here but a vivacious sort of bold green. Enormous leaves of tree ferns formed a canopy high above them and beyond that, the sunlight that had seemed weak outside now beamed through the glass rectangles of the roof, as if its power was magnified.

Jane could hear the sound of running water which made the atmosphere feel all that more alive and she wandered closer to the sound, Maura following _her_ lead now. She found the source of the water, a waterfall feature created with large slabs of naturally cut stone, leading to a small azure pool at its feet. The water seemed to bring a vital coolness to the heated room, and Jane gave in to the urge to dip her fingers into the pool and mischievously flicked a spray of the clear liquid in Maura's direction. By one side of the waterfall, there appeared a kind of grotto, a hidden corner of the fernery complete with a wooden bench and Jane moved to this leafy hollow.

"Athyrium filix-femina." Maura said as she traced the delicate lacy leaves of an abundant fern by the waters edge. "Lady Fern, a British native; enjoys moist conditions."

Maura flicked her eyes over to where Jane was now seated, watching her closely.

"Dicksonia Antarctica, native to parts of Australia." Maura said, placing a hand on the rough stump of this specimen. "Cyathea dealbata, silver tree fern, endemic to New Zealand." Maura was gradually getting closer as she reeled off names and key facts.

"Polypodium Cabricum Linnaeus or Welsh Polypody." Maura said as she teased a finger inside an unfurled fond by Jane's shoulder. Maura was standing before the brunette now.

Maura had tensed, she had felt the atmosphere heat up between herself and Jane since they had entered the exotic environment, like the garden of eden it had the effect of turning Maura's mind to the idea of temptation and the forbidden fruit and she was sure from the lingering looks she was receiving, that Jane's mind had been similarly engaged.

Maura let the hand she had been reaching out to the nearby leaf, move to find Jane's cheek and traced the smooth, upward line. Jane's eyes had already been set on Maura, yet she remained uncharacteristically silent as she cupped Maura's hand and kissed the palm.

It had been months since they had been physically intimate with one another and a sudden nervousness was palpable between them. They had embraced and kissed numerous times since Jane's return, but these had been the kisses of affection, love and longing, not those borne of desire.

Jane stood up now, immediately towering over Maura and turning her around swiftly to press her against the side wall of the small alcove. She let her fingers touch the coil of curls at the base of Maura's neck and held her lips, not an inch away from Maura's as she hesitated. Maura willed Jane to complete the action and let her teeth drag over her bottom lip, pushing her chest upward in anticipation and offering.

"Jane?" It was a question and a plea at once.

Jane's eyes closed. "I miss you." She whispered, with a sigh that punctuated her admission.

Maura put her hands on Jane's shoulders and waited for the dark eyes to open up, before pulling Jane in for a searing kiss. She pushed her lips against Jane's, demanding entry at once to her mouth, she needed to taste this woman and to have her inside.

The need for air and control broke them apart, though as their lips drew back, hands, fingers and even Jane's purposefully placed thigh compensated for the break in contact.

"Will you come to me, tonight?" Maura asked breathlessly.

Jane nodded several times, yet distractedly as she traced the shape of Maura's uncorseted frame. Maura had given up wearing the under garment despite only the slightest hint of a curve at her middle and Jane decided she approved, it was one less barrier between them. Maura placed her hand over Jane's as it ghosted over that curve now and looked up at Jane.

"Are you sure?" Maura checked tentatively.

"You have never looked so beautiful. " Jane said reverently.

Maura felt every muscle of her body, clench, tighten and struggle for more contact, she was now pressing herself back against the cool stone wall, which only urged Jane closer. If Jane hadn't felt her own need so acutely, she may have been amused by the physical fight Maura seemed to be having with herself, part of her obviously wanting to have Jane take her, here and now, and a more reasonable part of her knowing that she should wait. Tonight they could give one another the time that this returning home deserved, they could spend all night demonstrating the proof of their love and even that would not be enough. Maura told herself she didn't want to spoil that with a hasty fumble before dinner, however difficult it was to convince her aching body of this.

xxxxxx

_Hope you are all having a good weekend! I am just settling down with the Mrs for a beer and a bit of really awful cheesy pop music in the form of Eurovision! Go U.K.! !_

_Please continue to review xxxx_


	35. Chapter 35

_A/N- Hi guys! I got a little distracted this week by some rare sunshine a little beer and some lovely female company. Three of my weaknesses! I hope the chapter didn't suffer too much for it! _

Ashby 35

Jane deliberately slowed her pace just as Maura had become more urgent and she grinned at the look of frantic desperation that Maura gave her.

"Please Jane!" She panted.

Jane quickly relented, she couldn't deny Maura anything and her own desire had risen to match the woman who sat just above her, in Jane's lap.

Maura drove Jane on, clenching her thighs and rocking against her, digging her fingers into Jane's exposed back. Maura's cheek fell upon Jane's shoulder as she finally felt the pinnacle of her climax dissolve inside her and a peaceful kind of euphoria spread through her, to her fingertips and even her toes.

Maura had collapsed against Jane and was unable to move, her limbs hanging like a rag doll. She sighed, shattered, exhausted and felt Jane's chuckle roll deep in her chest. Jane gently gathered Maura in her arms and lay them both back onto Maura's bed.

The soft sheets had become damp with sweat and were cold and Jane reached for a dry blanket to wrap around Maura, sliding underneath it herself and holding Maura against her, kissing her lips softly.

"hmmmm." Maura hummed contentedly, stretching one arm possessively across Jane. "Your'e home." She added, her eyes closing, an unashamedly smug smile on her face.

"That was quite a welcome! Lady Maura." Jane teased, feeling every bit as smug as her lover. "Worth waiting for."

Maura merely hummed her agreement, tiredness finally overcoming her will. The light was just beginning to seep in through the minuscule spaces between the heavy curtains. They had been awake all night, making up for lost time. First they had made love slowly and carefully, with a hint of the natural nervousness that time and distance can cause, but they had easily gotten past that and had fallen back into the exquisite satisfaction that their love had always given them.

It had seemed like since Jane's return, things between them had been fraught, tense; each conversation seemed to bring up more concerns, more difficulty and each of them had seemed to be holding back, set apart. Now, as they came together in the most essential way; in affirmation, all of that was left behind.

For Maura it seemed that only through touch could she fully understand Jane, Maura had always had problems misreading people, Jane's sarcasm, her need to be in control and hide any weakness complicated matters, even if Maura tried to account for them. The problem being that Maura could not see into someone's mind or know their thoughts, and this meant people were often unpredictable, dishonest and confusing, all the things Maura struggled with the most. When she and Jane made love and were connected physically Maura felt complete comprehension, as if there was nothing Jane could ever hide from her. It was the only time Jane revealed her vulnerability, the only way that Maura was able to see just how much Jane needed her; as much as Maura needed, as much as they both needed air to breathe.

In this physical display of their love, everything became easy again, thrilling yet comforting. Every touch was welcomed, every sound a familiar song. Here at least there was complete openness and trust which extended towards healing the hurt outside of this room. All was forgiven at least temporarily and each woman was again certain of the other.

They had spoken more easily after the renewal of their physical bond, a new confidence in their communication. Jane had asked Maura questions about her pregnancy for the first time since the day of her discovery. Since then, neither one of them had chosen to discuss the matter again, in fact Maura had purposely avoided the mention unless absolutely necessary. Maura hadn't processed her own feelings about the pregnancy and didn't think that she could help Jane feel any better about the situation, under the circumstances.

Jane had watched Maura as she lay naked in the centre of the bed, one foot on the bed held her bent leg up and she twisted to look directly at Jane. Jane was, as ever, in a state of awe as she studied the woman beside her. Maura's hair was tousled in a way that Maura would only ever deem appropriate as a result of their recent activities and a sheen of sweat glistened over her supple skin.

Jane had noticed even before their earlier encounter in the glass house that Maura's breast had begun to swell, more so than her middle and she had taken extra care to be gentle with them during the night. Jane now propped up on her side, her weight on one elbow, she curiously reached out her palm to lie it, skin to skin, across Maura's abdomen. Maura's skin was still heated and the softness was disturbed by a shiver that ran through her at Jane's touch.

"What does it feel like?" Jane asked as the question spontaneously sprang to mind.

"Women generally cannot feel any real movement from the foetus until the later stages of pregnancy, commonly between 16 and 25 weeks, so at least 4 months along. I am not quite that yet and with a first pregnancy this tends to be reported most frequently toward the end of that time." Maura shrugged.

Jane raised her eyebrows at Maura and then moved her hand around in a feather light

circle over Maura's skin. Maura enjoyed the gentle caress before trying again to access and find words for her feelings about this.

"It feels strange but not unpleasant, I get moments where I feel overwhelmed that this has happened to me, moments where I don't believe that it really has and moments of fear of what might be." Maura said, looking to Jane for a reaction.

"That all sounds quite normal from what little experience I have on the subject." Jane assured.

"I thought, I mean...I had feared I may not be able to conceive. There is considerable evidence to support the theory that many forms of infertility are hereditary. I didn't expect this...so soon...I was shocked and ... when I realised I just wanted to tell you, to share it with you. I realised you may be upset and yet, I needed you." Maura explained.

"I am sorry I wasn't here." Jane spoke softly as she tucked her head gently into Maura's side, bringing her closer to the place her hand rested, the place where just beneath; a miracle was occurring. "I am sorry about my reaction..."

"No." Maura interrupted. "Can we stop being sorry now? can we just be together and love one another and make plans for our future?" Maura said forcefully.

Jane grinned and sat herself up again, so she was level with Maura who still wore an insistent frown. Jane kissed Maura softly, never losing her grin.

"That sounds perfect." Jane mumbled in agreement, running her hand slowly and teasingly up Maura's body until she once again reached her breasts, cupping one gently.

xxxxxxxx

Much later in the night the couple had wound their way around to the subject of their recent correspondence. An issue which had remained a sore point for Maura and which she wished to discuss with Jane to try and dispell some of the resentment that had held.

"Your letters Jane...they didn't reassure me as I had hoped they would." Maura confessed.

Jane sighed with a rueful smile. "I am not a wordsmith Maura, all the words I have are for business, you know that and I wasn't even sure you were receiving them..."

"Due to the fact that you gave me no opportunity to respond, no address.." Maura accused, becoming swiftly more animated as she spoke.

"I could'nt...I moved around ...I was working and.." Jane tried to reason but sighed in defeat. "I couldn't hear from you Maura, It would have made it infinitely more difficult to be apart."

"So it was easier for you?" Maura asked, clearly unimpressed.

"I mean it...I couldn't see your words; hear your voice, everyday and let myself pour out my feelings and then have to pick up and carry on without you the next. I am sorry." Jane explained.

Silence. Maura held her head turned slightly away from Jane.

"Maurrrra." Jane purred against her ear. "You know I could write a three act play about...these hands." She said, taking up both Maura's hands in her own. "I could compose an epic poem about the scent of your hair." Jane teased, nuzzling her nose into the liberated waves of Maura's hair.

"Not a lewd limerick?" Maura half smiled reluctantly.

"I was coming to that." Jane joked, the tension having eased considerably. "Besides, what would you have done with them?"

Maura looked puzzled. "Your letters?"

Jane nodded. "What did you do with the ones I did send? Did you dispose of them, destroy them?"

Maura looked appalled. "Of course not! I kept them with me, I have them safe." She protested.

"Exactly!" Jane looked vindicated. "How dangerous would it be to have a stash of incriminating letters about the place?"

Maura pouted at Jane's undeniable logic and began at least to consider complete forgiveness.

"I never stopped thinking of you Maura, even when I tried to put you out of my mind I found you were always there, you are always there." Jane admitted as she held Maura close and the two drew strength from their nearness.

xxxxxx

"Jaye! Jaye! Bawll." Nathaniel cried as he swiped a foot at the rubber ball, sending it in an unintended direction.

Jane made an exaggerated leap for the object of fascination and threw herself over it, causing a chorus of giggles from the small boy and the Lady who sat observing the play from the blanket she had spread neatly upon the grass. Jane quickly picked up the ball and threw it in Maura's direction, calling her name and trying to include her in this new game.

Maura reacted a little slowly to the arrival of the missile, squeezing her eyes shut and feeling the ball hit her shoulder as she turned slightly away. The ball bounced away and Nathaniel scampered after it excitedly, Jo Friday at his heels. Maura looked perturbed but something in Jane's hopeful gaze encouraged her to get on her knees and clap her hands together as a playful request, in the direction of the toddler and the ball. Nathaniel grinned and this time picked up the ball as he had just watched Jane do and made an attempt to fling it in Maura's direction. It landed some feet away from Maura but Jane seemed happy with the scene all the same.

Maura had purchased a whole new wardrobe for Nathaniel and had been eager for him to model one of his new outfits today. Jane had already voiced her opinion, being that he had enough suitable clothes already and more than the other children in the village. Maura had ignored this remark until Jane had pointed out that aside from the adults around Ashby finding it peculiar for the Secretary's nephew to be dressed like a young gentleman, Jane didn't wish for Nathan to be singled out amongst his peers.

Jane had Maura's attention with that comment and Maura had grown quiet before admitting that the village children had never included her as a child. Still, as Nathaniel was to spend the day at Ashby with Jane and Maura today, they had compromised. Nathan was wearing a cream pair of serge short trousers and a cream top with a large rectangular cream collar, boasting a navy blue trim, in the sailor suit style which Maura had described as adorable. Jane had to admit the boy looked smart and more importantly, happy. He and Maura had been growing each more comfortable with the other with every passing day and Jane could not believe it had now been over a month since her return and Nathaniel's arrival.

Jane stood to make her way over to Maura and the blanket they had recently lunched on, in an attempt to make the most of the warm sunshine and as she did so she caught sight of a lone figure on the other side of the garden; unmoving, watching.

"Jane?" Maura called, turning her head to see what had so suddenly captured Jane's attention. Maura sighed unhappily but quite fleetingly at the sight of Dawson. "He is watching us?" Maura asked impatiently.

Jane shook her head. " No." her eyes still focused on her enemy. " Not us. Him." Jane said. Nodding her head to where Nathaniel chased the bouncing ball. "He is watching his son."

Maura frowned deeply now and turned for her own confirmation of this. Jane was right, as Maura turned she could no longer see Dawson's face as it was turned away from her, in the direction of Nathaniel.

Jane hurried over to Nathan and took his hand, leading him quickly away from the man watching him and to his distress away from the ball Maura had given him. Maura collected the ball and raced after Jane and the boy, taking hold of Nathaniel's other hand as she reached the pair and smiling down at him reassuringly.

xxxxxxxxxx

Lord Ashby had been quiet at dinner and had asked Maura to join him directly after.

"Dawson tells me you are determined to move Ms Rizzoli's mother into Ashby during her visit? " He began, obviously agitated.

"Quite determined Father." Maura replied quickly.

"You may think you are being welcoming Maura dear, but a woman in Mrs Rizzoli's situation is much more likely to be comfortable in the village." Lord Ashby explained patiently as if speaking to a child.

"You needn't worry Papa, I shall do everything to ensure Mrs Rizzoli is made comfortable here." Maura said cooly, giving her Father an uneasy smile.

Lord Ashby shook his head in exasperation. "I am not altogether sure that it wouldn't be better for Miss Rizzoli to join her Mother and the boy too, Maura. The Fielden cottage is empty now and you could see to it that the place was freshened up, fit it up rather handsomely if you wish." He offered reasonably.

"Thank you for the offer Papa, however, unless the Rizzoli family express a desire to be elsewhere; I wish for them to be here at Ashby Park with me."

Her Father was quiet as he paced the floor of the drawing room, considering her words.

"Maura, I am aware that you have built up some sort of friendship with the Rizzoli woman, yet I fear she is not a good influence on you and I must say that Dawson agrees with me! A little distance between the two of you would do no harm and you could remain friends of course."

"Papa! I wish you would refrain from discussing me or my affairs with Mr Dawson. I have no interest in his opinions on this or any other matter." Maura said heatedly.

"Maura!" Her father interjected in disapproval.

"No Papa! I have given enough to you. I have given enough to Ashby and I have given more to Dawson than I would ever have wished to." Maura was angry now and found she couldn't remain calm a second longer. "Now I want something for myself, I need her here father."

Lord Ashby's face was a picture of consternation as Maura continued.

"Do not fight me on this Papa. I intend for Jane to have a home here for as long as she will consent to stay. So I advise you to get used to that and maybe even try to get to know her a little."Maura insisted.

Maura hated to argue with her Father, especially since his health had been called into question but she realised that the time had come for her to stand up to him and make it known how strongly she felt about Jane. If her Father had more questions as a result of this, Maura knew she could not lie and she was ready to deal with the consequences.

Lord Ashby looked at the resolve that was written clearly on his daughter's face and in her assertive stature and felt suddenly old. He dropped into a chair and threw up his hands and with that Maura took her cue to leave.

xxxxxx

"What exactly did you tell your Mother about me Jane? about us?" Maura asked.

Jane had just begun to drfit off to sleep and Maura had to repeat the question as she rolled her own body onto Jane's and looked down into her sleepy face.

"Urgh, I already told you Maura. She noticed how I spoke about you and could clearly see how much I love you! she will love you too. Now please, can we go to sleep?" Jane whined.

"Hmmmph , that is not an answer. You are being evasive. I don't have particularly good relationships with mothers historically and It is important to me to make a good impression." Maura explained again.

Jane opened one eye. "Maura, darling, Ma is not a high class, intimidating woman like a lot of the women you usually deal with, she is just my Ma, it will be fine. Also, she isn't arriving for another week and I am going to need some sleep before then." Jane closed her one eye again and pulled Maura down from her body, rolling them both onto their sides so she could snuggle into the back of her love.

Jane's words had done nothing to alleviate Maura's nerves however the comfort and consolation of her arms finally helped Maura find sleep.

xxxxxx


	36. Chapter 36

Ashby 36

"Lady Maura, may I introduce my mother Mrs Angela Rizzoli. Ma, this is Maura." Jane said happily with the ghost of a wink for Maura's benefit.

"Mrs Rizzoli, it is such a great pleasure to meet you at last." Maura gushed as she took a step forward and performed a small curtsey and reached out a hand to Angela.

Angela looked a little taken a back, she held a small purse in both hands and had to remove one to accept Maura's, receiving a light squeeze from the immaculate young woman before her. Jane could not recall having ever seen her mother rendered speechless before, but for this moment the Rizzoli matriarch had no words.

In fairness, Jane had been guilty of some downplaying when she had written home and when she was in Boston recently, Jane had never explained the full size of the estate or the great wealth here and of course she had not described Maura in her capacity as the Lady of the great Ashby Park, only in terms of their friendship. It was understandable that Angela was unprepared and overwhelmed by what she had been introduced to upon her arrival. Of course the wonder of Maura alone could have this effect on Jane.

"Please, do come and take a seat and we can have tea." Maura invited Angela to the small table and chairs which already held the fine china tea set and a three tier cake stand holding a variety of macaroons and petit four.

Maura had ordered the drawing room to be particularly well cleaned and made ready for an important guest, the room had been filled with abundant fresh flowers of every colour and was heady with the scent.

Angela followed Jane carefully as she, being the only one not standing on ceremony, had made her way curiously over to the table and pulled out a seat for her mother, gazing distractedly at the confectionery as she waited for Angela to sit.

"I'll go and fetch Nathaniel, I'm sure you'll be eager to see him again Ma and it will give the two of you chance to become properly acquainted. " Jane said with a relaxed smile as she plucked a marzipan covered cube from the top of the cake stand and bit it in half before quickly placing the second half into her mouth and munching happily despite the pair of equally scandalized looks she was receiving.

"Jane!" The two women said in unison, darting a quick look at one another as they realised they had reacted as one.

As Jane finished and turned to leave, both women looked apprehensively after her. Maura busied herself with the pouring of tea as Angela searched for something to say.

"You have such a beautiful home here my lady." Angela complemented. "I've never been in a house this grand before, its like a palace!"

Maura shook her head with a smile. "Actually a palace usually refers to the official residence of a sovereign, bishop or other exhalted personage, the term originating from _palatium; _the name of the hill in Ancient Rome upon which the emperor's home was situated." Maura froze the instant she realised what she was saying, the teapot held in mid pour.

"I apologize Mrs Rizzoli, I tend to share useless knowledge with others, particularly when I am nervous and I am so terribly nervous about meeting you. I know I shouldn't speak so plainly, only it is so disconcerting to feel like I already know you and to see how similar Jane is to you, in your mannerisms, some of your features...well I suppose it lends to the illusion that we are already close." Maura explained in a nervous rush.

Angela was watching Maura closely and smiled kindly at her words. "My dear, you should not be nervous about meeting me!"

"Oh but I am, you are the woman responsible for creating and nurturing the person who has become the most important in my life, I owe you a great deal." Maura bit her bottom lip, wondering at once if she had been too candid and Angela did indeed look a little surprised.

"Well." Angela placed her tea cup on it's saucer. "I am pleased to see that Jane's devotion to you is not misplaced, you seem to care as deeply for her as she does for you."

Maura's behaviour so far had certainly rid Angela of the fear that her daughters affections for this English Lady may not be reciprocated and that she may even be being taken advantage of. As a child and even as a young woman, Jane had often become attached to people who were undeserving and who did not match the fierce loyalty that was unswerving in Jane when it came to the people she cared about. For such a headstrong and independent girl, Jane had always been deeply hurt when these friends were found wanting.

"Oh, but you can believe that, Mrs Rizzoli. Jane is my dearest friend. You raised an amazing woman." Maura said sincerely and with a slight shyness which had fallen over her now that some of the formalities had been dropped.

Angela had noticed Maura's _condition _the moment they had been shown into the room and of course this had been a surprise to her, Jane having failed to mention the fact in any of her correspondence or their brief conversation on their journey to Ashby from the station this morning.

"I see you are soon to become a mother yourself Lady Maura. Congratulations and may I ask how you are feeling?" Angela enquired politely.

"I...Thank you...I feel well." Maura stopped short. It was hardly the time to explain or even touch on how she felt about her current state. Maura hoped she would one day share her feelings and her hopes with this woman, but for today she would contain herself.

As an awkward hush descended upon the two women, the door burst open and a small boy dashed into the room with a yapping dog at his feet and Jane following close behind. Jane closed the heavy door and bent to reprimand Jo. Nathaniel suddenly spotted the women sitting to tea in the centre of the room and grew quiet as he came to stand up straight in front of Maura, grinning up at her in his smart navy suit, complete with velvet neckerchief.

"Nathaniel, you look extremely handsome today." Maura said formally, her face splitting into a wide grin as the boy jumped into her lap clumsily.

"Maurma!" He squealed as he wobbled around until he was facing the watching Angela.

"Nathaniel, do you remember Mrs Rizzoli who kindly took such great care of you in Boston?" Maura said at the boy's ear. Nathaniel looked carefully at Angela as if he were truly considering Maura's words and then smiled shyly, sinking slightly further back against Maura.

Angela leant forward. "My you have grown, you look like a real young man now Nathaniel. " Angela said softly and directly to the boy.

Something like recognition dawned on Nathan's face at Angela's voice and he wriggled down from Maura's lap and crossed to take Angela's hand, shaking it in greeting just as Jane had been teaching him lately. Angela ruffled the boy's hair affectionately and with that he moved away from the table to explore the room.

"He is such a lovely boy, I am so pleased to see the two of you getting along." Angela said with genuine relief.

"He is." Maura agreed. "I am so glad that Jane brought him to us, I feel already like he belongs here. Ashby has been too long without children and I hope that Nathaniel will always feel that this is his home, as I hope that he will be as a sibling to any future children here." And just like that the women seemed to have had an unspoken conversation about the question of the boy's legitimacy and his place here in the future.

Jane felt sure she must have missed something important but decided to leave the issue for now and sat in the empty seat between Maura and her mother, as Maura poured her a cup of tea and raised one eyebrow meaningfully as she took a sponge and placed it onto a plate for Jane, who sent a sign of surrender with her eyes.

"So Ma, do you have any news from Boston?" Jane asked as she made herself comfortable and took a noisy slurp from her dainty cup.

"Frost has paid me a visit a number of times Jane, he misses you but I believe he misses the boy most." Angela said thoughtfully. "And Frankie brought a girl home, can you believe? " Angela had relaxed fully now.

Jane nodded. "Frost just likes your food Ma. But tell me about Frankie's girl?"

Maura was fascinated with the easy way the Rizzoli women conversed and was happy to watch them, feeling an instant affection for Angela Rizzoli.

xxxxxx

As Maura retired to dress for dinner, Jane was left alone with her Mother as they took a breath of air and let Jo out to do her necessary business.

"So?" Jane said simply, resisting her instinct to immediately quiz her mother on what she thought of Maura. "What do you make of England so far?"

"She is so beautiful Jane and so intellectual, just how you described her and all the time I thought you had been exaggerating." Angela said, hearing Jane's unasked question. "And this place! she must be worth a fortune, not that it matters but my goodness! and she loves you!" Angela stopped in her path.

Jane had not expected her mother to come out with it so plainly and she stumbled to a halt.

"I...we...I suppose... she does?" Jane asked uncertainly.

"Its as plain as the nose on my face! She loves you and you love her." Angela said as if it just occurred to her.

Jane had no idea what to say and Angela looked suddenly fearful as she stepped closer to Jane and took her arm, pulling her more closely to her side.

"Jane, please be careful, she has a husband, he is a powerful man, she is having his child! Oh my goodness!" Angela fretted."Does he know how you feel? What kind of man is he?"

Jane put her hand over her mother's hand firmly. "He is not as clever as he imagines himself to be and I think I can handle him. Dawson is not really interested in Maura, he married her for all this, for the title, to be accepted into English society, though that can never really be." Jane told her mother, becoming quietly thoughtful for a moment. "I won't allow him to hurt her, or the child, children. ...I would walk away first."

Angela watched Jane's pain filled expression as she made this vow and saw the change as Jane returned to her confident self and declared convincingly that it would not come to that, as she took off on their stroll again.

xxxxx

Angela Rizzoli sat on an large stone seat on the edge of the formal gardens that framed the rear of Ashby Park. The patterns of symmetrical shapes, all rectangles, squares and corners seemed to be a complete contrast to the wild hill sides that could be seen in the distance and Angela wasn't sure she liked seeing nature so drastically tamed. She couldn't help but smile however, as she watched her young companion race along a row of privet hedging with a stick in his hand. Angela was transported back to a time when Tommy and Frankie were young, even Jane who had also enjoyed exploring the outdoors. How they would have loved a place like this, so much space and so much to discover, the perfect backdrop to a child's adventure and imagination.

Lost in her thoughts and with her eyes trained on Nathaniel, Angela failed to notice Maura's Father approaching her. Lord Ashby carried a cane but didn't seem to be using it to support himself, although he did look a little tired.

"Mrs Rizzoli." Lord Ashby greeted briskly.

He shook his head in protest as Angela made to stand and instead sat down heavily beside her and took breath as if he had been a little short of it.

"I can't get nearly as far these days." He complained. "Old ticker is not what it used to be." He said, patting a hand over his heart.

"Maura mentioned that you had been ill, I'm sorry to hear that My Lord." Angela said.

"The boy seems content here." Ashby said pointing his walking stick to where Nathaniel had now knelt and seemed to be burrowing his hand beneath a hedge to reach for some stone or other treasure he had spotted.

"Indeed, it is very generous of you and the family to have him here." Angela told him.

"Maura's doing really, she seems very fond of the boy...I am sorry for your loss Mrs Rizzoli." Lord Ashby said, suddenly looking away from the boy and directly at Angela.

"My loss?"

"Yes, the boy's mother; niece of your's wasn't she?" Ashby frowned, not quite sure what relation he had been told.

"Oh! Thank you My Lord." Angela nodded, completely ignoring the question. "It was a sad time." Angela looked down at her hands nervously, an expression which passed easily for mournful.

"Still the boy must be a comfort. I do long for Maura to have a boy, a strapping young lad to inherit Ashby." He smiled, more to himself than Angela.

"A daughter can be just as much of a joy." Angela said quickly, forgetting herself.

Ashby looked surprised at her statement for a moment but then nodded in agreement. "Maura has been a great comfort to me, all her life, through her mother's illness and after her death. Maura kept me going, I don't mind admitting. "

Angela had only briefly met this man before and she had no idea what had caused this opening up to someone who was practically a stranger. Angela wondered for the first time if this man could sense just how closely linked he and Angela were through the bond their daughters shared.

"Ahhhh but she is no longer a child, I have no sway with her these days, she is quite independent." He concluded, regretfully, his shoulders slumped.

"Children always need their parents Lord Ashby, they always come back to us. We just have to learn not to fight so hard against them. If I hadn't tried to make Jane into what I thought she should be, she may not has crossed the world to escape me." Angela said, pain clear in her eyes as in her voice.

"But you are here now Mrs Rizzoli, you didn't give her up." Ashby said cheerily.

"You're right Lord Ashby and I don't intend to let my little girl down again." Angela said, brushing away a tear that Ashby pretended not to notice.

xxxxxx

"Jane, must you go?" Maura whined, fiddling with the collar of Jane's blouse as she sat, pinning Jane to her chair.

"Yes, my darling, I really must. Basil Tarrant is a very important investor, potentially the biggest and he has invited me, alone to have dinner with his family. Ma is taken care of, having dinner with old Mrs Danvers." Jane explained reasonably. "You should go and make nice with your other in laws, you have hardly sat down with them at all since Ma arrived."

Jane was right of course, in the three weeks since Angela had arrived she had eaten with the family only a handful of times and Dawson had commented on this over breakfast. Angela had settled happily into life at Ashby and had made a number of friends and acquaintances in the village, not to mention capturing the eye of both Vincent Korsak and Lord Ashby who had been quick to tell Maura that he found the woman to be very charming.

"This Basil Tarrant hasn't any daughters I hope?" Maura asked sulkily.

Jane wrapped an arm around Maura. "None that could hold a candle to you my love." She said indulgently, dropping a kiss on Maura's pouting lips.

Jane stood now, unseating Maura and reached behind her for her jacket, pulling the fitted garment over her shoulders she turned back to Maura and placed one hand gently upon Maura's now heavily swollen stomach.

"Take care." Jane instructed and Maura wasn't sure if the order was directed at her or the child inside.

"We will." Maura conceded as she watched Jane leave.

xxxxx

The very next day, Maura had finished her meeting with the estate farm manager earlier than she had anticipated, many of these duties which she had taken over from her father should now fall to her husband but he seemed happy to leave her to matters that held no interest for him and Maura would perhaps have resented giving up too much of the control of the estate, to anyone.

Maura decided to take the chance to meet Nathaniel as he was delivered home by Mrs Topping, guessing that Jane would still be working and as she made her way down the steps she caught sight of Mrs Topping's retreating figure as she made her way back down the path, away from Asbhy. Maura scanned the surrounding area, expecting to see Dolly or one of the other maids with Nathaniel but what she was confronted with was the image of Mr Dawson, with the boy's hand in his own, making their way quite amicably towards the far side of the garden. Dawson seemed to turn to look down at the boy intermittently as if speaking to him.

Maura had descended the steps very quickly and felt that surely was the cause for the sudden lightheadedness and nausea that came over her, but as she tried to shrug this off she felt herself only sinking deeper into an abyss, until she blacked out completely.

xxxxxxx

_A/N - Hey all, hope you all enjoyed Angela's arrival. Feel like the next chapter is kind of the beginning of the end. See you soon. xx_


	37. Chapter 37

_A/N- Hey all, this is a longish and important chapter in the story. I kept going back and changing bits and pieces and I think I could go on doing that forever so I am just posting. Hope it came off alright. x_

Ashby 37

"Can I suggest everyone calms down and hears what I have to say please!" Announced Dr Philip Rawlinson as masterfully as he could manage on leaving Maura's bed chamber, only to be inundated with questions from the anxiously waiting ensemble.

"How is she Doctor?" Jane demanded impatiently.

"How is the baby?" Dawson shot.

"Let the man speak!" Lord Ashby thundered over the now glowering pair.

"Lady Maura is comfortable and well, the most difficult part of my task was to convince her to remain in bed rather than come out and tell you that herself." Dr Rawlinson said kindly.

Jane felt a rush of relief and her mother put a comforting hand upon Jane's shoulder.

"And the child?" Dawson repeated. "Is the child well?"

"Everything seems to be well with the baby, there is a normal heartbeat and some movement. There is no reason to think that the baby is in any danger." The Doctor assured.

Dawson nodded. "Good, good. And she will be well enough to continue to carry it?"

"I believe so Mr Dawson. " The Doctor replied a little coldly.

"Then why did she faint?" Asked Jane. "She has never fainted before, what caused it?" Jane pressed on.

Lord Ashby frowned at Jane, then at the Doctor as he waited for his reply.

" In all probability she merely over exerted herself, she informed me that she hadn't eaten much today and she had been busy in meetings. I expect her to get some rest and ensure she eats. I am going to run a couple of tests; a precautionary measure and I will keep a close eye on her." Rawlinson summed up.

Jane did not look completely satisfied with this but held her tongue for now.

"You can come in and see her now but I would like her to get some rest and remain calm." Dr Rawlinson said firmly.

Dawson turned and left the corridor, heading back through the house to his own rooms without seeing his wife. Lord Ashby looked perplexed as he watched him go, but quickly put that aside as he filed into Maura's room behind the Doctor and Jane. Angela remained just outside to wait for Jane to return.

"Let her know I am glad she is alright." Angela said at Jane's elbow, to which she received a fleeting nod, concern still written in Jane's face.

Maura was sitting up in her bed, several pillows stacked up behind her and a tired smile on her face as she received her visitors. Jane came to sit close beside her on the bed, taking her hands in her own and not thinking to check her own behaviour.

"Maura, you scared me." Jane admitted. "Don't ever do that again." She rushed on.

Maura smiled affectionately. "Of course not." She agreed and her eyes lingered on Jane's for a moment longer before switching her attention to her Father, who shifted uncomfortably at the foot of her bed.

"Papa, do not look so worried, I simply fainted, young ladies across England are fainting all the time, it is quite the done thing." Maura said cheerfully.

"And you are sure you feel alright?" Lord Ashby asked, looking at Maura suspiciously.

"Of course!" Maura insisted with a dismissive swipe of a hand through the air.

"Should I call in my own Doctor? or an obstetrician? perhaps we should get a second opinion. I still have the details of several of the best men who attended your Mother." Lord Ashby said with a quick guilty glance in Dr Rawlinson's direction.

"No need Papa. I have complete faith in Dr Rawlinson, he will take perfectly good care of me, have no doubt of that." Maura smiled gratefully at her fully recovered friend and Physician, who returned her smile with one equally as grateful.

Lord Ashby nodded and came around to the opposite side of the bed to Jane. "I am pleased that you are well Maura, but please do not put on a brave face for me, if you really are unwell you must say so. You promise?" Her father entreated.

Maura was touched by how shaken up her Father seemed to be and nodded her head obediently. "I promise."

"I should let you rest." He said tenderly. Shooting Jane a meaningful look, which she pretended not to notice.

Lord Ashby backed out of the room and a silent minute later Dr Rawlinson discreetly left his patient and her companion alone.

Jane wrapped Maura in an embrace and showered her with small haphazard kisses. "I was so worried Maura. I couldn't believe it when I saw him carrying you inside." Jane closed her eyes against the memory.

Maura's brow wrinkled. "I feel so foolish, causing so much fuss. I really do feel much better Jane, I swear it."

"Well, I intend to keep you that way, I should have been taking better care of you and I shall from now on." Jane vowed, tucking the covers more securely around the petite woman in the bed as if to begin right away.

Maura placed a hand to Jane's cheek. "I am tired darling." She began softly. " And if you're going to be really vigilant perhaps you will need to get in here beside me." Maura suggested, pulling back the covers at one corner and patting a hand upon the mattress.

Jane looked suspicious but couldn't find any real reason not to join Maura and she really did feel the need to keep her close.

"I shall go and tell my mother that your alright and let Dr Rawlinson go and I'll be back." Jane said and Maura smiled contentedly as she watched her leave.

xxxxxx

"She hasn't left her room in three days Doctor. Has something more happened? the tests you were doing? the results were all normal weren't they?" Jane continued to badger the young Doctor, having cornered him following his now routine early morning visit to Ashby.

"Ms Rizzoli...Jane, you know I am not at liberty to discuss Lady Maura's health with you, if you have questions you must take them up with the Lady directly." Rawlinson said patiently, already becoming accustomed to Jane's well meaning interrogations.

Jane had known he would respond this way and that speaking frankly to Maura was really her only option, she also knew that Maura could not lie and would therefore be forced to give Jane the truth. However, Maura had been so evasive when Jane made any attempt to question her on her state of health and Jane had thus far resisted her natural urge to push. Jane wanted to respect Maura's wishes, even if that wish was to keep something from Jane, after all; Jane had her own secrets. Yet Jane found this becoming more difficult as Maura had seemed to sink into a state of exhaustion and the more she rested, the worse it seemed to get.

"I know that Dr Rawlinson, but can't you give me the slightest indication? She seems worse, weaker." Jane persisted, following close behind the man as he made his way down the long winding staircase.

"I am not overly concerned, rest is good for the pregnancy and for her, she is choosing to be cautious. Now, for anything more; you must really speak with her." He repeated as he paused on the stairs.

Jane nodded reluctantly and abandoned her pursuit, pulling herself back along the hand rail as she made her way again, plodding up the stairs.

xxxxx

Jane entered Maura's bed chamber, normally this would cause a ripple of excitement within Jane but over the last week it had begun to stir different and unpleasant emotions inside her.

Maura lay, eyes closed but with a book in her hand, she stirred from her dozing as Nathaniel called out her name and rushed to the bedside. The young boy could hardly see over the edge of the plump, high bed and Maura looked helplessly to Jane who quickly came to the pair's aid and lifted Nathaniel up to sit beside Maura, who instantly folded the boy into her arms.

"Oh, it is so good to see you my darling." Maura mumbled against the boys head as she breathed him in.

Jane had decided not to bring the boy to see Maura for the first few days that she had confined herself to her bed, in the fear that it may spark some distant subconscious memory of his mothers illness and cause him unnecessary distress. However, since Maura made no sign that she would be leaving her room soon and being that Nathaniel's "Where Maurma?" had gotten more and more persistent, Jane realised she may do more damage by keeping the two apart.

"I think you have grown even in the last few days my dear." Maura spoke directly to Nathaniel, fussing with his hair and clothes and pointedly avoiding Jane's watchful gaze.

Jane took slow and careful steps around the bed, arms folded defensively, head low but watching Maura thoughtfully. Jane felt like something rotten was festering inside her and she was desperately trying to contain it, she sighed deeply and Maura glanced across at her guiltily.

"What plans do you have for today?" Maura tried a jolly tone that sounded forced to Jane.

"We thought perhaps you would care to join us outside today? It's a mild day and we could sit in the rose garden." The rose garden was quiet and secluded and one of Maura's favourite hideaways. "Nathaniel has some chalks and a chalkboard he would like to show you." Jane attempted a similarly cheerful tone.

Maura's mask fell and she frowned deeply. "Not today Jane, I had a restless night, I may try and sleep a little more."

Jane hadn't stayed with Maura last night, she had needed to get some space to think and she felt a rising resentment that she wanted to hide from Maura. Jane felt like Maura wasn't really trying to feel well; to carry on, and she was angry with her about it. Jane turned her back on Maura, pacing around the bed again with another deep sigh.

"If you insist on staying in bed all day, you will find it difficult to sleep at night." Jane shot.

"Jane, in my condition it is quite normal to spend some time resting leading up to the birth, we have gone over this." Maura said wearily.

"Yes but you went from one day being completely active to fainting and never leaving your room, and there are weeks before the baby is due, are you telling me you are going to remain in bed for all that time? " Jane entreated.

"I am not sure how I might feel tomorrow or the day after. The various fortune telling practices have no significant scientific support and I still believe it is quite impossible to predict future events or feelings." Maura replied distractedly, whilst playing along with a game of peekaboo with Nathaniel.

Jane dropped the subject for the time being and turned her back on Maura, choosing instead to wander to the window and gaze thoughtfully out of it, not really taking in the view of the estate from here.

Later, Jane remained sulky and quiet and sat in the chair that Lord Ashby often used when he came to speak with his daughter. It was just far away enough that they each could maintain their dignity but close enough to easily converse. Nathaniel was curled into a ball in Maura's lap, much in the same way that Jo Friday often slept and Jane spoke quietly.

"Dawson has been meeting with the boy every afternoon and taking him on a walk about the estate. Vincent said he has taken him up to stables a couple of times." Jane told Maura now.

"Have you seen them together? How does Nathaniel seem to respond to him? He isn't scared or upset?" Maura asked anxiously, placing a hand possessively over the boy bundle.

"No, nothing like it. He seems to like him. I think Dawson must be kind to him, Nathaniel seems at ease around him." Jane admitted, shaking her head slowly back and forth." I just can't fathom whether his interest is genuine or if he is up to something. "

"I think we both struggle to remain objective when it comes to Dawson ...and the bond between men and their offspring is said to be inexplicably strong. Perhaps he has decided he wishes to honour his responsibilities in some way." Maura suggested.

"Perhaps. " Jane reluctantly agreed.

"There are many well known cases of men who have felt a strong obligation and even affection for their illegitimate children. Henry VIII openly acknowledged his only son Henry Fitzroy who was brought up in remarkable style and comfort and even raised to peerage, being given the highest rank of a Dukedom. The surname Fitzroy actually meant king's son and was applied to many of the royal bastards."

Jane could'nt help but smile as she listened to Maura, she sounded more herself than she had in days and Jane could almost forget the rest. Maura rolled her eyes as she realised she was being humoured and returned Jane's genuine smile.

"Maura. We need to have this conversation. You need to tell me what is going on here." Jane had slipped out of her chair and come to kneel beside the bed, reaching for Maura's hand and clasping it in her own.

Maura nodded solemnly, knowing Jane was right; she couldn't remain in her bed for the next three or four weeks and expect Jane not to ask questions.

"I am just being careful Jane, cautious." Maura shrugged. "The fact that I collapsed, in itself is nothing to be concerned about and yet ...well, Dr Rawlinson and I have been studying the research on hereditary infertility and some of the evidence suggests that in cases of uterine malformation, which we suspect my mother may have suffered from, a link may exist... that is to say...I may have inherited some of her difficulties. "

Jane wasn't really shocked by this, it had crossed her mind a number of times since she had discovered Maura's condition. "But you can't really know that? No one can really know."

"The research is limited and it is difficult to ascertain a true picture being that Dr Rawlinson did not attend my mother and I have only very personal memories of her experiences. "Maura admitted.

" And the Doc thinks that you need to rest?" Jane asked, looking up at Maura fearfully.

"No. He hasn't ordered it. Philip is very optimistic about my prognosis." Jane looked confused. "It is just that...I hate to admit this to you Jane ...you are always so strong." Maura caressed the line of Jane's jaw with her fingers. "I am so terribly afraid! " Maura confessed, as her eyes filled with tears and her hands began to tremble uncontrollably.

Jane gazed at Maura with a sympathetically sad smile, rising to sit beside Maura now and offer her body as comfort, wrapping an arm around her love. Careful not to disturb the still sleeping boy in her lap. Jane kissed Maura's forehead.

"Why didn't you tell me this? I don't think any less of you for being afraid." Jane said softly.

"It was more than that Jane, you alone do not hold the monopoly on trying to protect those that you love." Maura informed. "And you cannot just fix this or take it away."

"I know that, I'm sorry. But if you are worried I know it, I feel it too." Jane explained. "And really Maura I am constantly afraid! of losing you, of not being able to protect you, Nathan and the new baby!" Jane placed a hand protectively over Maura's bump. "I understand. "

"Oh Jane!" Maura kissed her on the lips now as her own tears finally fell in a kind of release. "I am not scared of dying, I just want to be strong enough to have this child and I want you and Nathaniel so much, I think perhaps I want too much. I can't possibly have it all! I saw what wanting did to my mother. More than anything she wanted something she just couldn't have and that is what killed her in the end." Maura looked like a frightened child, as if the mention of her mother had taken her back there.

"Maura, I am not ready to lose you yet so we just have to get you through this, you are not your mother and Doctor Rawlinson isn't worried? right?" Jane said, double checking.

"No and I do trust him, I admit some of my fear may be misplaced, I can't explain it." Maura looked genuinely puzzled.

"Well I promise not to try and fix it if you agree not to shut me out again." Jane offered.

Maura nodded and a sob rose up in her as she threw herself more fully into Jane's arms.

xxxxxxxxx

As the early morning hour tipped over into full blown daylight, Jane left Maura sleeping and carefully made her way out of her rooms. Jane had spent most of the night talking with Maura and she felt they had resolved the tension that had built up over the last week. When the talking was over they had spent the night wrapped in each others arms and Jane was hardly feeling rested as she edged her way through the door out on to the large landing.

As Jane turned in the doorway she felt the presence before she saw him. Dawson, sitting in a wooden seat against the opposite wall. He was dressed in his clothes from the night before, though he had removed his dinner jacket and popped open some of the buttons on his crumpled shirt. As he straightened in his seat Jane caught the strong smell of alcohol mixed with cigar smoke lingering in the air around him.

Jane stood tall and silent, thankful that she was wearing a robe over her light night dress. It was a robe that Maura had given her, and Jane loved, it having been made from a good thickly lined silk with a bold print, very unlike the more flimsy and frilly floral garments typical for women and more like a long smoking jacket.

"I had wondered just how far this infatuation had gone, how close a special friendship you and my wife actually had. I have heard of the like of course but who really knows when it comes to you women?" Dawson shrugged and slurred his words a little. "I could see the nature of your interest at once of course, but Ladies such as Maura have been known to toy with the affections of more than merely men." He chuckled to himself.

"What concern is it of yours?" Jane spat impatiently.

"Indeed, as long as you are discreet, it concerns me very little." He shrugged nonchalantly again.

"So what is it you want from me?" Jane asked simply.

Dawson grinned widely. "Jane really? Must I want anything? perhaps I am just an old romantic who doesn't wish to come between two lovers?"

"Really?" Jane posed sardonically.

Dawson chuckled. "Of course not. You probably know me better than that." more slightly sinister chuckling ensued. "I want an heir, always have. The wife is really just a means to an end. I am actually pleased you brought my bastard here Jane, I am more of a family man than you would credit me with."

"Seems that I have done you a great service then."Jane remarked slyly.

"Oh, more than one! after all the care you take to keep my wife happy." Dawson teased.

"Yet, I have spent many a moment wondering just why you brought him here."

"Perhaps because it was the right thing to do. Did you care even a little for his mother?" Jane's voice was dripping with contempt.

Dawson glanced at the floor, it was brief but Jane didn't miss the sign, was it shame, regret, loss? And then he was back, leering at her.

"No, I believe I figured out what you are made of Ms Rizzoli. You want what is mine, first my wife and now my son, things you are incapable of having for yourself." Dawson could see the first chink in Jane's armour and had prepared to exploit it.

The words hit Jane keenly, he had touched on some part held within her. She detested the fact that this man had obtained so easily and tossed aside so carelessly the people she treasured most. Jane didn't speak, but held her ground.

"But now the issue of the heir apparent. I am happy for Nathaniel to grow up here but of course he cannot possibly inherit. Maura needs to give me a son for that." Dawson said reasonably.

"She can't exactly guarantee the gender of the child." Jane sneered. "You get what you're given."

"Quite. Which is why if she doesn't give me a boy this time she will have to try again, until she does." Dawson announced calmly.

"She won't do that. Aside from anything else, her health may not allow it, its certainly not a risk she will take to pacify you." Jane said certainly.

"Oh she will. I can be persuasive and she will do her wifely duty. When I get what I want you are welcome to her Ms Rizzoli, but I will get what I want." Dawson smiled like a fox to a chicken, but Jane Rizzoli was not shaken and she closed the gap between them.

"You are mistaken if you think you can threaten or intimidate me or those I love." Jane said in a low tone through gritted teeth. "I have at my disposal the means to destroy you Dawson, please give me a reason to do it."

Dawson gave her a disbelieving look but swallowed stiffly, a crack appearing in his confident composure.

"You couldn't use the boy to damage me now Ms Rizzoli, Lady Maura is too attached to him, anything you do could only hurt her, which we both know you are loathe to do." He smiled lazily.

Jane smiled even wider. "I am not referring to Nathaniel, Dawson." Jane paused to allow her words to sink in. "I intend to hit you where it would really hurt, what do you really care about? the only thing you have that has ever given you any power. Money! Your business." Jane beamed confidently at him.

Dawson's brow creased and he swallowed hard again, breaking away from Jane's stare. "What exactly do you think you know that could damage my business? "

"Enough." Jane grinned and turned to leave. Behind her Maura's new maid approached with a pile of newly laundered clothes, her head peeping curiously over the top. "Good morning Miss Gregory. " Jane called cheerfully as she moved off, leaving both maid and master gaping after her.

xxxxxx

_A/N- Just thought I would mention that you can all vote over at the Rizzlesfan awards for this fic and many excellent others, I am just heading over to vote for my faves! There are some amazing ones this time around. Thank you again Dustyroad for the nomination. Hope all are having some fun in the sun this weekend! I have some summer themed drabbles I hope to post before the new season so look out for those. Please review as always, your opinion matters a great deal to me. xxxx_


	38. Chapter 38

Ashby 38

Jane slipped quietly into Nathaniel's room, it was early but his eyes found hers immediately and his face broke into an excited smile. Jane felt her heart swell, in a way that only this child could induce; pride, affection and a fierce need to protect rising to the forefront of her feelings.

"Good morning Nathaniel! " Jane said as she sat on the boy's low bed and tickled the spot below his ear.

"Janeeee!" The boy squealed, curling his knees up against his chest. "Cuggle!" He demanded and dropped his legs, reaching up and circling her neck with his arms.

Jane helped the boy to get up and begin his daily routine, helping him to dress and trying with limited success to tame his unruly hair. As she did so she talked to him constantly as she had seen Maura do often, explaining to Jane that the best way for Nathaniel to begin using language was to hear it in use.

"Soon Nathan, we are going to have another little person to look after. You will have a playmate and sometimes they will be annoying and take your things and get you into scrapes where you get all the blame, being the eldest of course, but most of the time you are just going to have fun and adventures and someone to share things with. Your a lucky boy , isn't that so?" Jane asked, crouching before the boy.

He looked blankly at Jane. "Jo? " He asked hopefully.

"Come on then, lets go find Jo." Jane agreed.

xxxxx

Jane made her way back to check on Maura, having left her sleeping in the early hours and as she entered the room she passed the maid, leaving the room with a discreetly covered bowl. Jane was assaulted by the sour and unmistakable smell of vomit and in the same instant she heard the voice of her mother.

"Are you alright?" Jane asked gently as she approached the bed.

"Of course she isn't Jane!" Angela tusked. "She feels dreadful, look at the poor wretch."

Maura did not attempt to correct Angela or put on a brave smile and Jane suddenly felt completely useless.

"Is there anything I can do?" Jane asked weakly.

Maura latched on to Jane's hand firmly. "You are here."

Angela looked from Maura to her daughter and smiled in approval. "You could send down for some dry toast." Angela advised as she proceeded to wring out a wet cloth from the near by basin. Jane nodded and rushed obediently to speak with a maid.

"You know." Angela began, speaking quietly to Maura alone. "When the time comes, you may not want Jane in here. I would have hated Frank to see me that way."

Maura was as shocked as she was delighted to hear Angela so easily compare her own relationship with Jane's Father to Maura's feeling for Jane, she was wordless even before the new wave of nausea flooded her.

"You should consider it." Angela said seriously. "And ... if you would like somebody to be with you..." Angela went on, becoming suddenly nervous and busying herself with straightening Maura's already straight blanket and fiddling with the edge of the fabric. "I have some experience. ..." Angela looked Maura in the eye now. "I could help."

"Oh, thank you Angela. " Maura said quickly, as she took a moment to comprehend what Angela was clearly offering. "I am sure I will be fine, I have a good Doctor and a very capable midwife. "

Angela tried not to look hurt. "Maura, they're not family and I know we haven't had a long acquaintance but ..."

"Its alright." Maura cut in abruptly. "I am used to being alone."

She hadn't meant for that to sound so pitiful, she had meant to sound strong, but as she looked past the women in front of her to where Jane seemed to be having an agitated discussion with a young maid, she wondered if the words were even true anymore. Words she had used in the past to reassure her Father when he would fret about her solitude, words she would tell herself over and over, hiding behind them as a shield.

"Or, I was." Maura admitted as she looked longingly at Jane.

"I only wanted to let you know, Jane is not the only Rizzoli who cares for you." Angela finished.

Maura was trying to formulate a response as Angela turned briskly and seeing her daughter returning to them, she passed her to leave, depositing a comforting squeeze on Jane's upper arm along the way. The movement was as natural and automatic as any mother reaching out to her child and Jane took the action for granted, making almost no reaction. Maura could never have imagined having such an easy, demonstrative relationship with anyone, especially not a mother figure, but now it seemed more possible than ever and again Maura was confronted with the image of the type of mother she would like to be.

Jane took one look at Maura's gobsmacked expression and swung her head back towards her mother, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"What did she do?" Jane sighed in exasperation.

Maura shook her head repeatedly, surprised to find herself a little choked up. "Your mother has been incredibly kind to me. She was offering her assistance. ...at the birth."

Jane scrunched up her features distastefully and Maura could not decipher whether this reaction was at the thought of her mother at the birth or at the thought of witnessing the birth in general. Perhaps Angela had a point. Maura looked expectantly at Jane.

"What?" Jane asked innocently.

"Angela believes it would be wise for you to be absent when my time comes, perhaps she is right?" Maura put to the lanky brunette, trying hard not to sound like the reply would effect her much, one way or the other.

Jane cringed slightly. "I cannot honestly tell you that I am enamoured by the prospect... of all _that." _Jane gestured vaguely down the length of Maura's body. "However, I would have to be bound and gagged and shut up somewhere far away to be anywhere other than by your side, no matter what." Jane explained simply, taking a seat on the bed.

Maura leant forward and placed a chaste kiss on Jane's cheek, fingering one lock of brown curl. "I think I would benefit from some fresh air today." She announced suddenly.

xxxxx

Following a successful hour in the garden Jane had put in some hours in the study. Jane had spent such a long time where her career had been her number one priority and the thing that most gave her satisfaction, pride and even enjoyment that she marvelled now at how quickly it had slipped to being merely a necessity and one that took her away from the things that had replaced it as the most important in her life.

The hours spent with her head in papers had made Jane eager to see Maura again and as she rounded the corner at full speed she froze upon seeing her mother with Lord Ashby's arm around her waist, Angela's hand on his shoulder as she leant into him in half an embrace.

"If you weren't an old man with a bad heart..." Jane burst forth.

"Young lady!" Maura's father exclaimed, pulling away from a shocked Angela.

"If I didn't hold your daughter as dear..."

"You would do what exactly?" Lord Ashby scoffed.

"I would tell you exactly what I think of you."Jane sneered.

"Oh, I don't doubt that Ms Rizzoli, you are an impudent, headstrong girl with no respect..."

"Respect!" Jane interrupted. "Really? Why should I have respect for you? because of who some dead ancestors were? because you happened to have been around longer than I have? If you had any respect Lord Ashby you would take your hands off my mother and keep them well away in future."

"Jane, we were just discussing Maura, Lord Ashby is worried I was comforting him." Angela blushed as she spoke up.

"I am sure." Jane said snidely. "Just stay away from each other from now on, do I make myself clear?"

"Your Mother has quickly become a good friend of mine and as such I will agree to no such thing, certainly not on the word of some rude, self important ...bully!"

"Could the pair of you please calm down... for Maura's sake if nothing else, how would she feel if she could hear you both now?" Angela reasoned.

The mention of Maura seemed to have the desired effect and both sides begrudgingly fell silent.

Just then another body appeared in the hallway as Dolly rushed into view and called a little breathlessly.

"Jane! It's Lady Maura, come quickly!" Dolly beckoned and turned on her heels as Jane pounced after her.

"What is it Dolly?" Jane demanded.

"She... I think it's started. We sent for the doctor." Dolly assured.

"It can't have started. Its too early!" Jane said as she came to an abrupt halt, her mother and Lord Ashby narrowly avoiding crashing into the back of her. "The Doctor said weeks!"

"Well, babies don't often listen to what the doctor says." Angela pointed out, pushing Jane forward a step with a hand at the small of her back, before Jane recovered and shot off down the corridor once again.

xxxx

"Maura!" Jane called as she swept into the room and straight over to her side."Maura? are you alright?" Jane asked tenderly.

Maura nodded several times but Jane couldn't help feel that she somehow looked smaller, too small for the bed. Maura gripped firmly onto Jane's hand and shut her eyes against a pain that was just reaching its height before slowly easing back to normal.

"What's happening? " Jane asked, rubbing her free hand in comforting circles over Maura's thigh.

"The pain woke me, I am not sure how long ago it started. It feels like what I have read about the first stages of labour." Maura stated.

"So its really started? Its happening now?" Jane asked, trying desperately to curb her panic.

Maura nodded and shifted a little in the bed just as Lord Ashby sprang toward Jane.

"No, its too early! perhaps its a false alarm, where the hell is Rawlinson!? Something must be wrong." He directed his outburst at Jane, as if Maura wasn't even present.

"Get out!" Jane snapped.

Maura applied some pressure to the hand she still had in her possession and raised her eyebrows at Jane. Angela then stepped forward and placed a hand on either side of Lord Ashby' s shoulders.

"Perhaps it would be better for us to wait outside, Jane will take care of Maura and we can speak to the Doctor when he arrives." Angela attempted to placate the man.

Lord Ashby looked as if he may protest but Maura finally intervened.

"Please Papa, do as Angela suggests. I will be fine and if I need you I will send Jane." Maura looked from her Father to Jane, who nodded her agreement, slightly shamed by the fact that Maura had witnessed her current contempt for the Lord.

Lord Ashby leant down over his only child and kissed her forehead gently before leaving the room with one last resentful glance in Jane's direction, Jane having sat facing Maura on the bed, the women's hands still locked together.

As the door shut on her Father, Maura's face once again contorted against the pain and she squeezed Jane's hand ever tighter, pressing her eyes tightly shut and pushing her body back against the bed. Jane looked to Maura's maid who stood by the bed looking a little awkward, with a dampened cloth in her hand. Jane reached out for the cloth and turned back to Maura with it. As Jane slowly brushed the cloth over Maura's brow, sweeping the loosened wisps of hair off her face, she murmured hush words of comfort and encouragement until Maura returned to a state of calm as the contraction dissipated.

"Hey." Jane said softly as Maura looked her in the eye again. "You'll be just fine, you are doing really well." Jane said sincerely and leant forward impulsively dropping a kiss on Maura's cheek. Jane couldn't resist it, she felt such a tremendous outpouring of love for this woman in this moment.

Maura smiled lazily and finally let go of Jane's hand as she attempted to find a more comfortable position to prepare for the next onslaught of pain, muttering about the lithotomy position as the optimum position for giving birth. As she shifted a pillow around until it stood upright just behind her, she took a deep breath and smiled lovingly at Jane.

"In the event that I don't get to say this to you again, I love you so much Jane, you have made me so happy..."

"Hey!" Jane cut in, her throat suddenly dry and eyes wet."You can tell me that everyday after this one alright? We are too busy for all that right now."

Jane heard the soft click of the door opening and she turned to see the local midwife entering the room and coming quickly over to the bed. The woman was a cousin of Mrs Topping, the woman who cared for Nathaniel while Jane worked and there was a strong resemblance in the warm round face. Jane fleetingly wondered if these soft features and the gentle nature had lead to the family unofficially becoming the experts in all things child related or if that had occurred the other way around. Jane shone a welcoming smile upon the woman, who had set down her bag and looked Maura over briefly.

The midwife took a few moments to compose herself, speaking quietly to the maids and requesting fresh water, giving out instructions and seeming to check that things were set out to her liking before she turned her full attention to the patient. Maura and Jane simply watched as she readied herself, easily emanating an authority one could trust in.

"How long ago did the pain start?" Mrs Beaty asked finally.

"I'm not sure, I was asleep. At least an hour ago, probably a little longer." Maura replied, obviously frustrated with the uncertainty of her answer. "When I awoke I began to measure the frequency of the pains and the precise time between them, I wanted to ensure the pains were not a false labour but the regularity of the contractions has been increasing and the pain has decidedly intensified." Maura rushed out as she felt the tightening begin to build again.

Jane looked anxiously at the midwife. Who nodded reassuringly and asked calmly how quickly the pain was coming now.

"At the last count, around 7 minutes between each contraction." Maura nodded and tried a smile as the midwife turned back the sheets and began to examine Maura's bump, which Jane could see had slipped lower than before and looked achingly heavy.

"What does that mean?" Jane asked, looking from Maura to the midwife expectantly.

"It means, not long now." Mrs Beaty smiled a toothy grin. "Not long."

Jane nodded and offered Maura a reassuring smile. "That's good, right?"

Maura nodded uncertainly, she was completely exhausted already. Maura had somehow imagined that when the time came she would be well prepared for this, she would be rested, would have eaten and have stores of energy with which to meet the challenge. Instead Maura had been woken unexpectedly with pain in her back, she had hardly eaten a thing since her sickness this morning and she felt...unsteady.

"Jane please...if something happens to me..." Maura began, the edge of panic in her tone.

"I won't allow anything to happen..." Jane replied certainly.

"Jane! Listen to me...You have to promise me...you'll make sure Nathaniel is alright...and the baby...if the baby lives...they will need to be loved...promise me!" Maura said urgently, locking Jane's eyes with her own.

Jane nodded and kissed the back of Maura's hand where their fingers laced so tightly together they looked like one enormous, ten fingered fist.

"I promise, they shall be loved. We will love them together." Jane vowed.

Maura let her eyes drift shut in relief as she felt another pain stir and tried to count, removing herself from the experience of the pain by taking a practical view of it, however this pain was the strongest yet and she soon lost count and the ability to distance, as it overwhelmed her. Maura heard a small agonised sound escape her and she pushed her feet deep into the mattress, bracing herself.

"I can give you something for the pain My Lady, Doctor left something here." Mrs Beaty suggested as Maura quietened.

"No, I don't want any chloroform thank you, I want to be fully aware of what is happening to me." Maura said firmly, looking determinedly at Jane too, who nodded in acknowledgement.

The next moment, Doctor Philip Rawlinson was shown into the room and only his wet and disheveled state drew Jane's attention to the fact that it had started to rain torrentially outside. Jane glanced over her shoulder out of the window to find a dark grey sky hanging over Ashby.

"I got here as quickly as I could Lady Maura, but it looks like you made a start without me." He smiled tenderly. "No matter, you are in capable hands I see."

Maura smiled affectionately at the Doctor but couldn't speak and he turned instead to the midwife who spoke to him in a hushed tone. Jane hung on every word they said and on struggling with some of the meaning she tried to gauge the mood, the two professionals were only calm and respectful and Jane had no idea if Maura was in danger or not.

Dr Rawlinson took off his jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeves, he spent the next few moments examining Maura. Jane reluctantly stepped away as he took out his stethoscope and listened to first Maura's and then the baby's heartbeats. The Doctor moved away to wash his hands in a chlorine solution before examining Maura further and Jane heard Maura moan her name.

"Maura? what is it?" Jane asked as she returned quickly to her side.

"Go and speak with Papa?" Maura asked. "Make peace with him and I will send the Doctor out to you both in a moment."

"I am not leaving you!" Jane said, horrified at the idea.

"You must, for just a moment, get some fresh air, have a drink and come back to me. I need you to be ready." Maura instructed.

"I am ready." Jane told her with as much conviction as she could manage.

"Please." Maura whispered. "Just a moment."

Jane looked at Maura, she was almost begging and Jane sensed that the real reason Maura wanted her to take a break was so she could speak frankly to the Doctor, without having to worry about Jane's reaction. Jane would also like a chance to speak with him alone.

"I will be just outside, and you will send the Doctor out to us the moment you finish with him?" Jane reminded her again, looking to make sure that Doctor Rawlinson had also heard the agreement.

Maura nodded gratefully and watched as Jane backed slowly out of the room.

Jane barely had chance to feel the anxiety of separation when she was met with the anguished face of Lord Ashby.

"How is she? What's happening? What has the Doctor said?" He quizzed.

"She is fine for now. The Doctor is examining her and will come and speak with us directly." Jane reassured.

"And the baby?" Ashby asked quickly.

"On it's way." Jane stated. "Look, I am sorry about earlier, I spoke out of turn, I was worried about Lady Maura and...what she needs now is for us to be at peace." Jane said, holding out her hand as she often did to gentlemen, to agree upon business.

Lord Ashby stared at the proffered hand oddly but finally took it in his own steady grip.

"Whatever is best for Maura." He said begrudgingly.

Jane realised that relations between them were far from resolved and decided to stick her head outside for a breath of air as Maura had suggested. Night had fallen unnoticed by Jane and she wondered exactly what the hour was, having no sense of time since the events of this evening had begun. Jane was almost shocked to see the tenacity of the storm that raged out here as she stood in the doorway breathing deeply and gazing at the hands that, now she was alone, she could not keep from shaking.

The sound of an infant's cries were almost lost in the heavy drumming of the rain and for a terrifying second Jane thought that she may have missed the birth, but she had been out of the room for hardly more than a minute, it could not be. And then the sound came again, a little closer and Jane realised it came from outside the building not from within.

Jane leant out a little further from her shelter and felt large drops of water on the back of her head and neck. Jane couldn't see any better from this position but she felt someone was out there and stepped out fully into the heavy rain. She spotted it now, a slight hooded figure, hugging the wall of the house and moving slowly toward Jane, carrying what was clearly the source of the cries. Jane waited for the figure to unwittingly step within reach and she heaved it back into the doorway with her.

Jane threw back the hood to reveal a shocked but familiar face, a face that had grown gaunt and seemed aged since the last time she had looked upon it and it took a long moment for Jane to find the name.

"Stewart? "

xxxxxxx

_A/N- I know, cliffhangers are cruel! However in recompense I have decided to post some shorter but more frequent updates this week, hoping to gain some momentum leading up to the final chapter. Thanks for reading folks xxx_


	39. Chapter 39

_A/N- First off I want to say a great big thank you to all of you, for reading and particularly to everyone who voted for my fic in the rizzlesfan awards! I really was astounded that Ashby even got a mention amongst all the great stories and winners. It really made my day, and it was my birthday so that was a great gift. Love u all!_

Ashby 39

"Stewart? Is that you?"Jane asked, frowning in confusion.

"Yes Ms." Nodded the young woman respectfully.

"What happened to you? Where have you been?" Jane asked.

For an answer the young woman looked at the small bundle in her arms and gently loosened a little of the swaddling, brushing the back of her finger across a tiny cheek and making a hushing sound.

"Come with me." Jane instructed and she stuck her head quickly inside the door to check no one was around before admitting the woman and child and guiding them to the nearest small room. When the door was closed Jane could see just how wet and dirty the woman was, she had clearly been traveling for sometime.

"The child is yours." Jane concluded. "And the father?"

"I thought perhaps if he saw the baby, his own flesh, he might change his mind." Stewart explained.

"So you brought him here to meet his Father?" Jane questioned.

"Yes. And now...I don't know what I shall do." Stewart said shakily.

Jane cursed under her breath. "Stewart, I have to go. Lady Maura she is having her child, now...I'm needed!"

"I heard she was lying in." The girl said.

Jane rushed anxiously to the door but couldn't help look back at the girl. "I'll send someone in with some food and towels, try to get dry...and stay out of sight."

The girl looked worried but nodded. "Thank you Ms Jane."

Jane dashed back to the room that connected to Maura's where her mother was waiting with Lord Ashby. Jane asked her mother to speak quietly with her for a moment and Angela looked concerned, stepping to one side of the room with her daughter.

"What is it Jane?"

"I need you to get some towels and blankets and some food and take it down the hall to the small room by the external doors. I need you to look after the girl in there. I wouldn't ask, but I can't leave...Ma, this is important. This has to be a secret, no one can know who is in there. Can you do that?" Jane had almost whispered the request as she kept her eye on the very suspicious man at the other end of the room.

Angela looked bewildered. "I, Jane what is going on? who.."

Jane took her mothers hands. "There is no time for that now."

As she spoke the door to Maura's room opened and Dr Rawlinson appeared.

Jane looked desperately at her mother. "Please say you'll do this?"

"Of course." Angela agreed before both women turned to the Doctor.

"Dr Rawlinson. " Lord Ashby began. "How is Maura? What is happening? "

"Lady Maura is in the process of labour, she is doing very well and the child also appears to be fit and well and currently in full cooperation. Things are moving along quickly, which is a good thing and I expect everything to be over within a couple of hours." Dr Rawlinson informed them, smiling reassuringly at all the anxious faces.

"But, the baby is early?" Lord Ashby pushed.

"Lady Maura is certain that her calculations are correct and although it is difficult to determine for definite, the midwife agrees that the child feels small, which would indicate that yes the child is early." Dr Rawlinson said calmly.

"So how does that effect the birth? Is there extra risk?" Jane put to him.

"There is always an amount of risk during childbirth as you are all aware, however in the case of a premature baby, most of the risk applies to the child and to the survival after birth. If the delivery goes well there may yet be complications both in the short and long term." The Doctor warned.

"You think the baby may not live?" Jane asked, feeling her throat constrict.

"I will not be able to say until I can examine the child, we hope that the child is developed enough to escape any serious difficulties, but for now the priority is to get mother and baby through the birth. If you'll excuse me, I should get back inside." Dr Rawlinson nodded low at Lord Ashby and slipped back inside.

Jane took the door in her hand before it had time to close and took a step inside before she froze. Jane felt guilt and panic rise inside her, heart pounding and stomach sick. All this time she had been thinking only of Maura getting through this and now she had to face the fact that while Maura may be perfectly fine physically, she may lose this baby or be left with a very poorly child.

And suddenly Jane felt an incredible fear, and it wasn't concern for Maura or on Maura's behalf, it was the fear that _she _may lose this baby, that despite the paternity of the child, Jane felt that this was her baby, their baby and the idea it may not live was terrifying. Jane took some deep breaths and waited for the fear to subside slightly, trying to focus again on Maura.

If Maura had noticed Jane floundering as she entered the room, she did not acknowledge it and only looked relived as Jane again took her place by the bed. Jane bent and placed her lips to Maura's forehead, having no words to mark her return.

The next minutes seemed to take an age to pass, although the moment they were over it seemed that everything had happened so quickly. Maura's contraction's were coming thicker and faster and although she managed them well, she was in an intense amount of pain and was tiring quickly.

"Nothings happening." Maura said as one contraction eased off only to begin building again. "Is it coming?" Maura asked, anguished.

"It is coming, just a little longer." The midwife said in her usual calm tone, however, unlike Maura Jane didn't miss the concerned glance she shot the Doctor.

"You are doing really well Maura, I'm so proud of you." Jane beamed at the flushed face of her love, brushing her fingertips lightly over Maura's forehead.

"I'm exhausted Jane, what if I can't get her out?" Maura said tearfully.

"You will darling, you will. You just need to find that last bit of strength inside you for the final push." Jane said tenderly.

"But, I haven't started pushing yet!" Maura said, a little alarmed.

"No Maura, I mean you don't have far to go now, you need to give it everything you have got left. I know you can." Jane finished seriously.

Maura pursed her lips and nodded resolutely. "I can."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Angela had left without a word to Lord Ashby, she didn't want to have to decieve him and she was a little worried at how he would be holding up now, however she had agreed to help Jane and whoever was behind the door she had just reached.

"Hello?" Angela asked as she moved into the room, toward the diminutive figure seated in a large arm chair. Angela was surprised to see an infant bundled up in the girls lap, being rocked and winging fitfully.

"Hello, Jane sent me...to help." Angela added as the girl eyed her suspiciously and drew the baby in closer.

"I don't know you." The girl said simply.

"No, I am Mrs Rizzoli, Jane's mother, I have only been in England for the last few months." Angela explained.

"I left Ashby almost eight months ago... I think." The girl offered.

"You used to live here?" Angela enquired.

"Ladies maid, to the Lady of the house." Stewart said, still with some pride. Angela gave her the impressed look that she sensed the girl expected.

"Jane thought you may require some towels and blankets. The storm is terrible out there!" Angela said sympathetically as she handed the girl a towel. "Do you want me to take the baby while you dry off?" She offered.

The girl gave Angela another long look then passed her the baby. Angela's face brightening the moment the babe was in her arms.

"Oh you are so small...and handsome!" Angela cooed. "Is he a boy?"

"Yes. My son. He is three days old." Stewart told Angela as she took the heavy cloak off and crossed to drape it over a chair by the fire place which was yet unlit. Stewart shuddered, shivered and her teeth chattered together as her damp skin was exposed to the air. She quickly began to towel herself dry. The baby boy was making unhappy croaking noises but hadn't reached full wail yet.

"Are you cold too little fella?" Angela asked the boy. "We need to get a fire started in here."

"He is hungry, I tried to feed him but I haven't eaten much since we left, it has taken us a couple of days to get here." Stewart explained uncomfortably.

"Well, lets see if we can remedy that at least." Angela smiled.

xxxxxxx

"Its time Maura, time to push." The midwife instructed as she took up where Jane had left off.

Jane glanced down to the midwife, who was positioned more closely to the site of all the action and Jane's natural curiosity forced her to consider what the woman could actually see, not tempting her enough to take a look herself, at least not yet. Maura needed her here.

"Come on now." Jane whispered encouragement, Maura's hand gripping on to her's with renewed tenacity.

This time as the contraction reached its painful climax Maura fiercely embraced the urge to push and she felt as if she put all her body behind the action, a grunting sound surprising her as she heard it fill the room. A few more of the same and Maura could really feel the body that had been growing from nothing inside her, moving to the inevitable release.

"I can see babies head." Mrs Beaty called.

And Jane couldn't suppress the excitement in her face, glancing keenly to where the midwife was and then back to Maura, again and again.

"Almost here." Jane grinned insanely, Maura didn't even try to grin back, she was already preparing herself for the next effort.

With this next push the burning sensation at Maura's centre grew into an almost unbearable pain and stinging, she felt she may tear fully in two until the pressure was suddenly gone.

"The head is out, just one more push!" Mrs Beaty assured confidently.

"Oh my goodness Maura!" Jane squeeked, brushing away one stray tear."The baby is here!"

Maura ignored Jane as she put her last ounce of self into the final push and quickly felt done. The tremendous, seemingly insurmountable challenge had been met, she felt the rush of emotions; relief, happiness, love and the underlying fear.

"Is it alright?" Was her first question. "Is the baby alright? "

Jane looked at the midwife with her unreadable face, then at Dr Rawlinson who had moved closer to the bed now in order to receive the child. Each of them took too long to answer and Jane struggled between her need to be with Maura and her need to go to the baby. As Jane finally broke away, Maura nodded, urging her on and craning her head up as far as she could, only the rest of her body keeping her from getting up herself.

The baby hadn't made a sound and as Doctor Rawlinson took the tiny birdlike body across his forearms, he moved to a makeshift station he had set up on top of one of Maura's cabinets.

Jane thought for certain that the child was lifeless, the colour seemed wrong and the body itself seemed far too small to possibly sustain life. Jane felt a grief threaten to destroy her as she watched the most trusted of men, quickly examine and tend to the baby, gently rubbing circles over the skin then wrapping the tiny person into some warmed cloths, Jane noticed numbly that the child would have been a girl.

And then as if someone had just found the on switch, the baby seemed to jump into life and responded to its new circumstance with a blood curdling scream.

xxxx

_A/N- Sorry if there are more mistakes than usual, as I mentioned I am trying to get this out promptly so I apologise in advance. Thank you for reviewing, keep them coming. xxx_


	40. Chapter 40

_A/N- Hope this makes sense, lots of bits and pieces are coming together so I hope its not too confusing. Plus today I put the kids pajamas in the bin instead of the washing machine, so my head is obviously not at its clearest. _

Ashby 40

Lord Ashby was alone, as he had been so many times before in this very same situation. Waiting. He waited, for news, for knowledge, for permission. He was suspended. He paced the room and replayed all the many times before this that he had been cast out from the ones he loved. History repeating.

But then he had been a husband and now ironically he was the father. The very fact that he had once been successful, had once received the longed for news, was now the reason he had been thrown back into this nightmare again.

And where was Maura's husband? Lord Ashby had sent a servant to notify him that Maura had gone into labour and the servant had returned to say that the message had been conveyed and that Mr Dawson would like to be informed, when the child is born, of the gender. Lord Ashby couldn't understand the man. He had never thought Dawson was all that he presented himself to be, but he had not thought him prone to cruelty. Ashby wondered just what other displays of cruelty, or disregard and contempt this man had subjected his daughter to and he paced faster, his worn hands curling tightly into fists.

He had finished waiting, he was going to speak to Dawson now.

xxxxxx

Angela watched with satisfaction as the young girl tucked into the food in her bowl, a pot of leftovers that was as delicious and fulfilling as anything Angela could have managed if she had been cooking the meal herself. She could see the girl was ravenous but was trying her best to keep all her manners in check.

"So you used to work for Lady Maura?" Angela asked casually.

Stewart nodded and gulped down her mouthful in order to speak. "Yes, I wasn't with her for long, but my family has worked at the estate for generations. It's in our blood."

"Can I ask...why you would leave? I mean...lady's maid is a coveted position." Angela commented as she attempted to deliver some more of the cows milk into the mouth of the squirming child in her arms, using one of the glass baby bottles which Maura had fastidiously purchased, despite having already expressed a wish to feed the child herself and also hired a wet nurse.

"I wasn't very good at it, I mean...I did all my duties but...I don't believe Lady Maura was ever very happy with me. With a lady's maid there has to be something more...trust and a bond. We never really found that, maybe we would have in time...if things hadn't turned out the way they did." The girl looked solemnly into her bowl as if she could see the woes of her past there.

"What happened? " Angela asked as she continued her task, more of the milk being rejected than not at the present time.

The girl stopped and stared at Angela before glancing sadly at the boy she held.

"I was terribly lonely, almost the whole time I was here." Stewart offered. "I didn't have any friends for a long time."

"That must have been difficult, and your family don't work here anymore?" Angela sympathised.

The girl shook her head, her appetite seeming to have suddenly vanished. "When Peter was kind to me I was so grateful, but he is that kind of boy. A charmer. He even managed to get some of the other girls to be friendly toward me. They were as I was, keen to please him."

"You fell in love with the boy." Angela stated, nodding knowingly. "It must have been love, you don't seem the sort of girl to lift her skirts for a bit of fun." Angela said, trying to show that she understood and was sympathetic to the girls plight.

Stewart had blushed the colour of beetroot. "I love him still." She admitted.

"And this little man...is his son." Angela concluded with a sigh. She knew this story too well.

"He doesn't want him...us. He doesn't want us!" Stewart began to weep quietly. "I asked him to come away with me, we could have married quickly, he could have found work."

"He didn't want to leave?" Angela surmised.

"He says he will never leave Ashby, he has plans and he didn't want anything to get in the way of those plans. He used me. He wanted me to spy on Lady Maura ..." The girl broke off now, remembering herself.

Angela almost missed what the sniveling girl said last as she inwardly celebrated the tiny triumph of having this baby boy swallow his first real mouthful of milk. "He what?"

Stewart stirred the contents of her half eaten dinner. "How is Lady Maura? how is her baby?"

Angela felt the tugging of her heart to another place. "She was alright when I left to come here, but the baby is early...we don't know yet. Although by now I suppose, it may be over." Angela looked to the door subconsciously.

"You want to go and see her." Stewart realised. "You should go."

The girl began to wipe the tears from her cheeks and looked thoughtfully at the baby boy who for the first time since Angela had entered the room had stopped fretting and was busy being fed.

"Jane is taking care of her." Angela offered, though this was not enough to ease her.

Stewart took up another mouthful of the stew and looked to be dwelling on something as she ate. Following another minutes silence and another mouthful she seemed to come to a decision.

"Go and see her." She told Angela. "You give her a message from me, you must hurry, go now!" She jumped up out of her chair and took the baby from Angela. The boy gave a disgruntled wail as his feeding was interrupted.

xxxxx

Jane was awestruck as she watched Doctor Rawlinson carry the screaming baby girl to it's mother's arms. Maura accepted the bundle with trepidation and looked more shocked than Jane at the appearance of this tiny force of life.

"Look at her!" Maura urged Jane, who hadn't taken her eyes off the child since she had emerged. "She is so small!"

"And beautiful. " Jane added, sitting next to the pair.

Maura grinned at Jane, then back at the infant. "It sounds as if we don't have too worry too much about the underdevelopment of her lungs! Many premature babies have breathing problems as the lungs are the last organ to mature pre-natally."

"She is perfect!" Jane chastised.

"She is." Maura agreed. "Though we may be prone to a lack of objectivity and particular bias, being that she belongs to us." Maura said as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

Jane felt her heart couldn't get any fuller as she fought tears. "You wanted a girl." Jane said knowingly. "What are you going to name her?"

"I'm not sure, I hadn't wanted to think about names yet, ridiculously superstitious of me." Maura confessed shaking her head sheepishly. " Do you have any suggestions?"

Jane's contribution hung on her lips as she heard the door burst open and saw her mother fling herself into the room, almost breaking out into a run and yet frozen on the spot as she caught sight of the scene before her.

"Thank goodness." She gasped. Maura, was clearly more than safe and well and Jane looked like she had swallowed a sunbeam and between them lay a little angel making the only noise. For a moment she forgot the reason she had come bursting into the room and only reveled in the joy she felt.

Jane looked to Maura for an easily given agreement and then beckoned her mother over. Doctor Rawlinson was cleaning himself up whilst speaking with Mrs Beaty on the far side of the room.

"Oh my!" Angela poured. "What an adorable little darling!"

Angela was itching to get a hold of the baby, but the reason for her interruption pressed upon her mind and in any event, it did not look like Maura would give up the child for even a second as she held her close and murmured comforting sounds against the baby's head. To Jane's astonishment the baby gradually began to settle and a more peaceful bliss descended. Only now did Jane notice the new look on her mothers face, the tension and distress painted there clearly.

"What is it Ma?" Jane asked quietly, not having given another minutes thought to the other mother and child she had secreted in a room just down the hall two hours ago.

"I am so sorry, to bring this to you both now, but I don't know what else to do...she said if I didn't come now she would leave without the child anyway." The words toppled out. "She said she would disappear forever and I don't know her well enough, but she has run before."

Maura heard the words but looked perplexed. "What are you talking about?"

"It is alright, I will deal with it." Jane said, turning her mother away from the bed.

"Jane!" Maura called. "Who is your mother talking about?"

Jane turned back to Maura. "Its nothing you need to worry about."

"But Jane, she said she wanted me to speak to Maura particularly, one mother to another, otherwise she will come in here herself." Angela said anxiously.

Jane glared dangerously at her mother before moving slowly back to the bed.

"Earlier tonight I stumbled upon Stewart, lurking outside in the rain, she had an infant with her, in the storm, they were wet and cold so I let them in." Jane explained reluctantly.

"A baby?" Maura asked incredulously.

Jane sat on the bed and took Maura's hand. "That is obviously the reason she ran away, she was with child."

"And why has she returned?" Maura asked suspiciously.

Jane tried to shrug it off. "Perhaps, as this is the only place she feels safe? I don't know, but I will get rid of her, you only have to worry about one thing for now." Jane smiled, gazing down at the baby. Maura nodded as she followed Jane's gaze.

"I won't be long." Jane promised in her softest voice, dropping a kiss on the heads of both her girls.

Maura watched Jane move to leave and then saw Angela looking as agitated as a cat in a sack as she followed behind Jane.

"Angela! " Maura called out.

Angela hesitated and glanced nervously at Jane before returning to Maura's side.

"What did she want you to tell me?" Maura asked curiously.

Angela shot another wary glance at Jane. "I am sorry." She seemed to say to them both, looking to the floor. "She says she intends to give up the child, she has been staying with a charity in London and they have arranged for a family to take the baby. She came here for one last chance, to appeal to the father."

"The Father?" Maura questioned. "It isn't? ...he hasn't done it again?" She looked to Jane.

"What? Who?" Angela puzzled.

"Dawson." Jane clarified. "It wouldn't surprise me." She said, her hands on her hips as she tensed.

"No. It isn't him. A boy who works here. Peter she called him." Angela supplied.

Maura looked blank and then it came to her. "The footman?"

Jane vaguely remembered a handsome boy giving her a cigarette.

"So what could she possibly want from us?" Jane asked, throwing her hands up in the air.

"She wants you to take her baby." Angela said quietly. "Her son."

A loud insistent knocking sounded at the door and a head appeared around it.

"Please, could the Doctor come quickly? Its Lord Ashby, he has had some kind of attack." The young servant called to the whole room.

xxxx

_A/N-Thank you for reviews and more. See ya soon x_


	41. Chapter 41

_A/N- We are almost there folks!_

Ashby 41

Maura felt her legs like masses of jelly beneath her as she made an attempt to bring them around to the edge of the bed and a searing pain reminded her of the ordeal her body had so recently withstood. Maura realised quickly that she was immobilised and she looked helplessly down at her daughter and frantically up at Jane.

"I will send word the moment I have attended to your Father, Stay here!" Dr Rawlinson promised and warned as he dashed after the young servant girl.

"I must...help me up Jane!" Maura pleaded.

"You heard what the Doctor said Maura." Jane said firmly, placing a halting hand on the woman's shoulder. "I will go and see if there is anything I can do, if you promise you will stay in bed."

Maura nodded and gave Jane's hand a squeeze that conveyed not only gratitude but the urgency she could feel knotted within.

"Thank you." Maura whispered.

Jane gave Angela a meaningful look and bolted from the room, eager to get out, if only so that she could quickly return.

Angela moved closer to the anxious looking new mother. "Try not to worry too much my dear. Your Father was in perfect health only a few minutes ago. I am sure the excitement of meeting his first grandchild has just proven a little too much for him."

Maura looked like a lost child and Angela felt a new wave of maternal protectiveness flow through her.

"I...I can believe it has been too much, ...for me too...everything that has happened today!" Maura said, looking stunned.

"Soon my dear, you will get a quiet moment alone with your child and you will know it has all been worth it." Angela smiled sympathetically.

"I think that moment may be the scariest yet." Maura admitted, looking down at her daughter apologetically.

Following Jane's hasty exit, the door to the room had hung open and now a sound on the threshold alerted both women to the new presence.

"Stewart?" Maura asked in a tired yet resigned tone.

"Lady Maura." The girl nodded, coming into the room, scanning it to see who was inside and giving Angela a questioning glance.

"What do you mean, coming here Stewart?" Maura said irritably.

"I apologise for the intrusion My Lady. However, what I have to say cannot wait." She said stepping closer. "Your child is alright? healthy?"

"Yes, she seems to be well." Maura said, stealing a glance to help convince herself that this was true, she still couldn't quite believe it.

"She?" Stewart said, her eyes lighting up a little. "I had thought that if anything happened. ...still I am very pleased for you both."

Maura was uncertain which _both_ Stewart referred to, Maura and the baby? or Dawson, but Maura's instinct took it to mean Maura and Jane. Even if this girl had been ignorant to the exact nature of their relationship, which Maura doubted, She chose to accept the sentiment as it suited her.

"Thank you." Maura's words were rather hollow.

"And yet, I think it would have been better for you if she had been a boy." Stewart whispered hurriedly.

Maura recoiled at the words. "I am overjoyed to have a daughter." She spoke primarily to the baby in her arms as if to reassure the now sleeping girl. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Stewart was quiet for a moment and looked to the child that she cradled, who was fidgeting a little, so that she jostled him automatically.

"Mrs Rizzoli told you my wish?" Stewart asked, her voice hesitant and shaking. "I want you to take this boy. My son. He will grow to be a good strong boy, like all the men in my family and you could teach him so much." She went on hopefully.

"Why would I take your child?" Maura questioned. Feeling like she couldn't process all of this quickly enough.

"I have to give him up, I have nothing to give him, you have everything." Stewart explained simply.

"There are people who could help you, charities...I have a friend in London, she would know what could be done...if you really wanted him?" Maura tried.

"I have been to those places, they help you find a proper family for your child, where they won't be corrupted by the influence of an immoral mother. Only then will they help you find a room and work, try to reform, to atone, perhaps even survive. If he was here, at least I would know where he was, how his life would be. He could belong here." Stewart had begun to cry silent tears as she spoke.

"And you suggest what? that I pass him off as my own?" Maura scoffed.

"Women give birth to two babies all the time. I think I even recall my aunt telling me about some twins on Lord Ashby's side of the family." Stewart said excitedly.

"Three generations back." Maura confirmed. "You think people would believe that? and what about the people here? the Doctor? my midwife? you think they would happily just go along with such a thing?"

Yet as she said this and cast a glance at Mrs Beaty, who went about her business on the other side of the room pretending not to hear a word, she knew that it was distinctly possible that they would. That Dr Rawlinson would do anything for Maura was no secret.

"Don't you think it is strange that I arrived here tonight of all nights? that Ms Rizzoli found me? and now, that I am able to come and speak to you without interference? " Stewart pressed on, pushing her advantage as she saw Maura considering her words.

"What are you implying?" Maura asked outright, thrown by the change in tact.

"That it was meant to be. Destiny? The Lord's wish? It was supposed to happen, I know it! Don't you see?" Stewart made the plea, a light still dancing in her eyes.

The rain had calmed to a light drizzle outside but the wind had kept up it's rage and now a gust made the glass of the window rattle in it's frame, like a prisoner rattles against his jail.

"I don't believe in that. I believe in chance and coincidence and interpretations." Maura replied, even as a chill ran down her spine. "You really think that he would have a better life here than anywhere else?"

"He would be heir to Ashby Park." Stewart announced. " If you told the world that he was your's."

Maura shook her head; dissatisfied. "You don't realise what you ask."

"It would be good for you too. You wouldn't have to go through this again." Stewart gestured to Maura and the bed. "The danger of having a child...not to mention..." She trailed off, hanging her head and looking nervously from Maura to Angela.

"Go on." Maura said. "You can speak freely now."

"Not to mention Mr Dawson. I saw how it was between you." Stewart said vaguely. "I know you do not desire more of his attentions than is absolutely necessary. "

"Really? Well it seems you know a great deal." Maura commented cooly.

"I do. I protected you. I could have ..." Stewart began defensively.

Maura raised a questioning brow.

"Peter wanted me to go to Mr Dawson, tell him what we knew. One day we saw you... with Ms Rizzoli.." Stewart said colouring slightly, though whether this was at the memory of what she had seen or at the duplicitous way she had seen it, Maura could not say.

"So you were spying? It was you in the passageway? " Maura realised.

"No! I mean yes, we were in the passage but not for that..." Stewart said frowning at her own inadequacy, she was not saying any of this correctly. "I wouldn't go to Mr Dawson and Peter was angry with me, but he went and Dawson laughed in his face and said that if he heard it repeated Peter would lose his place. He wouldn't see me after that. I really believed that he loved me." She said pitifully.

"I am sorry for the predicament you find yourself in Stewart, really and I feel perhaps I could have guided you more or been more approachable, but that doesn't mean..." Maura said shaking her head.

"Please Lady Maura, I beg you, take him!" Stewart said, her voice deep, the words said within a sob.

Stewart leant forward, trying to pour the child into Maura's lap. Maura, having her arms already full, looked panicked and Angela stepped in to take the boy from Stewart who had begun sobbing in earnest now, almost curling into a ball at the edge of Maura's bed.

Maura looked helplessly at Angela but hesitantly placed a comforting hand upon the girl and wondered how Jane would handle the situation.

xxxxxxxxx

They let the girl weep a little longer before Angela decided to step in.

"Lady Maura needs some rest now." Angela said. "She has heard you out and now you need to leave." She said gently but firmly.

Stewart had begun to calm and the sobs had turned to less frequent hiccups and now to only laboured breaths. She looked unhappy but something in her face had hardened as she rose from Maura's side.

Angela delivered the baby boy back into his mothers arms and Stewart straightened, taking control of herself as she turned to walk away.

"Wait!" Maura called.

Stewart turned slowly back to face her at the foot of the bed.

"You can stay tonight, I will have someone find you a room and I will help you Stewart. If you want to keep your child and make a life, I will do everything I can to help you. You have my word." Maura vowed.

It looked as though the girl found this to be little consolation but she nodded dutifully before she turned to leave.

As she watched her go Maura caught sight of Jane in the doorway, leaning against the frame and watching quietly, as if she may have been there for some time. Jane pushed off and moved passed Stewart with barely a glance, as she came to Maura.

"Are you alright?" She whispered against Maura's cheek as she held her briefly.

"I think so... but how is Papa?"

"He is fine, itching to meet his beautiful granddaughter." Jane grinned, gently stroking the lady in questions head, which fit, warm and neat into the palm of Jane's hand.

"But what happened to him?" Maura asked, frowning.

"He got a little dizzy and fell, bumped his head on the arm of a chair, nothing to worry about. The Doctor is making him rest for a moment and have something to eat and drink and he will be along as soon as he is allowed, which I suspect will be very shortly." Jane assured.

"You are sure, that is all?" Maura checked.

"Absolutely. " Jane said. "Now, you need to relax and get some rest." She continued, but couldn't help look over her shoulder to the door. "But...are you sure?" She asked, looking after the young girl and her child.

"Yes." Maura nodded. "I know a boy would help us...with the situation, but that feels like the wrong reason to accept a child." Maura explained. "A child should be with it's mother, if that mother can love it...and I am sure that Liza Stewart can love her son."

Jane nodded with a proud smile. "We can help her too."

xxxxxx

_A/N- Okay, so I had a last minute change of heart with the ending. For a little while now I have been feeling that the ending I had planned was just a little too neat and tidy and not real enough. So I have made some changes. I had planned for our girls to take on Stewart's son, family complete, heir for Ashby, Dawson off their backs, job done! but as I started to write it another plan was brewing as you shall soon see. xx_


	42. Chapter 42

Ashby 42

Angela had made sure that Maura and Jane had some water and had pushed the offer of food, with little success, then decided it was time for her to leave. She bent to kiss first Maura and then Jane on the head and whispered goodbye to the baby girl, who was just beginning to get fussy, as if she had sensed that the drama was over and now was her chance.

Jane watched as the midwife helped Maura to feed the little one, struggling at first to get the baby to latch onto her and becoming a little flustered. Jane gave Maura some space and waited patiently until the baby was settled before moving in to watch in wonder as the child made her first few successful gulps, displaying her instinct to feed, to grow, to survive.

"It is often very difficult to breastfeed a premature baby, many have not developed the strength of muscle in the jaw, necessary for the suckling action. It still may be the case that I have to manually express enough milk to sustain her, but I would like to try and feed her myself." Maura explained, not taking her eyes off her task.

"You seem to be doing everything right Maura." Jane assured, falling into silence as she watched every movement.

The baby seemed to have lost interest in the breast a few moments later and Maura got comfortable again, obviously pleased to have had some small success.

"It's strange." She said thoughtfully. "I feel closer to my mother than I ever have before. I feel like I suddenly understand her so much more, how she must have felt, how scared she must have been." Maura said quietly. "It's comforting. In fact...if you agree, I thought we could name her Constance." Maura looked hopeful.

"It's perfect." Jane agreed. "Very sophisticated."

"And I know I should probably allow you to choose the middle name, however I would really like it to be Jane." Maura announced, waiting for a reaction.

"Really?" Jane looked shocked.

"I think it goes well, don't you?" Maura asked honestly.

Jane nodded. "I do... Constance Jane. I love it."

Maura had a sudden realisation. "Jane, you haven't held her yet!"

Jane gave a half smile. "She looks so comfortable...and she is so small." Jane whispered.

"Here." Maura said, handing over the tiny baby, carefully.

Jane accepted the unbelievably light bundle and held her close to her chest.

"Oh my, well hello Constance Jane." She whispered, close to the babies head, her lips grazing the too soft skin. "I'm Jane and I have been waiting to meet you. I'm glad you are finally here safe and sound."

Maura watched the pair as she lent into Jane's body, getting more comfortable still and yawning as an unescapable exhaustion swooped in. A moment later she was fast asleep and Jane was left to gaze at this new member of their extremely unconventional but wonderful family.

Xxxx

Lord Ashby had appeared in the doorway shortly after Maura had fallen asleep, to see Jane stretched out beside his daughter on the bed, with his grand-daughter safe in her arms. He cleared his throat awkwardly and Jane straightened up a little, careful not to disturb Constance. Jane looked down to the sleeping Maura nestled against her and reluctantly considered waking her.

"Don't wake her, No need. I know she must be exhausted after the events of today." He said stiffly as he strode to Jane's side. "It wasn't really her that I came to see." He said. "Well not only her." He smiled as he took the first real look at his grand-daughter.

Jane felt a little uncomfortable until she saw the look on his face as he beamed down at Constance.

"She looks like Maura did when she was born." He told Jane.

"Really?" Jane grinned, searching the babies face for the likeness. "Do you want to hold her?" Jane asked, handing the fragile package over and immediately feeling bereft.

Lord Ashby looked at Jane gratefully as if she herself had just produced the gift she handed him.

"Are you feeling better?" Jane asked politely, more than ever wanting to heal the rift between them.

"Yes, thank you. I feel ridiculous." He admitted and sighed wearily."I was going to speak with Dawson, find out why he wasn't here, beside his wife, where he should be and I suddenly felt weak." He told her.

Jane looked grimly at the floor, anticipating the direction this conversation was going to take.

"I just couldn't understand his absence. I know that he and Maura are no great love story but I had hoped this baby would bring them closer together." He studied the little girl in his arms, as she yawned widely he responded with an instinctual grin.

"That isn't very likely." Jane said mildly.

"I have seen him with that boy." Lord Ashby looked at Jane now. "He is not your nephew, is he?"

Jane shook her head, feeling a direct lie in this moment would be a mistake.

"And Maura knows?" Ashby supposed and had it confirmed by a brief nod. He let out a long, deep sigh. "I wasn't here, I let her down." He muttered., shaking his head.

And Jane was unsure whether he meant Maura or his Granddaughter, as he gazed at the sleeping woman beside Jane.

"I am glad she was not alone at least." Lord Ashby told Jane. "Thank you."

"I wouldn't leave her." Jane said as if it was the most simple and obvious of things.

Lord Ashby smiled through a slight frown, he didn't understand this woman or her relationship with his daughter but he had decided to get to know her a little better before making any more snap judgments.

"Does she have a name yet?" Lord Ashby asked, moving on.

"She does. Lady Maura named her Constance."

Lord Ashby seemed again struck with emotion and Jane was sympathetic, it had been that kind of a day. Jane pulled out a chair that was positioned close to the bed, which had until now been ignored as Jane preferred to sit or perch on the bed itself, keeping close. Jane indicated that Lord Ashby should sit and he did so, slowly.

"I...I am pleased." Was all he said as he turned his full attention back to his granddaughter.

Xxxx

Jane had excused herself and slipped out of the room to find her mother waiting with food and advice. Angela urged Jane to wash and change and look after herself so that she was ready to look after Maura and the baby and as she helped her daughter do all of that, she told her of Stewart.

Stewart had been set up in a room with her child and Angela had a plate of food sent up to her. The other servants had by now discovered she was here and downstairs was alive with gossip. Jane could well imagine. Angela shook her head at the poor girl and that baby until Jane was hopping around in front of her with the anxious need to get back to her family.

"You know, I thought for a moment that Maura was going to take that boy for her own." Angela told Jane as she took over the fastening up of the cuffs of her blouse.

"She did the right thing." Jane said, untucking her dark curls from her collar.

A minute later, Jane checked in on Maura and found her sitting up in bed, holding Constance and speaking animatedly to her Father.

"She weighs 5 pounds and 2 ounces which for a baby as early as she is, is a very respectable weight. Most babies lose a little weight in the first few days after birth but I am sure she will thrive, she has already displayed the urge to suckle and..."

Maura's face shone with pride and happiness which only increased when she caught sight of Jane. A little rest had obviously done her a lot of good, and Jane noticed that despite refreshing herself a little, she was feeling very tired.

"Hello." Jane grinned. "You didn't sleep for long."

"No, but I feel much better." Maura assured her.

Jane lent in to see Constance and put a long lean finger up to the curled pink fist she was making. The baby opened up her fist and seemed to take hold of Jane's finger and squeeze.

"Wow, she has a firm grip!" Jane gasped, making a look of shocked surprise and delight at Maura.

"Of course, she is strong!." Maura replied with faux indignation and beamed up at Jane.

Jane had to fight the impulse to kiss Maura as she remembered that Lord Ashby was in the room. She straightened a little and glanced at the man who was watching their interaction, luckily more fascinated by the baby than the two women.

"I wanted to come and see if you were up to seeing one more visitor." Jane asked tentatively.

"Oh yes, please bring him, he isn't in bed already?!" Maura pleaded excitedly.

Jane grinned and nodded. "He is but he isn't asleep. I will be back in a moment."

Xxxxx

Jane carried in the drowsy boy, holding him high up on her hip, his hands clasped tightly around her neck and his bare feet dangling at her side.

"Maurma!" He called and squirmed in Jane's arms as she delivered him to the bed.

"Nathaniel, my big boy. Have you come to meet the baby?" Maura asked him.

He ignored the question of course and the baby as he clambered around on the bed.

"Look, Nathaniel." Jane said sitting on the bed herself, noticing that Lord Ashby had left and feeling relieved. She wanted to enjoy this first moment of the four of them together.

"Look at the baby! This is Constance." Jane told him, pointing to the infant.

Nothing. Jane wasn't sure if Nathaniel was purposely avoiding looking at the baby or if he was just spectacularly underwhelmed. The boy seemed to have made a game of climbing back and forth over the bump that Maura's legs made in the blanket.

Jane took hold of the small boy and dropped him into her lap, curling an arm around his middle so that they now both faced Maura and the baby.

"Look here. Nathaniel, this is Constance." Jane repeated and this time he looked at the bundle curiously for a moment then turned a blank look on Jane. Maura chuckled.

"Well, one day she is going to mean an awful lot to you Nathaniel and it will be your job to protect her." Jane said seriously. Maura tickled one of his stubby feet and he giggled, pushing himself back deeper into Jane.

"Well,well, another touching scene!" A voice said, dripping sarcasm into every word.

Maura saw him first as Jane took a moment to turn with Nathaniel still in her lap.

Dawson stepped lazily into the room and Jane tensed. Maura put a hand on Jane's arm and looked into her eyes.

"Jane, could you please take Nathaniel back to bed." She asked carefully, expecting the frown and the reluctance that she now received from Jane. "Please." She added firmly.

Jane stood and took a deep breath as she looked down at Maura.

"Just give us a moment." Maura requested. "You'll be back?" She implored.

Jane nodded and turned from Maura. "I won't be long." She said clearly, shooting Dawson a warning look.

Xxxxx

"A girl." He stated. "How disappointing." He added with some sincerity.

Maura looked at him with revulsion. "We are very happy with her." Maura fixed a breezy smile.

Dawson smirked."Of course, you appear to be very pleased with the company of females these days." Amused by his own jibe, he began to stroll around the room confidently.

"Why did you come here? It clearly wasn't to meet your daughter." Maura asked plainly.

"Ahh Maura, you cut me to the quick. Indeed, no. I find all babies a little dull. I am sure she will be pleasant enough when she grows. Pretty no doubt, one thing you have in abundance are looks." The compliment failed to sound as such.

"So?" Maura asked again, impatiently.

"I take it your friend passed along the details of our recent conversation?" He began.

Maura shrugged. "It must not have made much of an impact." She told him.

"Well I came to remind you that you will be expected to perform your wifely duties as soon as you have recovered, specifically the duty of baring a son. No matter the threats of damaging my business that your most intimate friend huffs and puffs about." Dawson said, coming a little closer and holding Maura's gaze now.

"I will never carry another child of yours Dawson, I promise you that." Maura vowed.

"You really think you have a choice?" Dawson smiled slyly.

"You can attempt to force yourself upon me if that is the kind of monster you really are, but it will not do you any good. Women know the ways to prevent and to end a pregnancy. You will never have a legitimate son and you will never have Ashby." Maura said calmly, not wanting the contempt she felt to be detectable by the innocent child in her arms.

"Is that so my dear?" Dawson asked in a relaxed and self assured way before making his way leisurely toward the door, he turned and flashed her a smile. "Goodnight Maura." He called sweetly as Jane reappeared in the doorway.

xxxx

_A/N- Final chapter coming up guys! Love ya._

_P.S- Hope you all enjoyed the new episode last night! Spare a thought for poor rizzles fans outside the U.S, such as myself who are still trying to find a site to watch it online. xxx_


	43. Chapter 43

_A/N- Okay, I am just going to post this now, it's driving me crazy! I have a real issue with ending things. Ending anxiety. _

Ashby 43

"I can't believe she has only been here for four days." Maura said as she picked up another frilly item of clothing and held it up for inspection, returning it to the growing pile of clothes the baby was yet to wear.

"I know what you mean, It is hard to imagine life without her now. What did we do before we had this little angel to worship all day long?" Jane said in a playful tone, both to Maura and to the sleeping infant in her arms.

"Oh, she always sleeps better for you." Maura commented with a hint of envy as she noticed Constance was fast asleep.

"That's just because when you are holding her all she can think about is food." Jane reminded Maura.

Maura dipped down to steal a kiss from Jane and then turned back to her wholly unnecessary reorganizing. Maura was yet to come down from the cloud she had been walking on since Constance was born and although they were both still adjusting to the interruptions of sleep throughout the night, Jane also felt elated, like they were in their own little world, where no-one else could touch them. If only that could last.

Dawson had left Ashby the morning after Constance had been born, not informing anyone of where he was going or when he intended to return. Mrs Dawson and Natalie had been in to see the baby, and Maura believed that this was the first time she had experienced an actual conversation with the current head of the Dawson family. Mrs Dawson had talked about when Natalie had been born, how she had screamed for the first two days of her life and how Dawson had been silent from the start.

Maura had arranged for her old ladies maid to be allowed a room at the tenant farm house, she had basically given the farmer, who was a widower, a discount on his rent to take Stewart on and she was currently helping out in anyway she could, feeding the farm laborers and cleaning up the place whilst looking after her child. Some would think this a fall from grace indeed, but she hadn't complained and so far she seemed to be enjoying the place. Lord Ashby had complained about having a girl such as Stewart on the estate but Maura had distracted him with talk of Constance and then assured him that she would deal with the scandal.

It seemed now that their days were filled by a whole new schedule, that centered around meeting both Constance and Nathaniel's needs and both Jane and Maura had slipped into a new routine effortlessly. Maura had taken to caring for a newborn right away and was determined to be as hands on as possible, she did not want anyone other than Jane to do anything for Constance that she could do herself. Maura dressed her daughter, bathed her, fed her and sang her to sleep in the cradle beside her own bed. It was not usual for a lady to be inseparable from her child in quite this way, that was more usually the way of the lower classes, through necessity. However Maura was determined not to have her daughter raised in the next room, brought in to her parents for an hour a day. She wanted to continue with the relaxed and involved way of parenting that she had been experiencing with Nathaniel.

Xxxxx

As they readied for another much needed early night, Jane, singing an old lullaby under her breath while Maura washed, distractedly. The task was taking double the time that it should, due to the fact that she couldn't keep her eyes off Jane's tender interaction with their daughter. Maura had witnessed Jane's maternal side frequently since Nathaniel had come to live with them, but she would lying if she didn't recognise that her own fears had been that Jane would feel some resentment towards a child that came from both Dawson and Maura.

Since Constance had arrived, Jane had dropped all pretense that she was still using her own bedroom. No longer were they sneaking from room to room in the late or early hours. She had moved several items of clothing into Maura's rooms and if the new maid found this peculiar, she had not mentioned it, in either woman's hearing and if she were to, they would not have cared. Jane wanted to be a help to Maura and needed to be close to the baby and that was all that mattered.

A tap at the door interrupted Maura's reverie and she called out permission to enter.

"Sorry Ms Rizzoli." A young house maid said at the door. "But Nathaniel seems to have had a disturbing dream and has been calling out for you." She said quietly before dropping her head and stepping back out of the doorway.

Jane rose and passed the oblivious Constance over to Maura as she left the room.

"Should I come with you?" Maura asked, in two minds.

"No, it's just a bad dream. I'll take care of it." Jane offered as she left.

Maura strolled once around the room with her daughter in her arms and then decided that she was heavily asleep and it would be safe to place her in her cradle and try to get some rest before she next woke. As Maura bent to place Constance carefully inside the wooden bed, she heard the click of the door and supposed that Jane had returned already.

"You were quick..." She said turning and instantly realising her mistake.

The dark figure of her husband had just slowly closed the door after himself and slipped the lock into place. Maura knew by his silence and the way he did not look directly at her, that he had not come to tease and taunt tonight, nor to make threats. He was here for more than that. Maura's first thought was to move away from the cradle and she quickly crossed to the other side of the bedroom, ensuring she did not turn her back on Dawson and keeping as much distance between them as she could in the process.

Dawson took two slow purposeful strides toward Maura and looked at her now as she swallowed anxiously and backed away until she hit the wall, with him following closely. He put his hand about her wrist and she could feel right away the power and the strength that this man had in comparison to her. He was built in everyway to be able to easily overcome her and any other woman he wished to, probably even Jane. Maura felt dread fill her quickly making her stomach lurch.

In their past encounters Maura had chosen a passive kind of acceptance, feeling that a physical refusal or a struggle would only make matters worse, but tonight she intended to make every protest she could. Maura had warned Dawson that he should stay away and now she would fight him with everything she had, if it didn't spare her this, it would at least make things more difficult for him.

Maura tried her best to pull her wrist out of his grip and felt the burning sting of her skin where he tightened his hold as she twisted. Dawson used his other hand to hold Maura back against the wall by pinning her other arm to it and pressing his chest against hers. Dawson's face was close to her's now and a smile lingered around the corners of his mouth. As he bent his head further, to kiss Maura's throat she anticipated his move and quickly dipped her head to sink her teeth as deeply as she could manage into his cheek.

Dawson released her as he called out and violently pushed her against the wall in doing so. He placed a hand up to the bite mark on his cheek and turned now fiery eyes on Maura, who was panting and shaking against the wall, as shocked by her own actions as her attacker seemed to be. Maura looked to the left of her to make an escape but felt the sudden sharp crack of Dawson's hand upon her cheek, knocking her once again back against the wall. She was too stunned to cry out as all her breath seemed to leave her at once.

Xxxxx

Jane reached Nathaniel's dark room and ducked her head inside to find he had already gone back to sleep. Jane crept in anyway, to take the opportunity for a quiet moment to watch the peaceful boy. She noticed he looked sweaty and was thoroughly tangled in his blankets, with even a small damp pool at the corner of his mouth. He certainly did not look like a child who had recently been awake.

Confused and a little perturbed, Jane untangled the boy and made him more comfortable, turning his blanket down a little before leaving him undisturbed. She stepped back into the corridor and a moment later noticed the maid who had come to fetch her stepping out of another room, with a candle in one hand and a snuffer in the other.

"Excuse me." Jane called and hurried down the corridor toward her. "Did you actually see Nathaniel awake or did someone tell you to pass the message on?" Jane asked.

"Sorry Ms, I only came to relay what Mr Dawson told me." The maid said humbly.

Jane felt the fear immediately and the certainty of what had happened. "Dawson?"

Jane was already backing away as she saw the nod of confirmation and broke out into a run. Jane ran as fast as she could back down the corridor toward Maura's room and on arriving she heard a thud and then a scream. Jane pounded on the door and cried out Maura's name at the top of her voice.

"Dawson you bastard!" She screamed as she took three long steps back in order to run and fling her whole body at the door.

The door didn't budge and Jane heard more scuffles from within and then the sound of Constance beginning to cry. Jane attempted once again to throw her whole weight against the door, a futile effort. She kicked the door once, then again, not registering the pain that sliced through her.

"Step back."

Jane heard the familiar voice at her shoulder and did as she was instructed automatically.

As she moved back she saw the barrel of the shot gun move past her, which still didn't prepare her for the deafening blast that sounded a split second later as Lord Ashby blew a whole through the place where the lock of the door had once been.

For a brief time, everything was frozen.

Jane was the first to recover her senses and she rushed into the room, to where Maura lay on the bed, her nightdress torn, and bright scratches and marks upon her skin. She was holding her arms around herself and had tucked her legs up into her body as if she may strike out with her feet.

Dawson stood not far away, at the foot of the bed, disheveled and with a bloody wound upon his cheek, his gaze fixed on the unmoving old man in the doorway.

Jane whispered Maura's name before she reached out to touch her and only when recognition flooded Maura's face did Jane wrap her arms around the now crying woman.

Constance had been quietened by the sound of gunfire but now started to cry again. Upon hearing the sound, Maura pulled herself from Jane's arms and stumbled to the cradle to pick up her daughter, quickly looking to see if she was alright, though she hadn't moved from the safety of the cradle throughout the whole ordeal.

Lord Ashby now stepped into the room, opening his gun, taking out the spent cartridge and slipping it into his dressing gown pocket, from which he produced another and slipped it into the barrel. Dawson watched every movement as Ashby re-loaded his shot gun and pointed it directly at his son in law.

"You will leave this house tonight." He ordered. "And by the end of the week I expect to hear you have left the country." Lord Ashby snarled. "If I ever see you in the same room as my daughter or my grandchild again. I will shoot you dead, without question. Do you understand?"

Dawson narrowed his eyes at Lord Ashby and didn't even glance in Maura's direction.

"She is my wife." He argued calmly, one eyebrow raised defiantly.

"Yet you are no kind of husband to her." Ashby said coldly.

"You haven't got the slightest idea about your precious daughter Ashby." Dawson said finally. "There was never room for a husband here."

Jane turned to watch him leave and looked to Lord Ashby. "Thank you." She said.

Lord Ashby seemed to be in two minds about whether or not to come further into the room. "Does she need the Doctor?"

Maura turned at the question. "No, Papa, I am alright."She assured him and glanced at Jane to tell her the same thing. "You stopped him. Both of you. I am alright now."

Xxxxx

"What will happen now?" Maura said as she looked out of the window in the drawing room, the next morning.

Lord Ashby shook his head. "I should never have put pressure on you to marry him."

"He left last night, he told his man to send some of his things on to the Inn." Jane said from her place sitting at Lord Ashby's desk.

"He'll be back." Maura said, as she continued to gaze outside, her arms folded across her chest. She had not slept after the events of the evening, she had sat up watching over Constance, aware that Jane had silently watched them both.

"Not for some time, I shouldn't expect." Lord Ashby said. "I sent him a note this morning to say that Nathaniel will be staying with us and that he should return to America until a time when we can better discuss future plans."

Maura turned suddenly fearful. "Do you think he would try and take Nathaniel?"

She asked.

Lord Ashby shook his head. "That would mean acknowledging him and then taking full responsibility for his care, I doubt very much he is ready to do that."

"What about Constance? He could try and take her!" Maura panicked.

Jane shook her head and crossed to Maura now, placing her hands on her shoulders.

"No. Maura, sweetheart listen. He would gain nothing from trying to take Constance. His best plan of action now is to let things calm down a little and then try to work out an arrangement with your Father." Jane reasoned.

"An arrangement?" Maura questioned.

"Yes, where he can still use Ashby from time to time, come and stay here for a few months of the year perhaps while he conducts some of his business, you may have to be seen at a couple of yearly functions together. While he is here, you could be in London and vice versa." Jane shrugged. "That's how these things are done."

"But what about Ashby? He wants an heir." Maura said hopelessly.

"If he try's that again, I really will shoot him." Lord Ashby spoke up.

"Not if I get to him first." Jame mumbled.

"Papa, If I don't give him a son we will lose Ashby for good, I know you don't want that." Maura sighed.

"That won't happen for who knows how many years Maura. I have to stop worrying about what happens when I am gone and worry more about what I do while I am here. I want my granddaughter to be proud of her Grandpa. I want my daughter to be happy and safe." Lord Ashby said wearily.

Maura came to her father's side and put her arms tightly around him, where he still sat in his chair.

"When I am no longer here to take care of you..." Lord Ashby glanced across at Jane. "You have others." He said quietly.

Maura straightened and her eyes were also drawn to Jane. "What will you do now Jane? About your employment?" Maura asked, quickly thinking that this was a conversation she should have waited to have without her Papa present.

Jane smiled at Maura's slight awkwardness. "I don't think I will be required to work my notice." Jane said sardonically. "I have been meaning to talk to you about that actually. It just so happens that I have recently had another job offer."

"You have? You didn't mention?" Maura said, trying not to betray her concern.

"There has been a lot going on here lately and I was unsure of the terms, but I have been in touch with the employer and I think we can strike upon a mutually agreeable contract." Jane explained somewhat formally.

"What? Who is the position with?" Maura asked, stepping toward Jane and away from her watching Papa and putting a hand on the desk, to steady herself.

"It is a position with Basil Tarrant." Jane supplied.

"The American?" Lord Ashby asked curiously.

Jane had to peer past Maura's shoulder to make eye contact with Lord Ashby. "Yes my lord."

Maura searched Jane's face. "That sounds like a great opportunity, would it require you to ...relocate at all?"

"Well, that was one of the terms I was negotiating." Jane replied. "It turns out that Mr Tarrant is going to be heading back to the States soon and he would like someone he can trust to oversee his operations here in England." Jane grinned.

What she didn't say was that Basil Tarrant had been encouraged to expand his business interests further in the direction of shipping and that Jane would be bringing with her a lot of valuable knowledge and contacts. Dawson had crossed a lot of people on his way up the business ladder and he was about to meet everyone of them on his way down. Jane would make sure that her former employer was so busy trying to save his business that he didn't have time to plot against Maura and Ashby.

"So, you'll be staying here? In England?" Maura clarified hopefully.

"I may have to spend time in London of course but I am free to live where I choose." Jane said quietly.

"You must stay here of course, for as long as you wish." Lord Ashby said, standing up now so that he could join the conversation more fully.

Maura smiled happily for the first time since Dawson's attack. "Of course." She agreed.

"Please say you will Jane." Maura's voice was calm and polite but her eyes betrayed her depth of feeling.

Lord Ashby rose, excusing himself and made his way out of his own room, leaving Maura stood still and watching Jane.

Jane crossed and took Maura in her arms, partly due to the Lady looking as though she was about to fall down.

"Maura, are you alright?" Jane asked, a hint of amusement slipping in amidst her concern.

"For a moment, I thought..." Maura mumbled against Jane's throat. "You said that you wouldn't stay here and be kept...I just thought ...perhaps.."

"Maura. Since I said that, everything has changed. We have been through so much and we have the children now. You should know that I could never leave." Jane said, kissing Maura's brow. "We are a family now, always."

Xxxxx

It was good to be out riding again, even on such a cold and gray morning. Maura and Jane had left just as it was getting light, in order to return before the children woke. Constance was likely to sleep late but Nathaniel had taken to waking early, probably in order to get some of his own time with Jane and Maura before the day began in earnest.

"What are you thinking about?" Jane asked.

They had reached the point furthest from the house at which you could still see it, once down this hill, it would vanish from sight completely. Maura had turned her horse and was gazing homeward.

"Ashby Park." Maura admitted. "What it will be like, not to belong to it."

Jane felt a stab of guilt despite knowing Maura would never lay any blame at Jane's door. "And?"

"I cannot really imagine it. For as long as I have been here and even before that, my life has been tied up in this place, in the estate. I never questioned that." Maura said thoughtfully. "It is hard to think of it as only walls, only earth."

"That's understandable Maur, it's been your home, your memories are here, good and bad, it will always be a part of you." Jane said sympathetically.

Maura smiled and looked at Jane. "I already have a new home and it has all been worth that." She assured Jane. "Wherever we go, when the time comes, we will make new memories...a new life."

Jane grinned back. "Well perhaps Constance will marry well and we get to end our days somewhere even more high class than Ashby?"

Maura gave Jane a good humored warning look. "Constance may marry well, that is up to her but I hope that she never feels that she _has_ to. We will encourage her to be independent, to follow her dreams. Nathaniel too."

A mischievous look suddenly blazed across Jane's features and she struggled with keeping Trixie still while she clumsily shifted herself to a position sitting astride the mare. She raised an eyebrow at Maura who instantly set about the same action yet with much more finesse.

"Race you back?" Jane called the moment Maura was seated.

Without a reply Maura took off at speed back across the path they had so lately traveled.

xxxx

_A/N- So, there it is...THE END!_

_Thank you so much to all of you. I can't say anymore than that as I may cry and I don't do crying. _

_Oh and for those of you who wanted to have more of Emma and Isabelle's story, I will finally have time to do that now, so keep ur eyes peeled. xxxxxxxxxxx_


End file.
